❓ PLP Inquires❓

[tnman03]

Just to get us back on track.

I think I consider close friends on track record, open mindedness and time. Someone who I not only can tell all my deep darks to but someone who will hear them with an open mind and someone I can reciprocate that with. It's hard to get that close to me but once you're there I'm pretty hard to shake.

One of the things I dislike about myself the most is how guarded and suspicious I can be with people.

I don't consider being guarded and suspicious with people as being anything to dislike. Trust has to be earned and over time you learn the value of trying to be more mindful of what you divulge. Sharing what you have or being charitable is one thing. Being uncautious and having your trust betrayed by someone who doesn't care is totally different.

 

[Dribble]

03.01.21

Happy March!

I had a conversation with someone about this and I thought it would make a great discussion topic

How do you determine who your "close friends" are? Is it what you share with them? What they share with you? Length of time you know each other? Going through events together? What levels up a friendship for you?

All the above. And then some.

It is my experience, most people choose who their consider their "close friends " by whether you say what they want to hear. Fuck that. A true friend tells you the fucking truth...even if it isn't what you want to hear. And they listen to it even if they disagree.

 

[BadAmy]

All the above. And then some.

It is my experience, most people choose who their consider their "close friends " by whether you say what they want to hear. Fuck that. A true friend tells you the fucking truth...even if it isn't what you want to hear. And they listen to it even if they disagree.

true that. I've had many a heated debate with people I love who are friends. My love for them keeps me tied close. Despite disagreeing. When you have a relationship that cannot be shaken with a squabble, its a good one.

Also, being able to admit a fuck up to a friend, especially when you have hurt them, and they offer forgiveness? well, don't let go of that one.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

03.01.21

Happy March!

I had a conversation with someone about this and I thought it would make a great discussion topic

How do you determine who your "close friends" are? Is it what you share with them? What they share with you? Length of time you know each other? Going through events together? What levels up a friendship for you?

I have definitely gone through bad experiences with my best friend, but what makes us best friends is that we have shared values. We regard ourselves as two damaged, miserable fucks, and yet if someone needs our help, we roll out and try to rise to do our best. I don’t even know why. It’s just what we do. And I like to think we make each other better by doing it. That’s what I look for in a friend.

 

[Paul_Chance]

03.01.21

Happy March!

I had a conversation with someone about this and I thought it would make a great discussion topic

How do you determine who your "close friends" are? Is it what you share with them? What they share with you? Length of time you know each other? Going through events together? What levels up a friendship for you?

Happy March PLP

So, I was thinking about this through the day.

For me, I kind of have my friends arrayed in three tiers.

Tier Three (the outermost tier) is people I know and have some, usually small, overlapping interests with. We're friendly, we've been to each others houses, shared some experiences, invite each other to big social gatherings. But, the interlocking web of shared experience is not large or tight. We have entire lives that the others know nothing about.

Tier Two (the middle tier) are people I consider my friends. We have significant overlapping interests, we're frequent guest of each other, we share intimate social gatherings. The interlocking web of shared experience is significant. We may have some element of "secret lives" from each other, but not much. We know each others and share each others triumphs and tragedies.

Tier One (the innermost tier) iswhat we (as Lakota) call the Tiyospaye. That is our extended family. Though we may have no blood kinship - these are the people who I consider my brothers and sisters. This is the innermost circle that would be considered "close" friends. We have intimate knowledge of each others lives. We may not have overlapping interests, but we have shared experiences of a critical life nature.

Moving among the circles - most folks start in the outer circle and then gradually, through shared experience move closer and closer to my heart. For some people, the bond is nearly instant - I always just assume we were Tiyospaye in a previous incarnation, or their is some spiritual connection (or karmic connection*) that pre-existed this life and has continued into it.

*To totally confuse people I am a native American (Lakota) culturally, a Roman Catholic by birth and nurtured/raised/Jesuit educated, and Buddhist (chosen life philosophy). Or, for short a Pagan Catholic Buddhist. As I joke "I believe everything".

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

Happy March PLP

So, I was thinking about this through the day.

For me, I kind of have my friends arrayed in three tiers.

Tier Three (the outermost tier) is people I know and have some, usually small, overlapping interests with. We're friendly, we've been to each others houses, shared some experiences, invite each other to big social gatherings. But, the interlocking web of shared experience is not large or tight. We have entire lives that the others know nothing about.

Tier Two (the middle tier) are people I consider my friends. We have significant overlapping interests, we're frequent guest of each other, we share intimate social gatherings. The interlocking web of shared experience is significant. We may have some element of "secret lives" from each other, but not much. We know each others and share each others triumphs and tragedies.

