The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[BLoved]

Actualy yes he is.

Wish there was more people who would understand the meaning of true love as he does.

Thank you, B.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Actualy yes he is.

Wish there was more people who would understand the meaning of true love as he does.

All you and he need are each other, really.

 

[WriterDom]

Hey Bloved, you should remind everyone to vote on your stories again since you have reposted them in the last couple of days. I noticed when I saw the new comments.

 

[BLoved]

Hey Bloved, you should remind everyone to vote on your stories again since you have reposted them in the last couple of days. I noticed when I saw the new comments.

~smile~

I decided not to delete the stories at this time.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

You know whats funny? Every time someone start talking about LOVE & BDSM on this board, people goin nuts. I noticed this long long time ago. Goes for me and Jockdom, goes for Daddy2mylilgirl and his sub, goes for this sweet couple that simply give up and left this board after WriterDom started the shit thread and people start making stupid jokes about them.

They were nice, friendly posters, yet you made them leave. Only BECAUSE they was in love and spoke about their afection on public. Now when I think about it it's ALWAYS WriterDom starting this kind of threads.. I just wonder why.


Every time people speak about love on this board it's like pouring oil into fire. I've never figured out why is that.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

All you and he need are each other, really.

Funny.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Talk about love as in 'this is how we feel about each other, and this is how we express it' or 'this is how we feel about each other, and this is how we express it AND you all should be doing it too' ?

I'd be amazed if anyone here would say that they don't believe that love is a good thing, both in BDSM relationships and vanilla ones. What people tend to object to is being told their relationship is 'inferior' or 'wrong'

 

[intothewoods]

You know whats funny? Every time someone start talking about LOVE & BDSM on this board, people goin nuts. I noticed this long long time ago. Goes for me and Jockdom, goes for Daddy2mylilgirl and his sub, goes for this sweet couple that simply give up and left this board after WriterDom started the shit thread and people start making stupid jokes about them.

They were nice, friendly posters, yet you made them leave. Only BECAUSE they was in love and spoke about their afection on public. Now when I think about it it's ALWAYS WriterDom starting this kind of threads.. I just wonder why.


Every time people speak about love on this board it's like pouring oil into fire. I've never figured out why is that.

Well, Daddy2mlg and Bloved haven't exactly been the best of friends on this board, so this isn't some vast conspiracy against love. Come on, B, the people who pissed all over the cooing posts those times didn't like the PDA. I have no idea why they wasted their time there either, but, guess what? This is a big, diverse board where everyone gets to say whatever the fuck they want.

Have you read easternsun's marks of a slave thread? Love is certainly a theme there. I'm in a loving closed relationship, as are many others here. There are also plenty of folks who do not do casual play at all as a rule.

 

[chy_girl]

One of my favourite quotes

And yet, to truly live, one must truly love.

I do. Deeply. That doesn't mean I have to be romantically in love with the person setting me on fire.

~smile~

 

[sb2009]

how is he more special than I am? How have I not experienced true love?

I can tell you, I have and continue to experience true love in many forms.
The intense desire to be one with my husband.
The burning fire of love for my children that is part biology and party mystery.
The sense of "communitas" that I have felt being part of various environments made up of people united in a common goal.

None of this makes me say that MY WAY is the ONLY WAY. My way is good for me, it might totally suck for someone else. Meh.

 

[BLoved]

I do. Deeply. That doesn't mean I have to be romantically in love with the person setting me on fire.

~smile~

It does if you truly want to live

Thank you for reminding me of this. I'm watching Braveheart.

 

[chy_girl]

You know whats funny? Every time someone start talking about LOVE & BDSM on this board, people goin nuts. I noticed this long long time ago. Goes for me and Jockdom, goes for Daddy2mylilgirl and his sub, goes for this sweet couple that simply give up and left this board after WriterDom started the shit thread and people start making stupid jokes about them.

They were nice, friendly posters, yet you made them leave. Only BECAUSE they was in love and spoke about their afection on public. Now when I think about it it's ALWAYS WriterDom starting this kind of threads.. I just wonder why.


Every time people speak about love on this board it's like pouring oil into fire. I've never figured out why is that.

