The Glass Cage

[Guest]

The words of support I have recieved from all that have posted here, have meant a great deal to me. It's comforting to know that others understand what I'm saying and why I feel I must do this.
Please, if any of you feel the need to express your pain or joy, sorrow or happiness, do so. This thread was started in hopes that by sharing a piece of what I felt, someone could find a piece of mind knowing that they were not alone. So feel free to post what you will.

 

[kikmosa]

bump

 

[Guest]

And Yet

I hear the words of comfort
Being spoken around me
I feel the depth of caring from all

And yet I still feel alone

I hear the stories of others
Telling of troubles
Of lies and pain

And yet I still hurt

I hear the heart beats of
Others as they struggle
To cope with the trials life sends them

And yet I hear nothing

I know that others have suffered
Lived in torment and pain
Been through their own hells

And yet my pain calls to me

I know that one day
The pain will ease
And I will heal

And yet I still bleed

I know that someone will
See what I am inside
And love me anyway

And yet I still need

I only want an end to fear
To be able to live and love
To feel passions embrace

And yet I still endure

I sometime wonder
If I should just let go
Let it end and stop dreaming

And yet I still live

 

[smilingblues]

Unregistered,

I'm not the poetic person you are, all I can do is reach out my arms to you, and anyone else who wanders into this thread, through my own form of sharing, that being the warming comfort of my thoughts to you.

One day there will be a story for you and it will belong only to you and no one else because not another soul can ever truly walk in your shoes. Every story is different, every beginning and ending is different. It will be the story of you. Once upon a time...

 

[Guest]

Drift

Clouds drift across the sky
As I lay and watch
My mind drifting lazily along
As empty as the bottle beside me

The warmth from the sun
Bares down upon me
Soothing my muscles and calming me
My body drifting like the clouds

Around me I hear the buzzing
Of bees among the flowers
Birds fly over as they lead
Their busy lives

I se life everywhere around me
I hear the sounds of nature
But as from a distance
As if separated from me

For I have no place among this
I have made my choice
And by this choice I have
Removed myself from all of it

I placed myself beyond it
Took that final step
Left my cares and pains behind
And surrendered to the call of peace

And so I lay here
Watching the clouds
Drift across the sky
Until I can see no more

And then I’ll drift away.

 

[Guest]

Passion’s Dream

I moan as I feel
His hands touching my skin
The warmth flowing from
The tips of his fingers

My body came alive
As he caressed
The curves of my hips
And stroked across my breasts

I tremble and cry out
As I feel his lips
Trailing down my neck
Blazing fire with each kiss

My body arches high
As his finger slip
Into my center
And stir the embers

Passion builds higher
And higher still
Til all thoughts have
Fled from my mind

All I can think is
More... oh please... more
My need for him
Drives me ever on

I feel his body press
Down into mine
His weight pinning
Me to the bed

I feel him place his
Eagar manhood to
My center, his muscles
bunching to thrust and...

And I wake, alone,
Lying in my cold
And lonely bed
Crying out with the loss

Again my mind
Has betrayed me
Again I wake to
The emptiness of my life

I rise from my bed
And huddle in my chair
There’ll be no more
Sleep for me this night

 

[Guest]

Sleep

Sleep, the time to unwind
To let your mind wander
To let your body rest

God, if only I could
I’m so tired and yet
I fear sleep so deeply

No unwinding for me
My mind doesn’t wander
It flows into the pit of my mind

There it relives the past
Feeling again the pain
And the despair of years

It becomes once more
The frightened thing
Hiding on the floor of the closet

Wondering what will
Set it off this time
What word will I say wrong

What action will I do
To earn the next strike
For earn it I will

And so I huddle in my chair
My fear of sleep stronger
Then the exhaustion I feel

Another night will pass slowly
As I struggle to hold on
To what little mind I have left

But I know sometime
I will have to sleep
And slip into the pit

 

[smilingblues]

 

[Guest]

Thank you for the rose. I do want you to know that just posting these really is making things better. I no longer feel like I'm bottling it all inside of me. Some of the pressure has been relieved. And knowing that someone understands also helps. So for you x's 1000

 

[unregisterd]

I truly hope that others can also find release in writing. If you wish you may add your writings to this thread as well. All are welcome and none will be turned away.
It doesn't have to be in a poem. Whatever you are led to write.

for all that have shown me support as I explored within me.

