The Loving Wives Trolls!

[Syzoth]

The more you try to defend yourself against the trolls, the more you encourage them. Best not to give them the time of day.

 

[DukeofPaducah]

I will heed that advice. Most are respectful. One Kentucky native was mildly threatening because he thought I was a flatlander criticizing a mountain dweller. He may have been either Hatfield or McCoy.
I was pretty sure he had both a shootin’ iron and an itchy trigger finger, so I didn’t ask.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Here's another point showing the trolling shitheads.

My latest story is "Break the Bitch, Fuck With Her Mind". Here's one comment I received today:
********************
Anonymous about 7 hours ago
1-star. Not much to the story and there are no likable characters. The author just went for the shock factor.
********************


Then within the same hour came this comment on another story ("My Wife wants a Hall Pass" published a year ago), because someone else posted a positive comment about it:
*******************
Anonymous about 7 hours ago
1-star. Just plain gross. The writing is not that great and you can tell the author just focused on the shock factor.
*******************



Some of these shitheads can't even be original in their trolling comments. Why would they bother to even read another story by an author they know they hate?

 

[geronimo_appleby]

ah, loving wives...

 

[lovecraft68]

ah, loving wives...

Speaking of trolls....

 

[lovecraft68]

Here's another point showing the trolling shitheads.

My latest story is "Break the Bitch, Fuck With Her Mind". Here's one comment I received today:
********************
Anonymous about 7 hours ago
1-star. Not much to the story and there are no likable characters. The author just went for the shock factor.
********************


Then within the same hour came this comment on another story ("My Wife wants a Hall Pass" published a year ago), because someone else posted a positive comment about it:
*******************
Anonymous about 7 hours ago
1-star. Just plain gross. The writing is not that great and you can tell the author just focused on the shock factor.
*******************



Some of these shitheads can't even be original in their trolling comments. Why would they bother to even read another story by an author they know they hate?

Probably not even reading the stories.

 

[NoTalentHack]

Probably not even reading the stories.

Maybe? In anon's defense, they are both very shock-factory, just in wildly different directions.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Speaking of trolls....

now that's just rude and hurtful...

 

[Gamblnluck]

I am going to point out a story here that will piss off some of the diehards on AH. It has to do with a story published on LW yesterday and today. The second half of the story rated a solid 4.55 DESPITE some glaring problems disparities that the readership (me included) noted.
The story line itself was simple. The wife decided she was going off for a week with some friends for a little vacation in the Caribbean leaving her hubbie behind to take care of their 2 small children. She reveals that instead of going to work, she has been spending much of her time at the other couple's house.
Does he sit and pull his pud thinking how happy he is that his wife is off getting a few thrills with her new (he suspects) lovers? Nope.
He decides to take his kids out of school to go on an adventure of their own. He runs into the wife who is naked with her friends on their boat, making out with the other woman. He salutes and leaves.
Instead of going home he pulls anchor, literally, quickly cashes out what he can and embarks on an around the world trip with the kids.
Far-fetched? Yes. But no bones broken, throats cut etc. He simply is not going to say 'Yes, dear, whatever you want. Abuse me at your will and I will come to love it.
Even with some striking gaffes in the timeline and physical impossibilities (he has a sailboat) travel faster than a cruise ship under power. Along with time skips. The story has done VERY well. Why?
Simply because so far it has had a few key elements.1. There was an element of angst involved and pathos for the main character. 2. The man reacted in some way to his wife's actions other than acceptance of her abuse. She broke his trust, which in itself is abuse.
In the second chapter he had a change of heart and reunited his kids with the mother (and the reason was noble. It was FOR the kids.) But he made it clear, he would not reconcile.
Many here think, 'If I write it, it should be appreciated.' The 'asshole trolls' and 'idiot mysygnists' down grade my wonderful story.
This was a good story and yes, people pointed out the flaws. It still rated very well.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I am going to point out a story here that will piss off some of the diehards on AH. It has to do with a story published on LW yesterday and today. The second half of the story rated a solid 4.55 DESPITE some glaring problems disparities that the readership (me included) noted.
The story line itself was simple. The wife decided she was going off for a week with some friends for a little vacation in the Caribbean leaving her hubbie behind to take care of their 2 small children. She reveals that instead of going to work, she has been spending much of her time at the other couple's house.
Does he sit and pull his pud thinking how happy he is that his wife is off getting a few thrills with her new (he suspects) lovers? Nope.
He decides to take his kids out of school to go on an adventure of their own. He runs into the wife who is naked with her friends on their boat, making out with the other woman. He salutes and leaves.
Instead of going home he pulls anchor, literally, quickly cashes out what he can and embarks on an around the world trip with the kids.
Far-fetched? Yes. But no bones broken, throats cut etc. He simply is not going to say 'Yes, dear, whatever you want. Abuse me at your will and I will come to love it.
Even with some striking gaffes in the timeline and physical impossibilities (he has a sailboat) travel faster than a cruise ship under power. Along with time skips. The story has done VERY well. Why?
Simply because so far it has had a few key elements.1. There was an element of angst involved and pathos for the main character. 2. The man reacted in some way to his wife's actions other than acceptance of her abuse. She broke his trust, which in itself is abuse.
In the second chapter he had a change of heart and reunited his kids with the mother (and the reason was noble. It was FOR the kids.) But he made it clear, he would not reconcile.
Many here think, 'If I write it, it should be appreciated.' The 'asshole trolls' and 'idiot mysygnists' down grade my wonderful story.
This was a good story and yes, people pointed out the flaws. It still rated very well.

