kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
A few science questions with answers as students wrote them. Enjoy!
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
husky4life
Dawgy style
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2009
- Posts
- 2,685
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
husky4life
Dawgy style
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2009
- Posts
- 2,685
That turns out to be hysterical Husky, thank you.
Glad you liked it!
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Wrong Side Of The Bed
As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies," and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you."
But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it.
Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant.
Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, "Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was floored. "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me."
Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. "Oh dear, don't take it personally. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!"
As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies," and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you."
But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it.
Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant.
Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, "Looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
Mother Superior was floored. "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me."
Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. "Oh dear, don't take it personally. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers!"
PolyLvr
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2009
- Posts
- 1,849
GENESIS:
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that?
And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And lo, they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from si ze 12 to size 14.
So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'.
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the $1.99 double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said, 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'.
And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that?
And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And lo, they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from si ze 12 to size 14.
So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'.
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable T.V. with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the $1.99 double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said, 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'.
And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed. And created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then Satan chuckled, and created the National Health Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset.
"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo ... if you can explain our three kids."
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights.
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset.
"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo ... if you can explain our three kids."
HoneyBearFarms
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2008
- Posts
- 1,629
8 inches
RANGE
OF
8
INCHES
LONG.
THE
FUNCTIONING
OF
WHICH
IS
ENJOYED
BY
MEMBERS
OF
BOTH
SEXES.
IS
USUALLY
FOUND
HUNG,
DANGLING
READY
LOOSLEY
FOR
INSTANT
ACTION.
IT
BOASTS
OF
A
CLUMP
OF
LITTLE
HAIRY
THINGS
AT
ONE
END
AND
SMALL
HOLE
AT
THE
OTHER.
IN
USE,
IT
IS
INSERTED,
ALMOST
ALWAYS
WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES
SLOWLY,
SOMETIMES
QUICKLY,
INTO
A
WARM,
FLESHY,
MOIST
OPENING
WHERE
IT
IS
THRUST
IN
AND
DRAWN
OUT
AGAIN
AND
AGAIN
MANY
TIMES
IN
SUCCESSION,
OFTEN
QUICKLY
AND
ACCOMPANIED
BY
SQUIRMING
BODILY
MOVEMENTS.
ANYONE
FOUND
LISTENING
IN
WILL
MOST
SURELY
RECOGNIZE
THE
RHYTHMIC,
PULSING
SOUND,
RESULTING
FROM
THE
WELL
LUBRICATED
MOVEMENTS.
WHEN
FINALLY
WITHDRAWN,
IT
LEAVES
BEHIND
A
JUICY,
FROTHY,
WHITE
STICKY
SUBSTANCE,
SOME
OF
WHICH
WILL
NEED
CLEANING
FROM
THE
OUTER
SURFACES
OF
THE
OPENING
AND
SOME
OF
FROM
ITS
LONG
GLISTENING
SHAFT.
AFTER
EVERYTHING
IS
DONE
AND
THE
FLOWING
AND
CLEANSING
LIQUIDS
HAVE
CEASED
EMANATING,
IT
IS
RETURNED
TO
ITS
FREELY
HANGING
STATE
OF
REST,
READY
YET
FOR
ANOTHER
BIT
OF
ACTION,
HOPEFULLY
REACHING
ITS
BRISTLING
CLIMAX
TWICE
OR
THREE
TIMES
A
DAY,
BUT
OFTEN
MUCH
LESS.
WHAT AM I?
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED,
THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
TOOTHBRUSH ...
what were you
thinking?
You PERVERT !
GOTCHA!
RANGE
OF
8
INCHES
LONG.
THE
FUNCTIONING
OF
WHICH
IS
ENJOYED
BY
MEMBERS
OF
BOTH
SEXES.
IS
USUALLY
FOUND
HUNG,
DANGLING
READY
LOOSLEY
FOR
INSTANT
ACTION.
IT
BOASTS
OF
A
CLUMP
OF
LITTLE
HAIRY
THINGS
AT
ONE
END
AND
SMALL
HOLE
AT
THE
OTHER.
IN
USE,
IT
IS
INSERTED,
ALMOST
ALWAYS
WILLINGLY, SOMETIMES
SLOWLY,
SOMETIMES
QUICKLY,
INTO
A
WARM,
FLESHY,
MOIST
OPENING
WHERE
IT
IS
THRUST
IN
AND
DRAWN
OUT
AGAIN
AND
AGAIN
MANY
TIMES
IN
SUCCESSION,
OFTEN
QUICKLY
AND
ACCOMPANIED
BY
SQUIRMING
BODILY
MOVEMENTS.
