ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[AnnieLit]

Thank goodness for small favors!

Yes!

But this is a rather common type and I always wonder who are all these people that think that sites like that, including Lit, are the right place to play the game "they are all out to get me". I don't think I personally know anybody like that... But then maybe they are very different in their normal everyday life, who knows.

 

[seela]

I rarely get any kind of PMs, but last year I got a few asshatty ones, definitely more than on an average year.

I'm purging my PM box and ran across this. I wonder if this ur-er is an alt of the previous ur-er I posted. This one had a female name as the screen name, the previous ur-er wasn't particularly feminine. That doesn't proof anything one way or another, though.

 

[AnnieLit]

I rarely get any kind of PMs, but last year I got a few asshatty ones, definitely more than on an average year.

I'm purging my PM box and ran across this. I wonder if this ur-er is an alt of the previous ur-er I posted. This one had a female name as the screen name, the previous ur-er wasn't particularly feminine. That doesn't proof anything one way or another, though.

I know a guy here that does that -- sends total garbage and later blames it all on him being drunk... By garbage I mean both the language and the substance. And he is known for using both male and female alts... But than life would be too easy if there was only one guy like that.

 

[Jada59]

This wasn't here but on FB. Friend of a friend kept bugging me to play Truth or Dare. I told him I wasn't really into it and I always picked truth so it wasn't going to be much fun. Told him I was dancing but if he was still around when I was done, I'd get back to him.

I did.

His first question was what I thought of sex.

I then dared him to go stand naked in front of the window. He gave me many reasons why he could not. Was working. At home. Windows boarded. Curfew. Whatever... So I dared him to sharpen a pencil. Clearly he did not as his next question came rapidly.

What would I do if I saw him standing naked with a hard on in front of me.

My answer was to tell him to leave as he didn't belong in here.

*Unfriend*

Yep.

 

[melimelissa]

annoying trolls

"pleasing Sir

Are you being a good girl today? I love your perky titties. Bra size? Sir"

It's annoying, trolls
like JR seventy eight
waste the space here. #Blocked

Méli (Blech)

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Oh, I have one. Not lit, but I received this gem this morning, well last night, on facebook, from one of my son's classmate's fathers that I had recently met.



Oh, look at Florida man, really kicking his game, pitching woo and all. And they say chivalry is dead. It is just too bad that I am married, otherwise, I'd obviously just have to be on dis dick. Well, at least he sets a low bar.

 

[AnnieLit]

Oh, I have one. Not lit, but I received this gem this morning, well last night, on facebook, from one of my son's classmate's fathers that I had recently met.



Oh, look at Florida man, really kicking his game, pitching woo and all. And they say chivalry is dead. It is just too bad that I am married, otherwise, I'd obviously just have to be on dis dick. Well, at least he sets a low bar.

Oy vey!

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Oh, I have one. Not lit, but I received this gem this morning, well last night, on facebook, from one of my son's classmate's fathers that I had recently met.



Oh, look at Florida man, really kicking his game, pitching woo and all. And they say chivalry is dead. It is just too bad that I am married, otherwise, I'd obviously just have to be on dis dick. Well, at least he sets a low bar.

Y'know, being a rude twatwaffle and whatnot is one thing, but illiteracy is just sad.

After reading some of these, I don't mind the (very) occasional catfishing attempt. (I have had a bit of fun in the past, kinda like telephone scammers.

 

[Dreamliner]

I might just sign up for match

JESUS!!!

You called? where, may I ask, you would like me to come.

 

[Dreamliner]

Hi Justa

I am seriously disturbed reading your "paramour's" post. Really, where is the appropriate language, grammar and spelling. I give up.

 

[twister947]

Probably a registered voter...scary.

 

[Acktion]

You know... I open this thread every time it bubbles to the top, half afraid that I'm going to recognize a poster and a message.

And I always feel better about my couth (not to mention grammatical challenges) when I slam it shut laughing.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Oy vey!

Yeah, I was impressed. I haven't received something this bad in quite a while.