Oh I forgot to say, the story Erossir wrote was well written and enjoyable.

 

[SimonDoom]

I will heed that advice. Most are respectful. One Kentucky native was mildly threatening because he thought I was a flatlander criticizing a mountain dweller. He may have been either Hatfield or McCoy.
I was pretty sure he had both a shootin’ iron and an itchy trigger finger, so I didn’t ask.

Tell him they make better bourbon in Japan. He'll be so apoplectic he won't even remember your stories.

 

[lovecraft68]

I am going to point out a story here that will piss off some of the diehards on AH. It has to do with a story published on LW yesterday and today. The second half of the story rated a solid 4.55 DESPITE some glaring problems disparities that the readership (me included) noted.
The story line itself was simple. The wife decided she was going off for a week with some friends for a little vacation in the Caribbean leaving her hubbie behind to take care of their 2 small children. She reveals that instead of going to work, she has been spending much of her time at the other couple's house.
Does he sit and pull his pud thinking how happy he is that his wife is off getting a few thrills with her new (he suspects) lovers? Nope.
He decides to take his kids out of school to go on an adventure of their own. He runs into the wife who is naked with her friends on their boat, making out with the other woman. He salutes and leaves.
Instead of going home he pulls anchor, literally, quickly cashes out what he can and embarks on an around the world trip with the kids.
Far-fetched? Yes. But no bones broken, throats cut etc. He simply is not going to say 'Yes, dear, whatever you want. Abuse me at your will and I will come to love it.
Even with some striking gaffes in the timeline and physical impossibilities (he has a sailboat) travel faster than a cruise ship under power. Along with time skips. The story has done VERY well. Why?
Simply because so far it has had a few key elements.1. There was an element of angst involved and pathos for the main character. 2. The man reacted in some way to his wife's actions other than acceptance of her abuse. She broke his trust, which in itself is abuse.
In the second chapter he had a change of heart and reunited his kids with the mother (and the reason was noble. It was FOR the kids.) But he made it clear, he would not reconcile.
Many here think, 'If I write it, it should be appreciated.' The 'asshole trolls' and 'idiot mysygnists' down grade my wonderful story.
This was a good story and yes, people pointed out the flaws. It still rated very well.

But another story of an evil woman. What is it with you people? Just call the category "Butt hurt men whining about women and making up real man revenge stories"

Seriously, is there any actual men reading or writing over there? Something tells me I have a better chance of finding Waldo than a male that doesn't suffer from bitterness and cold male insecurity.

