How Attractive Are You?

[ABSTRUSE]

I've never seen you ABS, but I don't need to, to know that I like you. From the very first time I read anything that you wrote on this board, I knew you were someone I'd like to meet. Of course that won't happen, my point is you've got something that's far more valuable than looks alone. If only we could market it, we'd make a fortune. lol

Carl

 

[Guest]

someone was talking about pygmies with over compensatory tongues.. why did that flash though my head..

Cos you're a slut?

Perdita

 

[Guest]

Cos you're a slut?

Perdita

sssshhhh.. its a secret..that i share only those i fu...ooooo right..

 

[Marsipanne]

I think that if somebody has a good personality, it doesn't matter what they look like in the end. The thing is, if you were all-encompassingly wonderful personality-wise, everybody should be attracted you. The thing is, people aren't. Looks do matter. A couple of years ago I kidded myself into thinking they didn't matter at all and tried my hand at the 'beauty within' thing. It didn't last long. I see good-looking guy on street. I STARE. I can't help it; my hormones work overtime. The thing is, the looks are usually the first thing you notice. In the case of the internet, it's different. But internet also has problems entailed, mostly to do with trust.

Forgetting about internet, and just thinking about real-life, don't you think that being attractive will help you get a partner? And haven't you noticed how people on a similar 'level' of attractiveness will have a partner on a nearby level. And if you're not, people stare. People assume you've got sexual kinks.

However, I think that if you are attractive you don't appreciate it as much. Some people are genuinely very insecure about the way they look and they put a lot more stock in it than somebody more attractive. It's much easier for somebody who's attractive to say 'I don't care if I look like the back end of a pig' than somebody who actually does look like that.

 

[raphy]

Don't get me wrong, Physical attractiveness is a desirable thing, it's just not all important

No, and I totally agree with that - And yeah, everyone's got a story about a hyper-attractive person who turned out to be the biggest bitch or the nastiest bastard in the world - But, I'm always intrigued by the 'it's what's inside that counts' knee-jerk reaction whenever the topic of physical attractiveness comes up.

It's as if we're socially conditioned to:

a) deny that we find physically attractive people attractive

and

b) feel guilty (and shallow, etc etc) if we do

 

[Carl East]

No, and I totally agree with that - And yeah, everyone's got a story about a hyper-attractive person who turned out to be the biggest bitch or the nastiest bastard in the world - But, I'm always intrigued by the 'it's what's inside that counts' knee-jerk reaction whenever the topic of physical attractiveness comes up.

It's as if we're socially conditioned to:

a) deny that we find physically attractive people attractive

and

b) feel guilty (and shallow, etc etc) if we do

I think it has to do with not finding many men/women who are all things to everyone. I mean if I was asked to make a list of all the women on this board who I believed have all the best qualities. It would be a short list. Yet if I was asked only to identify gorgeous women, my list would be enormous. Why? Because I love women, they are the reason for living and without them life would be very boring.

Carl

 

[raphy]

I think it has to do with not finding many men/women who are all things to everyone. I mean if I was asked to make a list of all the women on this board who I believed have all the best qualities. It would be a short list. Yet if I was asked only to identify gorgeous women, my list would be enormous. Why. Because I love women, they are the reason for living and without them life would be very boring.

Carl

I've had the suspicion for a while now that it's more to do with the unattainable - And I don't mean the media showing us images of people that we're supposed to find attractive.

I mean, outside of plastic surgery, there aren't too many options available to someone who doesn't like the way they look (facially, I mean) .. Even exercise and diet can only do so much. People's metabolism affects their weight dramatically, etc etc .. A 'big-boned' woman is never going to be able to wear the same dresses as a petite one, no matter how much she diets or starves herself.

And so a lot of us feel that our ability to 'alter' our physical appearance is limited, and that realization has an effect on how we deal with our own perceptions of that physical appearance. Do we men feel guilty when looking at a pretty woman, because the woman next to her who may be more dowdy in physical appearance wasn't blessed by nature's gifts?

Come to that, why do we call it being 'blessed' by nature's gifts?

Maybe if we didn't value physical attractiveness so highly as a society, we as a society wouldn't get neurotic about our own level of physical attractiveness.

 

[Guest]

And some of us are just vain exhibitionists...

