Long Distance Relationships

[Bandit58]

This Christmas will be hard for both me and my lover - even though I've just got back from spending time with him it will be another month before we see each other again. Because he is married he will have to be with *her*.......not something he's looking forward to, I know he wishes he could be with me, he told me the other day that I am the only good thing in his life at the moment, and the thought that we'll be together next year keeps him going......we are each other's strength right now...... We both cried yesterday when I had to leave......I always feel like my heart's being ripped out, but we'll get through it, and our love will be stronger for it

This will be my first Christmas since I separated, but the kids are coming to spend the day with me and their grandparents so it won't be as bad as I feared. I'll not be alone, but I'll be thinking of him

 

[RogRamJet]

This Christmas will be hard for both me and my lover - even though I've just got back from spending time with him it will be another month before we see each other again. Because he is married he will have to be with *her*.......not something he's looking forward to

+++++++++
Wish we could bet.
He won't ever divorce her, especially if they have kids.
The stats are on my side.
Side bets anyone?

 

[RogRamJet]

Ten Stupid Things

L.D. relationships.
I refuse to start one, even if she were the greatest thing since Martha Stewart ha ha ha.

Waste of time money hope and energy. If you were meant to be together why aren't you?

If after two years you do not know where a relationship is going it AIN'T.

The only thing I like about LD relationships is they allow me to think I am in a relationship and I get laid once in a while.
Think your men would travel to see you if you didn't give them pussy?

Hope the link works:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060976497/002-8810286-7719211?vi=glance

 

[fleetaft]

ldr

distance is not measured in feet or miles. distance is the time it takes to understand that which has not yet been said. For if one heart knows the other without words or deeds then there is no distance just time.

 

[omahaman2]

Re: Ten Stupid Things

L.D. relationships.
I refuse to start one, even if she were the greatest thing since Martha Stewart ha ha ha.

Waste of time money hope and energy. If you were meant to be together why aren't you?

If after two years you do not know where a relationship is going it AIN'T.

The only thing I like about LD relationships is they allow me to think I am in a relationship and I get laid once in a while.
Think your men would travel to see you if you didn't give them pussy?

Hope the link works:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060976497/002-8810286-7719211?vi=glance

very wrong
the distance we experienced was because of the technology available todat we were able to meet although thousands of miles away.Jenny who started this thread and i once we got things in our personal lives taken care of,were able to come together as a couple. We now share every minute we can together.I came to nyc with only the hope of a close friendship and came away with a lifelong love for a woman i cheerish.All men
dont look at relationships just for the sex,but it becomes a way for them to share their love. I started in my Ldr because she
was distant,but they dont have to stay that way,and this one didnt.

 

[RogRamJet]

Well good for you!
How frequent does your good experience occur vs the experience of wasted energy time and money of others? Yours is the minority report, and to say that because it worked for you that it can work for the majority is not factual. It breeds romantic illusion that leads to self pity and sadness. Except to make others jealous or envious of your fortune, there is no reason to encourage others in LDRs, it's a bad decision.

Facts, odds, and statistics prove that LDRs are a 1% bet. It's like playing the lottery where you can waste money, and LDR's are wasting time, (unless you were married already and are merely geographically separated).

Nothing against anyone on here, it's just not a wise decision if one is SERIOUS about finding intimacy in a relationship.

P.S. AND all relationships start out because of physical attraction. Don't even try to say that a man goes out with a woman because she is Ugly, but is a nice person. Nice is what you discover later, not observe initially.

Peace

 

[omahaman2]

Well good for you!
How frequent does your good experience occur vs the experience of wasted energy time and money of others? Yours is the minority report, and to say that because it worked for you that it can work for the majority is not factual. It breeds romantic illusion that leads to self pity and sadness. Except to make others jealous or envious of your fortune, there is no reason to encourage others in LDRs, it's a bad decision.

Facts, odds, and statistics prove that LDRs are a 1% bet. It's like playing the lottery where you can waste money, and LDR's are wasting time, (unless you were married already and are merely geographically separated).

Nothing against anyone on here, it's just not a wise decision if one is SERIOUS about finding intimacy in a relationship.

P.S. AND all relationships start out because of physical attraction. Don't even try to say that a man goes out with a woman because she is Ugly, but is a nice person. Nice is what you discover later, not observe initially.