Christ, talk about a one dick, no dick, ponyshow

BTW if the 'kids" saw their mother naked with other naked people that violates the underage rule, hopefully someone reports it.

 

[NoTalentHack]

But another story of an evil woman. What is it with you people? Just call the category "Butt hurt men whining about women and making up real man revenge stories"

Seriously, is there any actual men reading or writing over there? Something tells me I have a better chance of finding Waldo than a male that doesn't suffer from bitterness and cold male insecurity.

Christ, talk about a one dick, no dick, ponyshow

BTW if the 'kids" saw their mother naked with other naked people that violates the underage rule, hopefully someone reports it.

One can--and I usually try to--write women with better motives than "lol random evil." I'm not a huge fan of the Martian Slut Ray as a trope, particularly when its paired with "women are unknowable beings." There needs to be A reason, though, and for some stories "this person is evil" is the best choice. Usually not, of course; unless the wife is a sociopath, it doesn't speak well to the MMC that he hadn't noticed until after he'd married her and had kids with her, for instance.

I much prefer a character who's flawed instead of evil, someone who's basically primed to fail in the right circumstances. I mean, I've written a few evil wives, but I find someone whose past informs their actions, no matter how awful, to be way more interesting. Unfortunately, that can make the character too sympathetic, especially if you're writing in third person instead of first; the antagonist understands their reasoning (sometimes), although often only after the fact. Even if what they've done is unforgivable, some readers will identify with them if you do your job too well. The flipside is that it does create more pathos/suspense.

Chloe in In Health betrayed her husband in an absolutely vile, arguably unforgivable way. However, she's also someone who was given a second chance at life and who knows that she and her husband are no longer (and probably never were) compatible in the long term. Her failings are those of understandable cowardice and a lust for life that eclipses her loyalty to the man who took care of her when she thought she was dying, combined with an insight that she turns towards selfishness while believing/pretending it's virtue. I was surprised at how many people came to her defense, if I'm honest, even though I understood her point of view.

Ellie in At the End of the Tour, told from her husband's point of view, is a selfish narcissist who cheated on him since before they were married; it's very much a BTB story, taking place over about two days as he's basically losing his mind and watching his entire adult life crumble.

The same Ellie from Funeral Dirge for a Fairytale, told from her point of view, realizes she's doing evil things but convinces herself that it's toward her husband's good, while still knowing in the back of her head that's all bullshit justification. She eventually recognizes all the things that happened to get her to that point: an abusive sociopath of a mother, a too-permissive father, a best friend/first boyfriend she didn't realize had turned into a monster as they got older, etc. She tells the story from twenty-odd years in the future, and it covers way more ground, because it has to; without the additional context, what she did really WAS unforgivable. Only someone like Tim, her husband, could manage to eventually make his way back to her, and only after circumstances forced them back together and after she put in tons of work.

I've been listening to The State of Affairs by Esther Perel recently. She's a therapist with decades of experience in her field, and she's absolutely loathed by a lot of folks, men and women both, for... well, for a lot of reasons. At the core, though, is her belief that most of the way we talk and think about infidelity is wrong and harmful. I tend to agree with her about a lot of things, particularly that people in happy marriages can cheat (usually because there's something missing in them, but sometimes because there's something missing in their otherwise marriage that can't be put back easily), and that if the spouse does cheat because the marriage is unhappy, very often the affair is the least harmful thing going on.

People really hate that last one in particular, though, and I think in LW, the "noble, utterly virtuous husband (who can turn on a dime and destroy his wife's life)" is common partially because of the uptick amongst therapists and others in the attitude that the "betrayed" spouse's behavior can be a reason for their husband or wife to stray. It feels like victim-blaming, because infidelity is the absolute worst thing (in America) that anyone can do; hell, just look at the Gallup polls on moral issues: there is literally no moral issue presented on the poll that more people agree is immoral than infidelity, at a staggering 85% as of May 2023, which is down from 89% in 2022!