You know, love is great. Someday I hope to find the partner of my dreams who can fulfill most of my needs. I, however, will not settle for less than I deserve. I will not "make-do" with a relationship to avoid being single. So I wait.

That doesn't mean that while I wait I sit quietly in a corner and deny myself the opportunity and pleasure that comes from the friendships and opportunity to learn that I have found in my local community.

And if you're going to go on about it not being right that some people here have shit on the idea of love-based BDSM relationships, maybe you should think about how he's shitting on the relationships of many of the members here without any inclination, clue, or reasonable amount of experience to make said accusations.

~smile~

 

[Stella_Omega]

It does if you truly want to live

You see, dear readers, this totalitarian, judgmental comment is exactly how Bloved has made himself so disliked in so many communities.

"(True Love) is the only way to truly live."

He does not say; "True love is the only way I want to live."

No, he must dictate YOUR life to you. True love is the only way YOU may 'truly live." otherwise, he will tell you that you are less than alive.

That is the insult that has angered people here. All of his persecution fantasies are just that-- fantasies. To support them he has to re-write people's posts.

 

[BLoved]

What people tend to object to is being told their relationship is 'inferior' or 'wrong'

You would prefer we look upon a one-night stand/no-strings attached encounter as "equal" with a marriage of ten or twenty years?

You would dictate to the rest of us what constitutes "abuse" and what does not, so we know what to object to and what we should tolerate?

 

[BLoved]

You see, dear readers, this totalitarian, judgmental comment is exactly how Bloved has made himself so disliked in so many communities.

"(True Love) is the only way to truly live."

He does not say; "True love is the only way I want to live."

No, he must dictate YOUR life to you. True love is the only way YOU may 'truly live." otherwise, he will tell you that you are less than alive.

That is the insult that has angered people here. All of his persecution fantasies are just that-- fantasies. To support them he has to re-write people's posts.

And there are 86 pages in this discussion because the majority feel they have the authority to tell the minority what we may believe and what we must not believe, what we may say and what we must not say ...

86 pages of the majority persecuting a minority of one because he does not believe what they believe.

Who is the tyrant when one man cannot disagree with the majority?

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

You would prefer we look upon a one-night stand/no-strings attached encounter as "equal" with a marriage of ten or twenty years?

You would dictate to the rest of us what constitutes "abuse" and what does not, so we know what to object to and what we should tolerate?

Truthfully? I have been abused. Casual BDSM, with or without LOVE, does NOT equate abuse. Respect, care, giving the other person what they desire? Where is the abuse in that? To say those two things are anything alike is a grave disservice to those of us who have been abused whether mentally, physically, sexually or emotionally.

I do not deny that you have the right to talk about why you feel it is abusive. You may start threads and what have you until the cows come home. I agree with the majority of what you have posted but that doesn't mean that I am going to scream from the rooftops about how MY way is better than someone who chooses to live their lives differently.

I am not monogamous. I am happily queer. I don't engage in casual BDSM play because I bond with my s/o and cherish the things we build together. However, when I first began learning about this world, I did go to play parties, I did participate in scenes where no sex would occur because I wanted to LEARN. Those experiences made me who and what I am and I would not change them, nor would I tell anyone else they should not be privy to them if that is what they desire.

You could be a real asset to the board. *shrugs* Like I said, I agree with your take on intimacy and love in BDSM relationships. Honestly though, how is anyone ever going to discover that about you if you don't engage in conversation rather than preaching and claiming persecution?

 

[FloggingMolly]

You would prefer we look upon a one-night stand/no-strings attached encounter as "equal" with a marriage of ten or twenty years?

You would dictate to the rest of us what constitutes "abuse" and what does not, so we know what to object to and what we should tolerate?

I said nothing about what I want or expect. I was stating one of the reasons that people could feel annoyed. My own opinions and definitions are irrelevant.

 

[BLoved]

I said nothing about what I want or expect. I was stating one of the reasons that people could feel annoyed. My own opinions and definitions are irrelevant.

Not to you they're not ... no more so than mine are to me.

Who is the tyrant when one man cannot disagree with a majority?

 

[BLoved]

You could be a real asset to the board. *shrugs* Like I said, I agree with your take on intimacy and love in BDSM relationships. Honestly though, how is anyone ever going to discover that about you if you don't engage in conversation rather than preaching and claiming persecution?

