ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[PrettyLilPussy19]

WTAF? I would banish that one to the dustbin of your deleted items folder immediately and not give it a second thought. (And not that this should make a difference, but fwiw I have seen your photos occasionally and you are flat-out gorgeous. Unclear why anyone would feel a need to provide further analysis but that's on them not you).

Well thank you!
To be fair, it was a negative comment. Just you look like you've lost weight and you look great. I just don't know why that needed to be said. Everything you think doesn't need to be said or transcribed.

 

[wallstreetguy]

Worst exchange I think I had was when - after a couple of flirty emails - I was told that I was just looking to get off. We had not even gotten that far. She called me "Mr. Wall Street Guy!" like it was an insult. Long and very angry email. I seriously think she mixed me up with some other guy she was emailing here.
Whatever, it happens.
Also, I got weirded out by a couple of women who asked if we could talk dirty about dogs (as in, canines) and even sent me photos.
That ended that.

 

[gracie920101]

So only after saying:

You are my ideal woman
I want to strip.off your clothes and kiss you all over xx

does he say he wants to chat.

How am I his ideal woman if he's never had any contact with me prior to this unsolicited email?

And shouldn't we at least say hi! before stripping and kissing?

Or is that being too old school?

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

So only after saying:

You are my ideal woman
I want to strip.off your clothes and kiss you all over xx

does he say he wants to chat.

How am I his ideal woman if he's never had any contact with me prior to this unsolicited email?

And shouldn't we at least say hi! before stripping and kissing?

Or is that being too old school?

Nope. It is a lot more fun your way. Maybe I'm too old school. See "Toxic Masculinity".

Internet porn has taught some men that this is the way relationships work. No amount of telling them its isn't seems to change things.

The "Ideal Woman" may be because you don't know him. He knows you're not there, right?

 

[twister947]

So only after saying:

You are my ideal woman
I want to strip.off your clothes and kiss you all over xx

does he say he wants to chat.

How am I his ideal woman if he's never had any contact with me prior to this unsolicited email?

And shouldn't we at least say hi! before stripping and kissing?

Or is that being too old school?

Sounds like Erica Jong's Zipless Fuck.

 

[gracie920101]

Sounds like Erica Jong's Zipless Fuck.

Ohhhh! Now you're old school!

 

[IrisAlthea]

Sounds like Erica Jong's Zipless Fuck.

Heh, I’m currently reading her Fear of Fifty and yes, it does.

 

[alabasterbreasts]

I hadn't had one in a bit - but I did have one that started giving me his personal information unsolicited and was quite angry when I did not want to reciprocate. It was quite scary actually. -_-

 

[gracie920101]

I hadn't had one in a bit - but I did have one that started giving me his personal information unsolicited and was quite angry when I did not want to reciprocate. It was quite scary actually. -_-

 

[KimGordon67]

Fetlife ... 'Come join my training ground' (with a link to a group he obviously runs that's apparently everything I need to know about bdsm).

Zero indication he's read my profile, nor any response to anything in my ad that he's obviously responding to.

I really want to copy and paste some stuff from his profile, but I won't because ethics. Let's just say I'm not the sub for him ... so much arrogance disguised as 'care'.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Hey Guys!

Have a Penis?

Like to get it wet?

Wanna turn a fuckless zip into a zipless fuck?

Is there a chance that you are the Harem Master in Kim's post above or K**gC*c*9in?

Afraid of being featured here, but are you unsure of how to avoid it?

My new method can't guarantee anything, but, it might get you a sustained conversation with an actual woman. Did I mention the "woman" part?

Try these simple Dic Pic rules.

(Put that away and read this)

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2021/11/9756283/bdsmlr-9756283-3qdMH4rpee.jpg

Next time the topics will be "That word is not appropriate in this context", a lecture in 172 parts and "The Lost Art of Being A Gentleman Perv"

 

[Moochienanu]

Hey Guys!

Have a Penis?

Like to get it wet?

Wanna turn a fuckless zip into a zipless fuck?

Is there a chance that you are the Harem Master in Kim's post above or K**gC*c*9in?

Afraid of being featured here, but are you unsure of how to avoid it?

My new method can't guarantee anything, but, it might get you a sustained conversation with an actual woman. Did I mention the "woman" part?

Try these simple Dic Pic rules.

(Put that away and read this)

https://cdn012.**********/uploads/photos/2021/11/9756283/bdsmlr-9756283-3qdMH4rpee.jpg

Next time the topics will be "That word is not appropriate in this context", a lecture in 172 parts and "The Lost Art of Being A Gentleman Perv"

Damn it, Tan! I’ll never be able to show off my magical dick now… *pouts*



(is it bad that I really want this 172 part lecture to be real?)

 

[jaF0]

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Damn it, Tan! I’ll never be able to show off my magical dick now… *pouts*



(is it bad that I really want this 172 part lecture to be real?)

Because I know it will be Dick Smothers, Dick Van Dyke or the storefront of a Dick's Sporting Goods, please send me your magical dick.

I'm not sure that lecture would stop at 172 parts...