 

[smilingblues]

unregistered,

To be able to write about what you're feeling, then sharing it is so freeing. Most times I write and allow myself to explore the emotions coursing through my body and then I delete what has been typed. For me just the act of writing has helped. I guess the reason why I delete it is because I'm afraid - maybe what I have written scares me so much that I don't want to expose it to the world. I don't really know.

I wrote this haiku after reading your last several poems. This is how I felt for you.

Mourning silently
Feeling the rush of sadness
Exposed emotions.

 

[unregisterd]

unregistered,

To be able to write about what you're feeling, then sharing it is so freeing. Most times I write and allow myself to explore the emotions coursing through my body and then I delete what has been typed. For me just the act of writing has helped. I guess the reason why I delete it is because I'm afraid - maybe what I have written scares me so much that I don't want to expose it to the world. I don't really know.

I wrote this haiku after reading your last several poems. This is how I felt for you.

Mourning silently
Feeling the rush of sadness
Exposed emotions.

That is truely beautiful. Thank you so much. I deleted mine at the beginning also. When I finally got the nerve to post one I was so nervous I almost threw up. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I would get. So far everyone has been very supportive. Just knowing that there are others out there that feel the same helps a great deal. You have a talent with Haiku. Maybe it would be easier to write your feeling in that form. But please, take a chance. Express them and if you can, share them with someone. You can pm them to me if you don't feel comfortable posting them yet. It does help so much to be able to share them.

 

[smilingblues]

unregistered,

I just wanted to take a minute to see how you were doing this evening. Just so you know, I have taken my fingers to the keyboard today and was pleasantly surprised. Happiness even managed to flow through them and created something that brought about a smile. Thank you for the incentive.

I'm hoping that peaceful moments are coming to you a bit easier and that the night brings sleep to you instead of fitful resting.

 

[unregisterd]

Tears

I hear the rain falling gently
The drops tinkling against the glass
The sky is weeping for us all

The sadness in this world
Bears down on me, pulling me lower
Bending my neck under its weight

I feel as if all the troubles and pain
That comes to be in this loveless world
Seek out those of us that care deepest

As if its trying to bend us to it’s will
To make us just as the others
Cold, uncaring, heartless and cruel

But I won’t give in to this
In the end perhaps it will win
But I for one will go out fighting

I won’t stop caring no matter what
Yes I’ll be hurt and used and battered
But I will be me and not one of them

And if by fighting this I may in some way
Ease the struggle for one of us
Then my fight will have meaning

And if I inspire just one to also fight
And they in turn inspire another
Perhaps we, in fighting together, can win

Then maybe the rain of tears
Can turn to a ray of sunshine
And a day of new hope can begin

 

[unregisterd]

unregistered,

I just wanted to take a minute to see how you were doing this evening. Just so you know, I have taken my fingers to the keyboard today and was pleasantly surprised. Happiness even managed to flow through them and created something that brought about a smile. Thank you for the incentive.

I'm hoping that peaceful moments are coming to you a bit easier and that the night brings sleep to you instead of fitful resting.

I too have been surprised. My last writing had a hopeful ending. That's the first one in years. Not what I started out to write but where the words led me. Maybe we are both beginning to heal a bit. I think it's because I dared to share these and found that others felt as I did. I don't feel so alone anymore.

 

[unregisterd]

Thoughts

When will I ever learn
I must stay quiet
For my words bring pain

I know the feel of pain
That you feel inside
And that you feel out

I have no wish to harm
No wish for others to feel
That which I endured for years

I must learn to hold my thoughts
Within me once again
No more will I speak them aloud

No more will I share my sorrows
For I do not wish to hurt
To cause another pain

I gave free rein to what
Flowed from the depths
Of a mind that should be silent

In doing so I freed
Other thoughts as well
They begin to flow freely from my fingers

Now I pushed them
Where they were unwanted
And in doing so brought harm

So my mind must now be silenced
My thoughts put back in cages
Never to be freed again.