Y'know, being a rude twatwaffle and whatnot is one thing, but illiteracy is just sad.

After reading some of these, I don't mind the (very) occasional catfishing attempt. (I have had a bit of fun in the past, kinda like telephone scammers.

Well, consider things may not be what they appear and it may actually be pure genius. ok, what are the options?

1) It is exactly what it appears and he was drunk as fuck on top. Maybe, but we have discussed that I have no game, so when it comes to awkward flirting, I am playing at a professional level. This guy makes me look like a newb. Could someone's game really be this bad? Really? Really?

2) Hacking due to phishing. Maybe, but usually they also contain a clickbait link to increase view counts and/or continue to replicate. This alone serves no purpose.

3) He has awesome friends. He hasn't checked facebook in a couple days, so the notification when opened is that I accepted his friends request. He left his phone unlocked, friend opens it, and does this. Guy is all, "OMG what did you do?" We all need that friend in our life.

4) or now this is where genius could play in. It was actually his wife. She sees he has some unknown bitch as his new facebook friend. Now, if she comes out and messages me being all "bitch, why u talkin to my man?" she looks like the crazy ass chick she is. So, instead, she messages this from his account. If she is totally off base, I will ignore the message thinking it is a drunk wrong person message or hacking or something, and not respond as it would make an awkward situation even more awkward. If there was some flirting going on, she has now ensured that I will be having no contact with her husband's dick at any point in the future, ever. Delete the message and her hands are clean.

OMG. Justa.

It gave me a good laugh, for several minutes. Possibly the best laugh of the day. Of course, I am not sure which is worse....the message or upon seeing it, the first thing I think is it so belongs in this thread on Lit.

Hi Justa

I am seriously disturbed reading your "paramour's" post. Really, where is the appropriate language, grammar and spelling. I give up.

Oh now, don't be hating on Florida Man's smooth moves. We can't all be Florida man. Besides, there is room for improvement. I mean, if you are going to message a lady to set up an appointment for when she has time to receive "dis dick", there really should be a picture of "dat dick". There is always room to grow. Maybe next time.

Probably a registered voter...scary.

That is an excellent question and I believe I have just found the answer. Surprisingly, or not, the answer would appear to be he is not likely to be a registered voter. I just pulled his criminal record. He has more felony convictions than I have bras. While legislation did pass in order to restore the right for convicted felons to vote here, they must pay restitution of court costs in order to accomplish this. Given the number convictions, I'd guess that he would be looking in excess of $10,000.

You know... I open this thread every time it bubbles to the top, half afraid that I'm going to recognize a poster and a message.

And I always feel better about my couth (not to mention grammatical challenges) when I slam it shut laughing.

haha. Yes, one should take a moment to appreciate just how low the bar has been set and find it quite reassuring.

 

[Acktion]

~snip~

haha. Yes, one should take a moment to appreciate just how low the bar has been set and find it quite reassuring.

Lambada!

Wait, that's not right...

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Lambada!

Wait, that's not right...

haha. I thought the first gif was funnier though.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Lambada!

Wait, that's not right...

I totally loved that movie!

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Lambada!

Wait, that's not right...

Richard Lynch is (was) the most underrated "heavy" of the 80s and 90s.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Oh, I have one. Not lit, but I received this gem this morning, well last night, on facebook, from one of my son's classmate's fathers that I had recently met.



Oh, look at Florida man, really kicking his game, pitching woo and all. And they say chivalry is dead. It is just too bad that I am married, otherwise, I'd obviously just have to be on dis dick. Well, at least he sets a low bar.

Y'know, this may be a simple matter of misunderstanding the words. A few months ago someone (Gracie?) got an email saying the guy wanted his D jacked. As I said at the time, he clearly just needed his Chrysler product (Dodge) jacked (up)

I think what this actually says is

"My dear new friend. I find my mind constantly turning to thoughts of your grace and beauty. I count the seconds until next we meet. Until then..."

