Projection v/s Reality

[Kajira Callista]

Again, my PM box is open for anyone who wishes to engage me further.

I'm not meaning to be rude here but I really think that the whole point is that no one here is interested in engaging in anything and are tired of being confronted by people who want confrontation.
I think this was made obvious to me when nh23 decided she would be rude and snarky and confrontational with me because I asked questions and stated my opinion. It is not the first time I posted an opinion or question and had the same response.
People don't come here to fight...at least I don't. There may be a forum out there that thrives on it but I think the people who post here are not real interested in anyones need to be rude.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't think you are quite as unpopular as you think. There are quite a few times I've seen you reply to a post with your hackles up and I read it and wonder why you get so defensive and start with the "I'm a bitch" stuff. You've even done it a few times in reply to posts or replies I've made to you and what to me was a great discussion all the sudden turned into having somehow seemingly upset you. So now I kind of avoid replying to anything you say because this reaction confuses me and as someone who likes to avoid confrontation....well, that's how I avoid it with you.

I'm sorry that I've done that to you, seri. You're one of the posters here whose posts I always love to read. I can't recall a time that you, personally, ever upset me. I apologize for coming across that way.

I've never SEEN you be a bitch that I can recall, but I can recall many times where you have started or ended a post with the "I'm unpopular/I'm a bitch/No one cares what I say/Shrug" type of response. It's hard to feel comfortable interacting with you because of THIS, not because you are unpopular or bitchy.

And I apologize for that, too. I think it's gotten to the point that I'm so used to automatically being disagreed with that I sorta stick that kind of thing on the end of some of my posts, so I can say, "Well, I warned you" if the fur starts flying. Which it kind of does pretty regularly. I'll watch that in the future.

You have a lot of good things to say, interesting topics, experiences, etc...

Thank you.

but I feel like you don't even give people a chance to appreciate them because of that "uber bitch" defense.

That is perhaps the case sometimes. On the other hand, I often feel like my honest questions and topics aren't taken seriously because there are people who come into them just to disagree. I honestly believe that there are some people here who, if I said the grass was green, would argue that it was purple, just because I said it wasn't.

This is, of course, entirely my perception, and I don't doubt that it's somewhat clouded.

Hope you don't take this as an attack or any such thing, I'm just hopefully trying to share the impression I get as someone who doesn't know you very well but well, WANTS to. I'm reminded of that old adage that goes something like "if you go into a task assuming you will fail, you likely will". If you keep insisting and portraying yourself as a bitch when you really are not one...eventually everyone is going to simply assume you are without even trying to get to know you and that would rather suck

Unless of course, that is what you want...which is what this whole thread was about. I kind of doubt it though, which is why I'm hoping this post is taken in the manner I intend it in.

Newp, I'm taking it as I'm sure you meant it. Constructive criticism is welcome, and this is the kind of response I was referring to when I said I don't mind engaging in talks about the way I come across to people. What I do object to is the double standard of "Well, it's ok for people to be a bitch to Bunny, but it's not ok for Bunny to be a bitch to others." I can take it just as well as I can dish it out (and I expect to, just by virtue of being on the giving end pretty regularly), but I think it should be an across the board thing.

Again, I'm sorry that I've come across that way to you. I've always valued the things you have to say (and I like that there's a fellow horsewoman on the board!).

I'm not meaning to be rude here but I really think that the whole point is that no one here is interested in engaging in anything and are tired of being confronted by people who want confrontation.
I think this was made obvious to me when nh23 decided she would be rude and snarky and confrontational with me because I asked questions and stated my opinion. It is not the first time I posted an opinion or question and had the same response.
People don't come here to fight...at least I don't. There may be a forum out there that thrives on it but I think the people who post here are not real interested in anyones need to be rude.

*Nods* That's everyone's prerogative, of course. I don't think nh was trying to be rude to you, but I can't speak for her. I would just appreciate that if someone does have a problem with me to speak to me about it rather than pointing and whispering.

I don't come here to fight, either, and I was hoping to clear some of that up with my previous post. I appear to have muddied the waters even further. I apologize.

 

[serijules]

I'm sorry that I've done that to you, seri. You're one of the posters here whose posts I always love to read. I can't recall a time that you, personally, ever upset me. I apologize for coming across that way.