Peace

It seems to me you must have been hurt in one.
that you are one of the few, that because it didnt work for you,
are the one that is envious or jealous.If you had taken time to read this thread,you would realize how wrong you are on most points.That if you had more time around Lit before speaking you would have also realized most here dont go in for the petty things
like envy or jealousy.Although like most any way a relationship is formed or begins,there are many that dont make it,but that is true too if you meet someone in a local bar while intoxicated or any other way.Like I stated before,if you had read the thread,or read any websites related to LDRs there are many success stories. Im sorry yours didnt work out.Maybe if you changed your attitude or feelings of what you want your relationship based on.
I didnt say a man or a woman either goes out with another because he or she is ugly, I said for most people in a mature relationship,looks arent the main reason for attraction.What a terrible thing to base the beginning of a relationship on when
most people I know all have wonderful qualities but not all are considered one of the beautiful people. I didnt even know what jenny looked like for 5 months but I fell in love with who she was from what we shared.There is a famous musician,i think it was henry mancini,who corresponded by letter to a lady,who upon the date of their first meeting,proposed before she openned the door,stating I know i already love you.
The final thing is please get to know the people of LIT before
making general statements about them.No one and i mean no one has been jealous or envious of us.All have been very very supportive and happy for us.Why do people have to get those feelings? Isnt it wonderful to see two in love? Many here have
voiced there hope for our relationships to continue to grow.
Many others have begun LDRs after us and have begun relationships that have also blossomed.Why give up on a chance for a relationship with another human being that could be so
wonderful just because where it starts?Once again,Im sorry if you were hurt in one,but you can be hurt whereever a relationship is formed.

 

[Bandit58]

Oman you and Jenny give me hope for my own relationship. We met on ICQ just over 7 months ago now and it just keeps getting stronger. He's even given me a new computer for Christmas so we can set up voice chat over ICQphone. I know he is my soulmate, we are like two halves of one soul even. This is the man who, the first afternoon we chatted, said to me "Why do I feel like I know you lots?" We just clicked, we were typing the same thing at the same time, it was quite spooky! It was also the first time he had used ICQ in ages, and by sheer fate or coincidence or something there I was.......

This is something that's meant to be, and we know we both have to take the time to get our personal lives sorted out before we make the move. I have said that I will wait for however long it takes.......we both have things to do first, but by this time next year we'll definitely be together

 

[RogRamJet]

What do you mean I was hurt? LOL as if it were unusual! ha ha ha ha
Of course, I have had many GFs. Some break up with me, the rest I break up with, so what's your point? That's relationships! It has nothing to do with distance and time.

I have read plenty in this thread, what makes you think I haven't?

People on here cling to the idea that their psuedo-mate, who is married with kids, will be with them this time next year. Why not now? It's a pipe dream for most.

Glad you bet and won. Yours is the exception and not the rule and I do wish you both the best.

Love is a choice and not something that "just happens" to you. It is maintained by the will, reinforced by daily habits. Cupid lives on valentine cards.

Now I suppose you will over react and read things that I did not say, so allow me to clarify: Love is wonderful, mutual admiration, respect and joy are wonderful. I like the real thing, not the fluff and stuff!

 

[omahaman2]

What do you mean I was hurt? LOL as if it were unusual! ha ha ha ha
Of course, I have had many GFs. Some break up with me, the rest I break up with, so what's your point? That's relationships! It has nothing to do with distance and time.

I have read plenty in this thread, what makes you think I haven't?

People on here cling to the idea that their psuedo-mate, who is married with kids, will be with them this time next year. Why not now? It's a pipe dream for most.

Glad you bet and won. Yours is the exception and not the rule and I do wish you both the best.

Love is a choice and not something that "just happens" to you. It is maintained by the will, reinforced by daily habits. Cupid lives on valentine cards.

Now I suppose you will over react and read things that I did not say, so allow me to clarify: Love is wonderful, mutual admiration, respect and joy are wonderful. I like the real thing, not the fluff and stuff!

who said all are married?
Most are just distant from each other because technology today
made it possible for them to meet.
I wont read anything into what you said,just quote you.
"thats relationships.It has nothing to do with DISTANCE."
Relationships today working out are all in the minority.LDRs
are just another way people meet via technology.Most can not just get up and go because of finances etc.When the time is right,it will or wont work just like any other relationship.

thank you,bandit.GOOD LUCK

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Hi LDRs

Welcome to the thread, RogRamJet, and thank you for sharing your opinions here.

I began this thread after Oman and I linked up here at LIT. I wasn't sure what was happening with me, and I found that by sharing my feelings and fears, heartbreaks and joys, I was less frightened to follow where my heart was leading me.

The major thought I disagree with is the "looks" idea. Only a very shallow person would judge by looks alone. I happen not to know any "ugly" people anymore, just "ugly" souls. Initially, I never expected to show my physical self, as I thought we'd just be communicating online. The more I wrote, then spoke, with Oman, I realized that our looks wouldn't change the way we felt about each other.

As it turned out, I would have recognized Oman immediately just by looking into his eyes.

We might have a lot of tough times ahead (as any relationship has), but this online LDR experience has equipped us with insight and strength and feelings of appreciation that might have been overlooked if we happened to first meet face-to-face.

Bandit

I am wishing you all the best! Thank you for your kind words, and thanks for sharing your feelings with us.

 

[RogRamJet]

JennyOman said:
The major thought I disagree with is the "looks" idea. Only a very shallow person would judge by looks alone.

