How do I find a munch?

[Netzach]

LOL, I cannot tell a lie.

Patience and more patience. Someone will begin to appear hot to you if you hang in there and it won't just be beer glasses. If nothing else, I like beer with nerds periodically. I'm a nerd, I'm just more an art/NYT review of Books/No I really like the opera nerd.

 

[Marquis]

I'm more of an overly developed political/philosophical views nerd. With just a dash of computer/video game/gadget nerd thrown in for good measure.

 

[rosco rathbone]

By the way Netzach, the description you gave earlier was so precise it was scary.

D&D was mentioned within minutes of touchdown. Eventually, Everquest, Magic, Star Trek and Wicca all came up too.

Makes me wonder about my previous love for Star Trek.

Once again, the sci fi/ren faire/trekkie--bdsm connection.

 

[the Royal wench]

Once again, the sci fi/ren faire/trekkie--bdsm connection.

The ren faire connection I kind of get in a Gothic sort of way but the sci fi/trekkie connection alludes me.

I keep trying to think of Kirk as a sub.

Spock as a closet Dom might be possible however.

 

[Marquis]

I want to reopen this thread briefly so I can do a little PR work. It's becoming obvious to me that I may have offended some of the people I met at the munch with my comment about not being able to get my dick up for them, or with calling them nerds.

I didn't think things would be taken this way for a few reasons:

What the hell does some stranger care if I don't want to fuck them? I mean, for the love of god, egomania aside, I'm not exactly Brad Pitt, you're really not missing out on all that much. I have a certain type that I tend to stick to, and that type was not present at the munch. It's nothing personal.

I'm a nerd myself. Big time. I guess I may not come off that way as much as some nerds, but I have all the secret traits of a nerd, trust me. I wouldn't be on this message board if I wasn't a nerd.

I really genuinely liked the people I met at the munch. They were witty, laid back and for the most part seemed pretty intellectual. I didn't think one off color comment would negate all the friendly conversation I had with the munchers.

 

[s'lara]

I want to reopen this thread briefly so I can do a little PR work. It's becoming obvious to me that I may have offended some of the people I met at the munch with my comment about not being able to get my dick up for them, or with calling them nerds.

I didn't think things would be taken this way for a few reasons:

What the hell does some stranger care if I don't want to fuck them? I mean, for the love of god, egomania aside, I'm not exactly Brad Pitt, you're really not missing out on all that much. I have a certain type that I tend to stick to, and that type was not present at the munch. It's nothing personal.

I'm a nerd myself. Big time. I guess I may not come off that way as much as some nerds, but I have all the secret traits of a nerd, trust me. I wouldn't be on this message board if I wasn't a nerd.

I really genuinely liked the people I met at the munch. They were witty, laid back and for the most part seemed pretty intellectual. I didn't think one off color comment would negate all the friendly conversation I had with the munchers.

i guess you have to put it in context. You weren't among "buds" and unless you didn't mention it, you also weren't a regular attendee of that particular munch location. i doubt there was one person there who felt a sense of camaraderie with a perfect stranger who called them an unscrewable nerd. i am kind of amazed you don't see how it might've been offensive to a group of people you don't know.

You sound thick skinned, but not everyone shares the same patience and cavalier attitude towards strangers making comments that are a bit "off color." i hope you have better luck at your next munch meeting.

lara

[edited to fix atrocious spelling errors]

 

[Marquis]

i guess you have to put it in context. You weren't amond "buds" and unless you didn't mention it, you also weren't a regular attendee of that particular munch location. i doubt there was one person there who felt a sense of camraderie with a perfect stranger who called them an unscrewable nerd. i am kind of amazed you don't see how it might've been offensive to a group of people you don't know.

You sound thick skinned, but not everyone shares the same patience and cavalier attitude towards strangers making comments that are a bit "off color." i hope you have better luck at your next munch meeting.

lara

A tough life has hardened my skin to a rough callous, but you're very right, I can't expect the same from everyone around me.

I sincerely apologize to any and all I might've offended by my insensitivity.

 

[AvaAdore]

maybe there are a whole lot of closeted trekkies out there, who only let their true side show at munches?

 

[s'lara]

A tough life has hardened my skin to a rough callous, but you're very right, I can't expect the same from everyone around me.

I sincerely apologize to any and all I might've offended by my insensitivity.

i have to say that a protective covering isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially when dealing with past issues or new ones.

i am sure you'll have a better time at your next munch. At least you now know what to expect.

lara

 

[GoodGurlGoneBad]

Have you ...

talked with anyone from your local area who is also in the lifestyle to see if there is a munch held in your area?