And I apologize for that, too. I think it's gotten to the point that I'm so used to automatically being disagreed with that I sorta stick that kind of thing on the end of some of my posts, so I can say, "Well, I warned you" if the fur starts flying. Which it kind of does pretty regularly. I'll watch that in the future.

It's interesting because even though I felt you didn't intend to come across that way, I still got uneasy because of the defensiveness and worried that somehow it was ME causing it.

I say if the fur flies, let it fly. Some people are going to find a way to make it fly no matter how you word something.

That is perhaps the case sometimes. On the other hand, I often feel like my honest questions and topics aren't taken seriously because there are people who come into them just to disagree. I honestly believe that there are some people here who, if I said the grass was green, would argue that it was purple, just because I said it wasn't.

I know the feeling. There are few people here that disagree with me no matter how I word something, and it drives me batty. I tend to just skip their comments now because it annoys me and ruins an otherwise good discussion.

Sometimes being ignorant is an asset <g>

Again, I'm sorry that I've come across that way to you. I've always valued the things you have to say (and I like that there's a fellow horsewoman on the board!).

Nothing to apologize for, but I'm glad we cleared up that misunderstanding! Everyone here...EVERYONE....has some sort of bad habit, negative influence, annoying trait, etc. If we all just work a little harder to see past that in others and change it in ourselves when it's brought to light....the board would flow a lot smoother. Or if all else fails, use the ignore function. It's a nifty lil thing. I mean, where else in life can you hit a button and make a really annoying, nasty person go *poof*??? *cackles evilly*

*wanders off humming Kumbaya and passing out peace beads and feel-good drugs*

Oh, would you believe that damn horse still didn't have her baby? I'm starting to think I recorded the breeding dates wrong or something!!

 

[Netzach]

Can we have a referendum on my behavior now? I'm getting pissed that I'm not getting the attention.

(again this is not a comment on the comments directly above mine, which actually look pretty constructive)

Does no one else feel this is a little...how you say, fucked up?

What started as a fairly harmless example from someone's own quote has turned into something pretty ugly and useless. Largely by people doing the exact kinds of behavior they're supposedly coming down on.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Can we have a referendum on my behavior now? I'm getting pissed that I'm not getting the attention...

... Does no one else feel this is a little...how you say, fucked up?

Point 1: get yourself on KC's attention whore thread.

Point 2: yes. In a big way.

 

[satindesire]

In my opinion, I feel sorry for people with a desire to be viewed as 'a bitch' or have pride in that personality trait. Negativity like that is just toxic, and the kind of defensive, aggressive, oversensitive, cruel things that these people can say just makes me shake my head. I pity them, truly.

A lot of times I see people here be hateful and rude for absolutely no reason. Instead of reacting, I try to just shake it off. Negativity breeds negativity. People thrive on conflict. It's sickening to me. I hate conflict and do whatever I can to avoid and prevent it.

We have all had terrible things happen to us, ALL of us. At some point in our lives we need to own up to our own choices. Everything that we do, everything that comes out of our mouths is our own choice. We affect the people around us with every action we take, and I see the 'bitch' complex as a way of saying "I'm not responsible for the things that happen because of my words." It's cowardly. You want to hurt people, you want to be mean, but you don't want to deal with the consequences of those actions? Wtf.

"If you don't like what I say, too bad." What kind of attitude is that? When you're hurting someone, where does that come from? What kind of unhealthy desire do these people have to injure someone just for the hell of it?

I am so beyond understanding why cruel people act the way they do. I care about what I say and I often think very hard on how to say things the right way without hurting people. You can share your opinions on something without being brash and insensitive. People's feelings matter. If nobody cared about anyone around them, if EVERYONE had that bitch attitude, this world would fall apart.

What I don't understand most about that attitude is, these are some of the most sensitive, dear people on the inside. They're capable of wonderous acts of compassion, kindness and love. But for some reason they don't respect themselves, and so they turn that negativity outward, and lash out at the people around them. I wish I could take each one of these people aside and just give them a hug, tell them that it's okay to be scared...And tell them that no one wants to hurt them. It's okay to be vulerable. And it's okay to feel hurt, lonely, and alone.

If I had a magic wand, I'd fix them all. I'd wish for everyone with a bitch complex to start loving and respecting themselves and the people around them. I think all of us would benefit greatly from that.

