What's the worst PM you've ever got?

[y=mx+b]

I’m feeling called out here.

❤

 

[AmberLGreen]

I don’t know how it is for others but it isn’t the random unsolicited PM that bothers me. As I have said, I haven’t really had any offensive ones. For me, the worst types are the ones with guys I consider I am on friendly terms with.

On the board I am super slutty but in private, I am not that person. When a guy PMs me and we start to chat, I make it very clear that there is the board persona and the real me. They pretend to be ok with that but in every conversation, they turn everything into something where they can make suggestive comments. It is like they are trying to back you into a corner where you have no choice but to e-bone them. I have to remind them time and time again that it isn’t happening and then they say”oh, I wasn’t implying that”. Yes you fucking were and you need to stop.! Safe to say, I eventually stop talking to them about anything because they make me uncomfortable.

 

[y=mx+b]

Obviously, a lot of that is because of your writing, but still not a good lead off, IMO.
Talk about the cutting, not about cutting “me” maybe?
I think the first time I messaged you was about your “Machine” story, which made me cry.

Cried while writing it. The story continues on. Fractured in my head.

 

[y=mx+b]

Honestly one of the most touching things I’ve read.

Thank you.

 

[Lady2020]

I haven't gotten a lot of bad pm's and I've learned to not take much personally or get riled up about it. (It's a process).The pm that sticks in my mind is a pm from a new male Litster telling me I needed to change my av bc it didn't match my forum comments. His av was basically Jabba the Hutt.

 

[WillowySparkles]

Reading through the pages of this thread reinforces my choice in keeping my PMs turned off was the right decision.

 

[Cabooseluvr]

I know we've all got stories.

What crap has been sent to you by a stranger offloading their debauchery without your permission?

What nonsense are you having to read because people don't understand the notion of consent?

When sharing, please understand that one of lit's rules specifically prohibits the sharing of private messages in public. Please censor your responses accordingly because I think it's important to have this discussion without it getting shut down.

Debauchery! LOL

 

[Cabooseluvr]

Men: please turn off your problem solving brains and avoid giving us suggestions.
Instead, listen. Learn. Trust us to know how to take care of ourselves.

Get down on it!

 

[Jakevillines]

Back in the day when l was posting thong pictures more often then usual...
This was the first yr or so after l joined. He basically said l was a F...king whore and l should be ashamed of myself, a married woman showing her ass off for the world to see....He words were much more abusive and it upset me a lot. l had responded with a message something like, Take it easy...have you ever gone to the beach? Lots of women wear this type of bottom or less. I didn't think my photos were distasteful and lt was harmless. I was only having a bit of fun. Oh no this guy just kept firing the pm's so l blocked him and didn't sign on the site for about a month. l was afraid for some reason...lm not sure why but he hit a nerve.
l reply to all messages good or bad....but this one was one l should have ignored. l have never had anyone talk to me like that before. It was an eye opener for me.

Can you post a thong picture a day to keep my doctor away? Oh and trigger that unhappy man…who was on lit himself.

 

[Xerxes82]

Nothing in this thread surprises me, sadly. I've heard variations on a lot of these stories from women I've talked to over the years.

It continues to boggle my mind that people treat other people in this fashion.

But I applaud everyone here, both male and female, for sharing their stories and their reactions to things they have experienced or seen. Maybe it'll open some eyes for people who would misbehave.

Probably not, people remain people. But I live in hope.

 

[Mei5ter]

Yeesh. Sorry, friend, but I don't think the answer is: "all (cis) men are predatory."

It's just a valid point that men can be very intimidating. It's true. It doesn't mean you are a sex pest and it's not a personal attack at you because you have a penis. Throwing your hands up and saying "well, I can't/won't do anything then!" isn't a great response. It just suggests you can't handle how horrible it can be - but it's not about you. It's about the victim of this abuse. Not you.

I think the most important thing is just to listen to these experiences. Some of them are really quite scary and it's so important to really hear that.



You don't need to White Knight and step aside because men are bad. That wording suggests, to me, as if women need to be protected and it's your behaviour that protects them. That's so problematic, if so. You're not their saviour. These are just valid comments because it's fucking horrible and they deserve to be heard, with their voices, from their experiences.

Just acknowledge that, if you PM someone, it's a real person who might not know you, has no reason to trust you immediately, and has a few reasons to not trust you.

This deserves to be a sticky - it's excellent.

I'm not sure whether it counts as white knighting, but there is a tendency for decent male Litsters to go into paroxysms of public self-flagellation over some of the things shit men say and do to women here. I can understand why. I don't want to be associated with their disgusting behaviour, and I want to distance myself from it publicly too. But that ends up in one of two places: "not all men", or "absolutely all men are bastards." Neither helps anyone.

 

[bone251]

As dry as my vagina when I open those PMs

OMG. Next thing is someone saying they will make you eat fried cabbage.
Sorry, real respect is missing often.
It is hard to understand that smiling, holding a hand and asking what do you like is so simple.

 

[bone251]

I can also say that I have sent a lot of nice polite PM's over many years that maybe ask to read my stories as they matched a post. or asked about things they posted. I never say anything about a sex activity or any activity with them.

Seems my PM's are too boring to reply to.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Not sure about the other en, but I am thinking that I might never PM anyone, ever again. Just in case. Just to make sure I'm not bothering her in any fashion. Even a politely worded, unsolicited PM is a bad thing. Men should just stick to themselves until invited.,

I think this is a bit of an extreme and unnecessary takeaway. Also, likely not the most effective way to engage lit users, if one was looking to engage lit users. I suspect most women rarely send pms first. I have sent like 1 this year, but I am a total slacker, hopefully the other ladies are better than I am. Honestly, though, I think everyone would be fine if they just followed 2 simple rules.

