Litiquette IV

[ChainedUp]

We tend to seek out mates based on their personality and then hope the sex matches our own desires. Sometimes it doesn't, and we are able to "coach" our partner toward what we like. Sometimes it's not a great match be we are secure with the person so we accept the gap in sexual performance.

But sometimes the sex is so out of this world that we accept a less than compatible personality. We just want to fuck them.

Typically the sex only relationships burn themselves out. When that happens, and you know it's over, how long have you stayed with them just for sex? How often after the break up have you gone back just for "one more time". How frequently are do they enter your mind now during sex?

 

[jezzilee]

Since Papa Chained is off doing god knows what... OR WHO... I am going to ask a question.

Today's topic is persistence. What are your thoughts? When someone is persistent towards you... Do you like it? Is it annoying? At what point is it annoying? Or are you flattered by a bit of persistence?

How about you? Are you persistent? Or do you have a "let the bitches/dicks come to me" approach? Why do you choose your approach? Does it vary?

Inquiring minds...

I missed yesterday's question!

I am going to answer that one and today's as well.

So, I have a friend I have known since he was in his early 20's. He is 29 now. We talked through the years, had a lot of phone sex, he wanted a relationship offline but I am older than he is and wanted him to have a relationship with someone his own age. Finally I blocked him everywhere that I could in hopes he would give up and go find a more appropriate person to crush on. He still sends me messages on tumblr, and makes fake facebook accounts to message me.I am not flattered by his persistence, more like annoyed. He has a girlfriend now, at least he told me he did in a tumblr message that I did not reply to, but still I think not talking to him is the best way for me to help him move on.

 

[beachbaby179]

That's a lot of questions for so early in the morning...

I only ever had one lover who was off-the-charts fantastic. It didn't work out because college intervened for both of us and we were too far away from each other. Classic case of right person, wrong time. We were too young to work at it. I do still think of him, and we're still friends (his wife's not too happy about that, but I say grow the fuck up)...

 

[LWulf]

...Typically the 'sex only' relationships burn themselves out. When that happens, and you know it's over:

• how long have you stayed with them just for sex?
• How often after the break up have you gone back just for "one more time".
• How frequently are do they enter your mind now during sex?

A rare instance for me. Rarely do I start a relationship just for sex. I was going to say there was just one, but really it wasn't. I'll treat that one though as the subject. That relationship lasted 7 months. I didn't stay with her "just for the sex."

I don't go backwards, in jobs or relationships.

While I'm having sex with someone, I don't think of someone else. If I do, then I'd stop having sex immediately. I'm an extremely simple person in that regard.

edit: For me, a relationship ends when one person thinks of themself more than the other person. Why would you restart a relationship with someone like that?

For me, there is a "drying out" period after a relationship ends. It's not uncommon that I dry out for about 9 months to a year. It's not something I outwardly planned to do at first, but just a matter of consideration. I don't like to start a relationship with "smoke from another fire."

 

[Lord Pmann]

For me, if the person is sexually compatible, it will likely be because we are compatible in other areas. The connection is where it's at for me. Otherwise, it will fizzle out. Quickly.

 

[RacyRedLips]

Since Papa Chained is off doing god knows what... OR WHO... I am going to ask a question.

Today's topic is persistence. What are your thoughts? When someone is persistent towards you... Do you like it? Is it annoying? At what point is it annoying? Or are you flattered by a bit of persistence?

It depends on who is doing the persisting.

A woman with a stupendous rack is where it's at for me. Otherwise, things will fizzle out. Quickly.

Fixed that for you. Hope you don't mind.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Fixed that for you. Hope you don't mind.

Thank you!!! I had my phone set to non douche mode. I don't know how or why it got changed. Douche mode fits me well.

 

[rubydlite]

The ole "which method works best" approach. I think it's a huge "depends" and it really requires an interpersonal skill set to read subtle and not so subtle clues. Some people love to be chased, others love to chase. Some would rather make the first move others are turned off by it.

