How to compliment a woman

[NightL]

It's wrong. It has to stop.

yes, I agree

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm not referencing that post actually, but rather the backhanded remarks made on my makeup thread which I absolutely refused to engage with you on and instead good-naturedly tried to be nice to you regardless of them to show you that I could be a polite and friendly person. Also this thread where you implied that I should be offended for Night defending me, because in YOUR eyes I'm a hostile Feminazi who hates men/can't tolerate any MALE sticking up for me? Plus the MULTIPLE times you noted that you were tired of "someone" "always acting certain ways" and feeling like "oh no not again" and the remarks you've made to me in other times in the past in other threads. I know you and pmann like to tag-team up to either make sarcastic or rude remarks at/about me. I'm not blind or stupid.

You can sit here and claim all day that you "don't feel anything" but you and your boyfriend's actions speak louder than words. You made backhanded comments about me in THIS post, but I'm sure you'll just claim I'm making it up or exaggerating things to "play the victim", right?

You know what makes me the saddest about this?

After that "cancer" incident a LOOOONG time ago, I vowed that I would be much kinder to people and I have. But again, everything I do and say is twisted in your's and your partner's eyes to fit that perception of me that I'm helpless to change. I haven't -ever- said anything that cruel to anyone in a VERY LONG TIME, I've taken my lumps for it like an adult and owned my mistake. I've admitted that I was 100% out of line, but he uses that against me like a weapon, regardless of how I've changed or how many times I've apologized. I don't expect anyone to forget, I just want people to forgive with empathy and compassion. I haven't been mean to ANYONE since then, the only people I go after are trolls and liars on the board to drive them off, and only after digging up proof of their lies so that I'm not being a villain.

I'm called hateful and insulting...Like he's perfect and never said anything heartless to anyone, or insulted anyone. Like he's never made a mistake. He's been in here insulting me and calling me a HELLBEAST and saying that he'd rather "KILL HIMSELF" rather than talk to me, but that's okay for some reason. But I made a mistake a long time ago that he uses against me over and over again because I'm not allowed to make mistakes, HE'S the only one that gets to insult people, right?

He uses "Other people PM me all the time to tell me how much they hate you." as a weapon against me, because that's okay for him to do?

He calls me a hypocrite and a liar, but he'll lie about me in his posts to try and make me look bad. He'll say that I'm insulting and rude, and be insulting and rude to me over and over again.

I'm sick of the hypocrisy and lies, I'm sick of him carrying out this ridiculous vendetta on me for YEARS now. Yes, it's been MULTIPLE YEARS. If he's going to say I'm a liar, he better come up with proof of his claims or stop it.

And yes, he DOES lie about me. Every incident he's raised to make me look like I overreact when someone says What he claims are "minor" remarks about me, I warn them politely to please stop first. If they continue to make remarks about me after I've politely stated my boundaries, I absolutely WILL tell the to fuck off, AS IS MY RIGHT because they ignored my polite requests/boundaries. I have the posts, anyone can see them.

If he's going to call ME insulting and rude, when I haven't been in a LONG TIME, he needs to stop being insulting and rude.

He has a lot of nerve calling -ME- a hypocrite while being a hypocrite himself.

I'm so done with this shit. He does EVERYTHING I've done in the past and more, but I'm the bad person. It's wrong. It has to stop.

Yes, I ferret out people when they're lying here on this board, people who have posting history contrary to what they're saying about their spouse or selves. That's not me being MEAN and INSULTING, that's me looking out for other posters on this board so they won't waste their valuable time on someone who's either trying to solicit sympathy wanks or making shit up about the people they're with for whatever reason. I don't see how this could be a bad thing, but because I'm automatically the bad guy no matter what, nothing I do is ever good or okay.

I'm not sure if you'll read this or see this, but I'll respond anyway. Hopefully someone will tell you to look. I'll put aside my distaste and just respond without any tone.

The reason I am hostile and belligerent to you is because you still treat people like shit. There was another thread here recently I was reading with you in it about some loon who was pretending to be a doctor or something. The person was a lying troll. But the way you go about it on the thread is ridiculous. That's why I treat you like this. Because it's hard to even consider treating you like a normal poster when you treat people so poorly.