People hate cheaters. I know you hone in on LW because mistreatment of imaginary women is your particular bugaboo, but look anywhere across the site, and you'll find people reacting poorly to infidelity: male cheating in a Romance story is the kiss of death score-wise (although female infidelity is usually looked on a little more kindly), cheating stories in Erotic Couplings score lower than non-cheating ones, Group Sex stories with married couples who cheat perform worse than unmarried people or random strangers, etc.

And let's also be clear: violence against cheating men is not uncommon in some of those Romance, etc. stories, especially as a way for the new love interest to show he's virtuous. There's toxic shit all over the place when it comes to one of the most common moral failings in the world, and certainly in every category here.

 

[Gamblnluck]

BTW if the 'kids" saw their mother naked with other naked people that violates the underage rule, hopefully someone reports it.

Obviously you did not read the story. Like you probably don't read any others except the ones you and Lifestyle write that never seem to be accepted but blame on 'trolls'

 

[Lifestyle66]

Obviously you did not read the story. Like you probably don't read any others except the ones you and Lifestyle write that never seem to be accepted but blame on 'trolls'

I read a lot of the stories in LW!!!

But once again, YOU (just like LC68) have your biased opinions. (LC68's just happen to find misogyny everywhere.)

YOU are one of those judgmental trolls who BLASTED my hormone story using a public comment to depress the reader views, using your own ignorant, narrow-minded belief that EVERY DOCTOR IN THE WORLD administers hormone treatments with minimal levels to achieve a low normal.

I comment on almost every story I read in LW, even if I don't like it. There were even a few times I've commented "Typical BTB story" when they merely wrote a formula story, with nothing I haven't read many times before. But for those, that's the limit of my criticism, and I rate those a 3. I rarely rate stories a 2, unless they were particularly offensive or very poorly written. And I've only rated two or three stories EVER as a 1, because the author made no attempt to actually write a story with a beginning, middle, and end, and it read more like notes for a future effort.

My stories aren't accepted well (low ratings), because they are 1: poorly written, and 2: offend you (or some other) judgmental extremist.

 

[lc69hunter]

I have written a few stories, mostly published in Reviews/Essays, that discuss non-monogamy in its various forms, and as suspected were found by the LW haters and scored as you would expect.
However, I read a lot and comment a lot (number 10 on the all time list), mostly in LW. I know that there is a large contingent of readers who hate cheaters, but the rationale sometimes confuses me. For example, a random one-off while out of town (no harm, no foul) is NOT the same as an affair, which destroys marriages, families and friends. But yet the crowd over there doesn't see it, and when I mention something to that effect in comments, invariably some Anon totally loses his shit over it and attacks me. I do think it is funny when they do that though.

Just a random thought on the topic.

 

[Yarglenurp]

And this whole thing is why I avoid LW. “Fetish” for life!

 

[Lifestyle66]

I have written a few stories, mostly published in Reviews/Essays, that discuss non-monogamy in its various forms, and as suspected were found by the LW haters and scored as you would expect.
However, I read a lot and comment a lot (number 10 on the all time list), mostly in LW. I know that there is a large contingent of readers who hate cheaters, but the rationale sometimes confuses me. For example, a random one-off while out of town (no harm, no foul) is NOT the same as an affair, which destroys marriages, families and friends. But yet the crowd over there doesn't see it, and when I mention something to that effect in comments, invariably some Anon totally loses his shit over it and attacks me. I do think it is funny when they do that though.

Just a random thought on the topic.

I think of the different factions there as a security versus insecurity issue.

When you look around at some couples in real life (particularly as they get older), you sometimes ask yourself "What does she ever see in him?" You see some sexy, good-looking woman with a guy dressed shabbily and who has a beer-belly hanging over his belt, or a nice-looking guy with a frumpy wife.

And it's not just looks. Sometimes we hear of a wife, even a successful businesswoman, staying with an abusive husband, or a nice guy with a verbally abusive shrew of a wife.

So, when we hear of one cheating on their spouse, we can imagine how, in some cases, someone can become frustrated with their spouse who doesn't take care of themselves or abuses them. It's as if the one spouse gives up on trying to please their mate. They rely on that marriage contract as if it's an ownership right to control their spouse. And that mate resents being on the short end of that contract and gives in to temptation.