Repetitive cock pics that are not responded to, I don't think persistence is going to work. Someone who replies consistently, persistentance just might be the ticket. Someone that replies in a more leisurely fashion, probably doesn't like a constant stream.

There's an "I didn't reply to your PM because" thread out there, perhaps perusal through that might offer tips.

As for me, it's all about the person and the attraction. If it's relatively strong and mutual, persistence and patience would be my approach. There's some pretty cool cats around here, and if you make an legitimate effort it most likely will work out.

I enjoy some good persistence but at the same time I hate it. Persistence to me, implies a genuine interest when sometimes it's just about the conquest. I'm shitty at deciphering between the two and it makes me an emotional basket case.
Saying that, I'm slow to open up to people who'd make cool friends...Second and third attempts are helpful.

 

[rubydlite]

We tend to seek out mates based on their personality and then hope the sex matches our own desires. Sometimes it doesn't, and we are able to "coach" our partner toward what we like. Sometimes it's not a great match be we are secure with the person so we accept the gap in sexual performance.

But sometimes the sex is so out of this world that we accept a less than compatible personality. We just want to fuck them.

Typically the sex only relationships burn themselves out. When that happens, and you know it's over, how long have you stayed with them just for sex? How often after the break up have you gone back just for "one more time". How frequently are do they enter your mind now during sex?

I've never gone back for just one more...in real life anyway. Now I want the good fucks AND the compatibility.
I've become a needy bitch ♡

 

[Paul_Chance]

We tend to seek out mates based on their personality and then hope the sex matches our own desires. Sometimes it doesn't, and we are able to "coach" our partner toward what we like. Sometimes it's not a great match be we are secure with the person so we accept the gap in sexual performance.

But sometimes the sex is so out of this world that we accept a less than compatible personality. We just want to fuck them.

Typically the sex only relationships burn themselves out. When that happens, and you know it's over, how long have you stayed with them just for sex? How often after the break up have you gone back just for "one more time". How frequently are do they enter your mind now during sex?

If we are talking out of the world sex, beyond the 99th percentile, then I'm like a moth to the flame, and almost any amount of BS, short of a felony indictment, is worth going back for and earns a permanent place in the fantasy/memory roster. Fantastic sex only relationships will eventually burn out and often enough leave scars - but they're worth it.

 

[beachbaby179]

If we are talking out of the world sex, beyond the 99th percentile, then I'm like a moth to the flame, and almost any amount of BS, short of a felony indictment, is worth going back for and earns a permanent place in the fantasy/memory roster. Fantastic sex only relationships will eventually burn out and often enough leave scars - but they're worth it.

***claps vigorously ***
There's a lot to be said for an honest answer.

 

[RacyRedLips]

If we are talking out of the world sex, beyond the 99th percentile, then I'm like a moth to the flame, and almost any amount of BS, short of a felony indictment, is worth going back for and earns a permanent place in the fantasy/memory roster. Fantastic sex only relationships will eventually burn out and often enough leave scars - but they're worth it.

Three times, off the top of my head, indulging in seconds only proved to me that I wasn't missing much and the reasons we were no longer together and/or having sex were really, really good ones. However, there is this one person I can absolutely not stay away from and it's maddening. I get that our relationship is unhealthy, we drive each other crazy, we can't stay together for long periods of time....but give us some time apart and all is good for a little while because the chemistry between us is amazing and spot on. My gut says 'uh-oh, you're making a mistake' but the rest of me doesn't agree. So even though I treat each time as the last, for sure I am one of the moths you speak of. He makes me weak in the mind and the knees.

The memories are the kind you relish and scars have only added character.

 

[ChainedUp]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

I'd be bummed out but I'd probably just do nothing. I don't do the "chase people down" thing. If interest isn't reciprocated I pretty much just move on. Life is too short.

