Projection v/s Reality

[A Desert Rose]

I'm not convinced that she was singling out Bunny, except for the opening line regarding Bunny's, already self stated, shyness and her own (Bunny's) assesement that her "bitchiness" was a defense mechanism to cover the shyness. (sigh, what a long sentence that was.) After that, I don't see how this thread is all about Bunny.

If it is all about you, then fine. Own it. I've made this thread all about me. I bet other people have too, even those who have not posted. So in a sense, I own it and they own it, too. I've allowed a lot of exposure of myself in these 2 pages. It's been good for me to do that.

I've read a lot of posts by others that have also been good for me to read. There are a lot of wise people on this bullentin board, even those who don't like me and I've gained a lot from their wisdom.

Whatever the purpose of this thread was, it has been a good thing for me.

 

[nh23]

No, I don't think it would be better. Why would she not use Bunny's name if she was quoting her post from another thread?
I really don't get the point you are/were trying to make, and when I am trying to understand something I ask questions.

*sighs* and I'm not the best at articulation.. What I was asking, was since Bunny is perceived as a bitch, was there less consideration in taking a quote from something she may be sensitive about (may not..no idea) and starting a thread? Maybe it took a lot for bunny to talk about her shyness etc..she's pouring out parts of her soul in that thread and I don't think it's easy for her..so could this thread maybe seem hurtful to her? Since her name and quote was used? Like I said to ADR..it's not about the thread really. It doesn't bother me..it's not about me. I'm just looking at the way people perceive things. I hope that helps you to understand where I was going with that.. Like I said I have a really hard time articulating things sometimes.

 

[serijules]

This is an interesting thread. I've been here since 2002....there are very few people that I really have many perceptions of personally, because I tend to read what people post in a generic way without particularly associating it with THEM, as people. Most of the time when I respond to something, I am responding directly to what was said, not to the person saying it. Does that make any sense? MOST of the time...

As a result, things don't get to me too easily. You can have a flame war on me one day (which I won't participate in) and by the next day, I will have completely disassociated it with you. This is awesome in the sense that I don't get involved in drama, I keep an open mind, I rarely hold grudges.

However, this kinda sucks for making friends. I think it makes me seem standoffish and full of myself at times too. I know I tend to be clueless because I don't really relate to people on here as much as I relate to the discussions and thoughts in general.

It truly baffles me when I say something and someone takes offense, as I NEVER mean it. I don't do nasty, period, ever. It's something I completely disrespect in another person and I cannot go there myself. If anything stands out to me in a way that will make me actually get to a point of putting someone on ignore, it is because they are continuously nasty.

I dunno...everyone has traits that come across better online than they do in person, and vice versa. They could be fake or projected, but that is difficult to get a grip on until you really know a person.

I personally believe that the incident with the person not-so-mentioned in the original post had nothing to do with any insecurity on her part and everything with her seeing an opportunity to be nasty and attempt to humiliate someone she disliked. I noticed that the people that have been here longer and have been more exposed to previous displays of this immediately caught on to the BS, while newer posters fell for the "poor thin insulted me" route. Some saw through to the nastiness and tried to ignore it because it's easier to be on her good side than her shitlist. Some truly seemed to see her point and defended her. *shrugs* Who's to say which reaction best fits who she really is?

I'm tired and rambling, sorry. It's frustrating sometimes how distant I somehow keep myself despite being so OPEN. I'm not really sure what that's all about, but maybe it's something I project without realizing it or meaning it.

Some people project traits intentionally to hide insecurities. Some project traits without realizing they are even doing it.

They always say you can't judge a book by its cover. Makes me wonder why there is even a cover at all if that's the case.

 

[the_pet]

Sorry BiBunny if i offended you....my post was not a personal attack. I used you as a reference because you had already shared about your shyness openly and you are one of the brave individuals here that doesn't mine throwing your psyche out there for the board to disect....not that i intended for your psyche to be disected, that's why i offered up my own personal example of "overcompensation to conceal only to expose". We can pick at my imperfections if you like oh wait~that would jam up the server


pet

 

[BiBunny]

Sorry BiBunny if i offended you....my post was not a personal attack. I used you as a reference because you had already shared about your shyness openly and you are one of the brave individuals here that doesn't mine throwing your psyche out there for the board to disect....not that i intended for your psyche to be disected, that's why i offered up my own personal example of "overcompensation to conceal only to expose". We can pick at my imperfections if you like oh wait~that would jam up the server


pet

Nah, you didn't offend me.

 

[the_pet]

It's frustrating sometimes how distant I somehow keep myself despite being so OPEN.

