ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[Moochienanu]

Nah, just ignore and do you, Moochie.

I usually eye roll when I get one unless I'm in a snarky mood to send something back. (Usually a pic involving a magnifying glass or tweezers.)

Hehe! It was super classy too: stained sheets, shaving cream can, icky hands, the works! Should have said something like “maybe a manicure?” But nothing was helping this picture.

I ignored.

Its been weeks since I got one.
Now I feel like I'm jinxing myself
(But this is also why I don't participate much on Fetlife, to be sure)
(And why I make it very clear that I am very gay and very not interested)

Thankfully, this was my first. I’m secretly hoping it’s my last.

But perhaps that’s my problem and I need to make it clearer that I’m not interested in other men in my life right now? Here I was thinking my purple writing and flirting with gurls was enough. Silly me!

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Hehe! It was super classy too: stained sheets, shaving cream can, icky hands, the works! Should have said something like “maybe a manicure?” But nothing was helping this picture.

I ignored.



Thankfully, this was my first. I’m secretly hoping it’s my last.

But perhaps that’s my problem and I need to make it clearer that I’m not interested in other men in my life right now? Here I was thinking my purple writing and flirting with gurls was enough. Silly me!

Yeah, I know that sometimes I can be a bit strong in making my lack of interest in men apparent, but you spend as many years online as a lesbian as I have, you learn that it is worth the occasional resentment someone might harbor.
One guy recently PMed me saying "its too bad you are gay, you are gorgeous"
To which I said "Well, thanks for belittling part of my identity with the subtext that I'd be interested in you if I was into men"
His reply was "Doesn't matter. You are still hot"
Which was truly classic male privilege and missing the point.

I just want you both to know that it took a great deal of willpower on my part to NOT send you both a picture of Dick Van Dyke just now.

https://encrypted-tbn0.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRu1sZjWRtPdPqt5W0M4fDNlHFFM1svZKCWNA&usqp=CAU

oops.

Remember, in all these cases you are dealing with a man who knows nothing about women. You can't expect him to understand complex concepts like "not interested" or "I'm a Lesbian". (The word "lesbian" has more than one syllable after all). As a "normal guy" (Anja said that, not me), I want to point out that some of my best friends are misogynistic twatwaffles, but I try.

 

[A_LostPrincess]

I'm glad this post exists. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I signed up to the site and I must have had at least 20 messages from men when any posts I have made have clearly specified female interest only ...

Luckily I am no stranger to men on forums but it would be nice to not have my inbox flooded with so many one liners. I mean, if you're going to PM me at least make it remotely interesting with some semblance of correct grammar and puncuation.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I'm glad this post exists. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I signed up to the site and I must have had at least 20 messages from men when any posts I have made have clearly specified female interest only ...

Luckily I am no stranger to men on forums but it would be nice to not have my inbox flooded with so many one liners. I mean, if you're going to PM me at least make it remotely interesting with some semblance of correct grammar and puncuation.

I highly recommend going into your user cp and changing your settings to use invisible mode. This will stop the mouth breather PMs from the users who just spam the hell out of every female sounding username on the currently online list.

Also, welcome to Lit

 

[jjni]

Sadly, it always has been, and likely always will be, the same everywhere.
My fave twist on this: On Fetlife, a guy can send me PMs threatening to rape or murder me, but I can't post a screen shot of that PM without removing their user name.

This does seem like they are aiming to protect the perpetrator rather than the victim, and I do not entirely agree with the approach. While it does prevent "vigilante justice", I do strongly believe that the victim needs to be the priority, and knowing that you have a voice and can be heard is paramount.

I would love to say that not all men send unsolicited (explicit) messages, but it does seem like the vast majority will send messages without reading any attempt to communicate lack of interest. That being said, I do not think you should have to communicate such disinterest, and that this behaviour by these men is unacceptable.

 

[jjni]

But notice even your language defaults to protecting the violator. Terms like 'vigilante justice' imply that this person would receive some kind of harm, rather than just, y'know, some people no longer associating with them.

I do think they would come to harm, but in those scenarios where threats are sent, it should become a criminal matter.
I would expect the disassociation in all cases. The issue with vigilante justice is that it has a negative impact beyond the single instance and does not always conclude with a moral outcome. The ideal solution would not only handle the behaviour of the individual but also strengthen the visibility of intolerance towards such actions from being repeated by others to a wider audience.