 

[CurvySassyAJ]

The guy whom I'd never spoken to who PMed me
"Too bad you are a lesbian
But to each their own"

As if
1. It was just some silly choice I made
2. Somehow if I wasn't a lesbian, I'd just melt for him and his 'charm'.

Way to try and sound like a good guy, but really show a distinct lack of respect.

WTF?

If you are like me I am sure you wanted to reply in a snarky way.

 

[Moochienanu]

Because I know it will be Dick Smothers, Dick Van Dyke or the storefront of a Dick's Sporting Goods, please send me your magical dick.

I'm not sure that lecture would stop at 172 parts...

can i see it?

no if you ask me you might not be the only one

This is only because you asked to see it. Anyone else who does not want to see my MAGICAL DICK should not CLICK THIS.

 

[Paul_Chance]

This is only because you asked to see it. Anyone else who does not want to see my MAGICAL DICK should not CLICK THIS.

I can now live the rest of my life in peace. I have seen a magic dick.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

This is only because you asked to see it. Anyone else who does not want to see my MAGICAL DICK should not CLICK THIS.

Well, I can't say it was the same experience, because technically both were solicited dick pics...

Thank you Moochie. You made me smile on a crappy day...

PS, I was trying to remember that guy's name...I should have Googled Magic Dick

Evidently Richard Salwitz, the harmonica player for J. Geils Band is also known as Magic Dick

Magic Dick 2

 

[gracie920101]

Shazam!

I'm happy.

Thanks Moochie

 

[Moochienanu]

I can now live the rest of my life in peace. I have seen a magic dick.

Peace on earth is exactly the magic I try to spread.

Well, I can't say it was the same experience, because technically both were solicited dick pics...

Thank you Moochie. You made me smile on a crappy day...

PS, I was trying to remember that guy's name...I should have Googled Magic Dick

Evidently Richard Salwitz, the harmonica player for J. Geils Band is also known as Magic Dick

Magic Dick 2

You’re right… I should see about spreading my magical dick to unsolicited members (hehe) tonight and find out how it is received. Will report back with my findings.

And I’m so glad I can put a smile on your face when needed. My inbox is always open to you for further commiserations.

PS, I did not know that, but now I do, and knowing is half the battle!

Shazam!

I'm happy.

Thanks Moochie

My pleasure, Gracie.

thank you

You’re very welcome. (if only every one of my dick pics had such a kind reception )

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I have been thinking about this one since yesterday morning. There is a certain "lift" from getting a message from someone new. A "hey, I liked your post in whatever, I think that's hot" is kinda the point of having PMs in the first place. I think most people can weed out the occasional twatwaffles et al. They just get tired of too much, too often. See every post above...

And, I know, there is no such thing as an unsolicited tit pic, just tit pics. But I am sure every guy on here has been catfished in one form or another...and yet, my messages are and will stay open. Although, I have to clear out some more oldies...

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I have been thinking about this one since yesterday morning. There is a certain "lift" from getting a message from someone new. A "hey, I liked your post in whatever, I think that's hot" is kinda the point of having PMs in the first place. I think most people can weed out the occasional twatwaffles et al. They just get tired of too much, too often. See every post above...

And, I know, there is no such thing as an unsolicited tit pic, just tit pics. But I am sure every guy on here has been catfished in one form or another...and yet, my messages are and will stay open. Although, I have to clear out some more oldies...

I agree with this. A couple of my closest connections from this site began with a PM out of the blue about a post I had made. I have also reached out to people via PM, too. There are very good reasons to keep PMs open. There are very good reasons to disable them. It just depends on how one uses the site. There are never good reasons to send an unsolicited dick pic or asshat PM.

 

[jaF0]

I don't even want to think about a Dick with an asshat.

 

[Moochienanu]

I don't even want to think about a Dick with an asshat.

Challenge accepted!

Sorry, just kidding. My dick work is done here.

 

[KimGordon67]

On a different site, where I have a relatively fulsome profile that explains I'm not just looking to get laid, but would like some sort of connection, and here's some things about me to help prospective messagers let me know what we might have in common ...

Random dude: "Good morning, Do you like skintight latex and bondage?"

Me: "Please read my actual ads and my profile ... I've pretty clearly said a few times that I'm really looking for a connection beyond just the sex/kink. It's super helpful if you can let me know if you've seen something in my profile that makes you think that might happen."

Random dude: "Maybe you also should learn to read, where in my message does it say sex? It's super helpful if you can let me know if you've seen something in my profile that makes you think that might happen."

So WTF was I meant to think he meant by asking me if I like skintight latex and bondage? Is there some context in which this sort of thing doesn't have a sexual aspect to it? (Also, in spite of his 'cute' copying and pasting of a sentence from my message, his entire profile is pretty much ONLY about latext and bondage. Which is fine, but it's hardly 'not about sex' ... unless, again, I'm missing some alternative usage for latex/bondage/et al).

What really gets me about these guys is that they get all defensive when you suggest that maybe a different approach might be more productive. Like, are they doing this sort of thing all the time and having a massively high hit rate with it? Am I some weird anomaly in their otherwise perfect scores?