ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[ashkitten]

This wasn't an unsolicited PM but an online conversation with someone I found promising UNTIL we had a conversation about nipples. You know, like you do..

I asked him if he liked his nipples monkeyed with.

He said no way!

I asked why - to be fair, I know some folks just don't like it or too sensitive or whatever.

His reply - it's what gays do.



Guess we better not kiss, have oral, put things up each others holes. Hold hands, hug. All those crazy things gays do.

See ya.

Wow, the gays really have taken over everything! (*Dramatic aside to the rest of the gay committee* Guys! The agenda is finally happening!!)

 

[cookiecat]

I got a message just now from someone on fet. My profile is empty. The groups I'm in are pretty much related to local groups. I'm not active there much. Just check in once in a while.

Here's part of the sender's profile:

Is it a crime to like and love bbw and ssbbw women. I mean nasty dirty saggy breasted smelly women. Life is way too short to beat around the bush. I love dirty women. Fat rolls dimpley butt cheecks cottage cheese thighs. Women who arent afraid to be dirty and disgusting dirty underwear non wiping not afraid to explore and experiment sexually to make themselves feel flat amazing.

So, ummm - it makes me feel kinda weird he messaged me. I'm not opposed to him thinking I'm fat with dimply butt cheeks but dirty and disgusting in the bad hygiene way?

This was his message:

I would love to spend hours between your legs eating out both your holes for hours upon hours. Making you cum, climax, orgasm, and squirt like never before.

Here is a question hun.

If we were having amazing out of control sex and you had to use the bathroom. And yes i mean both. Knowing how messy and dirty i love to be would you get off and ruin the mood to goto the bathroom or say fuck it make the mood even more intense and just let go and go all over me. And hear me moan and groan even louder.

What would you do ??

If you would like to chat more i do have kik. My username on kik is

Fingers crossed he was just casting a wide net and hoping for a reply.

 

[Mei5ter]

I got a message just now from someone on fet. My profile is empty. The groups I'm in are pretty much related to local groups. I'm not active there much. Just check in once in a while.

Here's part of the sender's profile:



So, ummm - it makes me feel kinda weird he messaged me. I'm not opposed to him thinking I'm fat with dimply butt cheeks but dirty and disgusting in the bad hygiene way?

This was his message:



Fingers crossed he was just casting a wide net and hoping for a reply.

Let's face it. You can go to all that trouble in combining synonymous parallelism with an ascending tricolon by offering to make you cum, climax and orgasm, and you can deploy a strategic Oxford comma before the punchline of squirt. But what you're saying is, "I like women with terrible personal hygiene who can't perform basic toilet functions properly, and I think YOU COULD BE ONE!" That's a bold assumption even if you're messaging someone with a username like Skidmark_Mabel.

Men baffle me. Lots of them are just...a bit rubbish.

 

[gracie920101]

I got a message just now from someone on fet. My profile is empty. The groups I'm in are pretty much related to local groups. I'm not active there much. Just check in once in a while.

Here's part of the sender's profile:



So, ummm - it makes me feel kinda weird he messaged me. I'm not opposed to him thinking I'm fat with dimply butt cheeks but dirty and disgusting in the bad hygiene way?

This was his message:



Fingers crossed he was just casting a wide net and hoping for a reply.

Wow, it seems it's your lucky day!

 

[cookiecat]

Let's face it. You can go to all that trouble in combining synonymous parallelism with an ascending tricolon by offering to make you cum, climax and orgasm, and you can deploy a strategic Oxford comma before the punchline of squirt. But what you're saying is, "I like women with terrible personal hygiene who can't perform basic toilet functions properly, and I think YOU COULD BE ONE!" That's a bold assumption even if you're messaging someone with a username like Skidmark_Mabel.

Men baffle me. Lots of them are just...a bit rubbish.

hahaha!

My brain didn't wander to punctuation as I read his message but I like how you broke it down.

Skidmark Mabel!

(It's kitten_candy)

 

[cookiecat]

Wow, it seems it's your lucky day!