Oh, right the dick pic. Nope, he's a perv and maybe functionally illiterate.

 

[melimelissa]

Incontinence

he's a perv and maybe functionally illiterate.

Up pop these little gems from Messrs A, B and Mr P:

"see you there, reading the stories and frantically fingering yourself. I like that you're a shy, dirty little slut. I don't like that you're keeping it to yourself. It's just selfish. Some us really appreciate a dirty slut.
who dreams about exploring her sexuality .."

"Please send me a sexy picture of yourself!!!! I want to masturbate for you!"

"Is it wrong that daddy sniffs your panties? You won’t tell mum?"

All quite incontinent.

Méli

 

[cookiecat]

I got this on another site - it's pretty much a weird hook up site. They have a chat room I wander in to every so often to, ummmm, chat.

Anyways. I got this email message:

Him:

I'm A 38 year Old Average Looking white guy who Basically has a blowjob fetish. Would you Consider being my Un-Official Second Girlfriend Live In Blowjob Slave roommate ? There's No Pay Involved But, You Can stay with us Rent Free as Long as you can Pay for your own Cigarette Habit and don't use Drugs although weed is okay. Let us Know , we Hope to Hear from you soon. text us if you are interested in moving in with us. Our phone number is xxxxxxx and my name is xxxxr By the way yes we are serious also this isnt a joke. I was Hoping you would Orally worship my soft hairy tiny cock 6 to 8 hours daily. hope to hear from you soon.
5/3/2020 1:01 pm

Me:

you're unemployed and want me to suck dick 6-8 hours a day? Do we live on love and cum?
5/4/2020 6:27 pm

Him:

my girlfriend usually works but she is currently drawing unemployment. she usually pays the utilities most months
5/4/2020 6:29 pm

Him later:

i can maybe smoke a few joints with you every day. you get all of my cum you can handle drinking? i really dont know other then that. we cant pay you anything
5/4/2020 6:42 pm

you can suck me while im soft 12 to 18 hours daily if you wanted to. id never deny your mouth my soft cock.. you can do it all day and all night long if you like
5/4/2020 6:46 pm

well sorry thats all i have to offer. but i appreciate your chatting anyway if you dont think you are interested in the proposition
5/4/2020 7:06 pm

Me:

It:s great you're honest. However, you might want to make it more positive. Right now it's just kind of a sad proposition.
5/4/2020 7:20 pm

Him:

it gets worst instead of better... its okay if you arent interested. i hope you have a good night beautiful
5/4/2020 7:22 pm

 

[Cumference]

Is that asshattery or just depressingly weird?

 

[AnnieLit]

.
5/4/2020 7:20 pm

Him:

it gets worst instead of better... its okay if you arent interested. i hope you have a good night beautiful
5/4/2020 7:22 pm

Of all the asshats quoted on this thread, I sort of feel sorry for this guy. He literally has NOTHING. No money, no job, no aspirations for anything. All he wants is somebody so suck his soft cock... And looks like nobody ever did it to him either, because I doubt he can even take it for that long.

 

[cookiecat]

Of all the asshats quoted on this thread, I sort of feel sorry for this guy. He literally has NOTHING. No money, no job, no aspirations for anything. All he wants is somebody so suck his soft cock... And looks like nobody ever did it to him either, because I doubt he can even take it for that long.

It was a sad exchange.

He has a girlfriend.

And, I believe he is a gold member of this site so he had the dough to pay the $100.

 

[cookiecat]

Is that asshattery or just depressingly weird?

A little asshattery in that he was surely trolling. I imagine his initial message went to many women.

I messaged back and it became sadder and weirder.

 

[AnnieLit]

It was a sad exchange.

He has a girlfriend.

And, I believe he is a gold member of this site so he had the dough to pay the $100.

Before the last sentence I was going to say that more likely than not that's a girlfriend in the name only -- he has access to some house that he does not need to pay rent for (grandparents? Some other relatives?), so she pays only water-electric-gas bills.

But the last sentence changes everything... Total trolling?