ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[KentuckyDom1971]

You mean well but the reality is that we deal with threats like this and many of us have actually been assaulted. While it seems we should be able to just roll our eyes and move on, we can’t. If we get hurt it’s our fault. If we take precautions we’re paranoid.

Seela, please PM me the name of this potential rapist. I’ll gladly spread the word to anyone who wants to know who to be wary of. Fucking disgusting piece of shit deserves a name and shame in public but we’ll do what we always do. Share and block out the shrivel-dicked asshat.

I did mean well but also did not mean that it wasn’t a serious issue. There is no way for me to understand as I have not been threatened or assaulted. So I certainly apologize if my post was short sighted and insensitive about the depth of the post which it obviously was.

 

[gracie920101]

You mean well but the reality is that we deal with threats like this and many of us have actually been assaulted. While it seems we should be able to just roll our eyes and move on, we can’t. If we get hurt it’s our fault. If we take precautions we’re paranoid.

Seela, please PM me the name of this potential rapist. I’ll gladly spread the word to anyone who wants to know who to be wary of. Fucking disgusting piece of shit deserves a name and shame in public but we’ll do what we always do. Share and block out the shrivel-dicked asshat.

I love MM getting fired up because she lays it out as we all wish we could!

Sorry to miss the 12 days

Shrivel-dicked Asshats ruin so much!

 

[Whiskeyjack]

Wanna hear something?

I had planned on starting a “12 days of booby Christmas” thing literally the next day when I got the PM and decided it’s not worth it right now. It was 12 days to Christmas then.

Next year!

I know this is the most minor of minor points, but the 12 days of Christmas begin on Christmas Day, not end on it. So there's still time.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I received this delightful number when I posted my face pic. The one with the PJs and the recently lotioned shiny face.

Seela, I am at a loss for words here. Sorry you had to experience that. Sorry that the asshat has ruined another simple pleasure in life.

This thread used to be about exposing pathetic morons for a laugh. Now it just makes me mad.

Meek, I hope you can get him banned. At least.

 

[MeekMe]

I did mean well but also did not mean that it wasn’t a serious issue. There is no way for me to understand as I have not been threatened or assaulted. So I certainly apologize if my post was short sighted and insensitive about the depth of the post which it obviously was.

No harm. It is sadly a reality for women across the internet to change their behaviors due to frequently being subjected to harassment. Just a couple pages back we were told we should change our PM settings if we didn’t want to be harassed (clearly the harassers shouldn’t change their behavior ). Many of us do make changes, like choosing gender neutral or masculine sounding usernames, avoiding confirming our gender, not participating in certain topics because it’s seen as an invitation, changing the way in which we participate and so on. We do this in our daily lives as well because when it comes to sexual assault or rape we’re seen as not only responsible for ourselves but also we’re held responsible for the assailant’s actions (example: you shouldn’t have been alone with that man, you shouldn’t have been drinking, you wore red panties*, etc.) I actually don’t participate in Lit discussions the way I used to to minimize harassment. I haven’t posted a face picture in a long time because there’s at least one person here I find to be rather antagonistic towards me.

It sucks because there’s a part of me that also thinks “don’t change your behavior because of an asshat” and at the same time I don’t have the spoons to deal with it either.

* https://www.malaysianow.com/out-the...-citing-red-underwear-as-evidence-of-consent/

I love MM getting fired up because she lays it out as we all wish we could!

Sorry to miss the 12 days

Shrivel-dicked Asshats ruin so much!

Thanks.

 

[water_moutina]

I'm glad I havent recevied any

 

[Misshotndeep]

Seela, I am at a loss for words here. Sorry you had to experience that. Sorry that the asshat has ruined another simple pleasure in life.

This thread used to be about exposing pathetic morons for a laugh. Now it just makes me mad.

Meek, I hope you can get him banned. At least.

I know I shouldn't laugh but I guess I a just in a dark humor mood. I am pretty sure that was meant as a joke. It was poor taste still.

No bothersome DMs for a long time.

 

[Misshotndeep]

You haven’t been here.

This place can make even the nicest person hate people. I took a break. I am not back now. Just killing some time and I did have messages waiting for me. Always do. Nice people though.

 

[seela]

I won’t be naming any names and getting anyone banned for making me (very) uncomfortable, because that’s not how I roll. If this now somehow makes me a bad person in the eyes of those who root for getting him banned or at least ignored by all, I’m perfectly fine with that outcome, too.

I know this is the most minor of minor points, but the 12 days of Christmas begin on Christmas Day, not end on it. So there's still time.

Yeah I know. It’s 12 days OF Christmas not 12 days TO Christmas, after all. It’s just that I didn’t want to do it after Christmas because I have a vacation and I want zero obligations for those days. And one of my ideas requires it not having been Christmas yet for it to make sense. Because of course I wouldn’t have done partridges, doves, swans and such.

 

[jaF0]

^^ Ahhh, so all for you and you for none. Not interested in helping protect the community. Gotcha.

 

[seela]

I'm all for others venting in whatever format and with as many details as they choose when they get unpleasant PMs that make them uncomfortable, which is what I did as well.

However, I have zero interest in policing this place one way or another, and especially getting someone banned over a single PM I receive without any evidence of the person generally engaging in problematic behavior.