But people rarely accept the consequences for their own choices and shortcomings. It's easier to blame others. Thus, when the marriage falls apart or the one finds the other cheating, they must shift the blame. They can't see extra-marital sex as a random one-off for pleasure, because they intuitively know it's the beginning of the end for their years of indifference. They are unsure of themselves and insecure in their relationship.

EDIT: And after their marriage falls apart, they come to read Loving Wives stories, looking for how they might have differently burned their bitch/bastard, still not owning up to their own culpability in that fiasco. Those stories always have the aggrieved spouse as the perfect mate, whose was cheated.

 

[NoTalentHack]

However, I read a lot and comment a lot (number 10 on the all time list), mostly in LW. I know that there is a large contingent of readers who hate cheaters, but the rationale sometimes confuses me. For example, a random one-off while out of town (no harm, no foul) is NOT the same as an affair, which destroys marriages, families and friends. But yet the crowd over there doesn't see it, and when I mention something to that effect in comments, invariably some Anon totally loses his shit over it and attacks me. I do think it is funny when they do that though.

It's not the same as an affair, but it's in the ballpark. I'll just run through it real quick.

First off, this is not a defense of the guys that have a problem with any and all nonmonogamy. If someone has an arrangement with their spouse, more power to them. Some guys don't see it like that, and I understand their point of view, but don't agree with it. Assuming, that is, that the nonmonogamous couple in question aren't fucking up other peoples' lives; I get the feeling from comments that a lot of these guys came of age in the late 60s and 70s, back when swinging was on the rise, and they remember the absolute lack of "ethical" as a descriptor for some of the folks involved, coloring their current attitudes.

But I digress. I'm going to assume that when you say "random one-off," you don't mean "they cheated one time, and that was it, ever," but instead "they hook up as and when they choose while out of town, keeping it a secret from their spouse." This is another one of those shades of grey things, too; a big chunk of the commenters in LW that are anti-cheating (and a lot of stories, as well) depict "she did it once and never again" as... not okay, but manageable. Something the couple can get past. That doesn't seem to be what you're talking about, though.

So, assuming that your previous comments and your essay are what you intend, and that you're talking about secret serial infidelity involving one-offs during the course of a marriage, here's a short list of why they're looked down upon:

• People's vows matter to them - this is the most obvious one. Cheating represents an abrogation of those vows, even if the spouse never learns about it. And if someone's willing to break one vow when it suits them... Yes, it's possible to cheat for years or even decades and still be a loving spouse. I'm thinking of a guy from the book I mentioned before who, from the first month of his marriage, cheated on his wife with prostitutes regularly, and yet she still described him as a great dad, father, etc. But those are, I think, the minority, and if you'd ask most therapists, I think they'd agree.
• Disease - even if the cheating spouse goes the whole nine yards--condoms, dental dams, regular testing and only hooking up with people that can prove they're regularly testing, etc.--this is an issue.
• Pregnancy - same deal, unless the cheater is sterile/infertile.
• Possible operational security failures - "Hey, Bob, was your wife in Toledo last week? I would swear I saw someone who looked just like her at Generic Singles Bar." The type of person who only has a handful of flings is likely to not know opsec; the type of person who knows opsec is likely a profligate cheater. Either of those is a problem if their spouse doesn't know about it, for different reasons.
• Social issues - the spouse is unlikely to be so discreet that no one in at least their work life--and possibly their wider social circle if the two mix--doesn't know he/she is hooking up on the road. Even if the betrayed husband/wife would be willing to look the other way, they may end up having to deal with the social ramifications of this. They could be minor (a female friend of the husband laughing behind the wife's back) or major (possible loss of job/failure to get security clearance/etc. if the betrayed spouse is in the military/government/etc. and it comes up during a background check; remember that infidelity is a crime in the military for a reason, i.e., blackmail).
• Lack of respect - even someone willing to live with (or even embrace) an ethical nonmonogamous relationship is likely to feel put out if their significant other has decided to unilaterally and secretly open their relationship. It represents a lack of respect from the cheater, no matter what mental gymnastics they might use, especially if their only reason is hedonistic.
• Lack of reciprocity - the person playing away is getting theirs, and the person at home isn't, even if they might want to. One is willing to sacrifice some of their happiness to stick to their vows, and the other isn't. Asymmetry can work, but only when it's agreed upon; otherwise, it rankles. If part of your idea is "limited/no chance of getting caught" one-offs, that would leave out the at-home spouse, especially if they're taking care of kids, etc.
• Fear of what else it might mean - "She can keep this from me. What else could she be hiding? Is she not as committed to me as I am to her?"
• Erosion of trust - If the betrayed spouse finds out, the natural response is to immediately ask, "what else have you been hiding?" Even if they eventually tell everything, the assumption has to be they're trickle-truthing, especially if they try to make something up first. Any sane man would immediately get their kids DNA tested; any sane spouse of either gender would start looking for signs that their husband is socking money away, has a lover close to home, etc.