 

[serijules]

Does no one else feel this is a little...how you say, fucked up?

JUST TAKE THE FUCKING FEEL GOOD DRUGS AND SING ALONG DAMNIT!

 

[A Desert Rose]

JUST TAKE THE FUCKING FEEL GOOD DRUGS AND SING ALONG DAMNIT!

LMAO...

 

[Kajira Callista]

LMAO...

times 2

 

[A Desert Rose]

In my opinion, I feel sorry for people with a desire to be viewed as 'a bitch' or have pride in that personality trait. Negativity like that is just toxic, and the kind of defensive, aggressive, oversensitive, cruel things that these people can say just makes me shake my head. I pity them, truly.

A lot of times I see people here be hateful and rude for absolutely no reason. Instead of reacting, I try to just shake it off. Negativity breeds negativity. People thrive on conflict. It's sickening to me. I hate conflict and do whatever I can to avoid and prevent it.

We have all had terrible things happen to us, ALL of us. At some point in our lives we need to own up to our own choices. Everything that we do, everything that comes out of our mouths is our own choice. We affect the people around us with every action we take, and I see the 'bitch' complex as a way of saying "I'm not responsible for the things that happen because of my words." It's cowardly. You want to hurt people, you want to be mean, but you don't want to deal with the consequences of those actions? Wtf.

"If you don't like what I say, too bad." What kind of attitude is that? When you're hurting someone, where does that come from? What kind of unhealthy desire do these people have to injure someone just for the hell of it?

I am so beyond understanding why cruel people act the way they do. I care about what I say and I often think very hard on how to say things the right way without hurting people. You can share your opinions on something without being brash and insensitive. People's feelings matter. If nobody cared about anyone around them, if EVERYONE had that bitch attitude, this world would fall apart.

What I don't understand most about that attitude is, these are some of the most sensitive, dear people on the inside. They're capable of wonderous acts of compassion, kindness and love. But for some reason they don't respect themselves, and so they turn that negativity outward, and lash out at the people around them. I wish I could take each one of these people aside and just give them a hug, tell them that it's okay to be scared...And tell them that no one wants to hurt them. It's okay to be vulerable. And it's okay to feel hurt, lonely, and alone.

If I had a magic wand, I'd fix them all. I'd wish for everyone with a bitch complex to start loving and respecting themselves and the people around them. I think all of us would benefit greatly from that.

Great Post!

The magic wand very often comes in the form of something catastrophic. And unfortunately, even when the wand waves, it's still a long hard road back. People are not quickly forgiving of you. People are leery of you. You've made them feel imbalanced or uneasy and they aren't real quick to let you in. (Some never do.) It's the price you pay for behaving badly and insensitively.

[You in the rhetorical sense.]

 

[satindesire]

Great Post!

The magic wand very often comes in the form of something catastrophic. And unfortunately, even when the wand waves, it's still a long hard road back. People are not quickly forgiving of you. People are leery of you. You've made them feel imbalanced or uneasy and they aren't real quick to let you in. (Some never do.) It's the price you pay for behaving badly and insensitively.

[You in the rhetorical sense.]

That's so true. I agree with you 100%. Sometimes these people just don't see ahead to how their behavior can affect their interpersonal relationships sometimes years ahead.

Just thinking before they speak, treating people the way they'd like to be treated, will make a lot of things run more smoothly in their lives.

 

[intothewoods]

Can we have a referendum on my behavior now? I'm getting pissed that I'm not getting the attention.

(again this is not a comment on the comments directly above mine, which actually look pretty constructive)

Does no one else feel this is a little...how you say, fucked up?

What started as a fairly harmless example from someone's own quote has turned into something pretty ugly and useless. Largely by people doing the exact kinds of behavior they're supposedly coming down on.

I just actually laughed out loud because I was just thinking that! Poor Bunny just PM'ed me, and I felt like a bitch to the extreme! I'm not the boss of Lit or anything.

I posted before because with all this talk about people feeling certain ways about Bunny or cat in private, I thought, fuck, I'll just put my thoughts right out there and then there won't be any confusion about at least one poster.

I know people don't like confrontation, I don't like it either, but I would never send the moderator a complaint about someone here, unless they were a troll or dangerous or something. I mean, shit.