My only few suggestions are this:
If you don't know anyone in your local area, and are really don't know how to find the resources, and well .. go to alt.com

Yes yes yes .. a personals site??? OMG! All kidding aside, I have found the in the layers of trolls out to find a quick lay, there are those genuinely interested in getting together with others of the same and are members of alt.com. Just register, wait the day or two for alt to approve your profile then keep utilizing the chat room that is for your area. (West coast .. east coast .. what have you). In the chat room there will be at least half a dozen people who know of or have a reference name and email or url they can direct you too. (Yes I'm a member at alt admittedly and found that the people I have met and meet with reguarly are extremely friendly and helpful).

Just my two cents worth

 

[cremebrulee]

Nope.

.Fnord.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

By the way, I think you need to not over generalize folks you may meet at a munch. I don't think I look half bad (unless you compare me to Barbie) nor does the friend I play with...

If you click on the 'hear me sing' button in creme's sig line, there is also a pic, which assuming that's her, shows that she is indeed 'not half bad,' at least as judged by another 'not half bad' (even if darker-haired, less Barbie-ish, and probably older) straight female. Hard to tell age, but she also doesn't look to me like a regular in the 'dowdy sweatpants wearer' department.

(On the other hand -- I Love sweatpants, and I Am a housewife! Omg! And the construction workers Still stare and the twenty-somethings Still ask me out! This is wrong, just plain wrong... wanders away shaking head....)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

OT RAnt on Looks (for Marquis)

...to answer a few of your comments/questions: yes, they Do care whether a perfect stranger thinks them fuckable. They are at a meeting for people with a certain Sexual kink, for G-d's sake! ...If it was a wine-tasting party, and you said the same thing, it likely wouldn't have elicited as strong of a reaction.

It might have helped if you'd said they 'weren't your type,' rather than you couldn't get your dick up for them, especially if you added that you stick to a rather narrow type, so that then it's about you and your narrow window of attraction, and not about them.

...For instance, Besides a certain look, what is it that you see that attracts you? A certain look in the eye? How she responds to you? And even in looks, what exactly?

...Anyway, I got to thinking about it, and realized that... There will always be someone who finds me fuckable. Mostly because there will always be someone I find fuckable.

Just trying to explain how I see it. Do with it what you will. Us subbies are mostly delicate flowers and hurt easily.

(and a in case I drew blood. Really beginning to think I'm switch.)

(edited a bunch -- stuff I thought you weren't ready to hear, or was less important, mostly.)

 

[Marquis]

Re: OT RAnt on Looks (for Marquis)

Saying your joke about 'even your prick being a conceited prick' speaks to the whole problem here, as using the word conceited implies thinking one is better than or above. We're all conceited about things but we don't have to rub other people's faces in it, or if we do , we should know it's going to bug some people.
If you are the good-looking one, now, you need to know that there are some responsibilities that go with it. You Don't want to be the jock who picks on the skinny weak guys, now, do you? Or the smart guy who laughs at the dumb ones? [/B]

I don't think you need to erase or edit your post, but I do think this is going a little far. I hate to get on the defensive, but the constant onslaught of attacks is forcing me to.

I mentioned my prick being a conceited prick in response to catalina francisco calling me an egotistical prick. I am really not that egotistical or mean or anything in person, and it would be really nice if anyone I met at the munch could attest to that. I am a very easy going and laid back guy, but I've been through a lot in my life and I don't take shit from anyone. I consider myself a gentleman, which is one of the main reasons I seek submissive women in the first place (if I can't control my urge to be dominant, I better seek those that genuinely wish to be dominated).

All I'm trying to say is this. You can read whatever you like into my posts or the picture I posted (that girl is a good friend of mine by the way, and everything you read into that picture was ludicrous), but you don't know me and assuming that I'm a shallow bastard is antithetical to the point you're trying to make. I may not be as old or mature as a lot of the people on this board, but I am very satisfied with who I am as a person and I think people who know me well feel the same way.

But with all that said, I am always accepting of helpful criticism, so I appreciate the intentions.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Re: OT RAnt on Looks (for Marquis)

I don't think you need to erase or edit your post, but I do think this is going a little far. I hate to get on the defensive, but the constant onslaught of attacks is forcing me to.

I mentioned my prick being a conceited prick in response to catalina francisco calling me an egotistical prick. I am really not that egotistical or mean or anything in person, and it would be really nice if anyone I met at the munch could attest to that. I am a very easy going and laid back guy, but I've been through a lot in my life and I don't take shit from anyone. I consider myself a gentleman, which is one of the main reasons I seek submissive women in the first place (if I can't control my urge to be dominant, I better seek those that genuinely wish to be dominated).

