Things a mate should NEVER say to the One they are having sex with!

[chronicle_tenko]

From the real life files.

(panicked) Hold still. I swear I can pop that back in place.

-and-

We'll make it fit.

 

[yeishia]

Welcome back ct

 

[sallythescorpian]

"Oh Christ! its stuck!"

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

"Oh Christ! its stuck!"

okay that one made me laugh...only cause I have a navel ring and have said those words *laughs*

 

[yeishia]

Depends what was stuck....and to what??????

 

[dragonrazor]

"what's this blue fluid?"

better yet, "I thought you said you weren't a virgin"

 

[sallythescorpian]

Depends what was stuck....and to what??????

Is there ANY good option to have stuck????? Nightmare visions to a horribly embarassing trip to accident and emergency!!!!!!! Lol!!!

 

[sallythescorpian]

"oh! Hang on a minute! I've been waiting for this call!

OR "won't be a minute! I'll just get the door!"

OR "just ignore them! They can't see THAT much!!"

OR "sorry!" then to the cop with the light shining in the window "it was all her idea! I swear!"

 

[yeishia]

Sally please tell me you are not from England

I worked in the Emergency there'

I could tell you some stories about Saturday night visits

" Honestly nurse I a bit drunk coming home from the pub and fell on the milk bottle!""


Hmmmmmm

 

[sallythescorpian]

"just ignore him! " Then to the man sizing you up, "dad, will you give us a minute? We're almost done!"

this is followed by meeting b/f parents for the first time!!!!

 

[sallythescorpian]

Sally please tell me you are not from England

I worked in the Emergency there'

I could tell you some stories about Saturday night visits

" Honestly nurse I a bit drunk coming home from the pub and fell on the milk bottle!""


Hmmmmmm

Yeisha very close! Ireland! And ver very close! But that's all I'm saying!!!!! The a&e guys here have all those stories too! Course the following day EVERYONE has the (embellished!) story!!!!!

 

[yeishia]

LMAO I needed that!

and the fruit bowl??????

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I could tell you the story about the guy who got a corona bottle stock somewhere inconveiniet...

Back to the object of the thread.

After a rousing bit of unprotected sex.

"Shit.. I have to pee. I hate that. It always burns when I pee..."

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

Depends what was stuck....and to what??????

Was my navel ring to his clothes as he had been rubbing against me teasing and yeah he went to pull away........I screamed but thankfully no blood shed or ripping occurred.

*he says* "baby put this on" *handing her some mini skirt leather contraption and she says * "oooo sexy" *he replies* "Yeah its mine!"

 

[yeishia]

At least it wasn't a clit ring caught on his braces...now that is painful!


Can you hold still please while I un snag this?

 

[dragonrazor]

"Uh...what are those eggs for?"

 

[Eiselmann]

" This is the last time I give someone charity sex"

"No I'm not worried about catching STD's...I've got them all already"

"This is number 20 for today another 4 and I break my record"

 

[dragonrazor]

"why do you even HAVE an octopus, anyways?"

 

[EesomeBeastie]

Does your cunt always smell like that? It's rather offputting...

 

[Eiselmann]

"Gosh I hope my Russian boyfriend doesn't find out about this, he gets insanely jealous, if he wasn't rich and in the mafia I'd leave him"

 

[haremfaery]

"Interesting...You're so much bigger than your brother."

 

[Eiselmann]

"Would you like to meet my family?...Of course you would MUM!! DAD!! AUNT SUSIE do you want to meet my new boyfriend?"

 

[dragonrazor]

"How'd you get a LICENSE for that thing anyways?"

 

[Noon_Shadow]

"That reminds me, I forgot to feed the dog."

 

[phoenixangel]

borrowing this from Mollie Ringwald in the pick up artist: if you'll shut up for a moment i'll cum...