SimonSex
Not my circus/monkey
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2023
- Posts
- 4,969
Related:
A divisional station in Leeds was recently ransacked, with looters removing and stealing all of the toilets.
Constables say they have nothing to go on at this juncture.
SHITS AND GIGGLES - Snexxers comedy club
- Thread starter snexxer
- Start date
A divisional station in Leeds was recently ransacked, with looters removing and stealing all of the toilets.
Constables say they have nothing to go on at this juncture.
LordofDargaardkeep
ODAG other Alt
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2025
- Posts
- 1,407
TheGoodLife3976
LifeisGood!
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2025
- Posts
- 48
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper.
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper.
LatinaCarmen1980
Love and laughter
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2024
- Posts
- 2,382
My husband told me this a few weeks (2 months?) ago... Threw a dish towel at him and we both ended up crying from laughing so hard.What’s another name for cumming in a woman?
Loading the dishwasher
TheGoodLife3976
LifeisGood!
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2025
- Posts
- 48
A brothel closed and went out of business. What did the sign on the front door say?
"We're closed. Now beat it."
"We're closed. Now beat it."
snexxer
King of Cheek.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2018
- Posts
- 11,647
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
He replies "I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel' a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin' him onywhar."
The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells…
"SUPPLIES!"
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."
So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
He replies "I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel' a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin' him onywhar."
The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells…
"SUPPLIES!"
TiedbyChris
watching over luckyclover
- Joined
- May 6, 2009
- Posts
- 19,038
Just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien -
One undead and E.T.
One undead and E.T.
Chillygirl
GO PACK GO
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2012
- Posts
- 25,395
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Cause I put on the wrong sock this morning!
Cause I put on the wrong sock this morning!
barefootgirl69
🧡 Wild Lil Cupcake
- Joined
- May 14, 2015
- Posts
- 81,854
Why was the letter E the only letter to receive gifts from Santa?
Because all the other letters were not E.
Because all the other letters were not E.
MiloMcLeod
New
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2025
- Posts
- 18
I’ve got some glove puppets for sale if anyone wants to take them off my hands
OralAllOver
Bi, mostly oral bttm
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2025
- Posts
- 1,396
WTF
She should be promoted to Party Captain!
https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/police-officer-sacked-groping-colleagues-141710324.html
She should be promoted to Party Captain!
https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/police-officer-sacked-groping-colleagues-141710324.html
snexxer
King of Cheek.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2018
- Posts
- 11,647
A man had been drinking at a bar all night and pukes down the front of his shirt.
“Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me”
The bartender sees this and says “put a £20 Note in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you £20 for dry cleaning”.
So the guy goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, to which he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me £20 to pay for dry cleaning”.
To which his wife says “Ok well then why do you have £40 in your hand?”
“Because he also shit in my pants.”
“Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me”
The bartender sees this and says “put a £20 Note in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you £20 for dry cleaning”.
So the guy goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, to which he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me £20 to pay for dry cleaning”.
To which his wife says “Ok well then why do you have £40 in your hand?”
“Because he also shit in my pants.”
snexxer
King of Cheek.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2018
- Posts
- 11,647
Duck walks into a pub...
A duck walks into a pub and orders a beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road”explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus", says the barman.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again.
"Yes" says the barman
"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.
"Yeah" the barman replies.
"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.
"Of Course" the barman replies.
"With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck
"That's right!" says the barman
The duck looks confused.
"What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?"......
A duck walks into a pub and orders a beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".
"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working", says the duck, now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".
"I'm working on the building site across the road”explains the duck.
Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"
"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus", says the barman.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right", replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again.
"Yes" says the barman
"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.
"Yeah" the barman replies.
"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.
"Of Course" the barman replies.
"With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck
"That's right!" says the barman
The duck looks confused.
"What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?"......
Chillygirl
GO PACK GO
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2012
- Posts
- 25,395
What does a Gloryhole and a police hotline have in common?
Anonymous tips
Anonymous tips
SirCorneliusWankumbush
Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2025
- Posts
- 315
A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost.
The cop replies, 'You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money.'"
The lawyer says, 'How DARE you call me materialistic.'
The cop replies, 'Well, you've been so concerned about your car that you didn't notice that your arm is missing.'
The lawyer screams, 'FUCK! My Rolex!
The cop replies, 'You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money.'"
The lawyer says, 'How DARE you call me materialistic.'
The cop replies, 'Well, you've been so concerned about your car that you didn't notice that your arm is missing.'
The lawyer screams, 'FUCK! My Rolex!
SirCorneliusWankumbush
Virgin
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2025
- Posts
- 315
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the referee was blowing fowls.