....i hear ya

 

[Caitlynne]

This thread was about Bunny being a bitch? Boy I must have been half asleep when I posted, because that one flew right over my head. I wouldn't have participated if I'd caught that. I thought this was about defense mechanisms and the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us. That'll teach me to read the thread better in the future.

 

[Netzach]

As a result, things don't get to me too easily. You can have a flame war on me one day (which I won't participate in) and by the next day, I will have completely disassociated it with you. This is awesome in the sense that I don't get involved in drama, I keep an open mind, I rarely hold grudges.

However, this kinda sucks for making friends. I think it makes me seem standoffish and full of myself at times too. I know I tend to be clueless because I don't really relate to people on here as much as I relate to the discussions and thoughts in general.

I relate to this a lot. I think a lot of people see really strong conceptual disagreement with them as a personal attack (not just here on Lit, anywhere) but I'm as liable to disagree with someone I find likeable as not - if I see someone I like behaving badly enough or someone I don't especially find likeable making a damn good point, I'll call it. I'm about ideas and I get really fired up by lapses of logic and decency.

 

[A Desert Rose]

This thread was about Bunny being a bitch? Boy I must have been half asleep when I posted, because that one flew right over my head. I wouldn't have participated if I'd caught that. I thought this was about defense mechanisms and the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us. That'll teach me to read the thread better in the future.

That's kinda where I took it from too. And then jumped off on an all about me thing.

Sorry, if I misunderstood the intent.

And sorry since I misunderstood the intent that I erroneously exposed so much about myself and in a boorish manner, at that.

 

[RJMasters]

That's kinda where I took it from too. And then jumped off on an all about me thing.

Sorry, if I misunderstood the intent.

And sorry since I misunderstood the intent that I erroneously exposed so much about myself and in a boorish manner, at that.

Couldn't have been that boorish when me and Cat simultaniously posted in the calendar your post from this thread, then Netz posted it again to the calendar a few posts down, and then....yes and then again by Cherokee Dove in the calendar.

LOL I think that is funny....but does prove that it was definately not boorish...

 

[Netzach]

Couldn't have been that boorish when me and Cat simultaniously posted in the calendar your post from this thread, then Netz posted it again to the calendar a few posts down, and then....yes and then again by Cherokee Dove in the calendar.

LOL I think that is funny....but does prove that it was definately not boorish...

Did I really?

Haha, that's funny. Vocab 100, reading comprehension, 75.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Couldn't have been that boorish when me and Cat simultaniously posted in the calendar your post from this thread, then Netz posted it again to the calendar a few posts down, and then....yes and then again by Cherokee Dove in the calendar.

LOL I think that is funny....but does prove that it was definately not boorish...

Holy shit... no kidding?

I never look in there because nothing I say is usually postworthy. lol

 

[Caitlynne]

And sorry since I misunderstood the intent that I erroneously exposed so much about myself and in a boorish manner, at that.

I didn't think that at all. Besides I loves ya too much to even notice if you did. Say whatever you want. I love reading you. You always put a fresh face on stuff and are direct and articulate. NEVER boorish. [Parish the thought my dear]

 

[catalina_francisco]

For crying out loud people, get over yourselves. So you think you have or have had a tough life and so you are justified in hitting out at people and behaving in a bitchlike and/or aggressive manner and wearing the label proudly because you have had it so tough?!! Poor you. Try raising children with disabilites on your own...and yes, I mean on your own....none of this weekend free BS while their father or your family take them off your hands for a couple of days on a regular basis to give you time to yourself....and all on limited funds as well so you cannot access any help or even the basics you need in life to make it comfortable...Yes there are some of us who have had to do that, are still doing it and don't go around hitting out at the world and claiming it as our right, so watch out and make way and excuses for us while we behave like out of control 3 yo's. Then try doing that knowing that if you are hit by a bus tomorrow, your child is going to be placed in an institution where they will not be cared for as you have done, where they will have few rights if any and the ability to live as they have been used to, and possibly even abused. Oh that one is wonderful...really makes getting up in the morning that much more important.