(Comparing if a group of people executed physical harm against the individual, against the criminal justice system making an example of the perpetrator)

As I am not on the receiving end, I do understand that my own view is likely not accounting for the impact this has on the victim, but we can hopefully all agree, it is not acceptable for men to behave this way.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

The idea that this person would come to harm is so patently absurd. it is INFINITELY more likely that his threats against a woman come to pass, and we know this because it happens more often than men would like to admit. I'm not even going to address the rest of your reply because it is predicated on something so very improbable.
Not for nothing, but this? This right here is a tactic that stops any kind of change from happening. The thought that even a single man might MIGHT have something negative happen to him vastly outweighs the fact that women get these threats, get terrorized, and often hurt or dead from this.

And let's face it, outing a moron is hardly vigilante justice and pales in comparison to threats of death or rape.

What is the argument against identifying the perpetrator? Do the Mods / owners seriously believe that the person might be hurt? That's something I don't get. The guy should be identified. (He should be banned but they won't do that either).

Too many people (oaky, almost all women) just leave and are never heard from again. I am beginning to understand why.

 

[A_LostPrincess]

Also, welcome to Lit

Welcome!

Sadly, it always has been...

Thank you all for the kind welcome, I do unfortunately agree that Fetlife is much worse and disabled my account after some time there, but I think is has more to do with societal standards as a whole as opposed to individual forum etiquette. Unfortunately male priviledge is quite significant and manifests itself in different ways, one of those being a male tendancy to feel entitled to view women purely as sexual objects. I've found myself to be much more of a target when essentially annonymous, obviously online forums being the epitomy of annonymous.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Anyone else get this weird one from someone with zero posts? What’s the goal here, lol?

I'm sure you're mostly doing work on here and keeping things running smoothly like a good mom, but have you ever found a post or topic that got in your head that surprised you that you really liked it?

 

[IrisAlthea]

Anyone else get this weird one from someone with zero posts? What’s the goal here, lol?

I'm sure you're mostly doing work on here and keeping things running smoothly like a good mom, but have you ever found a post or topic that got in your head that surprised you that you really liked it?

It does seem tailored to you/ the mod role.
Not an uninteresting question really, I think.

Sometimes these messages are just strange because they come from someone you never or hardly ever have interacted with or even seen interact on the boards - a bit like if someone would stop you on the street out of the blue to talk about something.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

It does seem tailored to you/ the mod role.
Not an uninteresting question really, I think.

Sometimes these messages are just strange because they come from someone you never or hardly ever have interacted with or even seen interact on the boards - a bit like if someone would stop you on the street out of the blue to talk about something.

Hmmm… I didn’t even consider that they meant “mod” and that “mom” could be a typo. That does change how I read it. Thanks

 

[KatieDoes]

Ooof……

Is this how we introduce ourselves around here? This was an opener, by way of hello.

In response to a post I’d made where I stated specifically that I was seeking ONLY women for friendship or more. I also explicitly stated that I had my ideal quota of perverted men in my life and to not message me if you were a man:

————
Oh my you sexy bitch Katie - I just read this post of yours and it got me so hot- every bit of it was a turn on - starting with the fact that you are a middle aged married woman, curvy and feminine.

I have very definite idea of what to do with a filthy minded pervert like you - but Katie, it might include starting off by making sure you feel full with a nice fat realistic dildo, and a little vibe you must use around your clit (but NOT on it) while I masturbate over your face, darling, and paint you prettily with my cum, wiping it all over your pretty face, OMG yesss

———

What the fuck?

 

[KatieDoes]

Geez. Nothing like a little puke with my Monday coffee.

Oh, and welcome to the Cafe!

Thank you!

Sorry about the puke!

 

[twister947]

Ooof……

Is this how we introduce ourselves around here? This was an opener, by way of hello.

In response to a post I’d made where I stated specifically that I was seeking ONLY women for friendship or more. I also explicitly stated that I had my ideal quota of perverted men in my life and to not message me if you were a man:

————
Oh my you sexy bitch Katie - I just read this post of yours and it got me so hot- every bit of it was a turn on - starting with the fact that you are a middle aged married woman, curvy and feminine.

I have very definite idea of what to do with a filthy minded pervert like you - but Katie, it might include starting off by making sure you feel full with a nice fat realistic dildo, and a little vibe you must use around your clit (but NOT on it) while I masturbate over your face, darling, and paint you prettily with my cum, wiping it all over your pretty face, OMG yesss

———

What the fuck?

What woman could resist?

 

[KatieDoes]

What woman could resist?

