ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[cookiecat]

Before the last sentence I was going to say that more likely than not that's a girlfriend in the name only -- he has access to some house that he does not need to pay rent for (grandparents? Some other relatives?), so she pays only water-electric-gas bills.

But the last sentence changes everything... Total trolling?

I wondered if he was fake.

 

[cookiecat]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat??

Dated:
5/9/20 7:44 PM

If you want to be a Sub Domme Switch Wife for Life with a 6 foot 4, 250 lb, single, unattached, unencumbered, live alone, mature VERY experienced Dom Sub Switch who will educate, enlighten, encourage and empower you to explore the entire spectrum of BDSM as a deep throat cock worshiping and back door sex slave in chastity, orgasm controlled, with daily canings and fistings, and trained in toilet games, toilet s, toilet worship and toilet slavery as a Bad Baby Girl Domme who administers face sittings, enemas for brown shower candy to Dominate your Dirty Daddy toilet slave to get whatever baby girl wants, I would like to make your acquaintance

So I have a profile on a kink site. I totally expect sex messages and am usually not offended because it's a kink site. This message doesn't really offend. Just surprised.

I'm happy to report 90% of the messages received are fairly vanilla, along the lines of "hey, I'd like to get to know you, you seem nice."

My profile is fairly vanilla with some kink thrown in.

Not sure why I'm surprised to get a message like this. Am assuming he sends the same message to lots and lots of women.

 

[bbwseeking63]

Him:

it gets worst instead of better... its okay if you arent interested. i hope you have a good night beautiful
5/4/2020 7:22 pm[/QUOTE]

He was right, it definitely got worse!!!

 

[seela]

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat??




So I have a profile on a kink site. I totally expect sex messages and am usually not offended because it's a kink site. This message doesn't really offend. Just surprised.

I'm happy to report 90% of the messages received are fairly vanilla, along the lines of "hey, I'd like to get to know you, you seem nice."

My profile is fairly vanilla with some kink thrown in.

Not sure why I'm surprised to get a message like this. Am assuming he sends the same message to lots and lots of women.

Huh. That sentence sure is packed with info.


Recently some messages I've received (not on Lit) have left me feel bad, because they've been from people approaching me because they're into fat chicks and it just makes me cry. I find it hard to place them on the asshat scale.

But to balance that type of message action out, I've also gotten some messages where people think I'm a dude. Both here and on another site I'm on. They're always pretty entertaining.

 

[AnnieLit]

But to balance that type of message action out, I've also gotten some messages where people think I'm a dude. Both here and on another site I'm on. They're always pretty entertaining.

probably all of us get that once in a while. When what we say does not fit what some guys think a woman could say, their first assumption is that we are pretenders, men posing as women.

 

[seela]

probably all of us get that once in a while. When what we say does not fit what some guys think a woman could say, their first assumption is that we are pretenders, men posing as women.

In my case it's usually been a response to my pics rather than to my words.

 

[seela]

What???

Apparently I have man hands.

My hands give me away as a man. You can buy tits, hair etc, but you can't make your hands feminine. So I've been called out as a crossdresser several times on more than one platform. Sometimes hands aren't needed in the pic either, I'm just so masculine somehow.

Not to mention my failed attempts at having phone sex - there haven't been very many attempts but twice I've been accused of being a guy pretending to be a woman.

Soooo... There has to be something there, I guess. It's happened too often to be a complete coincidence.

 

[AnnieLit]

Apparently I have man hands.

My hands give me away as a man. You can buy tits, hair etc, but you can't make your hands feminine. So I've been called out as a crossdresser several times on more than one platform. Sometimes hands aren't needed in the pic either, I'm just so masculine somehow.

Not to mention my failed attempts at having phone sex - there haven't been very many attempts but twice I've been accused of being a guy pretending to be a woman.

Soooo... There has to be something there, I guess. It's happened too often to be a complete coincidence.

Hands?!

The phone sex thing: was it in your first language or in English? If English, there is a chance that the guys were confused by your accent or at least unfamiliar speech/voice patterns.

 

[seela]

Hands?!

The phone sex thing: was it in your first language or in English? If English, there is a chance that the guys were confused by your accent or at least unfamiliar speech/voice patterns.

In my native language. I wouldn't even attempt phone sex in English.

 

[cookiecat]

Huh. That sentence sure is packed with info.

Recently some messages I've received (not on Lit) have left me feel bad, because they've been from people approaching me because they're into fat chicks and it just makes me cry. I find it hard to place them on the asshat scale.

But to balance that type of message action out, I've also gotten some messages where people think I'm a dude. Both here and on another site I'm on. They're always pretty entertaining.

The people who fetishize a thing and then foist it on you make me crazy. I get it a lot with age. Younger men who message only because I'm in the mature category. I don't think of myself as old so it really bugs me.

 

[twister947]

The people who fetishize a thing and then foist it on you make me crazy. I get it a lot with age. Younger men who message only because I'm in the mature category. I don't think of myself as old so it really bugs me.

You're barely legal.

 

[AnnieLit]

The people who fetishize a thing and then foist it on you make me crazy. I get it a lot with age. Younger men who message only because I'm in the mature category. I don't think of myself as old so it really bugs me.

One of the reasons I would not even talk to anybody 10+ years younger than me. Maybe they really do like me for who I am without checking the age box, but chances are they don't.

 

[edontario559]

Apparently I have man hands.

My hands give me away as a man. You can buy tits, hair etc, but you can't make your hands feminine. So I've been called out as a crossdresser several times on more than one platform. Sometimes hands aren't needed in the pic either, I'm just so masculine somehow.