Then think about those who have had to or are fighting terminal or serious illnesses or disabilites themselves which either are going to end their lives before they should, or seriously impact their quality of life. These things don't go away of give you a day off, nor are they things which a person can control whether they get or not. Oh, you had a few bad relationships? Big deal, most of us have...it is part of life...egt over it. So someone called you a name in 4th grade at school so you decided from there on you were going to get the world first before it got you? Get over yourself. You got divorced? Oh yeah, so did I and millions of others...it is not that rare these days, nor does it give you free licence to shit on every other person who makes the mistake of thinking they might like to know you as either a lover, friend, or aquaintance or even just smiles as they pass you in the shopping aisle. You think your that friggin wonderful the whole world needs to put up with your tantrums? You got raped and/or abused somewhere along the line...guess what, you don't have a monoploy on that one either and that also doesn't make it OK to abuse others and proudly tout how fucked up and aggressive you are and expect everyone to excuse you. The list goes on. You are all adults, or so you claim.

If you feel you are entitled to be treated as an adult, first act like one and realise you are not the only cupcake in the bakery of life who might be a little damaged around the corners. By the way, there is name for the bully like and agressive behaviour many are proud of, it is called anti-social behaviour and in some civilised places there are laws against it where they are not interested if you have had a few bumps in life, just in stopping a few from bullying and abusing others and making their lives a misery or worse.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

For crying out loud people, get over yourselves. So you think you have or have had a tough life and so you are justified in hitting out at people and behaving in a bitchlike and/or aggressive manner and wearing the label proudly because you have had it so tough?!! Poor you. Try raising children with disabilites on your own...and yes, I mean on your own....none of this weekend free BS while their father or your family take them off your hands for a couple of days on a regular basis to give you time to yourself....and all on limited funds as well so you cannot access any help or even the basics you need in life to make it comfortable...Yes there are some of us who have had to do that, are still doing it and don't go around hitting out at the world and claiming it as our right, so watch out and make way and excuses for us while we behave like out of control 3 yo's. Then try doing that knowing that if you are hit by a bus tomorrow, your child is going to be placed in an institution where they will not be cared for as you have done, where they will have few rights if any and the ability to live as they have been used to, and possibly even abused. Oh that one is wonderful...really makes getting up in the morning that much more important.

Then think about those who have had to or are fighting terminal or serious illnesses or disabilites themselves which either are going to end their lives before they should, or seriously impact their quality of life. These things don't go away of give you a day off, nor are they things which a person can control whether they get or not. Oh, you had a few bad relationships? Big deal, most of us have...it is part of life...egt over it. So someone called you a name in 4th grade at school so you decided from there on you were going to get the world first before it got you? Get over yourself. You got divorced? Oh yeah, so did I and millions of others...it is not that rare these days, nor does it give you free licence to shit on every other person who makes the mistake of thinking they might like to know you as either a lover, friend, or aquaintance or even just smiles as they pass you in the shopping aisle. You think your that friggin wonderful the whole world needs to put up with your tantrums? You got raped and/or abused somewhere along the line...guess what, you don't have a monoploy on that one either and that also doesn't make it OK to abuse others and proudly tout how fucked up and aggressive you are and expect everyone to excuse you. The list goes on. You are all adults, or so you claim. If you feel you are entitled to be treated as an adult, first act like one and realise you are not the only cupcake in the bakery of life who might be a little damaged around the corners.

Catalina

Where the fuck did this rant come from? I mean just from reading this thread..And you know what Cat everyone isn't fucking perfect like you are. You're portrayal of yourself should show you something. Always better, patient, kind, have euphoric love, the best slave ever. Well that's hiding something too believe it or not..or your just narcissistic and even then narcissists are hiding behind that facade.

 

[Essene]

For crying out loud people, get over yourselves. So you think you have or have had a tough life and so you are justified in hitting out at people and behaving in a bitchlike and/or aggressive manner and wearing the label proudly because you have had it so tough?!! Poor you. Try raising children with disabilites on your own...and yes, I mean on your own....none of this weekend free BS while their father or your family take them off your hands for a couple of days on a regular basis to give you time to yourself....and all on limited funds as well so you cannot access any help or even the basics you need in life to make it comfortable...Yes there are some of us who have had to do that, are still doing it and don't go around hitting out at the world and claiming it as our right, so watch out and make way and excuses for us while we behave like out of control 3 yo's. Then try doing that knowing that if you are hit by a bus tomorrow, your child is going to be placed in an institution where they will not be cared for as you have done, where they will have few rights if any and the ability to live as they have been used to, and possibly even abused. Oh that one is wonderful...really makes getting up in the morning that much more important.

