When things move beyond Literotica

[siren319]

That certainly makes it a little easier, but are we just talking about cyber sexual partners? or cyber friendships as well. If it covers the broadest definition, there are a lot of people I would be confortable meeting. I think you are right about the trust thing. On a relationship level (for me personally) I refuse to completely judge trust without a face to face. Its important to me. Having said that... would i fly half across the country to have coffee with someone? I don't know. I can think of people I would do that for, but I think I would be more open to it if I were in your shoes BMW. If I was traveling to the area anyway... then I might be more likely to make the attempt.

 

[bmw1080]

That certainly makes it a little easier, but are we just talking about cyber sexual partners? or cyber friendships as well. If it covers the broadest definition, there are a lot of people I would be confortable meeting. I think you are right about the trust thing. On a relationship level (for me personally) I refuse to completely judge trust without a face to face. Its important to me. Having said that... would i fly half across the country to have coffee with someone? I don't know. I can think of people I would do that for, but I think I would be more open to it if I were in your shoes BMW. If I was traveling to the area anyway... then I might be more likely to make the attempt.

The travelling makes it easier for me. Most, 99%, are sexual liaisons. and no I am not a "slut" lol. I do though enjoy exploring sexual boundaries with partners and also practice safe sex.

 

[TX Charlie]

If the

Is it ever possible for a *man* to tell the truth when asked a question? Must they always respond in a way that makes you wonder if they understood the question in the first place. Then you the *woman* are left to dig and ask more questions in many different ways over the course of many weeks to find out basic information about this person. Why is it so hard to let someone know the truth right from the start? Is there a new language out there that I am not aware of for the many ways to answer the question of your status? i.e? single married ......but never really answering it at all?

questions were asked of a man then you would have have received a straight forward answer. It is the male child that can't answer questions. So the thing to do is find out if they have grown into manhood or are they still a child (emotionally)....unfortunately too many of us males stay like children until late in life when we find out that is easier to live in reality instead of the fantasy life of deceit. Just my thoughts and I am sure someone will disagree. LOL Have a great day

 

[siren319]

The travelling makes it easier for me. Most, 99%, are sexual liaisons. and no I am not a "slut" lol. I do though enjoy exploring sexual boundaries with partners and also practice safe sex.

wasn't about to judge your liasons, just asking for the sake of discussion. My overall numbers are outrageous, even though I have become more cautious, referring to anyone else as a slut would be a little bit of a stretch.

Assuming it is all sex... 99% of the people I flirt with wouldn't have much of a chance at meeting me. Maybe that is why I flirt with them. I am less likely to flirt with someone who is close enough for meeting to be an issue, because I am not professing my undying love to them. But what if... I would always have a plan b, what if there is no chemistry? This is the big deal. What if you meet the and there is nothing there? Is it different for a guy? Can you fuck her anyway?

 

[mojoker]

Playtime

Siren, would like to chat with me and have some fun?

 

[bmw1080]

wasn't about to judge your liasons, just asking for the sake of discussion. My overall numbers are outrageous, even though I have become more cautious, referring to anyone else as a slut would be a little bit of a stretch.

Assuming it is all sex... 99% of the people I flirt with wouldn't have much of a chance at meeting me. Maybe that is why I flirt with them. I am less likely to flirt with someone who is close enough for meeting to be an issue, because I am not professing my undying love to them. But what if... I would always have a plan b, what if there is no chemistry? This is the big deal. What if you meet the and there is nothing there? Is it different for a guy? Can you fuck her anyway?

Have I fucked a woman just for a fuck..yes...but that was in my younger days and fortunately only on two occassions I recall. It leaves you somewhat deflated in that the enjoyment factor really was not there.

The chemistry is important, however, I have found you can build this through cyber. The flirting from a distance makes it safe..I know what you mean......Would you like to?


One of the understandings that needs to be present before meeting is that either person can walk away - this is very very important.

