Laughter is Contagious

[techsan]

....admit it? You know you love groaners.

OF COURSE we do!

 

[techsan]

Prototype of your next Flashlight.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=D99NHb6B03s

 

[kayte]

....admit it? You know you love groaners.

Absolutely! Runs in the family!

 

[CCaprice]

Bendium glasses:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBEBaUD1cQ0&feature=related

 

[kayte]

More T-Shirt Slogans Recently Seen By Voyeurwebbers


B1. Seen on a very attractive blonde with great funbagos: 'I see you've already met the twins'.

2. Seen on a different very attractive blonde in Florida with great funbagos: 'Not everything is flat in Florida'.

3. Seen on a sexy brunette in Wyoming: 'Don't call me a cowgirl until you've seen me ride'.

4. Seen on a very busty brunette: 'Loved by some, WANTED by many'.

5. 'Cute but psycho -- things even out.'

6. 'It's only kinky the first time.'

7. An attractive brownette was seen wearing this: 'Guys make nice pets.'

8. Seen on yet another attractive blonde: 'Sex is like snow -- you never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last'.

 

[kayte]

Bendium glasses:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBEBaUD1cQ0&feature=related

Thank you CCaprice ~ That is just hysterical!

 

[wally2450]

A father, who worked away from home all week, always
made a special effort to be with his family on the week-
ends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old
daughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding
time.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he
really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his
wife came to the rescue and said that she would take
their daughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran up-
stairs to see her father.

"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with
mommy?"

"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what?
We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

 

[wally2450]

The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over.
"Your hard drive crashed," he said.

I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."

"We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem"?

"A student told me," I answered.

"We'll send someone over right away

 

[wally2450]

The distressed-looking man had downed several drinks in rapid
succession before the bartender asked him, "You trying to drown your
sorrows, buddy?"

"You could say that," the guy replied.

"It usually doesn't work, you know."

"No shit," the man moaned. "I can't even get my wife no where near
the water!"

 

[kayte]

A father, who worked away from home all week, always
made a special effort to be with his family on the week-
ends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old
daughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding
time.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and he
really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his
wife came to the rescue and said that she would take
their daughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran up-
stairs to see her father.

"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with
mommy?"

"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what?
We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

LOL!!! Good afternoon {{{{{{{Wally}}}}}}}}}

 

[wally2450]

Italian restaurant

The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased
that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly
led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your pasta quattro formaggi was superb!" the customer
said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better
than any I had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use dome-
stic cheese. Ours is imported."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-



Little Johnny

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides
to use the big toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the
seat and balances his little penis on the rim. Just
then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets
out a scream.

His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round
the room clutching his genitals and howling.

He looks up at her with his little tear stained face
and sniffles, "K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better."

Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't start your father's
shit with me!"

 

[wally2450]

When my last boyfriend realized that I was really kicking his lazy ass
out for good, he started trying to patch things up. He got all sad,
and
looked at me with tenderness, saying "You know I love you. Say those
three little words that will make me walk on air."

I said, "Go hang yourself."

~~~~~~~

A wife complains, "Our wall clock almost killed my mother today. It
fell
only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband mumbles, "Damn clock always was slow."

 

[kayte]

When my last boyfriend realized that I was really kicking his lazy ass
out for good, he started trying to patch things up. He got all sad,
and
looked at me with tenderness, saying "You know I love you. Say those
three little words that will make me walk on air."

I said, "Go hang yourself."

~~~~~~~

A wife complains, "Our wall clock almost killed my mother today. It
fell
only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband mumbles, "Damn clock always was slow."

Happy Hump Day {{{{{{{Wally}}}}}}}} Thank you for the laughs.

 

[kayte]

What If ...?


Bob and Phil were talking during lunch near the nuclear test facility where they worked.

Bob asked, 'So, Phil, if the worst happens and there's a nuclear holocaust, and you know the world is going to end, what's the first thing you'd do?'

'I'd screw the first thing that moves,' replied Phil. 'How about you?'

Bob said, 'I guess I'd sit real still!'

 

[done_got_old]

another oldie

Mole Family

A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all live together in a little mole hole.


One day, papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, 'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'


The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yum! I smell honey!'



Now baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air,
but can't because the bigger moles are in the way.
This makes him whine,

'Geez, all I can smell is....

MOLASSES!

 

[kayte]

Mole Family

A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all live together in a little mole hole.


One day, papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, 'Yum! I smell maple syrup!'


The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and said, 'Oh, Yum! I smell honey!'



Now baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air,
but can't because the bigger moles are in the way.
This makes him whine,

'Geez, all I can smell is....

MOLASSES!

Groans!!!!

 

[kayte]

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him
cremated. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio
table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
started talking to him.

'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I
bought it with the insurance money!'

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the
ashes then said, 'Herman,remember that car you promised me? Well, I
also bought it with the insurance money!'

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing
her fingers in the ashes she said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you
promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
said, 'Herman, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it
comes...'

 

[wally2450]

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him
cremated. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio
table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
started talking to him.

'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I
bought it with the insurance money!'

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the
ashes then said, 'Herman,remember that car you promised me? Well, I
also bought it with the insurance money!'

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing
her fingers in the ashes she said, 'Herman, that diamond ring you
promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!'

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
said, 'Herman, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it
comes...'

Sweet revenge!

 

[wally2450]

An 80-year old Irish man goes to the doctor for a
check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in
and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical
condition?"

"I'm Irish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and
that's why I'm in such good shape." I'm up well before
daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "I
have a glass of whisky, and al l is well."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when
he died?

"Who said my Dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and
your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old Irish golfer. "In
fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went
to the topless beach for a walk. That's why he's still
alive ... he's Irish and he's also a golfer."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure
there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's
Dad? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?" "He's still a kick'n."

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years
old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible!
How old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old Irish golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So,
I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married ?!!

Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"

 

[kayte]

An 80-year old Irish man goes to the doctor for a
check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in
and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical
condition?"

"I'm Irish and I am a golfer," says the old guy, "and
that's why I'm in such good shape." I'm up well before
daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "I
have a glass of whisky, and al l is well."

"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when
he died?

"Who said my Dad's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and
your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old Irish golfer. "In
fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went
to the topless beach for a walk. That's why he's still
alive ... he's Irish and he's also a golfer."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure
there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's
Dad? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my grandpa's dead?" "He's still a kick'n."

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years
old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible!
How old is he?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old Irish golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So,
I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"

"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married ?!!

Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"

Gotta love it!

 

[wally2450]

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious Truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters

 

[kayte]

During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these 4 religious Truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters

That sums things up perfectly!

 

[kayte]

An owner of a golf course in Mississippi was confused about paying an invoice. So, he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Mississippi, and I need some help.

'If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14 percent, how much would take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

You gotta love those Mississippi women!

 

[done_got_old]

http://www.literacyrules.com/LITerotica/cat%20carrier.jpg

 

[done_got_old]

Experience Mexico