 

[beachbaby179]

I can only speak for myself, from personal experience. YMMV. But my real life has been out of control lately (maybe not completely, but its certainly a mess) and there have been several conversations/friendships that I've allowed to suffer. I come here, I post, I play word games...but they're all quick hits that require very little emotional energy. I'm drained. It's all I can manage right now.
Like tonight. It's 4:30 in the morning. I woke up an hour ago, coughing from this nasty whatever I have, and I can't go back to sleep. So I browse.
It's nothing personal to anyone. I'd appreciate a friendly message, or post underneath mine. In time I'll be back to my old self and I hope that too much time hasn't passed and it won't be awkward to pick up these conversations again. But right now I don't have it in me.
So before you make that snarky post in Dear Litster, consider what the situation might be.

 

[LWulf]

Currently, I'm a rage monster. I first start with a PM dripping with ichor. I then prepare to launch a thousand messages all posted just an instant after their last posting; questioning any semblance of their intelligence, one for every thread they post in.

Then, before I click 'submit', I close the browser.

"Do nothing" doesn't explain it well enough, but the end result is the same...

 

[LifeIsGood3976]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

As for me, I'd do nothing. It's one of those things in life where your instincts tell you to do something more dramatic, with more splash and impact. You'd feel better in the short term, but maybe regret it in the long term. And the long term is, ummmm, longer.

Doing nothing will feel right as time passes and the entire relationship/PM exchange/flirt festival will be water under the bridge.

 

[Trekka]

Beachbaby's post rings true to me. Sometimes I'm too overwhelmed/busy/stressed/whatever to continue a PM back-and-forth, which typically require some brain power, some thought. Maybe even some feelings.

But posting on the boards can be mindless. Stress relieving. Brain numbing- in a good way. I can post song lyrics and whether I'd kiss the person above me very easily!

So in this situation i'd enjoy it if the person in the PM exchange tailed me around the boards a bit, nicely. It would let me know that they're fine with the pace of things and we are still good.

If I'm not liking a PM exchange for some reason I usually tell the person why, and to buzz off. If I just flake? It's because Life Hapoened again.

So I extend others the same courtesy.

Also PMs get lost in the shuffle, they get accidentally deleted... You think you replied but your reply never went through... Lots of reasons why a back-and-forth could end abruptly... That aren't personal.

There's a particular Litster who returns maybe half of my PMs? And I'm madly in lust with them. I don't get upset over it. I usually do nothing, or flirt with them/hump their leg on the boards as per usual... Which is cute, right?? Nothing can stop me from shamelessly flinging myself at them, short of a court order.

I think with genders reversed the above shameless flinging could be seen as creepy... But I dunno. As long as you're not smothery - and say nice things - a little light flirty tailing is pretty harmless. IMHO, at least.

 

[BCJ4]

Beachbaby's post rings true to me. Sometimes I'm too overwhelmed/busy/stressed/whatever to continue a PM back-and-forth, which typically require some brain power, some thought. Maybe even some feelings.

But posting on the boards can be mindless. Stress relieving. Brain numbing- in a good way. I can post song lyrics and whether I'd kiss the person above me very easily!

So in this situation i'd enjoy it if the person in the PM exchange tailed me around the boards a bit, nicely. It would let me know that they're fine with the pace of things and we are still good.

If I'm not liking a PM exchange for some reason I usually tell the person why, and to buzz off. If I just flake? It's because Life Hapoened again.

So I extend others the same courtesy.

Also PMs get lost in the shuffle, they get accidentally deleted... You think you replied but your reply never went through... Lots of reasons why a back-and-forth could end abruptly... That aren't personal.

There's a particular Litster who returns maybe half of my PMs? And I'm madly in lust with them. I don't get upset over it. I usually do nothing, or flirt with them/hump their leg on the boards as per usual... Which is cute, right?? Nothing can stop me from shamelessly flinging myself at them, short of a court order.

I think with genders reversed the above shameless flinging could be seen as creepy... But I dunno. As long as you're not smothery - and say nice things - a little light flirty tailing is pretty harmless. IMHO, at least.