Anyway, Netz. If you want some attention - you intimidate the shit out of me! I've seen you take people to task and it brings out my wahhhhdon'thatemepleaaaase girly thang. Not sure why Bunny isn't as scary. Perhaps it's because she's never in the same town as me. We might meet, and then what will happen!

 

[intothewoods]

JUST TAKE THE FUCKING FEEL GOOD DRUGS AND SING ALONG DAMNIT!

If you have some, are you sharing???

 

[serijules]

If you have some, are you sharing???

I hadn't thought that far ahead....it was just my one and only opportunity to cuss out Netzach without coming across as a disgraceful bitch, so I grabbed that and ran with it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

That's so true. I agree with you 100%. Sometimes these people just don't see ahead to how their behavior can affect their interpersonal relationships sometimes years ahead.

Just thinking before they speak, treating people the way they'd like to be treated, will make a lot of things run more smoothly in their lives.

I'm going to ramble... it's your fault and seri's... hahaha you both gave me several courses of food for thought!

I think what you've said in both posts goes back for me, to discipline. It's been a big part of my D/s relationships and has taught me a great deal about how I relate to other people, not just my Dom, although it was with his help, through him and by him that I grew up a little bit. ;-)

Disciplining yourself isn't easy to do. And no matter how many swats you might get for misbehaving, YOU have to make those changes (whatever they are) through mental discipline, and by yourself. No amount of telling someone something will matter. You have to be in the mindset to do it and you have to do it for yourself.

gaaaaaaah! just carry on. lol

 

[satindesire]

I'm going to ramble... it's your fault and seri's... hahaha you both gave me several courses of food for thought!

I think what you've said in both posts goes back for me, to discipline. It's been a big part of my D/s relationships and has taught me a great deal about how I relate to other people, not just my Dom, although it was with his help, through him and by him that I grew up a little bit. ;-)

Disciplining yourself isn't easy to do. And no matter how many swats you might get for misbehaving, YOU have to make those changes (whatever they are) through mental discipline, and by yourself. No amount of telling someone something will matter. You have to be in the mindset to do it and you have to do it for yourself.

gaaaaaaah! just carry on. lol

No, you know what? This actually isn't a hijack at all because it takes discipline in order to control what comes out of our mouths. Carelessness or just simply not giving a shit (mind my language) makes people do bad things.

 

[faeriefire]

scary experienced people...

I just thought I'd add another perspective. For me, it's kinda scary to see the fur fly because I don't yet know most of you or have a frame of reference on which to base your responses. I liked the idea of this thread from reading a few pages, started skimming, and suddenly stumbled into a cat-fight Granted, I'm a total newbie and am just starting to feel comfortable on some of the general threads, but it's intimidating when you guys get going and makes me want to back out very quickly without saying 'hi' or reading through the rest of those responses. Maybe it's just me, but maybe it's not...

Granted no one's going to stop being themselves, whether impertinent, caustic, blunt, sweet, shy, sarcastic, sadistic, straightforward, whatever, but it's pretty aparent when people are getting bent out of shape...and then communication goes down the tubes too. I'm not trying to criticize and there's a bigger dynamic here I'm probably missing...just saying that at least one newbie almost ran for the hills after seeing the last few pages of posts

But I'm not a fraidy- in real life so I figured in the nature of the thread I'd butt in lol...I hope this makes you feel better: *hug*

one for everyone

 

[the_pet]

Can we have a referendum on my behavior now? I'm getting pissed that I'm not getting the attention.

pet

 

[the_pet]

I just thought I'd add another perspective. For me, it's kinda scary to see the fur fly because I don't yet know most of you or have a frame of reference on which to base your responses. I liked the idea of this thread from reading a few pages, started skimming, and suddenly stumbled into a cat-fight Granted, I'm a total newbie and am just starting to feel comfortable on some of the general threads, but it's intimidating when you guys get going and makes me want to back out very quickly without saying 'hi' or reading through the rest of those responses. Maybe it's just me, but maybe it's not...

Granted no one's going to stop being themselves, whether impertinent, caustic, blunt, sweet, shy, sarcastic, sadistic, straightforward, whatever, but it's pretty aparent when people are getting bent out of shape...and then communication goes down the tubes too. I'm not trying to criticize and there's a bigger dynamic here I'm probably missing...just saying that at least one newbie almost ran for the hills after seeing the last few pages of posts

But I'm not a fraidy- in real life so I figured in the nature of the thread I'd butt in lol...I hope this makes you feel better: *hug*

one for everyone

Welcome....glad you didn't run off

 

[RJMasters]

Ok, RJ. You and I have spoken several times via PM about the matter, and you have been kind to me approaching you out of the blue about it when you didn't have to be, which is why I'm going to (try to) give you a thoughtful response.

