Long Distance Relationships

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Trust and Honesty

Hi all, I'm a relative newbie to this...

My LDR started on 16 January 2002.
...
The morning of Feb 10, I logged onto my PC to find what I thought was a last minute email from Heather... instead, a dear John letter... or near enough... she got cold feet 4 days prior and had lied to me for those days... even using her boss to ring me and help her with her lie. I was devistated... I went into shock.. unable to move or even breath... she was just scared...
We are still together, I don't use the phone anymore, saving my money... she is now booked on a flight to land here 10:30am May 10, 2002.
I am telling this story so that anyone out there that is not 100% honest within their LDR... come clean!!! Don't put a person through the same roller coaster ride I went though over this... we lost a week of loving, maybe more, it was a week before I could talk to her with a friendly tone... and 61 days of lost time together. The cold feet I can understand AND forgive, the 4 days of lieing was harder to overcome. Ask Heather, I still question her about things that don't seem 100% correct.
I have lost a lot of faith in her, something I will get back (hopefully) when we do get together. The lies have put a barrier between us, something that should not be there. Be honest, let the other person, the person you are supposed to love, know exactly how you feel. Heather never gave me a chance to talk about her cold feet, we may have been able to makje other arrangements to get together eariler than may 10.

Hope you all have a great Easter, too much Choc for me,

tc

Welcome to the thread, Top Cat!

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Fear causes a lot of panic and disturbing actions. I'm glad to hear you're still "linked up" and that there is another meeting planned. I know all too well how nervousness can affect well planned actions at the last minute.

Don't rush your meeting. It's great that you are still connected with her. May will be here very very quickly. I would work at making sure that you are indeed communicating and try to encourage her. Meeting can be quite a scary thing, especially having to fly to another continent. Try to take it slowly and keep communicating.

Losing faith in someone is something that shouldn't be ignored. I would suggest trying to deal with THIS before you meet. Try to understand her nervousness and not take it too personally.

Good luck, and thanks for sharing.

 

[Daeth_Harrick]

Congrats TC,

And welcome to Lit and the LDR thread. Your right about the honesty. Trust is a fragile thing and in an LDR it's an absolute. Everything you see/read/hear is going through filters. (Chat/Mail/Phone) So alot of our natural defenses and detectors are useless. All I can say is play it slow and take it steady. Try not to over analyze her every move least you drive her away....

 

[Top Cat]

Thank you

Thank you everyone who has offered me advise... I'm sorry I can't remember all names, One I missed, please acept my appologies. Daerth and Jenny, your words of encouragement are wonderful... Jenny starting a forum like this one was a great and brilliant thing to do... The chance to talk to people in the same situation as yourself... free from criticism, embarassment, judgement.

Thank you all again,

tc


Edit: Lady Sam, Thank you

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Thank you

Thank you everyone who has offered me advise... I'm sorry I can't remember all names, One I missed, please acept my appologies. Daerth and Jenny, your words of encouragement are wonderful... Jenny starting a forum like this one was a great and brilliant thing to do... The chance to talk to people in the same situation as yourself... free from criticism, embarassment, judgement.

Thank you all again,

tc


Edit: Lady Sam, Thank you

Glad you feel comfortable here, Top Cat. This thread has been a comfort, learning experience and an adventure to me at various times. It's nice to hear others are getting something out of this sharing experience as well.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Happy Easter LDRs

Sorry I did not post this earlier, but I was chatting with my love, and cooking and washing so I forgot <sheepish grin>

To all who loves someone who is far away, let next Easter find us all safely in our beloved's arms!

Ebony

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Happy Easter LDRs

Sorry I did not post this earlier, but I was chatting with my love, and cooking and washing so I forgot <sheepish grin>

To all who loves someone who is far away, let next Easter find us all safely in our beloved's arms!

Ebony

What a wonderful thought, Ebony! It's a prayer I have been praying all weekend.

 

[Lady_Sam]

A great hope that many of us share. To Daeth, my love, things will get easier sooner or later. You and I both know that. I love you.

 

[Daeth_Harrick]

Mmmmm Thank you M'lady. And to those of a Christian leaning, happy Easter.

And to those of another path.... Happy Ostara.

 

[Lady_Sam]

Babe...it's April for you now..that puts august Just over 3 months away.....

 

[Daeth_Harrick]

Yuppers. Sadly no firm dates yet..... But at least we are begining to shape it up..... Depends on how fast I can hammer those bills

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Loving Thoughts

http://www.newfrontier.com/tantra/cosmic-love.jpg

Sending loving thoughts to our two "LDRs" who are together right now!

Best wishes!! Hoping we'll have more togetherness from this thread in the months to come.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Loving Thoughts

http://www.newfrontier.com/tantra/cosmic-love.jpg

Sending loving thoughts to our two "LDRs" who are together right now!

Best wishes!! Hoping we'll have more togetherness from this thread in the months to come.

Yessss, I can hardly wait until July comes! UK here I come!!!

Ebony

 

[hatara]

Top Cat LDR's are tough and honesty is the key. So is understanding that avoidance can be just as bad. If the other person says something that at the time doesn't bother you but later does first thing to do is talk to them.

I fell into that trap and let it fester when it could have been cleared up so easily. Fortunately I have a great guy, we talked it all through and he had some things he had to forgive me for too.

It's hard, it takes a lot of worth but it can also be worth everything the minute you look into their eyes for the first time! Hang in there and good luck.