And it's hard to swallow hearing you talk about how people should respect your voice and what you say when you dismiss what others says. In the thread, I have been dismissive of your comments.

My hypocrisy is not like yours, if you want to call it that. What I call your hypocrisy is how you want to demonize everyone who feels differently than you, when I see you do the same thing to others. You challenged people to look back trough your posts to see what a kind person you are. So, I did. I thought, "Maybe I am off and maybe she truly is different now." Well, I skipped the first pages here because they are mostly in this thread. Well, by page 4, it was you arguing and fighting with other people. Different people than here in this thread. Some on different forums. It was like one argument after another. (forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=59468926#post59468926)

Look trough my posts and you won't find me arguing with anyone but you.

I don't lie about you. Please point out a single lie I've said.

The reason I still hold you on the cancer comment is because it was rude, awful and hurtful. When it was brought to your attention you told people to fuck off. I see no change in your actual behaviour. Maybe you don't tell people to die of cancer, but your attitude is the same.

And when you say you warn people politely, you do it with That is not polite in any society of which I know.

I am not an insulting and rude person to anyone but you. I would certainly forget and forgive you if you ever actually stopped being a mean person. You'd get that forgiveness in a second. I don't think you're incapable of being a kind person.

Have you ever stopped to consider why SO many people argue with you? Seriously. Have you ever wondered why? You get in cecum enter and little spats left and right. Do you think there is something to that?

Have you ever wondered why people, nearly all women, PM me during these arguments to say they are glad someone finally stood up to your posts? I believe I've only ever had one guy say that. But I've had at least 20 women say it. At least. Those are versions questions.

I can't swallow any opinion from anyone who treats others like you do. Even if your argument is sound, it's coming from someone I feel has no authority at all to have any sort of moral high ground.

It's not that you point people out or call them out. It's HOW you do it. It's basically like I've treated you and we can all agree that's pretty shitty. You say I've had this "vendetta" for years, which is true(ish). It's not a vendetta, but if I see you being a hypocritical jerk, I'll call you on it. My very first interaction with you resulted in you being rude. Your reaction was that same "fuck off" reaction that we've been discussing. You've never changed and you don't even see it.

I realize I've dismissed you. I've done it for a reason. Hopefully you see that behaviour feels shitty and maybe you should consider how you approach others.

I would seriously like you to consider why so many people dislike you here.

(Probably filled with spelling errors as my mobile is bothering me)

 

[satindesire]

I'm not sure if you'll read this or see this, but I'll respond anyway. Hopefully someone will tell you to look. I'll put aside my distaste and just respond without any tone.

The reason I am hostile and belligerent to you is because you still treat people like shit. There was another thread here recently I was reading with you in it about some loon who was pretending to be a doctor or something. The person was a lying troll. But the way you go about it on the thread is ridiculous. That's why I treat you like this. Because it's hard to even consider treating you like a normal poster when you treat people so poorly.

And it's hard to swallow hearing you talk about how people should respect your voice and what you say when you dismiss what others says. In the thread, I have been dismissive of your comments.

My hypocrisy is not like yours, if you want to call it that. What I call your hypocrisy is how you want to demonize everyone who feels differently than you, when I see you do the same thing to others. You challenged people to look back trough your posts to see what a kind person you are. So, I did. I thought, "Maybe I am off and maybe she truly is different now." Well, I skipped the first pages here because they are mostly in this thread. Well, by page 4, it was you arguing and fighting with other people. Different people than here in this thread. Some on different forums. It was like one argument after another. (forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=59468926#post59468926)

Look trough my posts and you won't find me arguing with anyone but you.

I don't lie about you. Please point out a single lie I've said.

The reason I still hold you on the cancer comment is because it was rude, awful and hurtful. When it was brought to your attention you told people to fuck off. I see no change in your actual behaviour. Maybe you don't tell people to die of cancer, but your attitude is the same.

And when you say you warn people politely, you do it with That is not polite in any society of which I know.

I am not an insulting and rude person to anyone but you. I would certainly forget and forgive you if you ever actually stopped being a mean person. You'd get that forgiveness in a second. I don't think you're incapable of being a kind person.

