Projection v/s Reality

[Netzach]

You are so dispassionately diplomatic, Jack. I wish I could be more like this and less hot-tempered. I'm not kidding!

Seriously. I'm better at it when I'm getting laid more, I have to say. Maybe that's the secret, I have no idea.

 

[intothewoods]

You may be in and out, and you may insist on poor memory, but you miss little, do you?

That said, I personally support people's right to be insulting and annoying, and I support the right of the directly insulted to pipe up, but I do not support this grade seven gym class style of girls social beatdown. It bites. I've been fifteen once, I don't care to relive that moment.

<shudder> That's a vivid analogy!

Free speech is often a hard pill to swallow. Most people are for free speech, except for that one guy who is such a lyingevilsob!

 

[intothewoods]

Seriously. I'm better at it when I'm getting laid more, I have to say. Maybe that's the secret, I have no idea.

I hope this doesn't sound inuslting, but I was going to say, well, maybe I should aim to be more like Netz - she's fair but still has some 'tude (for lack of a better term - ya know, you can take the girl away from the surf...). And I have 'tude coming out of my tuckus.

ETA: This may be the case for me as well (ahem).

 

[JMohegan]

I must be dreaming. I thought this was a free speech lightly moderated forum and if people have a problem reading someone they have an ignore switch. I'd like to see nobody slapped on the wrist or smacked down and people to use their best SM party etiquitte and find another thread if they have a huge issue, or grow a pair and confront the other party, not play telephone with the mod who then feels he/she must DO something.

If nothing else that's shitty for the mod. FWIW, I vote that it's not your problem, but it's your call.

If someone asked me to help them deal with Internet nasties, the very first thing I would say is: No one can control the behavior of anonymous posters on the Internet, unless they have access to whatever software powers the mode of communication. Leaving aside the issue of whether anyone *should* try to control a non-partner's behavior, this is just a matter of fact.

The only behavior over which you have control is your own, so either learn to deal with random nasties, or find a private chat room to exchange ideas, or turn off the computer altogether. In dealing with random nasties, if you find that their posts are deeply upsetting, don't read them.

This is *not* the same thing as saying rudeness is okay, or hooray for blunt people who tell it like it is, or any other such nonsense.

 

[intothewoods]

Exactly. I had/have a problem reading Sinn, so I simply don't read her.
She's been on ignore since 2002. Unfortunately I STILL know most of the details of her nastiness because unfortunately the "quote" option doesn't work on ignored people but since I was always missing 90% of the conversation, it dulled down my itch to respond.

It works...really it does.

Just to share. I had WD on ignore for a bit. It's just the Republican thing. It makes me want to punch holes in walls. It's kind of a hot vibe, we could probably turn it into some angry sex thing. But I digress. Anyway, then I couldn't see the blurt thread anymore! So that was a problem. Ignore wasn't going to work for me.

So I noticed ADR is friends with him, and I like her, and Netz likes him, and she's way more commie pinko than I am, so I got over it. Republicans are people too. I mean, they seem to be and all.

Anyone? Is this thing on?

 

[BeachGurl2]

In dealing with random nasties, if you find that their posts are deeply upsetting, don't read them.

This is *not* the same thing as saying rudeness is okay, or hooray for blunt people who tell it like it is, or any other such nonsense.

And that right there is the way to handle it, in my opinion. Unfortunately, there are times it seems to take over the board. Those are the times I take a hike.

 

[JMohegan]

*chuckling at ITW and Netzach*

And that right there is the way to handle it, in my opinion. Unfortunately, there are times it seems to take over the board. Those are the times I take a hike.

I agree; this does seem to come in waves.

Nice to see you back, BeachGurl.

 

[catalina_francisco]

In large part, yes. Thank you very much for taking the time to write all that out.

Just to clarify one point about my comments - You are correct about the couple to whom I was referring, but I was addressing their consistent behavior over the course of more than a year (i.e., not just the incident when you were in Australia). To me, she in particular was the absolute queen of personal attacks cloaked in: "I tell it like it is, and if you don't like it too bad!"

The key point here is not that you should have been chastising her on a regular basis, but rather that I don't understand the double standard - when I watched the behavior of her (and others) go repeatedly unchecked, and then see what looks to me like a virtual witch hunt here.

I realize that we all read people differently. I am not asking you, or anyone else, to adopt my view on other forum members as your own. I am simply offering my perspective as food for thought.

As for the comments about your role as moderator, I don't envy you the task. It's not my place to tell you how to do your job, though I would like to respectfully repeat what I said earlier. Public and personal excoriation seems counterproductive, at best.