 

[Lee9104]

questions were asked of a man then you would have have received a straight forward answer. It is the male child that can't answer questions. So the thing to do is find out if they have grown into manhood or are they still a child (emotionally)....unfortunately too many of us males stay like children until late in life when we find out that is easier to live in reality instead of the fantasy life of deceit. Just my thoughts and I am sure someone will disagree. LOL Have a great day

Hi TX Charlie~
I think you may have hit the nail on the head with this one and I for one tend to agree with you 100% a *MAN* would and should be able to give a straight forward answer. Now it would be nice to chat with some of these men that have figured this out lol. Thanks and you have a great day as well.

 

[WickedlySweet]

I would love to meet men from Literotica. In fact, that's what I'm looking for. Something in "real life".

I have friends who have met people from here, which is why I decided to try it in the first place. One of my friends wound up marrying the man she met here, and that's the good side of things. Another wound up with all sorts of promises, and once the man got what he wanted (a roll in the hay, of course), he abruptly ended it and left her alone and pregnant. That's the bad side.

Anyway, that's a tangent.

If I were interested in a meeting a man, I would say so. If I was asked to meet and I thought it was a good idea, I would be more than happy to do that. But I would also make it clear if I thought meeting wasn't a good idea. If I don't feel like things are going to work out after I have gotten to know someone via email and phone, then I don't hesitate to say so.

Good, thought-provoking question!

 

[Lee9104]

Hi WickedlySweet~

As you can tell from your friends it has it's good points and bad points. Meeting anyone online can turn out to be a really good thing or a really bad thing. Maybe it just might turn into something you didn't plan on like a friend instead of a LTR. It is always a good thing when you can turn it around and come out very close friends if the meeting or chemistry wasn't working for one or both of you.
I will say this though no good can come of any relationships if people are not being honest with each other. Honesty at all times in the beginning, middle, end, always and forever.

 

[siren319]

Have I fucked a woman just for a fuck..yes...but that was in my younger days and fortunately only on two occassions I recall. It leaves you somewhat deflated in that the enjoyment factor really was not there.

The chemistry is important, however, I have found you can build this through cyber. The flirting from a distance makes it safe..I know what you mean......Would you like to?


One of the understandings that needs to be present before meeting is that either person can walk away - this is very very important.

I have to admit, I have only recently begun to understand how emotion and actual chemistry inflate the experience. After experiencing sex combined with some sort of emotion, I don't necessarily mean love, but being willing to share something beyond the physical. The thought of meaningless fucking is less than satisfying and not really worth the effort that is put into it. In reality he feels the same as a vigorous cardio workout.

However tempting BMW, I don't cyber. So the attempt would be lost on me. But thanks, you know flattery will get you everywhere.

I agree with you about the walk away portion. Sometimes the idea of someone is much better than the actual person. Though the ability someone has to reinvent themselves on the pc is great for some people, it makes meeting someone a little more complicated. Even on a platonic non sexual level., I have met a dozen or so people that I have chatted to on here, and usually the person I meet doesn't represent much about the person I chatted at. 25% honest doesn't make for good odds.

 

[siren319]

Siren, would like to chat with me and have some fun?

I chat in thread generally and I saw your interest... I don't share the same interest. I have a little bit of a goddess complex particularly when it comes to sexual prowess. I can't give away all my secrets on cam cause then you won't scream my name and beg for mercy. well, you might ... but I won't get the pleasure of hearing it. soooo I don't cyber or play on cam.

However there are various pics of me on lit. Feel free to use your imagination.

 

[Lee9104]

I have met a dozen or so people that I have chatted to on here, and usually the person I meet doesn't represent much about the person I chatted at. 25% honest doesn't make for good odds.

Hi siren319~

I have to agree with you on this one. A person making the choice to be less then 100% honest when attempting to start a relationship is only kidding themselves. No good can/will ever come of it.

 

[siren319]

Hi siren319~

I have to agree with you on this one. A person making the choice to be less then 100% honest when attempting to start a relationship is only kidding themselves. No good can/will ever come of it.

It happens often enough, I don't think people do it on purpose. It may even be possible that the internet version of someone is closer to the truth. It is a lot easier to blurt stuff out without face to face contact. No one ever admits this though. I imagine there are things about me here that do not represent me well. Like I don't talk about sex all the time out here in the real world.