There are a lot more beyond this; all of these are literally off the top of my head. Most of them I could easily find real-world examples of with a quick Google search.

People should be more forgiving of the weaknesses of others, and infidelity shouldn't be the kiss of death in a relationship any more than any other offense against one's spouse; neglect, disdain, etc. are betrayals as much as any one night stand. But pretending that "well, s/he cheated, and it didn't directly threaten his/her marriage, so who gives a fuck" is a moral or ethical stance? Nah. Nah, man. That ain't it.

 

[Lifestyle66]

It's not the same as an affair, but it's in the ballpark. I'll just run through it real quick.

First off, this is not a defense of the guys that have a problem with any and all nonmonogamy. If someone has an arrangement with their spouse, more power to them. Some guys don't see it like that, and I understand their point of view, but don't agree with it. Assuming, that is, that the nonmonogamous couple in question aren't fucking up other peoples' lives; I get the feeling from comments that a lot of these guys came of age in the late 60s and 70s, back when swinging was on the rise, and they remember the absolute lack of "ethical" as a descriptor for some of the folks involved, coloring their current attitudes.

But I digress. I'm going to assume that when you say "random one-off," you don't mean "they cheated one time, and that was it, ever," but instead "they hook up as and when they choose while out of town, keeping it a secret from their spouse." This is another one of those shades of grey things, too; a big chunk of the commenters in LW that are anti-cheating (and a lot of stories, as well) depict "she did it once and never again" as... not okay, but manageable. Something the couple can get past. That doesn't seem to be what you're talking about, though.

So, assuming that your previous comments and your essay are what you intend, and that you're talking about secret serial infidelity involving one-offs during the course of a marriage, here's a short list of why they're looked down upon:

• People's vows matter to them - this is the most obvious one. Cheating represents an abrogation of those vows, even if the spouse never learns about it. And if someone's willing to break one vow when it suits them... Yes, it's possible to cheat for years or even decades and still be a loving spouse. I'm thinking of a guy from the book I mentioned before who, from the first month of his marriage, cheated on his wife with prostitutes regularly, and yet she still described him as a great dad, father, etc. But those are, I think, the minority, and if you'd ask most therapists, I think they'd agree.
• Disease - even if the cheating spouse goes the whole nine yards--condoms, dental dams, regular testing and only hooking up with people that can prove they're regularly testing, etc.--this is an issue.
• Pregnancy - same deal, unless the cheater is sterile/infertile.
• Possible operational security failures - "Hey, Bob, was your wife in Toledo last week? I would swear I saw someone who looked just like her at Generic Singles Bar." The type of person who only has a handful of flings is likely to not know opsec; the type of person who knows opsec is likely a profligate cheater. Either of those is a problem if their spouse doesn't know about it, for different reasons.
• Social issues - the spouse is unlikely to be so discreet that no one in at least their work life--and possibly their wider social circle if the two mix--doesn't know he/she is hooking up on the road. Even if the betrayed husband/wife would be willing to look the other way, they may end up having to deal with the social ramifications of this. They could be minor (a female friend of the husband laughing behind the wife's back) or major (possible loss of job/failure to get security clearance/etc. if the betrayed spouse is in the military/government/etc. and it comes up during a background check; remember that infidelity is a crime in the military for a reason, i.e., blackmail).
• Lack of respect - even someone willing to live with (or even embrace) an ethical nonmonogamous relationship is likely to feel put out if their significant other has decided to unilaterally and secretly open their relationship. It represents a lack of respect from the cheater, no matter what mental gymnastics they might use, especially if their only reason is hedonistic.
• Lack of reciprocity - the person playing away is getting theirs, and the person at home isn't, even if they might want to. One is willing to sacrifice some of their happiness to stick to their vows, and the other isn't. Asymmetry can work, but only when it's agreed upon; otherwise, it rankles. If part of your idea is "limited/no chance of getting caught" one-offs, that would leave out the at-home spouse, especially if they're taking care of kids, etc.
• Fear of what else it might mean - "She can keep this from me. What else could she be hiding? Is she not as committed to me as I am to her?"
• Erosion of trust - If the betrayed spouse finds out, the natural response is to immediately ask, "what else have you been hiding?" Even if they eventually tell everything, the assumption has to be they're trickle-truthing, especially if they try to make something up first. Any sane man would immediately get their kids DNA tested; any sane spouse of either gender would start looking for signs that their husband is socking money away, has a lover close to home, etc.

There are a lot more beyond this; all of these are literally off the top of my head. Most of them I could easily find real-world examples of with a quick Google search.

People should be more forgiving of the weaknesses of others, and infidelity shouldn't be the kiss of death in a relationship any more than any other offense against one's spouse; neglect, disdain, etc. are betrayals as much as any one night stand. But pretending that "well, s/he cheated, and it didn't directly threaten his/her marriage, so who gives a fuck" is a moral or ethical stance? Nah. Nah, man. That ain't it.

When I write my stories of a happy, sharing couple, try as I might to carefully weave through all of that laundry list of criticisms, the haters still hate.

Vows? They agree to do it together.
Disease? They agree to a limited circle of equally selective couples. to limit the chances.
Pregnancy? The husband had a vasectomy, and the wife later had a hysterectomy due to a health issue.
Security? Never with people from work, and ALWAYS together so they share the risks.
Social issues, respect, reciprocity? Again, always together and never disclosing to vanilla friends.
What else, and trust? Always in the same room or at least the same house, and "no closed doors between us."

Over the years of writing about this couple, I've taken all of the comments and criticism, to carefully incorporate counterarguments into the next story.

And they still HATE! And it doesn't matter whether it's serial infidelity, or consensual sharing.

So, I've come to realize the ultimate stance to take in dealing with the critics is: "Fuck'em, if they can't take a joke!"

It's just sex. And it's fun!

 

[NoTalentHack]

When I write my stories of a happy, sharing couple, try as I might to carefully weave through all of that laundry list of criticisms, the haters still hate.

Vows? They agree to do it together.
Disease? They agree to a limited circle of equally selective couples. to limit the chances.
Pregnancy? The husband had a vasectomy, and the wife later had a hysterectomy due to a health issue.
Security? Never with people from work, and ALWAYS together so they share the risks.
Social issues, respect, reciprocity? Again, always together and never disclosing to vanilla friends.
What else, and trust? Always in the same room or at least the same house, and "no closed doors between us."

Over the years of writing about this couple, I've taken all of the comments and criticism, to carefully incorporate counterarguments into the next story.

And they still HATE! And it doesn't matter whether it's serial infidelity, or consensual sharing.

So, I've come to realize the ultimate stance to take in dealing with the critics is: "Fuck'em, if they can't take a joke!"

It's just sex. And it's fun!