If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say ‘all’ women could resist.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Katie, the repetition of your name, Katie, makes me feel so weird inside, Katie.

Nikki, it's a way to humanize you Nikki. Did I mention your name is Nikki? Do you feel closer to me now Nikki? Hey Nikki, wanna make out sometime? Let me know Nikki!

Old Dale Carnegie tip from How to win friends and influence people. You’ll find it in any sales training course.

Unfortunately it makes me think of this old song from my childhood:
http://youtu.be/yHoufEo4Vio

Then I have to hold back the giggle when they launch their sales pitch.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I must be twisted, I think of movies like Silence of the Lambs where they're trying to humanize the victim so the serial killer won't murder them. Yikes!

I guess that is a kind of sales pitch, but I tend to be a bit twisted too.

 

[KatieDoes]

Katie, the repetition of your name, Katie, makes me feel so weird inside, Katie.

Right!?

It was all vile, but that made it worse.


Like he was using talk to text because his hands were…..um….busy. >hurk<

Upon rejection, he implored me to not fear him.


Dude. You don’t scare me. You repulse me. There’s a difference.

 

[KatieDoes]

I must be twisted, I think of movies like Silence of the Lambs where they're trying to humanize the victim so the serial killer won't murder them. Yikes!

I definitely picked up more of a serial killer vibe than a salesman vibe from it.

 

[cascadiabound]

Right!?

It was all vile, but that made it worse.


Like he was using talk to text because his hands were…..um….busy. >hurk<

Upon rejection, he implored me to not fear him.


Dude. You don’t scare me. You repulse me. There’s a difference.

this. absolutely

welcome to the cafe.

 

[KimGordon67]

My profile on some hook up site: "Also, I'm sure your penis is lovely, but please don't send invites to albums that are just dick pics. Seriously, 98%* of women are far more interested in the person the penis is attached to. [*That statistic is totally invented, but it seems plausible.]"

Guy: emails two dick pics and a dick video.

Me: "Dude, my profile literally says 'please don't send dick pics'. Like LITERALLY. If this is the level of attention you pay to what someone else says they want (or don't want), that would tend to suggest that you're not going to be good in bed.
Good luck out there."

Guy: "Didn’t realise you were so precious. Definitely wouldn’t want to meet someone who’s up tight in bed as it suggests you’re too needy.
Good luck with your hunt. Bye."

Guy: blocks me.

I'm NEEDY because I don't want to be sent dick pics? WTF?

 

[MeekMe]

My profile on some hook up site: "Also, I'm sure your penis is lovely, but please don't send invites to albums that are just dick pics. Seriously, 98%* of women are far more interested in the person the penis is attached to. [*That statistic is totally invented, but it seems plausible.]"

Guy: emails two dick pics and a dick video.

Me: "Dude, my profile literally says 'please don't send dick pics'. Like LITERALLY. If this is the level of attention you pay to what someone else says they want (or don't want), that would tend to suggest that you're not going to be good in bed.
Good luck out there."

Guy: "Didn’t realise you were so precious. Definitely wouldn’t want to meet someone who’s up tight in bed as it suggests you’re too needy.
Good luck with your hunt. Bye."

Guy: blocks me.

I'm NEEDY because I don't want to be sent dick pics? WTF?

“Too needy” translated is “I’m selfish in bed and have no desire to put in effort towards your pleasure.”

Also, at worst they read the profile and sent it because they don’t care about consent which means they’re not someone I’d ever want to meet. In the least, they didn’t read it and are very much lazy, see also: calls women that make reasonable requests “too needy.”

Lazy or abuser? Can’t imagine any woman wants to find out.

 

[KimGordon67]

“Too needy” translated is “I’m selfish in bed and have no desire to put in effort towards your pleasure.”

Also, at worst they read the profile and sent it because they don’t care about consent which means they’re not someone I’d ever want to meet. In the least, they didn’t read it and are very much lazy, see also: calls women that make reasonable requests “too needy.”

Lazy or abuser? Can’t imagine any woman wants to find out.

Precisely. Yet another one for the 'does this approach actually ever work with any woman?' basket.

 

[LincolnDuncan]

I'm back, did you miss me?

This isn’t an airport, you don’t have to announce your departure.

"Straight people are welcome to join the conversation, but should remember what this forum is about."

~Etoile~

This thread is like group therapy without a therapist. Everyone sitting around reinforcing each other's irrational thoughts.

 

[LincolnDuncan]

Uh...No