1) don't actively try to be an asshole. 2) read at least some of what they have said. For example, read their profile. People who discourage pms, tend to say it. People who are not open to dirty talk, tend to say it. People who aren't into men, tend to say it. People who are men and not women, tend to say it. It doesn't hurt to also glance at threads they have started. If they reply, read the reply before replying.

Other than those actively trying to be offensive, all the other examples posted are basically failure to read. I am still amazed when I get pms and the dude is then surprised to learn I am not 25 and single. Oh FFS, you didn't even bother to read my username. You had to click it so send me a message. How did you not read it? Following those 2 simple rules should enable someone to avoid being the sender of a bothersome PM.

 

[Sundayschild]

I'd say send what you want, just be prepared to own it. All human interaction is analogue, what makes it interesting is the response isn't guaranteed. Sometimes I get ignored, sometimes I end up with a friend.

Of course, if you're a cunt just ignore the above advice and fuck off like a good little shit.

 

[Wife of Bath]

I can also say that I have sent a lot of nice polite PM's over many years that maybe ask to read my stories as they matched a post. or asked about things they posted. I never say anything about a sex activity or any activity with them.

Seems my PM's are too boring to reply to.

I often don’t respond to PMs from someone who I don’t know or have never interacted with on the board. If I haven’t posted with you and you randomly PM me (from my perspective, you may have read my posts but I don’t know that) I likely won’t engage with you. It feels too much like a trap.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I often don’t respond to PMs from someone who I don’t know or have never interacted with on the board. If I haven’t posted with you and you randomly PM me (from my perspective, you may have read my posts but I don’t know that) I likely won’t engage with you. It feels too much like a trap.

I think there's a tendency for some people to form a one sided attachment. I'm a prolific poster and enjoy the shenanigans on the boards. When I get a PM from someone who hasn't participated in the threads I rarely, of ever respond. The power dynamic is off. I agree it feels like a trap.

I see this a lot on social media with people who have large platforms. People start to feel entitled to that poster's attention because they're giving so much of their own to that person. Almost every person I know who tickles the influencer sphere runs into this issue at some point in their "career".

 

[bigwoody8]

I’m really sorry to hear these stories. Lots of weird, angry men in this world.

Worst PM(s) I’ve ever gotten… it’s happened a couple of times I guess. Men who claimed they weren’t homosexual but they were interested in seeing my penis. Or maybe they did see it in a post or something and wanted to talk about it. And when I expressed confusion, they got defensive and/or angry.

I don’t know if they were lying to me or to themselves or what, but it was strange.

 

[bigwoody8]

I think there's a tendency for some people to form a one sided attachment. I'm a prolific poster and enjoy the shenanigans on the boards. When I get a PM from someone who hasn't participated in the threads I rarely, of ever respond. The power dynamic is off. I agree it feels like a trap.

I see this a lot on social media with people who have large platforms. People start to feel entitled to that poster's attention because they're giving so much of their own to that person. Almost every person I know who tickles the influencer sphere runs into this issue at some point in their "career".

That’s an interesting way to put it. “The power dynamic is off”. It makes a lot of sense.
I’ve actually considered PMing you several times. You seem like a fun person. Someone worth knowing. But yeah… I usually end up thinking something like, “well… we haven’t ever interacted though. She maybe hasn’t ever seen me post at all. It would be too random”.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

That’s an interesting way to put it. “The power dynamic is off”. It makes a lot of sense.
I’ve actually considered PMing you several times. You seem like a fun person. Someone worth knowing. But yeah… I usually end up thinking something like, “well… we haven’t ever interacted though. She maybe hasn’t ever seen me post at all. It would be too random”.

You know, if you'd messaged me I would have looked at your profile, taken a quick peep at your post history and probably responded.

But that's all dependent on me being in the mood to talk, ya know?

*I swear I'm not gay*

 

[PattiJolene]

Can you post a thong picture a day to keep my doctor away? Oh and trigger that unhappy man…who was on lit himself.

lol...this made me laugh. Thank you!

 

[JerseyJade]

The worst PM I got? It has to be the one from @NRJLives when he sent me a selfie with curlers in his hair.

 

[JerseyJade]

It was by request, lady!

Well just so you know... I blocked you for a week because your nails looked better than mine!

 

[Daisy_Love]

I think there's a tendency for some people to form a one sided attachment. I'm a prolific poster and enjoy the shenanigans on the boards. When I get a PM from someone who hasn't participated in the threads I rarely, of ever respond. The power dynamic is off. I agree it feels like a trap.

I see this a lot on social media with people who have large platforms. People start to feel entitled to that poster's attention because they're giving so much of their own to that person. Almost every person I know who tickles the influencer sphere runs into this issue at some point in their "career".

Absolutely this
The power dynamic is off, especially when the person has never interacted with but but thinks they know you from your postings etc it can be really quite uncomfortable. I don’t often if at all, ever respond to anyone who hasn’t participated on the threads. I also post stalk the shit out them

 

[Orchidea73]

I haven't received creepy msg., least of all violent. I haven't received over the top sexual msg or fantasies either. I can't measure "worse" because in general I don't get bothered.

I have received some msg (mostly at the beginning) what I would call silly and stupid but they don't bother me either. My attitude towards that is do not engage, ignore and move on. It has worked perfectly so far, for me.