Then think about those who have had to or are fighting terminal or serious illnesses or disabilites themselves which either are going to end their lives before they should, or seriously impact their quality of life. These things don't go away of give you a day off, nor are they things which a person can control whether they get or not. Oh, you had a few bad relationships? Big deal, most of us have...it is part of life...egt over it. So someone called you a name in 4th grade at school so you decided from there on you were going to get the world first before it got you? Get over yourself. You got divorced? Oh yeah, so did I and millions of others...it is not that rare these days, nor does it give you free licence to shit on every other person who makes the mistake of thinking they might like to know you as either a lover, friend, or aquaintance or even just smiles as they pass you in the shopping aisle. You think your that friggin wonderful the whole world needs to put up with your tantrums? You got raped and/or abused somewhere along the line...guess what, you don't have a monoploy on that one either and that also doesn't make it OK to abuse others and proudly tout how fucked up and aggressive you are and expect everyone to excuse you. The list goes on. You are all adults, or so you claim.

If you feel you are entitled to be treated as an adult, first act like one and realise you are not the only cupcake in the bakery of life who might be a little damaged around the corners. By the way, there is name for the bully like and agressive behaviour many are proud of, it is called anti-social behaviour and in some civilised places there are laws against it where they are not interested if you have had a few bumps in life, just in stopping a few from bullying and abusing others and making their lives a misery or worse.

Catalina

I believe all of this to be very true, but it seems to be a bit strong in context with the thread, and it seems to come a bit out of the blue.
What's up Cat? You okay?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Where the fuck did this rant come from? I mean just from reading this thread..And you know what Cat everyone isn't fucking perfect like you are. You're portrayal of yourself should show you something. Always better, patient, kind, have euphoric love, the best slave ever. Well that's hiding something too believe it or not..or your just narcissistic and even then narcissists are hiding behind that facade.

Number one, if you like to read the forum, you will see over the years and constantly I have never claimed to be perfect...quite the opposite. And also while I am at it, you could easily dig up a lot of posts where I say I am far from a good slave, but of course, that slipped by you too I suppose while You were busy backing up BB who claims not only to be a bitch but to be more mature and experienced than anyone else on the forum...little hypocritical isn't it or is it OK for your friend to make such claims while other don't and yet you accuse them of doing so. Is that the best you can come up with?. Difference is I try like most here to be a better person and treat others with respect, and I do not go around abusing peole and then excusing my behaviour and whining about what a shit deal I got in life which gives me free licence to keep abusing. And where did this come from? Sheesh if you have to ask then you need to open your eyes and read the forum over the past few days instead of just post one liners, declarations of the rights of bitches and giggles here and there. Rant over.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

I believe all of this to be very true, but it seems to be a bit strong in context with the thread, and it seems to come a bit out of the blue.
What's up Cat? You okay?

I think it's a combination of several threads/posts in various places. I think she woke up with a fire. ;-)

And like you, I think most of this is very true.

I wish I had some courage... and more skin than I have.

It's refreshing. It reminds me that others have crosses to bear that are worse than my own. It's a reality check for me and hopefully for others.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I believe all of this to be very true, but it seems to be a bit strong in context with the thread, and it seems to come a bit out of the blue.
What's up Cat? You okay?

It is not just this thread, it is a lot of threads and I am not the only one who has had a gutful of the shit this week. Sheesh, my PM box has never been so busy, and not with comments about how great things are on the forum..I am not alone in being fed up and pandering to the whims of a minority who feel they have had a rough deal when I kow a lot here who do not complain and live a rough deal every day of their lives. Having a rough deal in life does not give a person the right to try and make everyone else miserable and I for one do not cater to it. As a professional counsellor I didn't cater to 'poor me victim syndrome. and you know what, I ended up with even my bosses clients wanting to come to me for therapy and not the ones who sat there and patted their hand and let them off on their BS. Want to be an adult, act like one and take ownership and responsibility, not agression and bullying. Simple.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

Number one, if you like to read the forum, you will see over the years and constantly I have never claimed to be perfect...quite the opposite. And also while I am at it, you could easily dig up a lot of posts where I say I am far from a good slave, but of course, that slipped by you too I suppose while You were busy backing up BB who claims not only to be a bitch but to be more mature and experienced than anyone else on the forum...little hypocritical isn't it or is it OK for your friend to make such claims while other don't and yet you accuse them of doing so. Is that the best you can come up with?. Difference is I try like most here to be a better person and treat others with respect, and I do not go around abusing peole and then excusing my behaviour and whining about what a shit deal I got in life which gives me free licence to keep abusing. And where did this come from? Sheesh if you have to ask then you need to open your eyes and read the forum over the past few days instead of just post one liners, declarations of the rights of bitches and giggles here and there. Rant over.