++++++++++++
Thank you for your kind welcom!
Right, one should not judge m
by looks alone (including my looks heh heh!), but it is the First clue that gets the ball rolling down the alley. I mean, who would want to be with someone they are not physically attracted to? Women love knowing they can turn their man on, how would you feel if you could not? So don't minimize it just because it is physical.

This one is not to you: I never said everyone was "all married" and I don't know where you got such a notion. I was saying the only time an LDR is valid IS when you are married and you are stationed in Korea, or whatever.....

Don't you think the truth is that LDRs e-mail etc allow one to pretend they are in love, without the real risks of it all? It's playtime! Also, computers, and connecting with people over IM/E-mail etc isolates people more. There are a lot of lonely people on line, and walking away from the computer is just one of the first steps to ending that!
SmoocH!

 

[shivagoddess]

someone i love sooooo much left yesterday for america form australia, he will be back in 2 months but i miss him soooo much already, i have already got emails from him and i know we will talk on the phone but not being able to hold him is unbearable
i miss him soo much and everywhere i look reminds me of him
i just want to be with him, especially on xmas
ive never met anyone like him, and i know this will make us closer
but how do i feel beta about this? someone advise me please

 

[meop79]

It's really hard to not be with the one you love over christmas...

Try to talk with him as much as possible...
And make sure he knows how you feel...



*HUGS*

Meop79@yahoo.com

 

[Guest]

I have tried LDR's and have they never worked out for me so I say they do not work

 

[meop79]

That's not always true but they are hard... But they can be very good too when it works out...

Meop79@yahoo.com

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Hugs Meop

Hi again, RRJ. Until it happened to me, I did not believe it was possible to "connect" so deeply with another person who was over a thousand miles away.

I'm sure there are many characters who "pretend" emotions and feelings when they don't expect to actually confront the person they are LD relating to. I have personally found, however, that the longer you relate to someone, even if it's with words and voice, your own inner voice alerts you to the phonies.

I decided to be completely real with Oman, and took the chance that he would be the same. When he decided to visit me in NYC, we planned on only meeting as friends, just in case we couldn't relate as well face-to-face. Well, we had absolutely no trouble "relating", and Oman is not only my lover, but my best friend as well. (It really isn't all sex!)

I know I am lucky! But I did work hard and suffered the lonliness and sadness that is a common denominator with a distance relationship.

Welcome Shivagoddess Holidays are the roughest times to be without the person you really want to be with! I found that continual communication (not allowing too many days to get by without some sort of contact), and keeping yourself as busy as possible, are the best ways to get through the time physically away from each other. Hope the time moves quickly for you both.

Welcome Dreamguy Sorry for your LDR experiences. I don't think anyone really wants to be involved in one! It just happened for me, but there were many times along the way when I felt I couldn't continue without us making a BIG change in our lives. It was when we decided that we needed to actually be with each other (after his visit) that made the whole experience worthwhile!

 

[Broken Vow]

It is true

You are truly one of the lucky ones I wish you all the happiness that life and he can bring to you...which I'm sure is infinite.

I only wish to find someone like you have and feel the same way you do, no matter if it starts out long distance or not.

 

[shivagoddess]

It's really hard to not be with the one you love over christmas...

Try to talk with him as much as possible...
And make sure he knows how you feel...



*HUGS*

Meop79@yahoo.com

thanx
i will talk to him as much as possible but it is up to him to call me because he is the one traveling and i cant contact him

does anyone know anything about international sms?

 

[RogRamJet]

Thank You DreamGuy for speaking truth!

When dating you have to ask yourself if you like the way you feel, together and apart, and then make a decision if you want to put up with more pain than joy.......
People spend more time pining and whining, instead of wining and dining!

heh heh I just made that up, not bad eh?

 

[meop79]

Hugs Meop

*HUGS*



Meop79@yahoo.com

 

[meop79]

thanx
i will talk to him as much as possible but it is up to him to call me because he is the one traveling and i cant contact him
does anyone know anything about international sms?

Ummm I almost got into one once, But I thought better of it lol...

Meop79@yahoo.com

 

[Ladyhawke]

Oh boy I've got good news! I get to start a countdown...and a short one...6 or 7 days (depending on when he can get here). We get to spend New Year's Eve together...I'm just so thrilled right now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs to you all and Happy Holidays!!

 

[Bandit58]

Oh boy I've got good news! I get to start a countdown...and a short one...6 or 7 days (depending on when he can get here). We get to spend New Year's Eve together...I'm just so thrilled right now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs to you all and Happy Holidays!!

That's wonderful I know you'll have a great time.....at least one of us gets to spend a holiday with the one they love

I'm so lonely right now........

 

[meop79]

Oh boy I've got good news! I get to start a countdown...and a short one...6 or 7 days (depending on when he can get here). We get to spend New Year's Eve together...I'm just so thrilled right now!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs to you all and Happy Holidays!!

Yeah! Good for you!

Meop79@yahoo.com