Lou

P.S. I do believe that true, inner beauty, is far more important than external looks. But, I do have to say: being physically attracted to someone who you have fallen for (before having seen them) sure as hell helps to keep that relationship going.

 

[cloudy]

And some of us are just vain exhibitionists...

Lou

P.S. I do believe that true, inner beauty, is far more important than external looks. But, I do have to say: being physically attracted to someone who you have fallen for (before having seen them) sure as hell helps to keep that relationship going.

Amen to that.

Finding out that they are physically attractive as well as beautiful inside is just a bonus.

 

[Liar]

I don't think that it's that much about being ashamed of an interrest in attractive people. It is just that, really, when it comes down to it, and when it really matters, it doesn't mean shit.

I love looking at attractive people and I'm not at all ashamed about this. The sight of an attractive woman, with the right voluptios forms, nice smooth skin and not least a beautiful face, is a very appealing sight. I also enjoy looking at nice scenery, well designed cars and paintings in galleries. Just because they estethically look good.

But for me, visual attraction, emotional attraction and physical/sexual attraction are three different beasts:

Visual and emotional attraction doesn't affect each other very much at all, except that prejudices I have can askew the emotional attraction momentarily. They both affect the sexual attraction immensely. But here is the difference. The visual attraction's effect on the sexual one wears off pretty damn quick, while the emotional one lasts.

So in the long run, only the last two are needed to make a relation.

#L

 

[Affirmation]

There's a line in Steven Soderburg's cult indie classic, 'sex, lies, and videotape' (that all lower-case title is soooo 90's!). Creepy James Spader, the man with the video camera, says:

"Men fall in love with the women they are attracted to, and women become attracted to the men they fall in love with."

Or something. It's clear that he doesn't believe a word of it, but Andie MacDowell is rather taken by the sentiment behind it.


Incidentally, when writing erotica, do all the authors here create physically attractive characters?

-- Affirmation

 

[raphy]

So in the long run, only the last two are needed to make a relation.

#L

Oh, I agree, Liar..

I'm questioning why there is a social stigma against liking to look at attractive people and why it's considered 'shallow' and suchlike.

Why do we feel it necessary to qualify each of these statements with "it's the personality that counts."

That's been said a ton of times in this thread. I think we all agree on it. I think we all know it. I think we all know that we all believe it.

But it keeps on being repeated (I've said it myself) .. To me, it sounds like we're saying "I like sexy women, yes," and then adding on the end, so that people don't think we're shallow "but it's the personality that counts."

Why do we have to add that on the end. Why can't it simply be okay to like sexy women, as is? Are we afraid of offending women who we don't consider sexy? We don't seem to be so afraid of offending people who have a personality that we wouldn't find attractive. "Sorry, but you're not my type."

It's so much more politically correct to find a personality reason for not sleeping with someone, than a physical reason. (And I'm not talking about a lifelong relationship here.) Does it make the impact of the rejection any less? Does it hurt less if she says "Sorry, you're not my type," rather than "Sorry, but you're ugly."

Why does it hurt less? Why is it more acceptable to say the first than the second?

 

[SlickTony]

He was about 6'4", maybe weighed all of 140 lbs

That must be one thin dude, my husband's only 6'1" and weighs about that, and everybody always remarks about how thin he is.

I agree with Carl that few women are good at giving hand jobs...men are so used to doing it for themselves that they set a standard that's impossible to meet.

Now, if I had money to burn, I wouldn't mind having a hand lift...people usually take me for younger than my age when they see my face; unfortunately, my hands would give me away.

 

[Samuelx]

Hmm.

I stand 6 foot 2 and weigh 250 pounds. dark brown skin. black hair. brown eyes. masculine. funny. girls walk up to me trying to holler. Guys do too but not enough (lol). I am bi and can enjoy a good woman or a cool man (havent had the pleasure of both at the same time). Yep. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say I'm 7.

 

[matriarch]

I have, unfortunately, reached the age at which women frequently become invisible.

Oh. Does that happen to you too? That's a relief, I thought it was just me.

Matriarch.

 

[raphy]

I agree with Carl that few women are good at giving hand jobs...men are so used to doing it for themselves that they set a standard that's impossible to meet.

