What Are You Nosey About Today?? 🦝

[RustyIron]

I’ve had enough hurt and BS in my life that I will no longer let things go, ignore red flags.

Me too100% ^^^^ too, except I go the other direction now.
I used to not let things go, and and try to talk things out too.
But there came a point where I thought, why do I bother, if you have lied or Bull shitted me once, then chances are you'll do it again.
So I don't bother any more, can't be bothered with the angst or aggro, any more. Life is more peaceful that way.


Now, if were referring to a work situation that's different, It's at the stage, (and has been for sometime) that I don't trust anyone anymore, "RED FLAGS" around every corner at step.
So many people lying, to cover their own ass, bullshit to everyone else about how good they are, and suck up to the Boss.
I know what they do and say, as I'm an IT administrator, and, I know all their dirty little secrets. So I don't tell anybody anything anymore, if it affects me, I'll call bullshit out then and there, and have done many times. Otherwise I shut the fuck up and say nothing because there is no one else I trust. Sad, it never used to be like that, used to be a great place to work.

 

[cheekygirl75]

This. I used to ignore things so much, but now I want more out of life. I met someone almost five years ago, who became very important to me, and absolutely anything that appeared to be a red flag - I asked questions. I did my absolute best not to have doubts, not to stay open and risk hurt if a red flag appeared. I wanted everything smoothed out. Unfortunately it didn’t make things as smooth sailing as I had hoped. I now use the same approach with others, with better results. But if I don’t have a connection, or care about someone, then I ignore the red flags because there won’t be an ongoing relationship/friendship and they just don’t seem to matter.

The staff member who lied to me about an incident, and when I viewed the cctv and saw with my own eyes that she was lying, then continued to lie to my face. Red flag. I don’t care, that’s on her and her conscience. I took the appropriate workplace action, but I don’t pay much attention to things she says anymore.

Yesterday I had a friend stand me up for attending an appointment with me. I’ve been dropped and let down a lot, so that was an immediate red flag. I asked if I could phone her, and talked it out verbally, where there was no chance of misunderstandings via text message.

So it depends on the connection and how important the person is to me. But challenging red flags doesn’t always work, as it hasn’t with the one person I wanted it to work out with more than anything.

ETA: I had someone ask me just today whether they have ever mistreated me. In the past I would have backed away from such a conversation, but today I said yes, you did. And now we are talking it out, at the same time I’m typing this. I’ve had enough hurt and BS in my life that I will no longer let things go, ignore red flags. I try to talk everything out. (I’m going to add, doesn’t always work though.)

I think this is all you can do - challenge red flags and talk them out if you choose, but being aware it’s not guaranteed that it means everything will work out. You can only control how you react to something, not how the other person does. They need to be ready and able to be as open and honest… not everyone is.

Personally, I often don’t see red flags until I think it’s too late. I’m working on my erroneous belief that I don’t get to change my mind about a person or relationship. So even if a relationship seems to be going one way, I still have the right to say no this isn’t what I want, although I might have been going along with that direction at first. But that’s a different topic!

 

[Dribble]

One thing I learned long ago...what I perceive to be true...commonly isn't. My life skills sucked. So no....I don't place a lot in red flags. That doesn't mean they weren't real. It means everything requires communication. No communication...it isn't real.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

 

[cheekygirl75]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

Ooooh, I have strong feelings about this! When I was younger, the cashier at Walmart thing would have bugged me because my family was (is) kind of snobby about that & it took awhile to dig that snobbery out of myself.

Now, I would look more at the whole picture, I hope. Interests outside of their work would count for a lot, as would overall curiosity & intelligence. If they worked as a cashier then went home to watch TV or play video games and that was it, that would be a problem. But if they worked as a cashier because of awesome benefits from seniority or because they had a passion project they needed the flexibility for or some other substantial reason, that would be different.