After speaking with you (and others) and realizing that perhaps I have been too abrasive in my delivery, thereby obscuring my point, I've done my best the past few days to sit on my hands when I have been tempted to do otherwise. It upsets me that you have been nice in "private," so to speak, and we appeared to bury the hatchet, and then you turn right around and blast me again in public. In looking back over my posts in this thread, I'm not sure where I have been so offensive.

I find it interesting that had it been me who started this thread with an initial opening sentence like "X is a [insert random word here]" without that person's permission, I'd have been crucified. This is not a jab at the_pet because I really didn't mind the initial question, as she was just taking something I'd said on another thread and using it as an example. But when it almost immediately turned into yet another attempt to provoke me, it annoyed me. The double standard here is...interesting.

I further find it interesting that if all these supposed people have a problem with me that absolutely none of them have said a single word to me about it. On one hand, I'm inclined to say, "If you can't stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen," but on the other hand, I can be quite reasonable if one wants to be honest with me via PM or whatever. I may be a lot of things, but I have, at least, always had enough backbone to state my piece if I had a problem with someone or something without having to either whisper behind their backs about it or ride in on the coattails of another. "Free speech" means that even I am entitled to my opinion, and each one of you are entitled to call me an asshole, if you so desire. My PM box is always open for each of these folks, and I'll treat anyone who has the balls to confront me directly with respect, even if I don't agree with their assessments. What I object to is the obvious baiting that I have chosen up until this point to ignore and the childish piling-on now that the forces have been rallied, so to speak. I know that I'm quite unpopular, but I will say what I think, even if everyone else disagrees.

Bunny, I will see if I can address what you wrote here so you can see my persepctive, and I will say up front I think I have been partly misunderstood, but here it goes.

The sequence of events from my point of view are:

- You went balistic on that other thread. I step up and we tangled a bit and then we discussed things in PM out like civilized adults. No problem at all so far.
- From that experience, we also discussed a few other things, namely the thread. From my point of view, yes you were making an effort and I certainly wanted to help, still do. The thread I thought was a great one, and still do. I think when you focus on sharing about youself rather than let others provoke you to defensiveness or offensiveness, you have some damn amazing things to say. As I siad to you in PM I will say now, I was impressed by the thread you started and the composure you had in it. That said...

The comments I made to nh23 were NOT a blast at you or even a reversal of the things we discussed privately, though I can see why you might take it that way. Please allow me to explain. When I made the comments I did to nh23, I was stating factually that you and her combined "I am a bitch and don't care" attitudes and actions have been the cause around here lately for a lot of people leaving or just not wanting to particpate at all. Just because the meteor has stopped doesn't mean the trail of damage it left behind magically disappears. Further, though you may have been making concious efforts, nh23 hasn't showed much signs at all, and unfortunately because it has been the two of you together playing tag team, I don't think its realistic to think you are not going to get some mud splash due to consequences or escape some kind of backlash adjustment period. Just because you raise your hand and say, I am going to try to do better now, doesn't mean others won't still be gunshy or have knee-jerk reactions or even defensiveness. my feelings on this is, if you are serious about growing, then you are going to realisticly allow others a chance to see a change over time and allow them to adjust as well. Does that mean I think others get to take a free shots? Nope and I honestly hope that others will see you putting forth the effort and encourage it rather than try to get diggs in.

I am sorry if what I said to nh23 made you think I was being supportive in private and then being anothe way in public. Whether you believe me or not I will let you decide. I realize that you and nh23 being close friends also makes it hard as any confrontation I might have with her, will resonate with you on a cpl of levels.

In the same way you have questioned my sincerity, I could do the same with you in that you acknowledged a personal desire to grow and change, yet even after the thread you made, you still were making posts which clearly stated that you liked being a bitch. This made me wonder if you were being sincere or not. You also sent me that other pm which shook my confidence even further(no need to go into any detail as to that but I know you know which one I am referring to).