Not to mention my failed attempts at having phone sex - there haven't been very many attempts but twice I've been accused of being a guy pretending to be a woman.

Soooo... There has to be something there, I guess. It's happened too often to be a complete coincidence.

Have you tried telling them that you are a woman, pretending to be a male transgender?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Got this lovely message on Insta today:

Hi cuttie i will love to talk to you.How are you? I would love to get things started with you..if you’re ready and up to it? I’m new to this whole arrangement though...Can you text me your number for better conversation ? [phone number deleted to protect the asshat]

 

[AnnieLit]

Got this lovely message on Insta today:

Hi cuttie i will love to talk to you.How are you? I would love to get things started with you..if you’re ready and up to it? I’m new to this whole arrangement though...Can you text me your number for better conversation ? [phone number deleted to protect the asshat]

That was in answer to a picture in family friendly insta account?!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

That was in answer to a picture in family friendly insta account?!

I get them all the time in DMs on Insta. My page is private, all you can see is the profile picture, but I think these guys just cast a huge net, probably phishing in some cases. The phone number that was in this DM is from my state, but not sure that means anything.

You should see the DMs my daughters get on Instagram from randoms. Creepy creepy guys.

 

[AnnieLit]

I get them all the time in DMs on Insta. My page is private, all you can see is the profile picture, but I think these guys just cast a huge net, probably phishing in some cases. The phone number that was in this DM is from my state, but not sure that means anything.

You should see the DMs my daughters get on Instagram from randoms. Creepy creepy guys.

Hm... Never asked my daughter about it, but I probably should.

 

[KimGordon67]

The people who fetishize a thing and then foist it on you make me crazy. I get it a lot with age. Younger men who message only because I'm in the mature category. I don't think of myself as old so it really bugs me.

Me too!!! "I love older women" ... dude, if you really did, you would know that no woman in her 40s/50s wants to be called 'older'. Or, for bonus points, 'mature'.

 

[KimGordon67]

My latest contribution, from a not-Lit site:

Him: "Great pics very nice I'd love sm of that"

Me: "*some. Also, try actual sentences."

Him: "What I'm not here for a English class bloody hell"

Me: "... and I'm not here looking for illiterate guys."

Him: "Well good on you then you must be rite bitch"

Me: "Maybe, but I'm a bitch with standards, I'm okay with that"
(That was late at night on my phone, hence the erroneous comma. I'm guessing he won't pick up on that though.)

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

Posted a story in LW about a wife getting her freak on at a party while hubby watches. The comments are fucking funny as hell. These folks have no concept of fact vs fiction.

The best was this email I got...

Could you please reply back to me, thank you. Oh yes if your sexy wife and yourself like having tributes done towards her, then perhaps we could come to an arrangement, if you reply to me.

Umm, no thank you. I didn't reply, but I really want to ask Mr Asshat if this ever worked for him.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Posted a story in LW about a wife getting her freak on at a party while hubby watches. The comments are fucking funny as hell. These folks have no concept of fact vs fiction.

The best was this email I got...



Umm, no thank you. I didn't reply, but I really want to ask Mr Asshat if this ever worked for him.

The LW comments section really is the best!

 

[melimelissa]

entirely asshat?

I share this intrusive, arrogant fellow for your shared amusement, pursuing me off lit despite express wishes. He is in my bin now.

Méli

<<You could not have possibly forgotten me. I have sent this message via the Contact tab in your Biography but if it ever reaches you to read, I do not know.

I was able to resist putting forward a suggestion to you during our stimulating chat yesterday but after waking up today, I found myself thinking of you, so I masturbated my cock and then decided to contact you in quest of a filthy relationship.

After reading your Biography again, I am well aware of the restrictions in which you place on prospective partners particularly the one concerning that you are "just here (in the Chat Rooms) to dream - NO EXCEPTIONS, not even for wonderful you."

Well, I am requesting that you do break such an absurdly inflexible and rigid rule. As I found you in the Submissive Room, I naturally assume that you are submissive, so do as I ask to please me and perhaps, yourself.

I meet all your requirements as I am a man over 40 (in early fifties) and not only am I the most open-minded person that you are likely to ever meet but also the most depraved and perverted.

As far as offering you "chances to flirt and tease," you may flirt and tease au contenu de votre coeur.

In return, I want you to read my Literotica Biography again for the purpose of giving me everything I mention in it without exception apart from the ones I would include in the category of "Filthy Disgusting Sick Taboos." If you do not know how to access my Biography, I will send instructions.

To be honest with you, I have a few ladies (mostly mature but one young) who perform the most perverted and sordid taboo acts imaginable or even unimaginable with visual proof (photos and videos). Realistically, I do not expect you to perform these filthy taboo acts but I do expect you to be open-minded to the point of discussing them in dirty detail. You can be my very special, young, symbiotic, French, sex partner.

I am just making you a once in a lifetime offer to learn about aspects of sexuality which you are unlikely to learn from anyone else. Forget about your dreams in fairyland and bring them all into reality with me.

Blah, blah, I want you on Skype and if you do not currently use it, then install it when possible, blah, blah, blah...>>

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Wow, Méli. That is so much garbage.

 

[twister947]

Once in a lifetime, eh? Enticing.

 

[cookiecat]

Oh Meli, yuk!

The way he talks reminds me of a guy in the BDSM personals who's had an "ad" there for a long time. Years, maybe?

It includes this gem:

"In the presence of others, you appear to be a sophisticated and superior lady but you desire to be brought down, disgraced as cheap cunt-meat and used as a filthy toilet."

Either way, that's a creepy message.