Right? Merry Christmas to me! Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

 

[seela]

I've been asked a few times why I'm reluctant to PM with people I don't already know from the threads. Not that I get many PMs to begin with, but when I do, it's extremely rare they lead to anything more than "not interested, thanks".

Well, today I decided to go against my gut and actually replied to a PM from a person I don't know. The first two messages were kinda okay and I was thinking that maybe it's not so bad to talk with people sometimes. In the third he backhandedly criticized things I had said I enjo and in the fourth he listed a bunch of reasons for why where he lives is better than where I live (such as cheap internet, I mean, really? And how does he even know what I pay for internet?) and why I should be flattered he's talking to me and not someone else. Shockingly, I wasn't really feeling the conversation, so I said I'm going out now, I wished him a happy new year.

Then he sent me one last message saying that he just went through my profile and noticed that I post in BDSM boards, and thus must be a freak so he's not interested in talking with me anyway. How the hell did he even find me if he didn't know I post in BDSM?

And *that* is why I don't engage with people here. Cheers, dude, thanks for the remainder.

 

[MeekMe]

Yup, that’s my experience here. When the message comes from an unknown, it’s likely to start off normal/pleasant and then it degrades quickly. Generally it takes about two to three messages from me before they start getting weird. Weird is putting it nicely. And then they complain when they don’t get any replies.

 

[wallstreetguy]

Weird stuff

Geez, just caught up here. Lots if weirdos out there. Too bad, bc this could be a great place to communicate.
Some women also go down weird paths. Like when you tell them no Daddy stuff. Then they start acting like rebellious, very angry girls. Not sure if they expect responses or if that is part of kink. But I cut off a couple when they went down that path. Again, only a few messages in.
Cuts both ways, I guess.

 

[soltiera]

I don’t talk with anyone I haven’t spoken to on the boards anymore.

Exactly! I delete all messages unless I already know the person from their posts. The first year I was here, there were some epically awful messages!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Wow, Anja that is hilarious (and sad)! You held your own quite well, though.

When people get that defensive over sexual practices, they seem to be hiding desires they think are dark. Ramone clearly wants some anal.

 

[cookiecat]

not sure i should do this here or in the 'what made you laugh or smile' thread but read this conversation about anal sex and health concerns in the For the Love of BBC thread in the Fetish forum on lit (page linked on which it starts)
it's in the posts with the numbers: 2201,03,04,09,10,12,15-21, 2227,29,30,33,34, 2255,57
it's just too hilarious

I love how people just keep posting images and saying how hot it is, barely blinking an eye at Ramone and Erica's comments. That's how you shut people down. Ignore.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Good times with Lit Chat PMs:

Asshat▸Greetings
Asshat▸I think its so refreshing to find woman in here who believe in the right things in life
Asshat▸its so important for a woman to be sub to the mans need
Asshat▸hi
Asshat▸I think its so refreshing to find woman in here who believe in the right things in life
Asshat▸its so important for a woman to be sub to the mans need
Asshat▸and she should never ever question his will or his desire, its not ger place to disrupt his rhythm and fantasy . She should be happy that he is allowing her to be a part of it
Asshat▸do you agree?
Asshat▸hi
Asshat▸huhuhu
ToPleaseHim▸No, I disagree. Thankfully my Dom understands BDSM much better than you do

Note: This was from a random with whom I have never spoken before. I’m cool with anyone’s level of consensual kink and power exchange. No judgement if what this asshat is describing is exactly your flavor of BDSM. It’s not mine, though, and he jumped to conclusions based on my username alone. Therefore asshat.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

What is huhuhu?

Not sure at all. Was he trying to use an onomatopoeia for a chuckle? Trying to get my attention? Saying “huh?”

 

[cookiecat]

huhuhu!!!

From: Hypno(edited)
Dated: 1/12/21 1:34 PM
Hey there fuckcow, this thing sounds like it would be fun to play with and give it some tasks to do, since it is totally worthless otherwise So how about we start by having the cowslut fetch a marker, crawl to get it of course, then stick it up that piggy ass and crawl back Then take it out, lick it off and then use it to write FUCK COW on its udders Oh but we are not done yet, next its time to put the worthless thing to work So its going to take the toilet brush and shove it up its pussy, then the plunger and shove that up its fat cow ass Then waddle over to the toilet and plunge it first and then scrub it clean with the brush And when that is done, remove the brush, get on all fours and lick the toilet seat clean, while keeping the plunger in like tail

 

[twister947]

Jesus...