Tier One (the innermost tier) iswhat we (as Lakota) call the Tiyospaye. That is our extended family. Though we may have no blood kinship - these are the people who I consider my brothers and sisters. This is the innermost circle that would be considered "close" friends. We have intimate knowledge of each others lives. We may not have overlapping interests, but we have shared experiences of a critical life nature.

Moving among the circles - most folks start in the outer circle and then gradually, through shared experience move closer and closer to my heart. For some people, the bond is nearly instant - I always just assume we were Tiyospaye in a previous incarnation, or their is some spiritual connection (or karmic connection*) that pre-existed this life and has continued into it.

*To totally confuse people I am a native American (Lakota) culturally, a Roman Catholic by birth and nurtured/raised/Jesuit educated, and Buddhist (chosen life philosophy). Or, for short a Pagan Catholic Buddhist. As I joke "I believe everything".

“I believe everything.”

I like that.

 

[Mei5ter]

Happy March PLP

So, I was thinking about this through the day.

For me, I kind of have my friends arrayed in three tiers.

Tier Three (the outermost tier) is people I know and have some, usually small, overlapping interests with. We're friendly, we've been to each others houses, shared some experiences, invite each other to big social gatherings. But, the interlocking web of shared experience is not large or tight. We have entire lives that the others know nothing about.

Tier Two (the middle tier) are people I consider my friends. We have significant overlapping interests, we're frequent guest of each other, we share intimate social gatherings. The interlocking web of shared experience is significant. We may have some element of "secret lives" from each other, but not much. We know each others and share each others triumphs and tragedies.

Tier One (the innermost tier) iswhat we (as Lakota) call the Tiyospaye. That is our extended family. Though we may have no blood kinship - these are the people who I consider my brothers and sisters. This is the innermost circle that would be considered "close" friends. We have intimate knowledge of each others lives. We may not have overlapping interests, but we have shared experiences of a critical life nature.

Moving among the circles - most folks start in the outer circle and then gradually, through shared experience move closer and closer to my heart. For some people, the bond is nearly instant - I always just assume we were Tiyospaye in a previous incarnation, or their is some spiritual connection (or karmic connection*) that pre-existed this life and has continued into it.

*To totally confuse people I am a native American (Lakota) culturally, a Roman Catholic by birth and nurtured/raised/Jesuit educated, and Buddhist (chosen life philosophy). Or, for short a Pagan Catholic Buddhist. As I joke "I believe everything".

Shame that wasn't Pagan-Buddhist-Jesuit or we could have abbreviated you to a PB&J.

 

[Acktion]

03.01.21

Happy March!

I had a conversation with someone about this and I thought it would make a great discussion topic

How do you determine who your "close friends" are? Is it what you share with them? What they share with you? Length of time you know each other? Going through events together? What levels up a friendship for you?

Happy March to you, PLP.


Friendship for me is definitely a process. (One that I'm not totally sure all this fabulous in my mirror is worth.) And the point where most would say "friend," I still feel "acquaintance" is more apt.

To begin with, I have never wanted a large circle of friends. One or two has, historically, been enough for me. More than that... and it just feels like I'm having to rob Peter to pay Paul. Being pulled too many directions...

Also, as I mentioned in another thread that touched on this subject, while I tend to proactive in every other aspect of my life, interpersonal relationships I tend to be much more reactive. Especially at first. It has been historically exceedingly rare that I've approached anyone first. For any reason. For a library of reasons too extensive to go into.

Unfortunately, it's been my experiences that typically people who approach me do so because they want something from me. Not always. But, usually. And I've been far, far too trusting. I've been told it's because I'm trustworthy, so I assume everyone else is too until proven otherwise. Perhaps that's it. I honestly don't know.

Perhaps that has more than a little to do with why, when someone does approach me, more recently I still tend to be cordial, but also rather discouraging. If they want to be around me for me, then fine. But, if they want to be around me for what they can get out of me, they can look for another stone to milk.

Since you specifically ask about shared experiences... Well, that was once important for me. Basically, because I was too busy racking up experiences to have time to even notice anyone that wasn't sharing the experiences with me. But, it's been a while since I've had any new experiences, since I've been doing the whole "shelter in place" schtick for about a decade before CoViD made it sexy. So, typically, more recently, I've experienced vicariously through what they are willing to share with me. When, that is, they have an experience that I don't hold as a memory.

Once they've approached me, and figured out I have nothing really to offer beyond a willing ear, not even much sage advice since I'm all out of sage and been making do with thyme, it becomes a test of sharing with me, honesty, and longevity. Or perhaps, considering this is me we are talking about, stamina.