Someone being very conventionally successful doesn’t make them more attractive to me, I don’t think. I’d rather be with someone who was less successful but had outside interests or a good work life balance and was just happy. If they were *and* they were wildly successful, that’s good too, but just successful wouldn’t change my attraction

 

[StacyLeigh]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

Drive and ambition are super important to me, but they can (and often) show in ways outside of their employment or job title. I also wouldn’t assume that a cashier is “unsuccessful” career-wise. Everyone’s path and steps to get there are different.

 

[Silk_Princess]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

In my view there are a number of faulty (and in my view snobby - sorry LW) assumptions built into the premise of the question that make it difficult for me to answer directly. But in general, I view the particular job someone holds as just one of many data points about them, nothing more, nothing less. In speaking further with them, I may learn things about how they wound up in a particular job, if they like it, and how important it is to them that may be more revealing of personality traits that I would find attractive or less attractive. I also would not assume that someone who is in a prestigious job has arrived there due to drive and ambition, versus e.g. wealth, family connections, othert types of privilege, or just plain luck. Ditto for the person in a less prestigious job.

It is true that I may have an easier initial conversational rapport with someone in a job or work environment that is similar to my own. But that’s a matter of finding some common ground, which could also come from other areas of life (e.g. hobbies, travels). And that type of common ground would seem to matter a lot less in the cyber world, where I am not looking for someone who is a compatible life partner. In fact, online interactions are to me are an opportunity to “meet” different types of people and explore potential connections that might not arise so easily in real life.

 

[AmberLGreen]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

I am with Silk Princess on this one. The question itself raises issues as to what is drive and ambition. I don’t think you can determine this from a person’s career point of view. It can be that people in the “less successful” careers often give more than they need to and those in “more successful” careers have got there by using other people.

I don’t think I look at drive and ambition as a specific quality with regards to attractiveness. I would find somebody who is happy in their career choice, has some get up and go about them, makes time for other things in their life, and who has an acceptance for my choices to be attractive.

 

[Dribble]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

I don't see a problem with the question. Job titles mean nothing. 6 years ago I went to Wyoming to pick up my daughter and son for the summer. I knew immediately something was wrong. So I stayed. My ex wife ended up being life-flighted to a hospital 3 hrs away due to a brain aneurysm. The damage is extensive. So I gave up my career...my education...my business...to do the right thing...take care of my kids and their mother. Not like Wyoming is a hotbed of opportunity. So I threw 100# bags onto pallets for 10 hrs a day. I mowed lawns. I shoveled snow. I treated beans. I made drywall...whatever paid the bills. I never missed a day of work. My knees hurt...my back hurt...my emotional welfare took a big hit. There were days I didn't eat so my kids would. But it was what was right. And yes...I have a PhD

I have had people here judge me when I mentioned the job I was working at that time. Their loss. Not mine. Today...my life is very different from those hard days. And those that judged me? Their lives are still the same.

 

[ydahecnot]

Of course, take into account that the person claiming a big-time job could be full of crap. And as long as her profession isn’t “criminal,” I couldn’t care less

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

This is a conversation I had sort of recently. In so far as money and prestige didn't really have an affect on me.

I don't care if you have a fancy job. I care if your happy and fulfilled. Some people's jobs simply finance their lives and their actual passions and hobbies. Some people had incredible privilege and were able to get a job that makes them unhappy and unfulfilled. Success can be fleeting but who you are foundationally makes the difference. This last year has hopefully taught everyone how fast life can throw a curve ball.

The only other thing I'll say is that there are two kinds of conventionally successful people on Lit. One for whom that is there biggest draw and really the only interesting thing about them. And the other who doesn't want people to know because knowing changes the way that they are interacted with and they can smell people like Bambi mentioned a mile away.

Good question!!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Before anybody gets their knickers in a wad the phrase was
like Bambi mentioned , not "like Bambi"
ROFL

Yep, the keyword being "mentioned". Hahaha

 

[AlexBailey]

I'm nosey,

Has anyone been to a sexual relations counselor/therapist? What prompted you to go and did you get anything out of it?