All I'm trying to say is this. You can read whatever you like into my posts or the picture I posted (that girl is a good friend of mine by the way, and everything you read into that picture was ludicrous), but you don't know me and assuming that I'm a shallow bastard is antithetical to the point you're trying to make. I may not be as old or mature as a lot of the people on this board, but I am very satisfied with who I am as a person and I think people who know me well feel the same way.

But with all that said, I am always accepting of helpful criticism, so I appreciate the intentions.

Hi, it was meant as much a rant about the whole general idea -- probably more for a different thread -- than for you in particular. You are exactly right that any idea of you as being a shallow guy (did I say or imply bastard? hope not, as it's not what i think) IS antithetical to my point. Sigh. It can be hard to get ideas across, especially when one is talking to not only a particular person but to a group, and even wider, to an idea. I probably WILL go back and erase out at least some of the post. I want to explain that Here, so it doesnt look like you are getting bent out of shape about nothing.

Had a feeling that it might be starting to feel like an onslaught, which wasn't my intent. Just was hoping I could explain better why an offhand comment might bother people so much. (Guess not!)

And granted, that was a bit much to read into one pic, especially since people's expressions change quite a bit. It was meant more as an exercise or idea for looking more closely at what Other things attract you. Though you may not be there, yet.

And it wouldn't surprise me a bit if you were every bit the laid back, gentlemanly, nice (or unmean) guy you say. If it's not helpful (what I said) then it's not helpful.

Best Regards,

PS

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: OT RAnt on Looks (for Marquis)

I don't think you need to erase or edit your post, but I do think this is going a little far. I hate to get on the defensive, but the constant onslaught of attacks is forcing me to.

I mentioned my prick being a conceited prick in response to catalina francisco calling me an egotistical prick. I am really not that egotistical or mean or anything in person, and it would be really nice if anyone I met at the munch could attest to that. I am a very easy going and laid back guy, but I've been through a lot in my life and I don't take shit from anyone. I consider myself a gentleman, which is one of the main reasons I seek submissive women in the first place (if I can't control my urge to be dominant, I better seek those that genuinely wish to be dominated).

All I'm trying to say is this. You can read whatever you like into my posts or the picture I posted (that girl is a good friend of mine by the way, and everything you read into that picture was ludicrous), but you don't know me and assuming that I'm a shallow bastard is antithetical to the point you're trying to make. I may not be as old or mature as a lot of the people on this board, but I am very satisfied with who I am as a person and I think people who know me well feel the same way.

But with all that said, I am always accepting of helpful criticism, so I appreciate the intentions.

Hmm, well a little correction in that as my quote below shows, I did not exactly call you an egotistical prick but was talking about Dominants in general with particular attitudes after you referring to submissives who you may want to serve you sexually as 'bitches' after other statements which had seemed to portray a vision of someone under the impression they were perhaps better than the rest. If you were offended I apologise.

LOL, unfortunately, a egotistical prick's personality is usually considered by that said bitch during, or while contemplating, such an act. May explain why there are a number of Doms out there, running around scratching their heads bemoaning an absence of their own little subbie to use, while subbies abound but continue to pass them by.

As I am sure you are aware, I like you and even agree with you sometimes, but other times as you seem aware, you do present as egotistical and verbally agressive......no crime, but it does at times give an incorrect impression and not one that correlates with your assertion you are a gentleman and just want people to see you as being nice. No-one is perfect, least of all myself, but being Dominant does not mean you can demean or put down others and they have to accept it, thus you sometimes get a bit back. It is especially true on a public forum where everyone is equal irrespective of their life roles, bank accounts, titles, or issues. As to shit in your life, well many here have had that and more, and still it continues to come, but it is life and it has to be dealt with. Some days are great, some days are the pits, you get there though which is the main point of survival. Take care.

Catalina

 

[Vixandra]

Whatever you say.

A bitch's personality doesn't matter much when you're stuffing your cock in her mouth, forgive me if I discriminate on aesthetics.

Well if she's that horridly ugly, you could always put a hood/bag over her head. Or over yours.


Okay- that was complete sarcasm and it had to be said. Just because someone's pretty or beautiful does not make them a good person. And the opposite of that is true.
I do believe and defend the right of free speech, but a few words of advice.
Calling submissives "bitchs" may not be the best way to go about finding one. Most of the subs I've talked with have a good dose of self-esteem and would get royally upset by such comments.
A good dominant, IMO, doesn't feel the need to put down or insult a submissive in order to make themselves seem more dominant upon first meeting them. Now if you're a pair and your sub's cool with it/likes it/whatever, then go for it.
But calling hypothetical subs "bitch" is not a wise idea.
I'm not a sub by any stretch of the imagination and I can be quite a bitch. Moral: not all subs are bitches and not all bitches are subs.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not a sub by any stretch of the imagination and I can be quite a bitch. Moral: not all subs are bitches and not all bitches are subs.