Have you ever stopped to consider why SO many people argue with you? Seriously. Have you ever wondered why? You get in cecum enter and little spats left and right. Do you think there is something to that?

Have you ever wondered why people, nearly all women, PM me during these arguments to say they are glad someone finally stood up to your posts? I believe I've only ever had one guy say that. But I've had at least 20 women say it. At least. Those are versions questions.

I can't swallow any opinion from anyone who treats others like you do. Even if your argument is sound, it's coming from someone I feel has no authority at all to have any sort of moral high ground.

It's not that you point people out or call them out. It's HOW you do it. It's basically like I've treated you and we can all agree that's pretty shitty. You say I've had this "vendetta" for years, which is true(ish). It's not a vendetta, but if I see you being a hypocritical jerk, I'll call you on it. My very first interaction with you resulted in you being rude. Your reaction was that same "fuck off" reaction that we've been discussing. You've never changed and you don't even see it.

I realize I've dismissed you. I've done it for a reason. Hopefully you see that behaviour feels shitty and maybe you should consider how you approach others.

I would seriously like you to consider why so many people dislike you here.

(Probably filled with spelling errors as my mobile is bothering me)

That "doctor" was lying to women in order to solicit sexual messages from them. They'd been on this board for years under different names doing the same thing.

And yet again, you're proving my point. Other people can do the EXACT same things I do but I'm the one that gets insulted and flamed for it.

I don't "act the same". When I pick up on a troll's trail, I dig up proof. I show people they're not to be trusted. That is NOT the same as just attacking people for no reason.

You have no right to say that I'm rude and insulting while being rude and insulting. You have no right to say I'm a liar (while not backing up your claims with proof) when lying about me to make me look like a bad person.

Again, you do -everything- that you dislike me for doing, but YOU somehow are allowed to do it, but I'M not.

That eyeroll that I gave Christopher in my old makeup thread was one of exasperation. Not sarcasm. And this is now the THIRD time I've explained this to you! I asked him TWICE to stop before he got rude and nasty with ME FIRST. THEN I told him to fuck off after HE got rude with me. But again, NOTHING I do is ever innocent in your eyes, you twist EVERYTHING I say and do to fit your perceptions of me, and NOTHING I do will ever change that. Other people can be worse than me when it comes to insulting/flaming/being rude/attacking people, but you come after ME because you have it personally out for me.

You go after me and harp on me while claiming you do it because I go after others.

But again, I'M the lying hypocrite, right? No. I'm tired of it. STOP IT. You've been doing this for YEARS. I'm not that person anymore, and I DO NOT act like that anymore. YOU, however, have become JUST AS BAD AS I WAS and you bring your girlfriend along to help, which makes it WORSE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT to claim I'm a bad person while being WORSE than I -WAS- in the past.

And once again, you hold over my head that "other people don't like you." I've never done that to ANYONE. You are so blinded by your hatred of me that you can't even begin to see that you've done everything and more that I used to do.

STOP. IT.

STOP IT.

STOP.

 

[NightL]

Seriously - next time being offered a silver tray - be gracious to the value of the tray.

The tray just offered was greater than your response.

Fuck it - I was way involved before this thread got seriously under way - I will speak my mind as I always do.

edit:
__________________________
since my post came in after satindesire's, my above post was directed toward pmann's response

 

[bailadora]

I would love to know how you perceive the different societies we each live in based on the terminology we each use. What can you discern from the terminology? Age? Race? Gender? Education? Economics? Environment? Or do you mean "our" society as a whole? Relative to past societies or different cultures?

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you've asked this question.

While I'm not quite the expert that our Breezey is, I'd be happy to share with you common phrases in our society that bother me.

1) You (throw, hit, run, fight, insert other verb here) like a girl.

2) When the insults really start flying, they get more profane: don't be a pussy, he was acting like a cunt. It seems to me that when people want to insult each other in the most vile way they can think of, they do so using feminine terms, most especially terms relating to female genitalia.

3) When we speak of being taken advantage of, it's often couched in terms of sexual power : I got screwed, fucked, bent over. The implication is that the person on the receiving end of penetration is weak while the one doing the penetrating is strong. And let's face it, by and large, by normal (and I use that term loosely) societal standards, the ones most likely to be on the receiving end are women or homosexual men.