There are things that I am attracted to that you can't gauge well on here.

ex. Confidence, eyes, facial expression, I like smiling and eye contact. I also think that the picture posted should at least slightly resemble the person, no using high school pics if you are 35+. that's a stretch.

 

[Lee9104]

It happens often enough, I don't think people do it on purpose. It may even be possible that the internet version of someone is closer to the truth. It is a lot easier to blurt stuff out without face to face contact. No one ever admits this though. I imagine there are things about me here that do not represent me well. Like I don't talk about sex all the time out here in the real world.

There are things that I am attracted to that you can't gauge well on here.

ex. Confidence, eyes, facial expression, I like smiling and eye contact. I also think that the picture posted should at least slightly resemble the person, no using high school pics if you are 35+. that's a stretch.

siren319~

I have to agree again if you are going to post your real life picture it would help things along if it was not 35 years old lol. However, I am not as sure as you that sometimes people are dishonest and damn well know what they are doing when they are saying/doing it. I have had this happen to many times for me to think otherwise. Best of luck to you.

 

[Shadow_Kitty]

I'm as brutally honest as I can be, especially in online relationships. You certainly can't get anywhere in one of those with lies.

 

[siren319]

I think I have just come to a place where I don't hold everyone else to the same standard. I am usually certain that I am being lied to online, but I can't bring myself to do it. I like myself, so why fake being someone else?

 

[TX Charlie]

Now I

I think I have just come to a place where I don't hold everyone else to the same standard. I am usually certain that I am being lied to online, but I can't bring myself to do it. I like myself, so why fake being someone else?

believe you have hit the nail on the head. You have to like yourself first, then everything else follows along nicely and you don't have to try to be something your not.

 

[siren319]

Physical appearence is a touchy subject, and probably the one most often lied about on line.... what other obastacles have you (anyone) dealt with when meeting people in real life?

What have been the best and worst experiences?

My best experience was meeting a group of members from a chat room on aol in el Paso. Once a week they'd get together at a little hole in the wall bar and have a blast for a few hours. It was great. Funny it was the only time everyone behaved in person the way they did in chat.


The worst was a sexual encounter with a Dom. I like D/s but not real fond of bdsm. We chatted for about two months or so and he said he wasn't into the SM part so much. Needless to say he lied about this. Within 30 seconds I was bound and caned, this would have to be the worst ever.

 

[sseg]

Physical appearence is a touchy subject, and probably the one most often lied about on line.... what other obastacles have you (anyone) dealt with when meeting people in real life?

What have been the best and worst experiences?

My best experience was meeting a group of members from a chat room on aol in el Paso. Once a week they'd get together at a little hole in the wall bar and have a blast for a few hours. It was great. Funny it was the only time everyone behaved in person the way they did in chat.


The worst was a sexual encounter with a Dom. I like D/s but not real fond of bdsm. We chatted for about two months or so and he said he wasn't into the SM part so much. Needless to say he lied about this. Within 30 seconds I was bound and caned, this would have to be the worst ever.

I've been online and participating in newsgroups and bbs and boards for about 20 years now and I think that the best ones tend to be tight knit groups where the primary reason for the group is shared hobby or interest. Once you get to know people in real life as a group then it's harder for them to misrepresent themselves individually online because too many people
know who they are really.

I do think that regardless of online or not, people behave differently when they are in a group versus one one one. The best people I know have a consistency regardless.

My best experiences came from attending get togethers organized by group members (and I have held several) where the whole point was to hang out in real life like we did online. I developed several wonderful relationships from that, and I had a few fun romps too. My worst experiences have almost always come from meeting one on one after having talked off-group but online for a while beforehand. I like to be able to observe people and how they interact with others as well as how they do so with me. But then, I'm a people-watcher.

 

[Lee9104]

Physical appearence is a touchy subject, and probably the one most often lied about on line.... what other obastacles have you (anyone) dealt with when meeting people in real life?

What have been the best and worst experiences?