 

[unregisterd]

Islands

All around I hear
The sounds of laughter
People talking as they pass

Life bustles and surges
Ebbing and flowing
Never slowing or stopping

Here and there an island
In the tide stands out
A life on hold breaks the flow

A lonely soul stands
No one to share the laughter
No care to light the heart

Life batters at these islands
Breaking and cresting
Wearing away at the edges

Sometimes they break loose
Join the flow passing by
Returning to the tide of life

But often they just wear away
Losing piece by piece
As the tide rips it away

Smaller and smaller
These islands become
Drawing in upon themselves

Until finally they fade
And the flow drifts
Over without notice

I, too, am an island
Standing in the tide
Life breaking around me

I feel it pull and tug
Trying to dislodge me
To carry me along

Will I break free and drift
Or will I just wear away
Only time will tell

 

[unregisterd]

A Life Unlived

I wake with the sound
Of a babies cry echoing
In my mind so loud

A cry that never had a chance
To sound itself in life
Never to be heard by others

A cry that was silenced
Before it was begun
Ended by a hand of cruelty

A life terminated
By the hand of death
Before it could be

A question left forever
In my mind of what
Could have been

Never to know the feel
Of its body snuggled to mine
The touch of its tiny hand

Never to feel it suckle
Drawing life from my breast
Taking part of me within

My arms ache to hold
That tiny spark of life
But it was not to be

A hand of pain inflicted
A voice of anger heard
The agony of a life destroyed

No more to have this chance
To be a part of life
To share my heart

For me a life that is barren
Filled with sorrow
All I will ever know.

 

[unregisterd]

Again

Once again my hopes
Are raised as I
Enter the fray again

Will this be the one?
Will this time I find
Arms to hold me close?

I do not ask for love
I know for me there never
Will be a filling of my heart

All I look for
Is someone to hold me
So I’m not alone

Someone to touch
His lips to mine
To take my breath away

To feel for me
If not need, then lust
To want to touch me

Once again my hopes
Were raised and
Once again were dashed

Words dripped from his lips
Words of want and desire
Words of lies and half truths

His words talked of touching
Of sharing needs together
O being one if only for moments

He pressed his body
Close to mine
He stripped away my fears

He lay me down
He touched, he stroked
My passion into flames

Then came the moment
When two should be one
And there was nothing

With a groan he rolled away
With regret he sighed and spoke
To tell me of the reason why

“A favor,” he said was asked
To pay a debt he owed
A friend or so I thought

A promise he made her
To give me just one night
To fill my dreams

But he could not do it
For within he could not find
A passion for my body

I was not what
He would want
And his body would not lie

Tears sprang to my eyes
Humiliated and scorned
I dressed and quickly left

Never again would I allow
My hope to rise
Dead will they stay

I realize now that always
Will I be alone
For never can I trust

I will always think
Is this but pity?
Will it happen again?

My heart cannot take
Another blow as this
Better to leave it still

And so again I sit
Watching life pass by
Never to chance the flow

A life alone I now accept
For me this is what will be
Never again to live.

 

[unregisterd]

Not Me

I crawl away to hide
Humiliated beyond what I can bare
He said come with me
Be with me, share your body
To fill my needs
I’ve been alone for so long
I knew that this would not last
That it was but a momentary lust
I knew and yet my body ached
A fire burned inside that threatened
To consume me if I did not quench it soon
And so I went to give to him
What no one has wanted in years
We touched and kissed
I moaned as I felt his hands
His skin burned against mine
I pressed to him and offered all
But though he tries the fire
Would not burn within him for me
He closed his eyes and tried to find
Within himself and image to bring
His lust to the surface
Until at last he rolled away
Saying that he couldn’t
That though he had promised another
He could not find a way to desire me
My God, it was not me he wanted
I was just the key to another
My heart plunged within me
As the fire died beyond restarting
My soul screamed in agony
Quickly I dressed and ran
Never had I felt such pain
To know that I was just a payment
And one not worth paying
Is this what my life has become?
Is this all I’m worth? A pity fuck?
If this is all I have to look forward to
Then is it a life worth living?
The pain becomes unbearable
I see nothing to look for but more pain
This isn’t life, not living
Why prolong it? Let it end now.

 

[smilingblues]

unregistered,

I saw your glimmer of hope in your poem "Again". This is called taking a chance. Maybe you're not ready to take that road again, but what I saw when reading your words was that your heart didn't close itself off completely. This is very good, unregistered.