..and I love the translation I was once given by a good feminist friend....
BITCH = Babe In Total Control of Herself....may not seem subly, but to me reflects the idea of a healthy self esteem and ability to choose before submitting to anyone and everyone.

Catalina

 

[Marquis]

I have often been told that my hubris will be downfall, and it is a flaw I am constantly fighting to overcome. I do not make mention of my tough life to illicit sympathy, but rather because I do believe my life has molded who I am in many ways, and I cannot be anyone other than what I am.

I wasn't being sarcastic about appreciating criticism by the way. I don't get much of it in the real world, so its kind of nice to deal with people that aren't afraid to call me out on my flaws online.

Also, while I mostly use the term bitch in a humorous albeit non-pc way (as in "bitch please"), I guess I should watch my use of the term. My late mother was quite the feminist and I'm sure she's having a fit in heaven over my potty mouth. All I can say is that my speech doesn't define me or my views. At the same time, I want to add that I am not "a good dom" by any means. I am not interested in following any kind of "dom" guidebook or any such bullshit. I am who I am. At some point I realized my natural personality fit along the lines of what many would call dominant or as Rosco would put it a "top".

I'm starting to wonder if I really fit into this whole bdsm thing. I'm not really into the leather or the outfits or the rules or the expectations. Oy vey, now I'm going to spend weeks considering whether or not I can tame my inner beast and have nice gentle sex like all the other normals.

 

[shy slave]

Marquis

Wow read back on this thread twice.
What happened between page one and two that made subs want to bite you?

RR says don't expect to much..

Let me tell you right now, Marquis...also think "middle-aged, dumpy, schlubby, dowdy and unattractive".

By all means, go for it....but don't be expecting much.

And you say how nice they were but in, more colourful language, they were not for you.

Then somehow it went pear shaped..Ahh well thats D/s for you

Anyway GGGB is right about Alt.com
I heard about it on here and as I wasn't brave enough to go to a local munch joined Alt. After talking to some 'interesting' people i finally met my Master.

And yes we are both nerds in our own way. He has a thing about neatly trimmed hedges and lawnmowers, I have a thing about computers and reading.

I guess everyone is a nerd in some respects.
Don't go back to vanilla tho' marquis there must be someone out there ....even for you (sorry I couldn't resist)
xx

 

[rosco rathbone]

Be a good jewish boy marquis...a mensch. Let them call the shots. Mow the lawn.


snicker

 

[Marquis]

Be a good jewish boy marquis...a mensch. Let them call the shots. Mow the lawn.


snicker

LOL, exactly the kind of reverse psychology I needed.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Oy gevalt; such a boy such a a boy.

Rebbe, talk to him please; ...he's a good boy, he means no harm. He's just sensitive....his father can't talk to him. His girlfriend come to us crying...crying I tell you ! *weeps openly*

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have often been told that my hubris will be downfall, and it is a flaw I am constantly fighting to overcome. I do not make mention of my tough life to illicit sympathy, but rather because I do believe my life has molded who I am in many ways, and I cannot be anyone other than what I am.

True, we are all molded by our environment and circumstances, but we can also choose to work past the negative aspects and keep the positive. Takes time and effort but have seen some miraculous rebirths.

I wasn't being sarcastic about appreciating criticism by the way. I don't get much of it in the real world, so its kind of nice to deal with people that aren't afraid to call me out on my flaws online.

Well you know you will always get that here...one of the nicer attributes of Lit.

At some point I realized my natural personality fit along the lines of what many would call dominant or as Rosco would put it a "top".

Hmmm, ain't nothing wrong with topping....can be very stimulating with the right person/s.

I'm starting to wonder if I really fit into this whole bdsm thing. I'm not really into the leather or the outfits or the rules or the expectations. Oy vey, now I'm going to spend weeks considering whether or not I can tame my inner beast and have nice gentle sex like all the other normals.

Oh perish the thought!! Vanilla?!! Call a doctor quick. As to leather and outfits, only leather we have it used on butts etc., and outfits are pretty but not the essence..still have none ourselves....at the moment prefer to use the cash to invest in things that leave a lasting impression.

Catalina

 

[Marquis]

LOL, my shrink would love to hear that.

"Doc, I'm feeling really insecure about my desires to completely control the women I have sex with."