It takes two reasonable people to have a "conversation". And if it is to be comprehendable, it helps if there are not five or ten accusations posted between the reasonable contributions to that discussion.

Instead of conversation we get persecution because we are not dealing with reasonable people here ... we are dealing with control freaks who are willing to shout down anyone who disagrees with them.

Who is the tyrant when one man cannot disagree with the majority?

In what way is a mob shouting down one man not an act of tyranny?

 

[Stella_Omega]

And there are 86 pages in this discussion because the majority feel they have the authority to tell the minority what we may believe and what we must not believe, what we may say and what we must not say ...

86 pages of the majority persecuting a minority of one because he does not believe what they believe.

Who is the tyrant when one man cannot disagree with the majority?

nonsense. You are trying to dictate to a consensus, which is not the same thing. The one thing each seperate person disagrees with you about-- is that YOUR way must be their way too. Each single solo person who disagrees with you will say so if they please. This has nothing to do with tyranny.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

It takes two reasonable people to have a "conversation". And if it is to be comprehendable, it helps if there are not five or ten accusations posted between the reasonable contributions to that discussion.

Instead of conversation we get persecution because we are not dealing with reasonable people here ... we are dealing with control freaks who are willing to shout down anyone who disagrees with them.

Who is the tyrant when one man cannot disagree with the majority?

In what way is a mob shouting down one man not an act of tyranny?

I had started to read this thread from the beginning. And I KNOW that first few pages were not like that. People were willing to hear you and converse with you. As far as I can see you only responded to those you disagreed with or who were very vocal in their defense of their chosen lifestyles.

I am not saying that this conversation hasn't devolved into a lot of bickering and down right nastiness but I AM saying that you helped this thread (which had such a promising start) become what it is: a place for people to take potshots at you.

I don't agree with it and I choose to stay out of it because I come here to talk with people who know more about certain things than I do. People in this Forum know what constitutes REAL abuse. You equating what they do (with full consent) with an abusive relationship (or a one night stand) because they aren't going about it with YOUR ideal of love is ludicrous and down right rude, especially to those of us who have dealt with abuse from an early age and have managed to get on with our lives and become stronger because of it.

 

[WriterDom]

~smile~

I decided not to delete the stories at this time.

But they are a new set because it let me vote again.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

But they are a new set because it let me vote again.

Why it didn't let "me" vote again?

 

[BLoved]

I had started to read this thread from the beginning. And I KNOW that first few pages were not like that. People were willing to hear you and converse with you. As far as I can see you only responded to those you disagreed with or who were very vocal in their defense of their chosen lifestyles.

This discussion is but an extension of those that came before it.

There did seem to be an interest initially in discussing this topic, but that quickly evaporated under the onslaught of unwarranted insults and accusations by the mob.

I am not saying that this conversation hasn't devolved into a lot of bickering and down right nastiness but I AM saying that you helped this thread (which had such a promising start) become what it is: a place for people to take potshots at you.

I do not dictate to adults how they must behave in a public forum. They make their own choices and are responsible for those choices.

I don't agree with it and I choose to stay out of it because I come here to talk with people who know more about certain things than I do. People in this Forum know what constitutes REAL abuse. You equating what they do (with full consent) with an abusive relationship (or a one night stand) because they aren't going about it with YOUR ideal of love is ludicrous and down right rude, especially to those of us who have dealt with abuse from an early age and have managed to get on with our lives and become stronger because of it.

I'm quite sure there are many who have endured abuse ... where else did they learn to abuse others?

As for becoming "stronger", we have a difference of opinion.

To me they have only become more paranoid about disagreement, and more willing to abuse and persecute one man in public because he does not believe their way is a healthy choice.

If that is "stronger" than I am grateful to be so weak, and not a member of their majority.

 

[BLoved]

nonsense. You are trying to dictate to a consensus, which is not the same thing. The one thing each seperate person disagrees with you about-- is that YOUR way must be their way too. Each single solo person who disagrees with you will say so if they please. This has nothing to do with tyranny.

I think those who are not biased will see things quite differently.

They will see a mob demonizing one man because he does not believe what the mob believes ... and they'd be right.

People are not as stupid as you'd like to believe, Stella.