4) "Man up." Yeeesh. I can't tell you how many discussions I've had with my husband when he uses this phrase, *especially* when he directs it towards my son. The mama bear in me comes out! We're still at cross purposes on this. His reasoning is this, " look Baila, if he doesn't toughen up, the other boys are going to tear him apart." The pragmatic side of me understands this. But the nurturing side of me feels that if he's feeling sad, or upset, or bothered, there is no damn reason he should be made to feel ashamed for expressing his emotions.

These examples are expressions I perceive to be more likely to come out of man's mouth, than a woman's. But not always. I've been guilty of saying I got screwed over. I've opined that a male should "man up" when I thought he was shirking his responsibilities. The thing is, when something is so common in our society, we often don't stop to think about the underlying meanings, or of what messages are being sent or internalized.

Take the "like a girl" phrase. Here's link that hopefully explains better than I can why phrases like this are so damaging. When I've had this discussion elsewhere, I've often been accused of being overly sensitive and too politically correct. I even had one man tell me : well, comparing me to a woman is a great way to insult me, because I am, in fact, a man. *headdesk* I had to step away at that point.

 

[KrazyWhiteBoy]

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you've asked this question.

While I'm not quite the expert that our Breezey is, I'd be happy to share with you common phrases in our society that bother me.

1) You (throw, hit, run, fight, insert other verb here) like a girl.

2) When the insults really start flying, they get more profane: don't be a pussy, he was acting like a cunt. It seems to me that when people want to insult each other in the most vile way they can think of, they do so using feminine terms, most especially terms relating to female genitalia.

3) When we speak of being taken advantage of, it's often couched in terms of sexual power : I got screwed, fucked, bent over. The implication is that the person on the receiving end of penetration is weak while the one doing the penetrating is strong. And let's face it, by and large, by normal (and I use that term loosely) societal standards, the ones most likely to be on the receiving end are women or homosexual men.

4) "Man up." Yeeesh. I can't tell you how many discussions I've had with my husband when he uses this phrase, *especially* when he directs it towards my son. The mama bear in me comes out! We're still at cross purposes on this. His reasoning is this, " look Baila, if he doesn't toughen up, the other boys are going to tear him apart." The pragmatic side of me understands this. But the nurturing side of me feels that if he's feeling sad, or upset, or bothered, there is no damn reason he should be made to feel ashamed for expressing his emotions.

These examples are expressions I perceive to be more likely to come out of man's mouth, than a woman's. But not always. I've been guilty of saying I got screwed over. I've opined that a male should "man up" when I thought he was shirking his responsibilities. The thing is, when something is so common in our society, we often don't stop to think about the underlying meanings, or of what messages are being sent or internalized.

Take the "like a girl" phrase. Here's link that hopefully explains better than I can why phrases like this are so damaging. When I've had this discussion elsewhere, I've often been accused of being overly sensitive and too politically correct. I even had one man tell me : well, comparing me to a woman is a great way to insult me, because I am, in fact, a man. *headdesk* I had to step away at that point.

Wow!! Once again my blinders are yanked from my head!!

Every defense I could come up with about the use of these terms will only be an excuse. I do use quite a few of those terms, and there are more I could add that are just as derogatory. The only thing I can say to this is we, as males, start these insults towards each other as soon as we start interacting with other males. When girls were gross and had cooties.

I don't know what to say other than, I need to make a very conscious effort to avoid these terms.

Damn! There are times I really hate being a Neanderthal!!!!!

 

[MeekMe]

Those are great Bailadora.

It reminds me of a small incident that I think could be helpful.

Just after leaving my job, I went out with my ex-coworkers for a few drinks. The topic of discussion was the new manager. A woman that none of us liked (there are various reasons I won't get into here). The most outspoken person at the table said, "Her boyfriend stays at home all day!" And I watched in amazement as all the the women started to talk badly about this man. A man they didn't know at all. The only thing they knew, was that he was the manager's boyfriend, and he stayed home with their children. I felt pretty offended. I raised my voice, "I just quit to stay at home all day. I don't even have children to take care of. Is there something wrong with that?"

They kind of blinked and I could see it dawning on them. I continued, "Isn't it a good thing that they can afford to have one parent stay home and care for the children?"

