Just for Fun--First Lines of Rejected Novels

[Trionyx]

Do happy people cheat?

 

[HordHolm]

Do happy people cheat?

And we have a winner!

 

[stickygirl]

Geraldine closed the book and returned it to Authors A-C shelf in the Urban Planning section, just above the D-G shelf, but curiously the H-L shelf was to the right hand side.

 

[SimonDoom]

At 9:07 a.m. on Wednesday morning, bespectacled librarian Marybeth Hottsenpage shelved her first book of the day and savored the frisson of excitement, not unlike an orgasm, that rippled through her body.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

The rain came down like water falling from the sky as the fog rolled in from…hang on…fog and rain don’t go together…oh shit…I’m still recording. Alexa, stop recording. ALEXA, FOR FU…

 

[joy_of_cooking]

'Call me Maleish.'
A story of gender identity and cetaceans.

A trans woman coming of age on a whaling ship---I'm actually sad nobody has written this story. (I dare not try.)

 

[Emilymcplugger]

The detective stared down at the body of the naked woman. The body had been mutilated with the hands cut-off, no doubt to prevent identification, and the teeth and face had also been removed, leaving only a mashed-bloody mess beneath the hairline.

“Here we go again,” the Detective remarked as he unzipped his fly and moved over the corpse.

(Too much? Laurel’s gonna be SO mad. ).

 

[Pureotica]

The detective stared down at the body of the naked woman. The body had been mutilated with the hands cut-off, no doubt to prevent identification, and the teeth and face had also been removed, leaving only a mashed-bloody mess beneath the hairline.

“Here we go again,” the Detective remarked as he unzipped his fly and moved over the corpse.

(Too much? Laurel’s gonna be SO mad. ).

I'm not sure what it says about me, but i laughed.

 

[SexyVita]

Her pussy was so loose that spelunkers had to be routinely rescued from it, at enormous cost to the taxpayers.

 

[onehitwanda]

It had all been going so well - until, that was, her insane cat had had an attack of mania and leapt (claws extended) onto his naked bum just as he pulled back for the penultimate thrust.

 

[Pureotica]

It had all been going to well - until, that was, her insane cat had had an attack of mania and leapt (claws extended) onto his naked bum just as he pulled back for the penultimate thrust.

Not quite the same, but I had a playful kitten do a four-feet anchor, in my unsuspecting back once. I had to dislodged him by hand. Not fun at the time, but funny in retrospect.

 

[onehitwanda]

Not quite the same, but I had a playful kitten do a four-feet anchor, in my unsuspecting back once. I had to dislodged him by hand. Not fun at the time, but funny in retrospect.

Cattus interruptus.

 

[oneagainst]

Cattus interruptus.

I'm not sure I told you this. Maye I should: you rock. Take the rest of the night off.

 

[onehitwanda]

I'm not sure I told you this. Maye I should: you rock. Take the rest of the night off.

But it's one pm here! It's Rum-o-clock!

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Largie, the sailor, entered his house carrying a massive rock.

"The heck is that?" Loretta, his astonished wife, asked.

"I've met a genie with hearing problems.

Okay, I’m sorry, but I want to read BOTH of these.

 

[oneagainst]

But it's one pm here! It's Rum-o-clock!

And your next line was... it's always rum o'clock...?

 

[onehitwanda]

And your next line was... it's always rum o'clock...?

Which explains why the rum is always gone.

 

[Candy_Kane54]

The smell of gas was overwhelming, but I needed to see if I could find an exit, so I struck a match.

 

[SimonDoom]

"Enjoy this, woman," Zargon said, smirking at the look of uncontrollable, feral hunger on the uppity princess's face as the warrior pushed the loincloth aside and unsheathed ten inches of mammoth untamed man-meat.

 

[MillieDynamite]

The year he and Ben Toy left Claude, Texas—1962—Thomas Berryman had been in the habit of wearing black cowboy boots with distinctive red stars on the ankles.

The first line from "Thomas Berryman" by James Patterson, his first venture into the world of fiction. This book was rejected by 13 publishers before he found a home for it at Little, Brown and Company. Fuck you Little, Brown, fuck you up your nasty ass for forcing Patterson on an unsuspecting public.

 

[Athalia]

Aragorn was concerned not only with orcs at his borders, but with the vampires and zombies that had lately been spotted at the fringes of his kingdom.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Jason didn't let the chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis diagnoses get him down, they were just the price that you paid to be a "playa".

 

[OlderFitterWiser]

Some of my stories are true, some are particularly true, some are fiction.
The reader must deside.