 

[MeekMe]

(　˙-˙　)
It’s almost sad.

 

[cookiecat]

I normally don't bother replying. I know these guys send the same message to lots of women hoping one will respond.

I asked him if this message worked.

He replied yes. If I didn't like it, I should scroll on by and ignore the message, as his profile states.

I asked him why he thought I needed to read his profile when clearly he didn't bother reading mine.

I don't expect an answer.

 

[gracie920101]

I don't expect an answer.

made me snort!

 

[seela]

huhuhu!!!

How does a fuck cow have a piggy ass?

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Good times with Lit Chat PMs:

Asshat▸Greetings
Asshat▸I think its so refreshing to find woman in here who believe in the right things in life
Asshat▸its so important for a woman to be sub to the mans need
Asshat▸hi
Asshat▸I think its so refreshing to find woman in here who believe in the right things in life
Asshat▸its so important for a woman to be sub to the mans need
Asshat▸and she should never ever question his will or his desire, its not ger place to disrupt his rhythm and fantasy . She should be happy that he is allowing her to be a part of it
Asshat▸do you agree?
Asshat▸hi
Asshat▸huhuhu
ToPleaseHim▸No, I disagree. Thankfully my Dom understands BDSM much better than you do

Note: This was from a random with whom I have never spoken before. I’m cool with anyone’s level of consensual kink and power exchange. No judgement if what this asshat is describing is exactly your flavor of BDSM. It’s not mine, though, and he jumped to conclusions based on my username alone. Therefore asshat.

Oh, well doesn't he sound like a keeper. How could you disrupt his fantasy after he afforded you the privilege of receiving a message from him?

huhuhu!!!

Holy Fuck. I think you win the award for finding the biggest asshat on lit. I generally like this thread because I enjoy pointing and laughing at the asshats. I am amused by simply things. However, I didn't even receive this message, yet find myself highly curious about how many swings it would take to knock his teeth down his throat, utilizing only a plunger. I really do not like this guy.

I normally don't bother replying. I know these guys send the same message to lots of women hoping one will respond.

I asked him if this message worked.

He replied yes. If I didn't like it, I should scroll on by and ignore the message, as his profile states.

I asked him why he thought I needed to read his profile when clearly he didn't bother reading mine.

I don't expect an answer.

Well, you have an impressive level of restraint. How, on this or any other planet, has that pick up method ever worked. Well, unless he is a masochist.

 

[melimelissa]

Even if you are not looking

Asshat: Even if you are not looking, you could be a good girl and answer all of the questions.


Quote:
Originally Posted by melimelissa
Yes. Kind of clever
and kind of cute, sir; but I'm
not really looking

Méli

Quote:
Originally Posted by Asshat
Sweet meli have you found a Master to spank you, train you, put you on a leash, show you off in the tank top and short shorts?

Will you resist when he takes you in public in the short shorts?

Will you resist being naked when he has his other gentleman friends over for a wine tasting? You'll server the wines.

What about drops of wine on your lovely nipples, then they taste it from them?

-Asshat

 

[Curious51228]

How does a fuck cow have a piggy ass?

Good one! I laughed out loud!

 

[seela]

Honestly, I'm not even sure if this counts as an asshat PM, but I'm thinking the sender is an asshat who just got screwed over by autocorrect, so here goes.

You want the cook my love

It's so rare that I get PMs from people I don't know, and lately there's been an influx. What's going on?

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Honestly, I'm not even sure if this counts as an asshat PM, but I'm thinking the sender is an asshat who just got screwed over by autocorrect, so here goes.



It's so rare that I get PMs from people I don't know, and lately there's been an influx. What's going on?

Bored working from home lockdown refugees would be my guess.

Or, perhaps he is offering to send you a qualified Chef to prepare all your meals. Don't say yes until you get a look at the Chef's resume.