 

[Lady_Sam]

Well day one into Daeth's new shift and it'll be at least another three hours before he's off...which means I'll be going to bed. It was so busy at work this morning that I didn't get to have a chance to say more than hi to him.

Babe, if you check the boards tonight, just know that I love you. And I am feeling better. Honest.

 

[Smiley777]

Behold!

I have returned!

I am now back on the boards. My love has boarded her flight home...my tears are somewhat dried from the car ride home from dropping her at the airport....and I wanted to come see how everyone was getting along.
I promise to fill you in on all the details tomorrow or sometime this week. I think it would be good to share the joy and wonder with everyone....as I am one of the people who has recently spent time with their LDR.
I will say this...another horrible thing about the Sept. 11th attacks....is that you can no longer go to the gate with someone at the airport and watch their plane take off...that really bothers me!
Anywho, I am exhausted...but I promise to check back tomorrow. Take care all.

P.S.-everything went great!

 

[Lady_Sam]

Welcome back Smiley, I'm so glad to hear that everything went great with you!

 

[Top Cat]

Top Cat LDR's are tough and honesty is the key. So is understanding that avoidance can be just as bad. If the other person says something that at the time doesn't bother you but later does first thing to do is talk to them.

I fell into that trap and let it fester when it could have been cleared up so easily. Fortunately I have a great guy, we talked it all through and he had some things he had to forgive me for too.

It's hard, it takes a lot of worth but it can also be worth everything the minute you look into their eyes for the first time! Hang in there and good luck.

Thanks Hat... I have been trying to foregive... it is hard. Things are going great at the moment, although her computer has broken down and now the phone is the only way we have to interact... bummer... now no web cam...

thanks everyone for you support.. I hope I can help someone at some stage....

tc

 

[hatara]

OH TC we have all gone through the computer of someone that was in a couple breaking down at one stage or another. I am lucky Marty is an IT guy so he just took the weekend and built himself a new one thank god!

 

[Top Cat]

Hat, I'm in IT as well... bloody frustrating when I can't do anything about Heather's computer... I'm still smiling...



tc

 

[hatara]

Oh so true! The worst things about LDR's is when you want to be there your here and can't do a thing about it!

 

[hatara]

Back again.

Ok another worry LDR's have is worrying about the other person. You can't help it, there's nothing you can do about it, but it always happens. They get sick and you worry. I worry about Marty and he worries about me. *sigh*

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: Behold!

I have returned!
I am now back on the boards. My love has boarded her flight home...my tears are somewhat dried from the car ride home from dropping her at the airport....and I wanted to come see how everyone was getting along.
... I will say this...another horrible thing about the Sept. 11th attacks....is that you can no longer go to the gate with someone at the airport and watch their plane take off...that really bothers me!...
P.S.-everything went great!

That's wonderful to hear, Smiley! I'm so glad to hear that things went great!

I've got to tell you that I am HORRIBLE at handling goodbyes! (Hard for me at times to even say the word!)

I have always been that way. Plus I'm afraid to fly, so I'm usually not in a good frame of mind as I approach an airport! Even before the WTC attack, anytime I visit my family out West, or they come here, we simply just get dropped at the airport, usually saying our farewells in the house.

Looking forward to hearing about your visit! Get some rest now, ok??

http://www.howstuffworks.com/gif/airport-security-chkpt.jpg

Hugs Hat!

I'm a worrier too! It's good to have several ways of keeping in touch though, and I think worrying is a part of every couple's togetherness!

 

[lovetoread]

Hello all.

Well,I have gone and done it,moved all the way up to this gosh forsaken cold region.

Doesnt anyone know about spring around here?

It was a hell of a long drive and I have boxes out the wahoo,but I am very happy and sore...heh.

I just wanted to get on here and let ya'll know that all is well so far,and as soon as I get my own computer going,I'll be on here more.

Be well all!

 

[Top Cat]

Hi Hat, Jenny and LoveToRead (Tiger)

The thing I worry about most, is the past 6 months have been the worst 6 months the US has had since Pearl Harbour. I live in Australia, quiet, PEACEFUL, beautiful. Heather is in the US and I constantly worry about the security threats that come along. She works for a large Hotel chain, front desk... it is amazing how many times this year the Hotel has been locked down by the US defence because they suspect someone staying in the hotel.

Add to this the drunk patron who wants to cause trouble and she is in tears on the phone to me... not handling the situation very well, knowing that she only has 5 weeks (WOW, it is now only 5 weeks ) left to work.

I got a twinge of jealousy when reading LoveToRead's post.... but our time will come, and of course I wish her and Tiger all the best. LoveTo, it was a big thing to do... move to where your loved ones place...

Heather is moving half way around the world... we have even started the process for her to get permanent residency here... I just can't wait... I'm so impatient with the weeks going so slow... it seems each week has 10 days in it...

love to you all.

tc

PS... Heather does not use this site, even when she HAS a puter.... so Heather... here is another ESP message, "I LOVE YOU"

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Welcome to the Eastern Seaboard, LTR!!

It's really a BIG step for you and your family, and I hope you adjust well to your new surroundings! Glad the drive of your long trip is over. Things will definitely be warming up for you now!

http://www.campchannel.com/state_maps/New-Jersey.jpg


HI again T.C.!

You and your LDR have such a long distance between you, and I can't imagine the worrying that you BOTH do for each other. Time will move on, just try not to count the hours.... YET!