There was a brief silence as they realized that just because he was a man, didn't mean he couldn't stay home with the children. The loudest one of course had to keep complaining about something so she said, "Have you heard the way she talks to him on the phone? It's terrible! If it was a man saying that to a woman he'd be an overbearing man!"

I spoke up in this case. I could have stayed quiet and allowed them to talk badly about someone for choosing what's considered a non-traditional role. The reason I say this, is we can call people out when they do this. It doesn't have to be insulting, either. I don't know if these ladies talk badly about these situations when I'm not around, but they're careful infront of me.

I'm guilty of using some of the phrases Bailadora brought up. I'm slowly working on changing that pattern of thinking.

 

[bailadora]

What I WAS doing was attempting to open a discourse with Satin and everyone in this thread about the perceptions on men coming to the rescue of women who did not need it given the original context of this thread, in my mind it was not much of a stretch or off topic to do so. What I was doing was trying to discover how that fits into the offensive category and people's sense of OK/Not OK/Opportunistic Come Ons/Poor Defenceless Women in need of rescue etc. No more. No less.

I thought it'd be interesting to hear because for me in real life it really gets my fucking goat when it happens. I find it MUCH more offensive than someone paying me a compliment (and as you'll see should you read back, I hate that too). I realise now how naive that was of me to think it could be discussed given the way the thread was heading and again, wrong. Again, won't make that mistake again.

I'll speak to this, and hopefully, I don't muddy the waters further than they have already been.

There is a perception among many women that when a man says no to unwelcome interest, that's usually the end of the exchange. But when a woman says no to unwelcome interest, it's the start of a negotiation: "What's your problem? Are you a lesbian?" "You have a boyfriend already?" If a woman expresses rejection of perceived interest, why doesn't it end right there? Why should she be required to justify her rejection? Why does her rejection not carry as much weight as a man's? (I know you know this, Rainy. I'm explaining for the menfolk).

So, when a man comes to the rescue I'm of mixed feelings. While I appreciate that there are men who are willing to back me up when I lack the clout to do so (such as a physical confrontation), it also makes me furious that there is a *need* for it to begin with. That my "Thanks, but no thanks" isn't enough to stop the negative behavior.

And it's a tricky situation for men who want to help to be in. If he steps in unasked, he could be accused of intervening in an unwelcome manner. So what's a guy to do? Some of the best suggestions I've read are as follows:

The key here is not to assume we can “save the day” and to be respectful and defer to women when possible.

If you have a relationship with the women in question, a simple check-in can go a long way: “Hey! How you doing? Wanna get a drink with me?”

If you don’t know the person in question, sometimes even making eye contact and giving a concerned look can allow her to signal whether she might want your help.

From there, perhaps the best way to proceed is to engage the guy who’s acting inappropriately.

Talk to him, distract him, and if she’s uncomfortable, she can move along. Doing so helps share the agency, allowing her to still make a decision about how things should go forward.

If anyone is interested in reading the full article, it can be found here. I'll also say this article was written by a male, for a feminist publication. Make of that what you will.

ETA: The above article was written with the party/club scene in mind. But I think the suggestions also have broader application.

 

[MeekMe]

Wow!! Once again my blinders are yanked from my head!!

Every defense I could come up with about the use of these terms will only be an excuse. I do use quite a few of those terms, and there are more I could add that are just as derogatory. The only thing I can say to this is we, as males, start these insults towards each other as soon as we start interacting with other males. When girls were gross and had cooties.

I don't know what to say other than, I need to make a very conscious effort to avoid these terms.

Damn! There are times I really hate being a Neanderthal!!!!!

It's a problem we face on all sides. You're not a Neanderthal and neither are other/all men. It's a matter of working to realize and change this behavior. Which you seem to be doing.

 

[bailadora]

Well said, MeekMe!

 

[SunDevilGirl]

Why can't you just agree to dislike each other and move on? This thread went from being hilarious to being uncomfortable.

 

[IrisAlthea]

It's a problem we face on all sides. You're not a Neanderthal and neither are other/all men. It's a matter of working to realize and change this behavior. Which you seem to be doing.

Yup, this!