But, I think you're afraid to truly open up again and that is understandable. We all have fear when we allow others to see the beauty within - our soul. You are not the only one who has ever wondered if this time will be the right time - the time when we feel so connected that we'll know immediately that love has truly found us.

I can only tell you to keep trying because I, too, live in fear. My family is my guiding light right now. They are the ones telling me that I'm okay. There are some days when I can't make it out the door because I begin to panic. There are other days when I'm feeling so strong that I am able to have a good day. Those days are coming back, but very painfully slow.

There are those several days when I feel like a complete failure, only to be reassured by family that I'm not. But, even their words don't always help because when you've felt like a failure for most of your life, it's hard to let that take flight and leave you forever.

I don't think there is an easy answer for you or for me, but with the help of others I do believe that when a hand reaches out to you, you must take it and allow yourself to hold on, maybe gently at first, so that you can take that first step. Don't worry that the steps you take are small because that's how we all learn. Nothing worth having ever comes easily - remember that. Most things that are important to us take time, energy, and lots of strength. The strength is needed to take us from moment to moment.

I don't see that giving up totally is the key, though. That would be way too easy and the only ones we'd hurt would be ourselves. We'd miss out on so many things - so many beautiful memories that are yet to come. Please remember that. If I can tell you that and really believe it and have you understand it, too, then that is a start.

 

[Ladybird]

My friend, unregistered.. you posted here initially as an outlet for your feelings and emotions. As a way to ease the inner pain. And look what's happened. You have found friends from all walks of life, and from all corners of the globe.

By opening up and showing yourself to us, you've drawn in people who are similar to you.

Can't you see... you are no longer alone. You have friends, true friends who have welcomed you for the person you truly are, not the one that is put up for public display.

Your honestly, openess and beautiful soul have ensured that you are not alone. Just be the person that you really are, and you will always be surrounded by love and friendship.

Thank you for sharing the special person that you are, with me.

 

[unregisterd]

Do you think I should?

I only hope that when and if I ever reveal my real lit nic that the people here won't be mad at me. Or pity me. That's not what this was for. Just the fact that I was able to touch one life would make it all worth it though.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Re: Do you think I should?

I only hope that when and if I ever reveal my real lit nic that the people here won't be mad at me. Or pity me. That's not what this was for. Just the fact that I was able to touch one life would make it all worth it though.

This is beautiful work, so full of emotion and passion for life. The world has been hard, but the spirit lives, undaunted, undiminished by the hardship . . . indeed, an inspirational example of the durability of the human spirit under extreme conditions of turmoil . . . thank you for sharing your experience with us . . . the world is a beautiful place . . . your work shines among that beauty . . .

 

[kikmosa]

Light

I sat in darkness
Surrounded by the nothingness
Of despair and fear

My life was empty
Unfulfilled, useless
Unneeded and unwanted

The years have given me
Nothing but pain
Heartache and Misery

I’d long since
Stopped looking
For a ray of light

I resigned myself
To a life of darkness
Unrelieved by hope

It became unbearable
I could no longer take
This endless existence

I decided that
Enough was enough
No more, let it end

My mind made up
To stop fighting and
Let the dark consume me.

I ceased to struggle
Letting it flow over me
Until it was all.

Just as I thought
The end had arrived
A ray of light touched me

It’s just a flicker
I thought to myself
Not really there

Then again it came
This time it flared brighter
As I shielded my eyes

A tiny thread of warmth
Where there had been
Only cold and death

It spun in place
Once, twice, again
Always returning

Soon there was another
Shining apart from
But soon joining the first

Then another and still more
Each shining out of the dark
Joining one to the other

Soon where there had been
Nothing but darkness and cold
There shown a light as bright as day

A warmth flowed over me
Chasing the cold from me
As the light reached my heart

I feel it calling
Wanting me to enter
But my fears still hold me

I reach for the light
Wanting to bath in its heat
To be a part of it

Yet a wall of glass
Stands between us
A wall I must break

I raise my fist
I beat upon it
I bruise my soul

A shadow of cracks
Barely to be seen
Start to run through it

Time must pass
Before the cracks
Grow into breaks

But now there is time
Now I can see hope
And again I will fight

*To Gil....My Light in the Darkness*