Catalina

All I have ever got from your posts was a sense of how fucking important, and how much better you think you are than anyone. Saying you're not perfect in a post here or there does nothing to change how most of your posts come off. Not to mention the fact that you post conflicting things from day to day. One day submission is a gift, the next it's not. Either you change your mind all the fucking time, or you're the biggest hypocrite I've ever came across. And I'm not the only one that fucking thinks so, believe it or not a lot of people get tired of your bullshit. I know Bunny in real life. I know she is an amazing person. I love her to death. Of course I'm going to back her. Shit most of the time I agree with her 100%. And you know what a lot of other people agree with her too. She just has the balls to say the truth and her true opinions.

 

[Essene]

It is not just this thread, it is a lot of threads and I am not the only one who has had a gutful of the shit this week. Sheesh, my PM box has never been so busy, and not with comments about how great things are on the forum..I am not alone in being fed up and pandering to the whims of a minority who feel they have had a rough deal when I kow a lot here who do not complain and live a rough deal every day of their lives. Having a rough deal in life does not give a person the right to try and make everyone else miserable and I for one do not cater to it. As a professional counsellor I didn't cater to 'poor me victim syndrome. and you know what, I ended up with even my bosses clients wanting to come to me for therapy and not the ones who sat there and patted their hand and let them off on their BS. Want to be an adult, act like one and take ownership and responsibility, not agression and bullying. Simple.

Catalina

*nod* Taking the bull by the horns is all part of survival when we're talking therapy - being honest with one's self and willing to work hard to achieve great things...

I definitely have respect for folks who can disagree and state their opinions without lashing out and being abusive, and I agree that there is a distinct difference.

 

[catalina_francisco]

All I have ever got from your posts was a sense of how fucking important, and how much better you think you are than anyone. Saying you're not perfect in a post here or there does nothing to change how most of your posts come off. Not to mention the fact that you post conflicting things from day to day. One day submission is a gift, the next it's not. Either you change your mind all the fucking time, or you're the biggest hypocrite I've ever came across. And I'm not the only one that fucking thinks so, believe it or not a lot of people get tired of your bullshit. I know Bunny in real life. I know she is an amazing person. I love her to death. Of course I'm going to back her. Shit most of the time I agree with her 100%. And you know what a lot of other people agree with her too. She just has the balls to say the truth and her true opinions.

Actually no, I don't change my mind constantly, I open it to other ways of thinking and sometimes, in fact often, people who post here have been able to help me see things differently or from a different perspective...fortunatley I am not that certain I am as good as you seem to think, otherwise yes, like you seem to feel is correct behaviour, I would abuse everyone, never change my opinion, and generally post all over the forum 'I'm a bitch so watch out for me cause I'm big and mean and if you don't like me I'll make your life miserable as hell and be proud of it, but remember, you need to feel sorry for me 'cause life is so hard for me and that is why it is OK for me to bully and throw my weight around'. Don't call me narcissistic till you know and understand the meaning of the word. And while we are at it, know how people said it was how people read other people's words?...unfortunately you project how you would mean things if you had posted my words and as it is in your personality to act that way with those words, of course it would be fake and meant to show how wonderful I was...fortunately that is not my nature or personality, its yours and so that is how you feel you recognise it. I'm sorry if how I am offends you, but I actually was brought up to respect others, not to use excuses to get away with things, and basically conduct mysef in a way that was socially acceptable and well mannered...it is how I am in RL and here...I'm so sorry if that is offensive. Oh, and yes, I also have the ability to apologise when I have acted inappropriately on the forum, or made a mistake, I have yet to see that from some around here, just a myriad of excuses why we should all be at the mercy of their tantrums and bad behaviour.

Catalina

 

[stickwork]

Five minutes for fighting, ladies.
Please skate directly to your respective Sin Bins.

 

[nh23]

Actually no, I don't change my mind constantly, I open it to other ways of thinking and sometimes, in fact often, people who post here have been able to help me see things differently or from a different perspective...fortunatley I am not that certain I am as good as you seem to think, otherwise yes, like you seem to feel is correct behaviour, I would abuse everyone, never change my opinion, and generally post all over the forum 'I'm a bitch so watch out for me cause I'm big and mean and if you don't like me I'll make your life miserable as hell and be proud of it, but remember, you need to feel sorry for me 'cause life is so hard for me and that is why it is OK for me to bully and throw my weight around'. Don't call me narcissistic till you know and understand the meaning of the word.

Catalina"catroar:

*sighs* I see this will be a circular argument..just like all of our disagreements. I said what I needed to say. I'm done.

 

[stickwork]

*sighs* I see this will be a circular argument..just like all of our disagreements. I said what I needed to say. I'm done.

Cathartic, isn't it?