My best experience was meeting a group of members from a chat room on aol in el Paso. Once a week they'd get together at a little hole in the wall bar and have a blast for a few hours. It was great. Funny it was the only time everyone behaved in person the way they did in chat.


The worst was a sexual encounter with a Dom. I like D/s but not real fond of bdsm. We chatted for about two months or so and he said he wasn't into the SM part so much. Needless to say he lied about this. Within 30 seconds I was bound and caned, this would have to be the worst ever.

I am still waiting on my best experience haven't has much luck with my online meetings or online relationships. Tend to end up with the ones (MEN) that can't tell the truth for some reason or another.

 

[Mr_CJ]

This is my "virgin" post, but I thought the matter deserved some consideration. I have had several IRL meetings from other chat areas over the last 15 years. Many were simply group get-togethers for the comfort of knowing that little other than conversation can happen in that context. I have been lucky enough to have had 3 wonderful relationships from the on-line situations.

The key thing that made all three relationships work (I believe), is that I had chatted with these ladies over a significant period of time before meeting them. Several months for each. In all three situations, we parted with good feelings and understanding of the reasons for the seperation.

The aspect of time is something that has made these meetings work. It is very hard to maintain a lie for a period of time. The truth will always out, as they say.

Excellent thread.

 

[Lee9104]

This is my "virgin" post, but I thought the matter deserved some consideration. I have had several IRL meetings from other chat areas over the last 15 years. Many were simply group get-togethers for the comfort of knowing that little other than conversation can happen in that context. I have been lucky enough to have had 3 wonderful relationships from the on-line situations.

The key thing that made all three relationships work (I believe), is that I had chatted with these ladies over a significant period of time before meeting them. Several months for each. In all three situations, we parted with good feelings and understanding of the reasons for the seperation.

The aspect of time is something that has made these meetings work. It is very hard to maintain a lie for a period of time. The truth will always out, as they say.




Excellent thread.

Hi Mr_CJ~

Welcome to Literotica and thank you I feel it is a very important thread. I am pleased it has continued to have many readers. I am glad you chose to make your first post in my thread. I feel we can learn things from each other if we share the good points and bad points of online relationships. Sometimes turning those online relationships into RL meetings.
After chatting with a person for weeks or months via email, IM, PM, and phone conversations I agree you will be able to sense that they are lying to you. It always catches up to a person. Makes you wonder why they go to such lengths to continue to lie instead of just telling the truth to begin with.

 

[cuddlydbear]

It happens sometimes..

I have met a couple of people through emailing them after reading their Literotica stories. I didn't go with any expectations, except friendship. One guy was married, and I knew that, so we both knew it was just going to be friendship with a little playing. We are still friends, and talk on the Internet every once in a while.

The other one, though...that turned out to be more than I ever thought it would. He is bi and in a relationship. We emailed for a long time and joked about him coming to visit me. Finally, after I broke up with a guy I was seeing, we started talking about it seriously. Again, we both thought..no big deal..we would be friends that met once, played and then went back to being friends.

The minute we met we both felt something much stronger. Now, we both have SO's (I got back with an ex boyfriend almost a year ago, and things are great this time), but we have very strong feelings for each other and have a kind of long distance relationship where we have seen each other twice in the last year, each of us visiting the other in turn. Our SO's know about it and so far they are both ok with it.

BTW, I originally met my current boyfriend online, through a dating service.

 

[siren319]

CJ and Cuddlebear both make good points. A lie is hard to maintain over long lengths of time. By furthering the length of the online meeting it lessens the likihood but it also makes it more likely that someone will be disappointed. This is where cuddlebear's point kicks in. Even if someone has chatted for extended legths of time its pretty important to go without any expectations, as hard as that is.

 

[Lee9104]

Hi cuddlydbear~

You have made some very good points. I have had very long term relationships online. In some cases it took a long time to find out I was being played, taken for a ride, and lied to.
I also have a few long term relationships that have went on for years and we have not met and don't really plan to meet. We just turned out to be great friends instead. I have very strong connections with them but due to where they are and the amount of time we have been chatting it was decided that we didn't want to risk losing the friendship if the real life meetings didn't go well. After knowing someone for so long expectations might be to high.