Aaah, it's not just that, it's sensitivity and reactions as well. When masturbating, I can feel exactly what my hand is doing to me, and how to alter the angle or the pressure of it if it's slightly wrong. I can feel if I need to shift the position of one finger, or more.

Even the very most alert woman, reading my physical signs, can't possibly have access to the tactile information that I have when I'm doing it.

I'm sure it's the same for women who masturbate, or have their lover (or whatever gender) do it for them. You're not inside your lover's body, you can't tell *precisely* how it feels to them. You have only the smattering of body language and vocal cues to go by, and while it's true that some people are pretty damn good at reading those, it's still not the same.

That said, the eroticism of having someone else do it for you, in my opinion, far outweighs the difference in sensation and reaction. You lose a little, maybe. But you gain a hell of a lot.

 

[SlickTony]

I'm sure it's the same for women who masturbate, or have their lover (or whatever gender) do it for them. You're not inside your lover's body, you can't tell *precisely* how it feels to them. You have only the smattering of body language and vocal cues to go by, and while it's true that some people are pretty damn good at reading those, it's still not the same.

I don't think that there's that much difference between what you said and what I said...that's basically what I meant.

 

[Carl East]

The more I think about all this, the more I've come to realize that I don't know a single unattractive person that frequents this board. Each one of us has something that others like about them, whether it be looks, personality, humor, generosity or simple likabilty. Is that a word. lol

I'm sure you'd agree, that all the people we interact with on a daily basis here, have something to offer. And at the end of the day, if you're comfortable with how you look, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks. And you may quote me. lol

Carl

 

[ruminator]

sssshhhh.. its a secret..that i share only those i fu...ooooo right..

This type of thinking shows one's beauty.



...that was good.

 

[Guest]

I've got pretty hair, does that count?

Seriously, I was always on the plus side of the women's clothing scale and after having four kids (two of which are twins)... well, you get the picture, I'm sure. I used to think my face was decent enough looking... until it smashed into a windshield at 55mph. Pretty much everyone says the scars (none of the cuts were bad enough for stitches) aren't even noticeable to them anymore, but I still know they are there....

 

[Guest]

This type of thinking shows one's beauty.



...that was good.

oh ruminator.. i think i may have just fallen in love with you.

 

[sincerely_helene]

I'm sort of like a less attractive version of Tatelou, and I think she's pretty hot, so I suppose that would make me average.

I found the comments about females not noticing older men somewhat bizzare. I would never date a guy my age or younger, and in fact thought a great majority of my gender prefered distinquished, wise and experianced before emotionally unstable, clingly, and clumsy. I like to surround myself with people who I can learn from, but that may just be my submissive nature. Perhaps I'm a little ageist also.

There is such thing as a bad hand job? Let's face it... those things get hard and go off if you so much as look at them crosseyed.

 

[sincerely_helene]

~edited for accidental double-posting

 

[Boota]

I'm ugly, but in an attractive way. It's all in the muscles.

The kind of women who like my looks usually like bulldogs, too, if that means anything. If I were to rate myself with a number I would say about a 4-5. Somewhere in there.

 

[oggbashan]

I used to think my face was decent enough looking... until it smashed into a windshield at 55mph. Pretty much everyone says the scars (none of the cuts were bad enough for stitches) aren't even noticeable to them anymore, but I still know they are there....

Crimson Maiden,

We used to have an Art student living with us who had severe birthmarking. To be brutal her face and whole body was marked like a Dalmatian dog. You could see the dark markings on her face at 50 yards.

Once one of her friends borrowed our telephone to call another friend who was coming to our town. The visitor couldn't be met except by 'our' Art student that the visitor had never met.

The description went:

"She's about five foot, nice dark shoulder-length hair curled under at the back of her neck. Her jeans and T-shirt are covered in paint. She weighs about 7 stone (Og's comment - multiply by 14 for lbs) and has B cups..."

Our Art student was jumping up and down trying to attract the speaker's attention. Eventually she did and pointed at her own face. That connected.

"...You can't really miss her. She's spotted like a Dalmatian!"

Our student's friend had just filtered out the facial markings. Our student was a wonderful person to know, had a great sense of humour, a good figure... No one noticed her markings after the first couple of hours in her company. She was, and is, beautiful and... spotted like a Dalmatian.


The message is: What you are too aware of, other people don't even see.

Og