 

[jaF0]

YOU don't know if it's a single instance. Staff does.

For all YOU know, they've been warned before.

 

[IrisAlthea]

^^ Ahhh, so all for you and you for none. Not interested in helping protect the community. Gotcha.

You’re just really charming, aren’t you?
Where the hell did you see seela asking for any ”all for her”?

Help protecting the community? That’s a fresh perspective from someone who spends a lot of time here talking about how it’s just a message board, ”why wouldn’t you just turn off PMs”, ”why would you come back here to post in a memorial thread” , ”why would you ever meet anyone from here” and who cares about anything anyway.

Sending a PM like that is shitty but not a bannable offence.
This thread is not for requiring anyone to do anything but primarily to laugh and point at stupid and perhaps vent a bit. This is OK by the rules, as long as you don’t name the sender.
Anyone who finds that problematic is free to not read the thread.

I'm all for others venting in whatever format and with as many details as they choose when they get unpleasant PMs that make them uncomfortable, which is what I did as well.

However, I have zero interest in policing this place one way or another, and especially getting someone banned over a single PM I receive without any evidence of the person generally engaging in problematic behavior.

I totally get where you’re coming from.
In some cases where someone plays nice out in the open and behaves shitty behinde the scenes, I think there can be a point in spreading the word.
Policing hit and run PMs would require a name change to Sisyphos. To maso by far for me.

 

[MeekMe]

I'm all for others venting in whatever format and with as many details as they choose when they get unpleasant PMs that make them uncomfortable, which is what I did as well.

However, I have zero interest in policing this place one way or another, and especially getting someone banned over a single PM I receive without any evidence of the person generally engaging in problematic behavior.

You can share or not share. It’s not about banning someone (banning doesn’t work) but warning other women that there’s a creep threatening to rape here. It’s problematic behavior for sure and that creep gets to gleefully change your behavior while being protected.

I won’t tell you you have to give his details, that’s up to you. At least we know there’s a possible rapist lurking so we can make more informed choices in regards to what we post.

 

[MeekMe]

^^ Ahhh, so all for you and you for none. Not interested in helping protect the community. Gotcha.

You’re not helpful, kindly fuck off with your stirring spoon.

 

[twister947]

I'm in favor of castration.

 

[MeekMe]

Also, love the Harlan Ellison title reference.

I really like the short story. It also perfectly sums up living with chronic pain.

 

[KimGordon67]

YOU don't know if it's a single instance. Staff does.

For all YOU know, they've been warned before.

This is actually pretty victim blamey. While there is an argument for reporting someone who sends a PM like this - and possibly I would have reported them - it's also not any individual woman's responsibility to report every fucktard who threatens violence on the basis that it 'protects other women'. It's actually the fucktards' responsibility to stop doing shit like that.

I have been attacked on the street at night, when I was quite young (not even 20) - I was able to fight him off because I'm a stroppy bitch and he was not very determined. When I got home, my dad asked if we should call the cops - I said no, because the whole thing was unpleasant enough, I knew I didn't have enough information to really catch him, and at that point in my life, dealing with the police wasn't really my favourite thing to do. It's entirely possible that because of that, something happened to someone else. If that did happen, it's not MY fault - the only person to blame in that scenario is the guy attacking women on the street.

Getting a PM like what Seela received makes your skin crawl. How you respond to that is precisely no one else's business.

 

[jaF0]

See something, do nothing.

It's how schools get shot up.

 

[KimGordon67]

See something, do nothing.

It's how schools get shot up.

Good grief. Did you spend a while coming up with this false equivalence, or was it just the first thing that came to you?

 

[IrisAlthea]

See something, do nothing.

It's how schools get shot up.

Yes and things get stolen because people buy nice things, right? Is it assbackwards day today or something?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

YOU don't know if it's a single instance. Staff does.

For all YOU know, they've been warned before.

I can confirm that it’s insanely unlikely any warnings have happened. Most reports of messages like this receive a reply (if they receive one at all) telling the recipient to put the sender on ignore. Women warning other women is the best we’ve got.

And I’m not at all saying there is any expectation or requirement that one has to make any such statements. Posting in this thread and venting is a-okay and I’m thrilled that most of the community here is supportive of women who vent here. I’m also proud of the men who read these messages and express support rather than judgment. It is 100% the fault of the senders of the messages and NOT the recipients.

Seela, MeekMe, Vail, Fara, Anja, Iris, and Kim (and I hope I’m not forgetting anyone from the last page or two but I know me and I probably am), but you’re all women for whom I have a great respect. Happy to know you, if only by a pseudonym and a forum.

 

[jaF0]

Private Messages: Unread 0, Total 0.

Wiped clean.

 

[Moochienanu]

Got my first unsolicited dick pic from a random guy today.

I feel dirty and like I should probably pull back a bit from posting… but then, is that letting the penis win?

 

[gracie920101]

Got my first unsolicited dick pic from a random guy today.

I feel dirty and like I should probably pull back a bit from posting… but then, is that letting the penis win?

Nah, just ignore and do you, Moochie.

I usually eye roll when I get one unless I'm in a snarky mood to send something back. (Usually a pic involving a magnifying glass or tweezers.)