tnman03
Rustic rapscallion
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2015
- Posts
- 22,747
Lies have nuance. How I respond to them depends on those nuances. I generally divide lies into four broad categories.
1. Lies people tell themselves. Though I might be incidentally involved, the intention of the lie is to convince themselves of something. Those ones I just note and depending on the relationship might delicately address them at some point - though honestly I usually let them go.
2. Tactful lies - these are the lies people tell, not with the intention to deceive, but to avoid talking about certain things, answering certain questions, etc.. Again, these ones I just note and let slide. We never know what's going on inside of someone, so I tend to cut them a lot of slack.
3. Strategic lies - these are the lies people tell to obtain something they value or to avoid the loss of something they value. These are always something I follow up on, especially if it involves me. I seek to determine the motive. People can (and do) tell strategic lies from good intentions and that intention makes all the difference. These are the most common lies you encounter in a relationship - they're afraid the truth with prevent them from attaining what they value.
4. Finally, there are delusional lies. This are the lies people tell and they're not even consciously aware they're lying. Depending on the delusion, these can be the most dangerous lies.
I don't automatically cut anyone off because they lie - personally, I can attest that everyone lies to one degree of the other, depending on the circumstances. My response to the lie depends on the circumstance and motivation and the vast majority of time I just take note of them - if they line up with "intent to deceive for personal gain" I'll fire a warning shot across their bow, but you only get one warning shot.
Excellent response and also well thought out. I'm in agreement with this outlook.