Yeah, like I said, there are folks in there for whom no form of nonmonogamy will ever be okay. That's not who I'm talking about. While I'm happily monogamous at the moment and probably will be for the rest of my life, I haven't always been; if circumstances were different, I think I could swing (sorry) ENM again, and probably better than I did the first time. I'd still immediately break up with someone who espoused the "my cheating was okay, because you didn't know about it" line, and I know people currently in polyamorous relationships that would take that hard of a line or even harder.

Don't bother with trying to make your characters more palatable if you don't want to; you're not going to sway a certain segment. However, there's a reason that, of the five "good" characters in The End of Our World, three were advocates (at least in their own lives) for some form of ENM: most people don't think about how to behave ethically in their relationships as hard as the people engaged in those scenes, because they think they can just revert to the societal defaults.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Yeah, like I said, there are folks in there for whom no form of nonmonogamy will ever be okay. That's not who I'm talking about. While I'm happily monogamous at the moment and probably will be for the rest of my life, I haven't always been; if circumstances were different, I think I could swing (sorry) ENM again, and probably better than I did the first time. I'd still immediately break up with someone who espoused the "my cheating was okay, because you didn't know about it" line, and I know people currently in polyamorous relationships that would take that hard of a line or even harder.

Don't bother with trying to make your characters more palatable if you don't want to; you're not going to sway a certain segment. However, there's a reason that, of the five "good" characters in The End of Our World, three were advocates (at least in their own lives) for some form of ENM: most people don't think about how to behave ethically in their relationships as hard as the people engaged in those scenes, because they think they can just revert to the societal defaults.

I just find that thinking about the trolls and their criticisms to be my muse for the next story.

My wife and others I know help me shape characters, combining or magnifying various personality quirks, and glossing over flaws. But the critics of my past stories with their shitty comments make me want to debate them to show how they're ignorant. And since I can't debate "Anonymous", I just write the next story as a means of my saying "THIS is why I think your last comment was clueless!"

In my next story (about 85% complete, and currently at 9.5k words), the wife eventually comes out as wanting/needing a gangbang, and the husband is the pious, innocent prude. But it's her REASONS for wanting that gangbang, and how she goes about meeting her need which I want to shove in front of the trolls to see their reaction. She's truly a loving and thoughtful wife, caught in events beyond her control, but always thinking of her husband which caused her problem.

So, my stories are almost like debating and asking, "But have you considered THIS scenario?"

 

[Syzoth]

Probably not even reading the stories.

I agree. I've commented on other posts that I don't think these people are actually reading the stories. Just the same generic, vague insults over and over again.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

When I write my stories of a happy, sharing couple, try as I might to carefully weave through all of that laundry list of criticisms, the haters still hate.

Vows? They agree to do it together.
Disease? They agree to a limited circle of equally selective couples. to limit the chances.
Pregnancy? The husband had a vasectomy, and the wife later had a hysterectomy due to a health issue.
Security? Never with people from work, and ALWAYS together so they share the risks.
Social issues, respect, reciprocity? Again, always together and never disclosing to vanilla friends.
What else, and trust? Always in the same room or at least the same house, and "no closed doors between us."

Over the years of writing about this couple, I've taken all of the comments and criticism, to carefully incorporate counterarguments into the next story.

And they still HATE! And it doesn't matter whether it's serial infidelity, or consensual sharing.

So, I've come to realize the ultimate stance to take in dealing with the critics is: "Fuck'em, if they can't take a joke!"

It's just sex. And it's fun!

had any death threats via feedback? it's chilling to know there are people like that patrolling Lit and also walking around free.

 

[Lifestyle66]

had any death threats via feedback? it's chilling to know there are people like that patrolling Lit and also walking around free.

I had one memorable comment, years ago, which either the Admins took down or the commenter later deleted.

"EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!" (in all caps)

But you can't take things like that seriously. It's like saying "Fuck you!" (Well, I'm certainly not going to follow through and do it to you. And if I don't like you, I'd hope no one else would either.)

Their words are as powerful as ours. And when I write a story, there's no better feeling than to know I got an emotional reaction from my readers, good or bad. It's as if I wrote a horror scene so intense I made the audience vomit. And they loved it and will return for more!