Ah, and so is it any wonder that as a rule I no longer have contact with anyone from this forum except visibly on the forum? I have met some lovely people from here in RL, all of which have left the forum for one reason or another though sometimes drop by to say hello, and very recently I have begun to talk to a couple of forum posters in PM, but it is not a daily or even weekly contact, though I have seen it inferred I am thick with many and part of a lot of cliques around here. As I said, I do attempt to keep to the free speech policy, but that can be abused as is notorious in the GB...most here are not in favour of having the same format here, and we are moderated, they aren't.

I am not perfect, but seems from discussions as recent as the end of last year that I am viewed as being able to keep it neutral most of the time, and also do not hold a grudge against anyone here or in RL....and I have a great co-mod in Marquis. Interestingly, even before becoming a mod, I never felt the need to use the ignore function, but then I also felt I had enough control to bypass most things I didn't need to deal with, and refused to allow others to limit my experience of the forum and all that was said here. Is sort of like when F was working in Saudi and though they telecast US TV shows, the screen was covered with black dots blocking out what they saw as inappropriate...sometimes made following what was taking place impossible.

Catalina

 

[serijules]

You may be in and out, and you may insist on poor memory, but you miss little, do you?

That said, I personally support people's right to be insulting and annoying, and I support the right of the directly insulted to pipe up, but I do not support this grade seven gym class style of girls social beatdown. It bites. I've been fifteen once, I don't care to relive that moment.

The only reason I remember that actually is because she was the first person I allowed to make me feel like shit on here, which was shortly after I started posting. No one else has since, but sinn...she's someone I truly have a hard time stomaching. Free speech is great and all, but so is common decency. She displayed none. Even my poor memory has a hard time forgetting that one!

I agree on the social beatdown thing. Most of my biggest insecurities in life stem directly from high school and similar "showdowns". I always told myself I will never have a kid because I don't think I could handle sending them to high school LOL.

 

[serijules]

Just to share. I had WD on ignore for a bit. It's just the Republican thing. It makes me want to punch holes in walls. It's kind of a hot vibe, we could probably turn it into some angry sex thing. But I digress. Anyway, then I couldn't see the blurt thread anymore! So that was a problem. Ignore wasn't going to work for me.

So I noticed ADR is friends with him, and I like her, and Netz likes him, and she's way more commie pinko than I am, so I got over it. Republicans are people too. I mean, they seem to be and all.

Anyone? Is this thing on?

LOL it sucks when people you really admire and like seemingly admire and like someone you think sucks!

There are a lot of people that seem to admire or at least tolerate sinn and for awhile I actually let myself be wary of them, feeling like perhaps they had a lot poorer of judgement than I thought. Then I realized how full of myself I was being and figured it didn't matter who they liked or didn't like, as long as that person's attitude and nastiness didn't rub off on them, alls well. And since said people are all strong, independent, clearly in charge of themselves people, I highly doubted that was likely to happen.

 

[serijules]

And that right there is the way to handle it, in my opinion. Unfortunately, there are times it seems to take over the board. Those are the times I take a hike.

Ditto. It's no coincidence that my absences here usually coincide with certain peoples' LACK of absence.

 

[BiBunny]

Thank you to Netz, JMohegan, and others for pointing out the double standard that I was referring to. It means a heck of a lot more coming from y'all, who are unbiased observers, than it would coming from me or anyone else whose name's been dragged into this thread. And, JM, you're right about where the sig line came from. It reminded me of a time back when I was an undergrad doing sorority rush from the sorority side. Most of my sisters wanted to sit around and complain, but another girl whom I love to death and I got everyone up off their butts and working. They weren't particularly thrilled about it, and between she and I, we would whisper, "Bitches get things done!

 

[satindesire]

*Ahem* Just to clarify, in case anyone thought so...My post(s) were not directed to ANYONE, even in a veiled or backhanded matter. I was sharing my opinion on the bitch attitude in general, and not any person here on Lit.

I apologize wholeheartedly if my post(s) seemed such.

 

[satindesire]

*Snip*

Republicans are people too. I mean, they seem to be and all.

*Snip*

We can be kinky, too!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Like in any other social contexts, there are some people on this board that annoy the shit out of me, some who have left by now, others who are still around. And like in any other social contexts, the way I deal with those people is by avoiding interracting with them as much as possible. On Lit, it's quite easy to do so by just not reading or not responding to them.

There are usually only two exception to this rule:

1. I'm bored and feel like playing with them. But I usually do so only with the troll-like ones.
2. They make comments which are not only annoying, but also offensive. I'm happy to ignore annoyance. But I usually believe in not letting people get away with saying offensive crap.

