I wish I were taking a long walk with my dog, in cold, snowy/icy rainy weather that I don’t really feel because I’m dressed appropriately but that I’ll still feel happy to be out of and getting warm when I get home.
I wish I were superglued naked by the toenails to a wildly reciprocating ceiling fan and spanked accross the buttocks with a wet Haddock..... preferably by a 400 pound Tibetan Transvestite Sheep Herder.