 

[Paul_Chance]

I’m nosy about this…

Say you start chatting with someone and you’re hitting it off then you find out they are a cashier at Walmart (as an example) and content with that….does that change how much you are attracted to them?

On the flip side, say you’re chatting with someone and things are going along ok and then you learn they are a very successful person (career wise)..,does that make them more attractive in your eyes?

Do drive and ambition matter to you?

Drive and ambition matter to me - but careers/professions/jobs are only one part of that. As long as a person has some sort of driving force in their life, I am drawn to them. That drive can be as simple as "being a good human being". So, if they're a cashier at Walmart, happy, and chasing their best life as they see it, I am drawn to them.

If they're a cashier or a corporate VP and all they do is whine and bitch about there life, that's a major turnoff for me. Life is a rough beast. It breaks everyone sooner or later. What you do at and after the breaking point is what matters.

 

[Dribble]

I'm nosey,

Has anyone been to a sexual relations counselor/therapist? What prompted you to go and did you get anything out of it?

I have been to marriage counseling twice (series of visits each time). Of course sex was covered. Yes...in that I know I did everything I could to work on the relationship. No in that it was not successful.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I care less about titles than I do about happiness.
Liking your job goes much farther than a title. Doesn't matter what title you hold if you are miserable.

 

[mynameisben]

I'm nosey about why it's called snowballing and not swishing. How many other words can we come up with that would fit better that snowballing?
You can all ignore that. Just following through on a kik commitment i made and wanting to get
People thinking. So carry on

The things you want others to think about!


Ben

 

[ydahecnot]

I am so not visiting Urban Dictionary to learn about those

 

[mynameisben]

It's my thing. If something doesn't make sense to me, I want someone to explain it to me in a way that it will, or to start thinking about how "yeah, she's right. Why do they call it that?"
Thinking is a good thing

Coming from a fair weather clime, I can't relate to why they would call it snowballing. But I can't really think of an alternative name for it, either. "Semen Swapping" is all that comes to my mind, but it lacks any sort of imagination. That's why I'll never make it in the catch-phrase obsessed world of advertising. Sorry.


Ben

 

[AngelicaS1780]

I'm nosey about why it's called snowballing and not swishing. How many other words can we come up with that would fit better that snowballing?
You can all ignore that. Just following through on a kik commitment i made and wanting to get
People thinking. So carry on

I wonder if it might be called snowballing because the fluid being passed between partners bears a resemblance to a cocktail, called a snowball, that was first made in the 1940's and then became extremely popular in the 1970's, especially in the UK.

https://britishfoodhistory.com/2019/12/24/the-snowball/

But maybe not...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowballing_(sexual_practice)

 

[SassySheDevil]

I'm nosey about why it's called snowballing and not swishing. How many other words can we come up with that would fit better that snowballing?
You can all ignore that. Just following through on a kik commitment i made and wanting to get
People thinking. So carry on

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a12445875/snowballing/

One idea

 

[AngelicaS1780]

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a12445875/snowballing/

One idea

I'm slightly disappointed to say that wikipedia agrees with cosmo on this one, and my cocktail idea was just a shot in the dark.

 

[ydahecnot]

I'm slightly disappointed to say that wikipedia agrees with cosmo on this one, and my cocktail idea was just a shot in the dark.

*rimshot

 

[cheekygirl75]

I'm nosey,

Has anyone been to a sexual relations counselor/therapist? What prompted you to go and did you get anything out of it?

I haven't been to a specifically sexual relations counselor/therapist, but I've recently started talking to my generic therapist about sex and the problems I've had coming from a very sexually repressive and sex-negative family...

It's really too early to tell if I'll get anything out of it, but my therapist is really good, so probably

 

[mynameisben]

I'm slightly disappointed to say that wikipedia agrees with cosmo on this one, and my cocktail idea was just a shot in the dark.

Don't be. Wikipedia is no oracle. And neither is Cosmo. Your shot in the dark conjecture is imaginative and every bit as noteworthy.


Ben