Yes to those, agree with your statements completely.

 

[Mindfondler]

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

I've had my share of PM exchanges that have fizzled out for no apparent reason. I tend to accept it now as "one of those things" in online life.

One change that I've made over the years is to try to avoid a "ping-pong" expectation of messaging, in which B can't send another PM to A until A has replied to B's last one. That's vulnerable to two problems: (a) if A forgets to reply or loses the PM, then the exchange is over; and (b) it can degenerate into a "How was your day?", "Okay. How was yours?" style of forced conversation.

If I make friends with people then I want them to feel free to drop me a line at any time without the weight of any prior baggage. It's lovely to receive a message out of the blue from someone that I remember fondly from an earlier exchange. Similarly, if I don't get a reply to a message, then I retain the option of sending a light-hearted follow-up after a while to check that they're still okay. If they still don't reply to that, then I probably won't bother any further unless a specific reason prompts me to re-open the dialogue (e.g. something said in a thread)

Sometimes, friendships are forged around particular moments. They're real and meaningful at that time, but they can lose context later. That's okay.

So, "none of the above", I guess.
.

 

[rubydlite]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

I only ever stop or don't write someone for a few reasons. One, I've accidentally deleted their message.
Two, I hate small talk and 'jump into sex ' talk
Three...you're a douche canoe
And four...you say you wanted to get to know me and be friends but all you did was try to get into my virtual pants and now you continue to publically wine that 'we had something special' when we didn't. *hmm that one has been bugging me apparently*

Replying also takes effort, I do it on my phone and sometimes a reply deserves more....thought, time, love, a bigger keyboard...
Playing on the boards is mindless and non committal.

I've had people write to me and call me names because I've posted on the boards but not answered them...creepy much.

(Especially since they weren't posting just lurking)

It hurts and confuses me sometimes when people stop connecting but I would never call them out. I don't want someone in my life if I have to beg them.

 

[LallyH]

If someone is around but not replying to a message, I wouldn't bother sending another.

I have conversations that reach a natural end, and then restart some time later, but that's different to simply not answering a message.

 

[RacyRedLips]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

Sure it isn't.

Do nothing. Let it go.

I come here for myself, I'm not here for others. Whatever I find along the way, whether it is short and sweet or long term, is considered a wonderful bonus. One that may disappear, just like that. Because shit does happen and real life does get in the way....because everyone has the right to feel differently, lose interest, and/or separate themselves from involvement.

Being confrontational gets you nowhere and bitter-sounding posts only make you look silly.

It's online reality. I think -- Accept it. Cherish it for what it was. Smile and move on.

 

[DarkSimian]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

I agree with most of what has already been said. I know that RL sometimes gets in the way, for me and the PMee. So if I haven't chatted with someone in a while, I might send the "Hey, how you doing?" PM, but after that, I'll let it go. I don't need a virtual restraining order. The funny thing I've noticed, is that I have had more stalkers than I've stalked other people. And so when you get that PM "Hey why don't you talk to me, I saw you talking with X!", it can come off as a little creepy, a little needy. Certainly something I don't need in my life right now

 

[jameslewis]

Busy day for me tomorrow so I'm going to pose my topic now and hope my Litiquette friends don't punish me too much for breaking from standard practices.

You've been enjoying a nice exchange of PMs with someone and for whatever reason it just stops. Real life got in the way, shit happens.....etc. But then you notice them posting on the board and you send them a benign PM and get nothing back. What is your next course of action.

1. Do nothing
2. Send a confrontational PM
3. Post right behind them on a thread
4. Post a passive aggressive message in Dear X or Dear Litster

*no, this is not an autobiographical, asking for a friend" topic*

Let it go.
You may have been their rock, their steadfast, or you may have been rocking their world - and overnight for some reason instead of a rockstar now you're background noise. Asking why, or what happened, won't change it. Pursuing answers changes you from their rock to gravel in their sandal.
Let it go.
It's just how it is here.