"All men are neanderthals." is not fair either.
We really need to stop and think about all these things we tell each other and worst of all our children, about how all men or all women are.
"Women have so much more empathy and if women were in charge there would be no wars" is just as much of a harmful stereotype.

The same with "It's not normal for a guy not to want sex all the time" etc, etc.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Seriously - next time being offered a silver tray - be gracious to the value of the tray.

The tray just offered was greater than your response.

Fuck it - I was way involved before this thread got seriously under way - I will speak my mind as I always do.

edit:
__________________________
since my post came in after satindesire's, my above post was directed toward pmann's response

What does this even mean?

 

[KrazyWhiteBoy]

You Ladies have missed part of my statement. Yes it was unsaid, but if sometimes I hate being a Neanderthal..........there are times I LOVE being a knuckle dragging, club swinging, underdeveloped prefrontal lobe Neanderthal!

 

[Que]

They're addictive. I wish I knew 5-10 men with tattoos. And beards. *dreamy sigh*

Come for a visit... I shave mine off, since I am nearly all salt except for my vandyke... but up here especially towards winter, facial hair and tattoos reign supreme...and that is just the women!

Seriously, though there are so many great facial hair combinations. I grow a beard quickly so I even joined in once. I shaved my goatee years ago when it started to become a little to common to see a bald guy with a goatee.

There are some guys you would SWEAR are civil war en-actors. One mild mannered fairly religious guy looks like friggin zztop. Not Beard, one of the two WITH beards. a good friend of mine has at times a full beard and long mustache kind of squared off, and shoulder length thick white hair. As a fairly young man he had been the last chief of police in the nearby small town. He quit when everyone called him and then complained when he made arrests. They haven't had any police department since in the 20-25 years since.

Mutton chops, handlebar mustaches, soul patches. The actual locals favor goatees with or without mustaches for the hispanic contingent and pioneer era chin and neck whiskers only for the palefaces. The natives struggle with the odd whispy mustache, but they have great hair, some in full traditional braid.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'll say this...

I will offer my apologies to anyone here who has felt slighted by me (not you, SD, as that was intentional and you're still acting like a dick). If, in any way someone has felt that I have been rude/dismissive to their gender, race, etc etc, I'll say I'm sorry. The accusation that I'm misogynistic because I disagree with a differing point of view is incorrect. However, if my comments have harmed anyone, then for that I am sorry.

Some of you have opinions with which I vehemently disagree. Some of you use terms that I find completely and utterly absurd. (Ciswoman, for example) Some of you have opinions that I find ridiculous. But you are welcome to that. I have never once wished the rights of any person to be demeaned. I am sure many of my thoughts seem ridiculous to others.

So for those who were offended, I offer my apologies.

 

[Que]

I'll speak to this, and hopefully, I don't muddy the waters further than they have already been.

There is a perception among many women that when a man says no to unwelcome interest, that's usually the end of the exchange. But when a woman says no to unwelcome interest, it's the start of a negotiation: "What's your problem? Are you a lesbian?" "You have a boyfriend already?" If a woman expresses rejection of perceived interest, why doesn't it end right there? Why should she be required to justify her rejection? Why does her rejection not carry as much weight as a man's? (I know you know this, Rainy. I'm explaining for the menfolk).

So, when a man comes to the rescue I'm of mixed feelings. While I appreciate that there are men who are willing to back me up when I lack the clout to do so (such as a physical confrontation), it also makes me furious that there is a *need* for it to begin with. That my "Thanks, but no thanks" isn't enough to stop the negative behavior.

And it's a tricky situation for men who want to help to be in. If he steps in unasked, he could be accused of intervening in an unwelcome manner. So what's a guy to do? Some of the best suggestions I've read are as follows:



If anyone is interested in reading the full article, it can be found here. I'll also say this article was written by a male, for a feminist publication. Make of that what you will.

ETA: The above article was written with the party/club scene in mind. But I think the suggestions also have broader application.