So, after hearing for a while now that people are leaving the forum because of some meanies and/or whinning at the mods about said meanies, here's my thoughts on this: I am much more annoyed by this whining and the witch-hunts that tend to follow than by the few people around here that get on my nerve. The annoying people are much easier to avoid than all this fucking whinning and finger-pointing that is going on all over this place.

With that, I'm offering two advices, both free of charges:

1. If the meanies are indeed ruining your experience of Lit, either learn to deal with it or leave. But stop the fucking whinning about it.

2. Learn to pick your battles people. There are some ideas/values/beliefs worth fighting for and not backing down on -- and if you're a woman, chances are that you're going to be called a bitch for doing so. But consider that your personal views on D/s, BDSM, relationships are not be THAT important.

Finally, I'm with JM and Netzach on this. The witch-hunt into which this tread has transformed into is fucking shameful. I will also add that I have read some people repeatedly making sexist/homophobic comments around here, but I haven't seen any of those people put on trial or sat on the therapist chair to reform them. The priorities around here are indeed quite fucked up.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Thank you to Netz, JMohegan, and others for pointing out the double standard that I was referring to. It means a heck of a lot more coming from y'all, who are unbiased observers, than it would coming from me or anyone else whose name's been dragged into this thread. And, JM, you're right about where the sig line came from. It reminded me of a time back when I was an undergrad doing sorority rush from the sorority side. Most of my sisters wanted to sit around and complain, but another girl whom I love to death and I got everyone up off their butts and working. They weren't particularly thrilled about it, and between she and I, we would whisper, "Bitches get things done!

You're right, there is a double standard here. There are some posters who have been taken to task for their behavior and others who seem to get a pass. I've seen that for as long as I've been posting here. My concern is only with my behavior and in that area, I've tried to make personal changes.

I also want to apologize to you publically for giving you advice, here and in PM when you asked for none. It seems I'm always on the wrong side of the fence even when it's the side with only good intentions.

It was arrogant of me and I'm sure annoying. I won't do it again.

 

[BiBunny]

You're right, there is a double standard here. There are some posters who have been taken to task for their behavior and others who seem to get a pass. I've seen that for as long as I've been posting here. My concern is only with my behavior and in that area, I've tried to make personal changes.

I also want to apologize to you publically for giving you advice, here and in PM when you asked for none. It seems I'm always on the wrong side of the fence even when it's the side with only good intentions.

It was arrogant of me and I'm sure annoying. I won't do it again.

ADR, you haven't offended me at all, either publicly or in PM. I've been trying to tell you that, but I think I keep making you think I'm upset at you. I'm not. And I appreciate the things you've said, here and in PM. I have a hard time wording things appropriately at times.

 

[A Desert Rose]

ADR, you haven't offended me at all, either publicly or in PM. I've been trying to tell you that, but I think I keep making you think I'm upset at you. I'm not. And I appreciate the things you've said, here and in PM. I have a hard time wording things appropriately at times.

I never thought you were upset with me. My advice was unsolicited and I think more annoying than anything else. That's why I'm apologizing.

And I think you've done a fine job getting your message in text. I understand well, the points you've been trying to make.

I can relate to a lot of things written in this thread. My previous posts were about me and the rehabilitaion of my behaviors. Again, it's not other people and the passes they have received that I'm concerned with. It's my behavior (past, present and future) that I want to improve and make amends for.

If it appeared that I was witch-hunting, I apologize for that, too.

 

[Netzach]

I can relate to a lot of things written in this thread. My previous posts were about me and the rehabilitaion of my behaviors. Again, it's not other people and the passes they have received that I'm concerned with. It's my behavior (past, present and future) that I want to improve and make amends for.

I think that came across just fine, and I don't think that your advice was given in some weird reformer spirit, but just in the nature of having a tip. Ditto satindesire.

Aiee, I gotta be more careful handing out scoldings among a lot of bottoms, everyone thinks it's them.

 

[satindesire]

I think that came across just fine, and I don't think that your advice was given in some weird reformer spirit, but just in the nature of having a tip. Ditto satindesire.

Aiee, I gotta be more careful handing out scoldings among a lot of bottoms, everyone thinks it's them.

We're a paranoid lot, eh?

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think that came across just fine, and I don't think that your advice was given in some weird reformer spirit, but just in the nature of having a tip. Ditto satindesire.

Aiee, I gotta be more careful handing out scoldings among a lot of bottoms, everyone thinks it's them.

You know how paranoid I'm becoming. And when I make that comment, I'm not being funny. I struggle with it constantly. It clouds my interpersonal relationships in a big way.