ANYONE
FOUND
LISTENING
IN
WILL
MOST
SURELY
RECOGNIZE
THE
RHYTHMIC,
PULSING
SOUND,
RESULTING
FROM
THE
WELL
LUBRICATED
MOVEMENTS.
WHEN
FINALLY
WITHDRAWN,
IT
LEAVES
BEHIND
A
JUICY,
FROTHY,
WHITE
STICKY
SUBSTANCE,
SOME
OF
WHICH
WILL
NEED
CLEANING
FROM
THE
OUTER
SURFACES
OF
THE
OPENING
AND
SOME
OF
FROM
ITS
LONG
GLISTENING
SHAFT.
AFTER
EVERYTHING
IS
DONE
AND
THE
FLOWING
AND
CLEANSING
LIQUIDS
HAVE
CEASED
EMANATING,
IT
IS
RETURNED
TO
ITS
FREELY
HANGING
STATE
OF
REST,
READY
YET
FOR
ANOTHER
BIT
OF
ACTION,
HOPEFULLY
REACHING
ITS
BRISTLING
CLIMAX
TWICE
OR
THREE
TIMES
A
DAY,
BUT
OFTEN
MUCH
LESS.
WHAT AM I?
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY GUESSED,
THE ANSWER TO THE RIDDLE IS NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
TOOTHBRUSH ...
what were you
thinking?
You PERVERT !
GOTCHA!
goodgurlgetsbad
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2010
- Posts
- 28,308
name 3 things a woman and a highway have in common ?
goodgurlgetsbad
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2010
- Posts
- 28,308
1 - they both have curves
2 they both have " man holes"
3 they both get slippery when wet
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Things we Learn from Movies:
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people -- whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people -- whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her
HoneyBearFarms
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2008
- Posts
- 1,629
Little Harry
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, ' I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms.. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands .'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
___________________________________________________________
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, ' I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms.. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands .'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
___________________________________________________________
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Military Job Evaluations
1. "Since his last appraisal, this officer has hit rock bottom and has started digging."
2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
3. "I would not allow this officer to breed."
4. "This officer is really not so much a has been, but more of a definite won't be."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems it's only to change feet."
6. "This lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then constantly fails to achieve them."
8. "This officer is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts the better!"
10. "This officer has a knack for making strangers immediately."
1. "Since his last appraisal, this officer has hit rock bottom and has started digging."
2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
3. "I would not allow this officer to breed."
4. "This officer is really not so much a has been, but more of a definite won't be."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems it's only to change feet."
6. "This lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then constantly fails to achieve them."
8. "This officer is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts the better!"
10. "This officer has a knack for making strangers immediately."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
The Gynecologist
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the randy doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked the woman.
"Yes," she said, "You're getting syphilis -- which is why I came here in the first place!!"
A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed.
After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"
"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps which might indicate breast cancer."
"Correct," replied the randy doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked the woman.
"Yes," she said, "You're getting syphilis -- which is why I came here in the first place!!"
HoneyBearFarms
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2008
- Posts
- 1,629
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
email to Jesse James
You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock? How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. She has a body to die for and her current wealth shadowed only by Oprah. Your wife, recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now named " America 's Sweetheart." You also remember, she just won an Oscar and praised you up and down in front of the world while you were porkin’ away. You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated aXXhole cheater on the planet! How can you live with yourself! I only have one thing to say to the despicable, miserable, cheating piece of shXt that you are: Thanks for taking the heat off of me. Let’s do lunch.
~Tiger
You Stupid Bastard! You cheated on Sandra Bullock? How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. She has a body to die for and her current wealth shadowed only by Oprah. Your wife, recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls and is now named " America 's Sweetheart." You also remember, she just won an Oscar and praised you up and down in front of the world while you were porkin’ away. You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated aXXhole cheater on the planet! How can you live with yourself! I only have one thing to say to the despicable, miserable, cheating piece of shXt that you are: Thanks for taking the heat off of me. Let’s do lunch.
~Tiger
taborgirl
Literotica Guru
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Murphy's Law in Sex
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2.Nothing improves with age.
3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4.Sex has no calories.
5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8.No sex with anyone in the same office.
9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12.Virginity can be cured.
13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2.Nothing improves with age.
3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4.Sex has no calories.
5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8.No sex with anyone in the same office.
9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12.Virginity can be cured.
13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
likes2watchU
I need a nap
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
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kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
- Status
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