Let's tickle the funny bones :)

[italianGod]

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

 

[italianGod]

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.

As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.

They angrily look one at the other.

Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.

The other one politely asks, "When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?"

 

[italianGod]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

 

[italianGod]

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

"T-G-I-F" means "Thank God, It's Friday." Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "S-H-I-T" means "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday"-- duuhhh.

 

[italianGod]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day. "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," replied Little Johnny. Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, "With whom?" "With you!" he said. "But Little Johnny," said the teacher gently, "don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child." "Oh, don't worry," said Little Johnny reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

 

[italianGod]

Seven wise men, creative and fine, created a pussy to their own design. First was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a chisel and hammer, he gave it a hole. Second was a butcher, quick with his wit, with a steak knife he gave it a slit. Third was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur he lined it without. Fourth was a tailor, tall and thin, with a piece of red velvet he lined it within. Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, he threw in a fish and gave it a smell. Sixth was a preacher, his name was McGee, he blessed it and touched it and said it could pee. Seventh was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it a CUNT!

 

[italianGod]

Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week. "I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?" "For God's sake, no!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards."

 

[italianGod]

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne.
"Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

 

[italianGod]

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. "Mary... Mary..." Awestruck, Mary responds, "Is that you Fred?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "Well, what is it like?" Fred excitedly tells his tale, "Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day." So happy Mary says, "Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven." Fred replies, "Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

 

[italianGod]

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."

 

[italianGod]

A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife?" The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband." The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."

 

[italianGod]

A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, and married, with four kids and eleven grandchildren... Last night I had an affair. I made love to a couple of 18 year old girls... both of them... twice!"
"Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" asked the priest.
"Never Father. I don't belong to your church."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"You kidding?" grinned the geezer. "I'm telling everybody!"

 

[italianGod]

yea yeahh !

http://hetu.in/img/fun/funh4449.jpg

 

[italianGod]

http://hetu.in/img/fun/funhetu_163.jpg

 

[italianGod]

http://hetu.in/img/fun/funh687.jpg

 

[italianGod]

http://hetu.in/img/fun/funh1584.jpg

 

[italianGod]

http://hetu.in/img/fun/funh502.jpg

 

[italianGod]

A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."

Father replies, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"

Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."

Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."

Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."

 

[italianGod]

Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando.

"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step."

"If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

 

[italianGod]

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
"I kicked her in the face."

 

[italianGod]

Girl says: It’s unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he’s a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she’s a slut.

Guy responds: If a key opens lots of locks, then it’s a master key, but if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it’s a shitty lock.

 

[italianGod]

Question. Why is a woman's pubic hair curly?

Answer. So that it won't poke a man in the eye!

Question. What do politicians and pornstars have in common?

Answer. They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

 

[italianGod]

A pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school. On day One the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin his first day at school. The grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the principal's office and introduces himself thus: "I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates." "Oh does he?" asks the bemused principal, "we will soon get him out of that terrible habit."

 

[italianGod]

Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other.

"Dad, what're the dogs doing?" asks Johnny.

"Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated."

"Okay, I've understood."

"What've you understood!? " asks the father sarcastically.

"Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get fucked like a dog!"

 

[italianGod]

10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper"

9. "Here's the beef!"

8. "Get a piece of the rock"

7. "You've come a long way, baby"

6. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em"

5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman"

4. "Tastes great, more filling"

3. "Viagra, built ram tough"

2. "Just do her"

And the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:

1. "This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. "Any questions?"