On that note, when I wonder what you mean, I pm you and you have been gracious about explaining things to me. I don't feel like you are or have been scolding me. ;-)

I have worn the bitch title here. I never liked it. I still don't like it. Rehabilitating a reputation is a real hard thing to do. Some people will never accept me as anything but the bitch they believe me to be and in many instances, the bitch I was. Some people will never forgive me. I accept that.

I had a thread about that (forgiveness) and like all my threads, it went in the dumper real quick. LOL But I won't stop trying to make amends and be better, regardless of those who are not inclined to see me any other way or to forgive me my past. I can't concern myself with people who (I preceive) have been bitchier or meaner or more unkind than I've been and who no one takes to task and everyone seems to like.

This is about me... not them. This is about being a better person here and now, so I can die feeling like I didn't leave it with people hurting on my account.

 

[intothewoods]

I think that came across just fine, and I don't think that your advice was given in some weird reformer spirit, but just in the nature of having a tip. Ditto satindesire.

Aiee, I gotta be more careful handing out scoldings among a lot of bottoms, everyone thinks it's them.

Did you ever watch that South Park episode, Passion of the Jew? Mel is a pain slut, basically - and he keeps tying himself up and saying, oh no, NOW you have to beat me!!!!!

 

[intothewoods]

LOL it sucks when people you really admire and like seemingly admire and like someone you think sucks!

There are a lot of people that seem to admire or at least tolerate sinn and for awhile I actually let myself be wary of them, feeling like perhaps they had a lot poorer of judgement than I thought. Then I realized how full of myself I was being and figured it didn't matter who they liked or didn't like, as long as that person's attitude and nastiness didn't rub off on them, alls well. And since said people are all strong, independent, clearly in charge of themselves people, I highly doubted that was likely to happen.

Yeah, pretty much. Although with WD I'm always thinking, does he mean that, or is he just trying to bust our collective liberal balls? Never can tell.

 

[RJMasters]

JM, Netz, and DB and anyone else who feels annoyed or even sick of what they preceive as to witch hunt behavior going on.

I guess I could say, if you don't like what the witch hunters are posting, maybe you shouldn't read them and just ignore them.

Perhaps if what you consider the self righteous acts of the witch hunting behvaior continued day in and day out with no end in sight, you might get sick of it more than you already are and decide, its just not worth it and leave or not particapate because you think free expression is being trampled....oh wait, isn't that others are saying about how the bitshes make them feel? I think it is, I think they have said, they don't feel comfortable sharing or particpating. Your responses to them?

Don't talk to me of double standards, when your spewing hypocrasy from your lips yourselves. If you somehow reason that its ok for bitches to be bitches regardless of how that might trample over other peoples free expression, then that view must also allow for witch hunters to be witch hunters.

The fact that you think the full responsibilty lies with the reader rather than the poster is complete bullshit. Both reader and poster have some responsibilty in the matter.

If it was up to me, I wish the bitches would stop being bitches, so that the witch-hunters as you call me(us) could stop being witch-hunters, and you could all stop being aloof self righteious hypocrites after your own fashion.

The tenants of free speech is based upon civility and everyone's attempt towards the same. Whether any group, bitches, witch hunters, or hypocrates after their own fashion disrupt that civility, adjustments should be sought to restore it.

I have no problem owning up to my own bitchery if that is what your so concerned about Netz. I am fully aware that I am acting in a bitch like manner. As I said in my definition, sometimes when there is a legitmate gripe, bitchery has its place.

Bitches dont like the flower-puff girls, I don't like the bitches, you all don't like those who don't like the bitches....I get it, I am glad that settled,

Someone start another post and let's get on with it already. I just never thought I would ever get use to living in a place where people shit where they live but I guess you are right I could use the ignore button and just walk around the shit and just ignore the smell.

 

[satindesire]

*Snip*

If it was up to me, I wish the bitches would stop being bitches, so that the witch-hunters as you call me(us) could stop being witch-hunters, and you could all stop being aloof self righteous hypocrites after your own fashion.

The tenants of free speech is based upon civility and everyone's attempt towards the same. Whether any group, bitches, witch hunters, or hypocrates after their own fashion disrupt that civility, adjustments should be sought to restore it.

*snip*

You know, he's got a point. It all starts somewhere, and it's with people bad mouthing and being rude and hateful...if THAT stopped, no one would complain about it. Then no one would complain about the complaining and it would all just...be forgotten as a black smudge on Literotica history.

Ah, who am I kidding? Bitches don't want to be reformed, they love being mean.