Why do you choose to be a sub?

[Strixaluco]

I don’t think that anyone in my life would guess I’m not straight, let alone that I want to be taken by older men, feminized, etc.

I think this is typical, really. Yes there are those whose kinkyness shows - but I am of the impression that they are actually the minority.

 

[panty_chap]

I'm on the side of not choosing to be a submissive. I don't know that it's a choice, but I suppose it's a choice to reveal it to people.

Outside of cyber I've never been all that open about it, though one girlfriend figured it out.

 

[AsianFusion]

I don't think I chose it. It chose me

 

[sterculius]

I'm a sub because of my minuscule penis. Biology is destiny.

 

[Servileone13]

I think part environmental and part just DNA. I was kind of nerdy in school, girls took advantage for help with their school work but always wanted to be "just friends" My first GF was way more experienced and insatiable. She knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, and how she wanted it performed. She never had a problem giving explicit instructions and I, no problem following them. I have a very stressful job & publicly people would consider me a Type A personality. No one would guess I'm submissive yet i think a woman familiar with the lifestyle would easily tell

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

A certain woman picked me to be hers and I began to crave pleasing her exactly how she wanted.

 

[SmoothAndSweet]

I do not choose to be a submissive; because if I did, it is certainly not the choice I would have made. It is an innate part of my psyche, the desire to please, and to give. But it has not, thus far, been really conducive to a positive and fulfilling relationship.

I totally agree with you. I don't believe anyone CHOOSES to be a submissive, they either ARE or NOT. I'm still trying to understand why the question was ever considered

 

[staciedix]

To be me

 

[dontneedone]

I didn't really choose to be a sub. It was chosen for me, in that I was having a fun online chat with one of the great writers on Lit and we were talking about the number of orgasms we had given each other. I was ahead by some and told her she needed to catch up, but then I said later in the day that I was about to cum again without waiting for her.

She lightly brought up the topic of how she should take ownership of my orgasms at that point, and made up some rules, and I agreed to them. I think I have sub tendencies by nature, so it wasn't like she had to twist my leg.

It's been a fun experience. I figured I'd cave early on, but I'm proud of how well I've done as a newbie. At least, I think I've done well. And she is a great Mistress.

When I'm allowed to ask her a question, I do have to remember to ask her whether she knew she was going to bring up the sub-dom idea the entire time, or if it happened only after I gave her an opening.

 

[lil_jenni]

Like many others, I don't consider being a sub a choice I made. It is who I am. I might be able to go back and pick out the circumstances/experiences that led me to this reality, but at no point did I explicitly choose to be a sub. I do choose to keep following that path in a safe and loving relationship (and some less safe and loving fantasies), but that's different. I would still be a sub even if I denied the expression of that, much like I was still bi when I was suppressing it or not acting on it.

 

[SmoothAndSweet]

There is really no decision making. It's like being bullied on the playground. It's just being YOU. Also, there is a sense of freedom in submissiveness because I don't have to make any decisions, they are made for me. Sometimes, well, nearly all the time, the expectation of being asked (told) what to do, or positions to take, actions to perform, can be quite exciting. My little boner is usually always on display. Anyway, I hope this helps anyone in understanding.
https://www.imagesocket.com/i/Asce
a pretty normal position

 

[Oshkosh60]

I can only act out my submissiveness in a day to day fashion and not necessarily in the bedroom. Which is terribly frustrating. I clean, wash dishes, do the laundry.....in addition to mowing the lawn, rehabbing the house, painting ect...Very masculine and I do all of the, what we would have called the women' chores' to gratify my need to serve. In the day to day, my partner only wants the dominant male me and not the submissive slave me. At six four and with a strong build, very few have seen or understood that I have that other me. In the bedroom, my only luck is that my partner can't orgasm by vaginal penetration....so I had to learn to please her orally.... Did I choose to become a sub? Yes and no. I think from a very early age though I equated pleasing others with love and acceptance. I think my process was...the more I could please the more I was loved. (Didn't work out so well in the 25 year marriage, we can sometimes find that giving and giving and giving goes for naught). So yes, I choose to try to go beyond what might be expected of me but it is because of that need to please and the desire to feel love that pushes me in that direction which is something I can't control. So my current partner is good about my oral servitude, being totally submissive to her in the bedroom is unlikely to be a thing.

 

[Oshkosh60]

Thanks Lil Jenni for the question......

 

[Xenaqueen]

I have been talking to my college friend and fuck-buddy who came to visit to cheer me up. She has some dom tendencies, whereas I lean the other way.

For me, I think part of being submissive in a sexual context is because I am the opposite IRL. I’m probably the person who wants to be in charge and to have a plan. She is the opposite, IRL she wouldn’t say boo to a goose, but gets off on controlling people sexually.

It it like this with other people?

Em

I feel the same way as you EmilyMiller, I have always feel like I need to be in control IRL. But being a sub, feels so right for me. I enjoy pleasing my Dom and not in control.

 

[Oshkosh60]

Earliest fantasies were of me serving an older woman......hasn't changed in more than 50 years.

 

[Will527]

Having worked several years supervising women of all ages, sizes, etc. I developed a fantasy, then a desire and now a craving to have my female partner decide on our sexual activity, particularly paying attention more to her own desires and needs rather than my own (because pleasuring her is something I need to do, to be told to do, not asked.) It's just an exciting part of sex for me. She can be demanding, even bitchy and I will comply with her demands until she is sexually satisfied. I am also willing to delay or even postpone my own release if she demands it.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Because my Wife deserves it.

 

[emme8]

I've always been submissive and a pleaser. I didn't know what bdsm was or anything close, but I always loved the older more powerful guys

At 3 or 4 years, in old preschool, my friend Danny used to pull the barrettes and bows our of my hair. The teachers tried to keep me away from him, but he was my friend. Every day I would tell him" I'll be your friend if you 'behave' ".

 

[vibes]

Every day I would tell him" I'll be your friend if you 'behave' ".

... perhaps you weren't even aware you wanted him to 'disbehave'?

 

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I tried subbing once. I hated every second of it. I tried accepting the same things I do to my slave but it was awful. I tried drinking his pis, sucked his cuck and tried to swallow and the humiliation part I could not even do. I am a dom. Never again.

 

[funguy4u100]

Because it just feels natural...

 

[emme8]

... perhaps you weren't even aware you wanted him to 'disbehave'?

I was a martyr. He needed a friend. And my own needs were important enough

 

[LucyLovex]

It's just how i'm wired x

 

[Daddoo]

I don’t think you actually choose. For me i just am.

 

[Swuchmann]

I am a bi sub bottom. In my day to day life and with a woman I tend to be the alpha.

Being a sub bottom with men provides the balance to my sexual makeup. I am also a smaller guy at 5’8, 155lbs so I am an ideal as a sub to larger more masculine men.