Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[JKendallDane]

The sound of toddlers snickering from under the bed.

.

 

[MagicaPractica]

The sound of mice, or something bigger, running around overhead in the attic.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Sadly it's your third year in 9th grade. Just proves there's always a desperate boy somewhere waiting for an ugly virgin.

You weren't supposed to tell anyone!!! Now EVERYONE knows. I'm never putting out for you again and I wore that paper bag like you asked me too. Nasty boy!

 

[Hypoxia]

"Oops. I used epoxy instead of Astroglide. My bad."

 

[Handley_Page]

"Was that your 'phone, or mine?"

 

[MagicaPractica]

I think I might be allergic to your lipstick. Call 911?

 

[Handley_Page]

I think I might be allergic to your lipstick. Call 911?

"Ah, that was a bad batch . . "

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

You weren't supposed to tell anyone!!! Now EVERYONE knows. I'm never putting out for you again and I wore that paper bag like you asked me too. Nasty boy!

I'm so sorry. Next time you won't need the paper bag. We'll do it doggie style so I won't have to look at your ugly face.
Besides you are quite beautiful. I just didn't want anyone else snooping around.

Sure glad no one else reads this crap!

 

[Hypoxia]

...tremendous wet slurping, moaning, gasping, cracking, and swallowing sounds from the next room...

 

[Handley_Page]

The sounds of the Salvation Army Brass Ensemble warming up with a rousing hymn in the next room..

 

[MichaelinChina]

About 50 guys playing basketball on the courts outside your room: the multiple bounce, bounce, bounce, then the clatter of the balls hitting the backboards.

 

[RNJAG]

Oh, that's really small. I mean really really smaaaallll.

 

[TheFirmHand80]

What are you doing with my sheep, you bastard!?!

 

[Green_Knight]

NnnnnnnnGgggHHHHH!!!!!!!


(http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1399541)

 

[loquere]

This is a continuation of the audit.

 

[ChloeTzang]

I have a great homemade snuff film I want to show you – it really gets me in the mood.....

 

[KindofHere]

.............

 

[Handley_Page]

"Hey - That's the Fire Alarm"

 

[Green_Knight]

My vagina doesn't always contract that badly. It will release you soon.

 

[ChloeTzang]

Oh fuck! That's my parents! Hide!

 

[Kantarii]

Is it okay if I do this myself, I do it better.Kant

 

[MagicaPractica]

The Girl from Ipanema.

 

[Green_Knight]

Is that a condom still in there? I wondered where that went.

 

[loquere]

Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry!!!!! (Tonight on our show)

 

[Handley_Page]

The Girl from Ipanema.

Tall & Tanned
and Young & Lovely. . . . .

<loud appreciate whistle>