All valid points. Consider this, though. In our society men are charged with initiating, which cannot be done dependably without initiating on an uninvited basis. My ex was quite attractive. She complained about how in clubs, her less attractive friends would get attention, but guys wold not approach her. One doesn't know if ones attention is unwelcome until you show some initiative. We worked together. When we became engaged some people (more men then women) were quite surprised. I was (apparently) marrying over my head. The truth is that other than a couple of married guys most of her coworkers did not flirt with her that much. I would leave her cheesy pictures and dressed badly. Apparently, girls like a fixer-upper.

I agree that there is a tendency not to take the first rejection. Bear in mind that is basic human psychology from sales and gender neutral. Women, whether it is conscious, sub-conscious, culturally taught or whatever use a gentle rebuff to test a man's resolve. They are much less interested in a man that is turned away easily than a persistent one that that have at least minimal attraction to initially.

My perspective is skewed by fortune of birth. I am not perceived to be a physical threat by really any woman and that makes approaches easy for me. Their guard is down. I (can be) amusing, and as you might guess am never short of something to say.

I agree that the examples you cite are tedious and do occur. Not from guys that are actually successful with enjoying at least the company of women in the club. The pick-up itself is incidental and dependent on a lot of factors, but approaching, complementing, talking, laughing and enjoying the interaction with a stranger has no requirement to be awkward. I engage with men and couples as well and that is usually noticed so that also makes me less of a threat to engage with.

My core belief when approaching anyone is that all people enjoy validating attention. This applies to other male customers, the DJ, bouncers, waitresses, whomever. One club in particular, my favorite person there is the restroom attendant.

The discomfort you refer to are from people that are bad at offering attention. Key is the perception that the person can comfortably disengage at anytime. Mind you, unless I lose interest I have no intention of disengaging, I merely shift to find ground they are comfortable standing on with me.

How and when you deliver a complement makes a huge difference. Complements need to be sparing, accurate, and something that they probably worked on. People are often uncomfortable with things that they got through accident of birth.

 

[Doog_kuron]

Why can't you just agree to dislike each other and move on? This thread went from being hilarious to being uncomfortable.

Got my vote!

 

[Aquagal]

If you all were beating off instead of beating a dead horse, at least there would be some relief.

 

[All_4_Love]

I'll say this...

I will offer my apologies to anyone here who has felt slighted by me (not you, SD, as that was intentional and you're still acting like a dick). If, in any way someone has felt that I have been rude/dismissive to their gender, race, etc etc, I'll say I'm sorry. The accusation that I'm misogynistic because I disagree with a differing point of view is incorrect. However, if my comments have harmed anyone, then for that I am sorry.

Some of you have opinions with which I vehemently disagree. Some of you use terms that I find completely and utterly absurd. (Ciswoman, for example) Some of you have opinions that I find ridiculous. But you are welcome to that. I have never once wished the rights of any person to be demeaned. I am sure many of my thoughts seem ridiculous to others.

So for those who were offended, I offer my apologies.

To offer my support, you did none of those things as far as I'm concerned. I thought you handled yourself and your arguments very well. No offense taken here at all.

 

[bailadora]

If you all were beating off instead of beating a dead horse, at least there would be some relief.

Some people are here simply to get their rocks off. Others actually enjoy discussing meaty topics. (Em, Nip, Pmann, et al - no smart ass remarks, tyvm! *squints*)

Query - have to run now. Play time is over. I'll get back to you.

 

[Aquagal]

Ok serious question. I get the feeling that some have equated a compliment while minding their own business as being harrassed. My apologies if I misunderstood that and that is not the case. So how do those who feel uncomfortable with compliments receive them on this site? Are they felt the same way or does one brush it off as some faceless fapper as just 'meh'?

 

[Aquagal]

Hehe...

 

[Doog_kuron]

Umm. Okay. I suppose I could send a message first. Something along the lines of dear sir or indeed madam in this case, I wish to pass along a compliment concerning your ample frontage, would you find this acceptable? Yours sincerely, the giraffe. That way you don't have to tell me where to jump, you can say yay or nay. Problem solved.

 

[Aquagal]

Umm. Okay. I suppose I could send a message first. Something along the lines of dear sir or indeed madam in this case, I wish to pass along a compliment concerning your ample frontage, would you find this acceptable? Yours sincerely, the giraffe. That way you don't have to tell me where to jump, you can say yay or nay. Problem solved.

Thank you, that'd get a yay if I had my PMs turned on.