I don't know if you can see it from my pov or not, but when you are still joking around with nh23 as to how cool or funny it is in being an admitted bitch, and when you sport "bitch is the new black" still in your sigline as if it is still something to be considered as cool, I think to myself that I am missing something somewhere. I believe that your intentions are straight forward enough. In the end it really comes down to tust doesn't it Bunny? whether you can trust that I am jerking your chain around, or whether your jerking mine around. Personally I do believe your are trying because I believe the words you shared about wanting to grow...and all in all I would agree that your actions have shown you are trying.

I am sorry that nh23 doesn't get the same pass, because she is a self admitted bitch, and is happy about being so and has no desire to change that, because she see's what many are referring to as being polite or civil as sitting around and blowing sunshine up everyone asses.

You made a decision to try, you have the choice to continue down that path or you can turn back. If you continue on, you can be sure that it will be hard, because others will need time to accept and trust. It will always be tempting to go back and get that quick fix of smug satisfaction, but I think you are tired of the hallow feeling it leaves inside at the end of the day.

~Rich

 

[Netzach]

Can someone explain to me what consitutes being a bitch?

Is it sarcasm? Dismissal? Not being warm and huggy and engaging enough? Not smiling? Any and all of the above have gotten the finger pointed at me - shit that would never fly if I had an outie.

I think there's a much bigger problem in the world with the eagerness of everyone to brand people (women) bitches to the point where anyone feels the need to self-brand pre-emptively. THAT is a fucking sad state of affairs.

I do care if I'm actually being a bitch. Thing is *I know* when I am. I do not care for a second when people with no balls to cope with anyone on their own level stoop to *calling* me one when I know I'm not. It doesn't take much for anyone who's threatened by the least bit of conflict with someone they insist is their inferior in their own minds to come up with a name for them. Don't own that shit.

The only word of advice I have to BB is don't brand youself pre-emptively because some people have no balls. And don't actually be a bitch - you know when you are one, just own it and hand out the apology that's actually earned or needed.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Can someone explain to me what consitutes being a bitch?

Is it sarcasm? Dismissal? Not being warm and huggy and engaging enough? Not smiling? Any and all of the above have gotten the finger pointed at me - shit that would never fly if I had an outie.

LOL, oh no, and I can tell you why you might attract the tag and it is all good. I was told long ago that BITCH meant Babe In Total Control of Herself.

On that note, it is why I am no longer responding to this thread in terms of what has passed, or the issue, as I have said my piece and have no wish personally to contribute to its continuance and keep the drama rolling on. I have no issue with those who feel differently as sometimes it is better out, than in.

Catalina

 

[DeservingBitch]

Can someone explain to me what consitutes being a bitch?

Is it sarcasm? Dismissal? Not being warm and huggy and engaging enough? Not smiling? Any and all of the above have gotten the finger pointed at me - shit that would never fly if I had an outie.

I think there's a much bigger problem in the world with the eagerness of everyone to brand people (women) bitches to the point where anyone feels the need to self-brand pre-emptively. THAT is a fucking sad state of affairs.

I do care if I'm actually being a bitch. Thing is *I know* when I am. I do not care for a second when people with no balls to cope with anyone on their own level stoop to *calling* me one when I know I'm not. It doesn't take much for anyone who's threatened by the least bit of conflict with someone they insist is their inferior in their own minds to come up with a name for them. Don't own that shit.

The only word of advice I have to BB is don't brand youself pre-emptively because some people have no balls. And don't actually be a bitch - you know when you are one, just own it and hand out the apology that's actually earned or needed.

On a related note:

I will gladly wear the bitch title if it means calling racist/sexist/homo-transphobic assholes on their bullshit and not 'playing nice' with said assholes who deny my and other people's humanity and treat me and other people as abject.

I like to think however that I know how to play nice when playing with decent human beings.

Assholes are annoying. It doesn't follow from there however that annyoing people are all assholes. The distinction should matter when dealing and interracting with each respective group.

 

[stickwork]

Ladies, please go to your respective corners after the bell has sounded.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Can someone explain to me what consitutes being a bitch?

Is it sarcasm? Dismissal? Not being warm and huggy and engaging enough? Not smiling? Any and all of the above have gotten the finger pointed at me - shit that would never fly if I had an outie.

Ladies, please go to your respective corners after the bell has sounded.

Think that this comment would fly if the bitches weren't ladies?