Things a mate should NEVER say to the One they are having sex with!

[silver_glow]

Hold that thought while I phone my girlfriend

 

[LoganDarkHolme]

so as per the contract it will be $365 plus tip at the end

 

[yeishia]

Sorry Sir the contract went up my ass just ahead of your huge @*!#!


Sorry I just couldn't resist

 

[EesomeBeastie]

so as per the contract it will be $365 plus tip at the end

Could I have a receipt for that, please?

Oh, and put it down as printing, so I can pass it through the business and get the VAT back.

(Well printing is a sort of reproduction... )

 

[dragonrazor]

heh heh....how about this.

*sing song voice* "Just an old fashioned love song". Even funnier if each thrust is timed with a syllable.

 

[EesomeBeastie]

Don't press down so hard on my bladder or I'll ... oops!

 

[LoganDarkHolme]

for those of you who are wrestling Fans and the Tag Team Too Cool

Singing this song as you fuck

"bangin it bangin it bangin it bangin it"

 

[yeishia]

Do you think you could try and keep up with the beat please I am almost there!!!!

 

[EesomeBeastie]

Do you think you could try and keep up with the beat please I am almost there!!!!

Oh I'm sure many many men have heard that. It's pnly one step removed from the common:

"Don't stop doing that! I'm nearly there!"

"Doing what?"

"That"

"What?"

"That thing you've just stopped doing. Oh never mind."

She rolls over and pointedly turns her back to him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now for something you really don't want to have to hear (or say):

Um, there are white thready things round your bum. I, er, think you might have worms...

 

[MsAphrodite]

Damn.... it hit my IUD ouch!

 

[EesomeBeastie]

In the same vein:

I think your coil has caught under my foreskin.

 

[zydrate]

Don't worry love, I can text and fuck at the same time!

 

[yeishia]

Wake me up when your done I have a 8.00a.m. appointment!

 

[MsAphrodite]

Stop I'm tired

 

[MsAphrodite]

Move over I'm done!

 

[yeishia]

Hmmmmm.. er.. could you slow down please I haven't cum yet!

That should get me a spanking

 

[EesomeBeastie]

To the lady who is about to give one a blowjob:

"Whilst you're down there, could you take a look at these red lumps and tell me whether you think I should see a doctor?"

 

[yeishia]

I keep coming back to the thought ..

don't tell him you love him, don't tell him you love him...

he'll get up and run.... or simply disappear!

 

[chronicle_tenko]

I can't tell which hole I'm in anymore, your fat flaps are in the way.

 

[yeishia]

CT!!!!!! yukkky ooooh thats soooo bad

*bends you over and spanks you hard with the flat of her hand*

 

[yeishia]

You feel like I'm fucking sand paper honey!

 

[yeishia]

They should never be honest men do not like honesty LMAO

 

[MsAphrodite]

Move over, let me finish it myself *rolls eyes*

 

[yeishia]

If I am very very good can I borrow your gold card Mistress?

 

[monique_minx]

If you don't say yes, I'm gonna cum anyway!