I don't need, and in most cases don't want, to know everything about them right from word go. But, typically, the more they share with me, the more I am sucked into their world. The more I care. And the more I care, the more I will ask. And if I ask, I really do want to know.

It puzzled me the first time I asked someone "how are you?" And they shot back, "do you really want to know?" Umm, yeah. If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked. But, I started paying attention, and I started noticing that a lot of people do ask that question when they don't really care. They just want to hear "fine," so they can move on. Typically to telling you about how they are doing.

The thing is... and this is a really, really touchy subject for me. If I ask, I do want to know. But, they are under no obligation to tell me if they don't want to. Sure, refusing to tell me will keep them at the level they are rather than progressing. But, I understand (all too well) that trust is a variably precious commodity for some. And, if they don't feel they know me well enough to trust me with this particular thing, then I don't want to be trusted with it. Because trusting me with it when they didn't feel they could would lead me to believe that we were closer than we actually were. Far better, I think, to know that our relationship is not at that level yet (if it ever will be).

However, I don't understand lying. It just makes no sense to me. Oh, I do understand that it's a way to manipulate someone to get something out of them they wouldn't have given otherwise. But, what's the point of that? I don't care how good you are at lying, the truth will eventually out. And... well, if someone likes you, but you've lied to them, then it wasn't really you that they liked. They couldn't have liked you, because you've never let them see you. I'd much rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I pretended to be by the masses, and know that the ones who love me do because of who and what I am. But, that's just me.

And, from my perspective, if they will lie about this thing, then what else are they lying about? All ground on the ladder of friendship is lost at that point, so far as I'm concerned. They aren't even someone I used to know, because I can't trust that I ever knew them at all. They were just a user that needed something from me and manipulated me into giving what they didn't think they could have earned on their real merits. And I have no choice but to believe they were right, that whatever merits they might have wouldn't have been worth what I've given, since they never gave me the chance to figure it out for myself.

But, since I don't lie, I typically assume that this person doesn't either until such time as I find they did.

Steadfastness and loyalty have always been important to me. But, recently even more so. I've had too, too many that I considered close and valued friends, almost family, that have just moved on.

And to a certain extent, that's alright. It really is. Because I care about them, I want them to be able to achieve an overall level of contentment and, where possible, happiness in their lives. This brief dream between the portals of our birth and our death is much too short to spend much of it miserable. And if I am contributing more to the misery index than to the happiness index, then good luck and godspeed.

But, they become someone that I used to know.

And when they come back, they will find that I'm much warier of them. They've already proved themselves to not be steadfast, to not be willing to stand shoulder to shoulder with me against the encroaching darkness. So, why then would I be able to trust that they would stand beside me and I could count on them this time?

On the other hand, I and my life, are no picnic. So, when I find a Diamond Heart willing to stand beside me through it all... when my communications go down, when my health is bad, when I have my increasingly more common bad days and my memory fails me or hallucinations overwhelm me and I'm having conversations with my late wife, gone these three and a half years... when they are steadfast and faithful... those I will storm Hell (not a major deal since I have a map) or steal from Heaven for.

Unless... Unfortunately, there is one thing I won't stand. Not from anyone, no matter their honesty and steadfastness; maliciousness. Aimed at me, or (especially) aimed at someone I care about to hurt me.

Oh, I don't expect my friends to love and respect each other just because I happen to be connected to both of them. Or even accept each other blindly. And if two of my friends butt heads consistently and thus are closer to enemies than friends, then that is one thing, and none of my business.

On the other hand, if they have never had any interaction and suddenly one attacks the other blindly in order to cause me pain, then ta-ta. And I won't say "it's been nice knowing you" since I don't lie. And whatever we may have shared, for however long, it is all nullified by their maliciousness.

Harming me, personally, is a little tougher. But, it can be done. Giving something and then taking it back, making me jump through hoops...

Oh, getting upset and lashing out in anger is ultimately forgivable. Assuming they seek forgiveness and repent in the truest sense (meaning don't do that shit again and again and just assume each successive time will be forgiven as readily). I've had decades of work and assistance getting my own volcanic temper under control. And while I have a pretty iron, determinate control over my own, I can understand how someone with less experience in dealing with it appropriately might slip.

But, ultimately, I am no one's masochistic whipping boy. Just how much I'm willing to stand is a function of the longevity of their trust, honesty, and steadfastness.

But, even there, there are limits. And, yes, I really did tell my mother that if she couldn't at least maintain a civil tongue towards my wife, then so long and thanks for all the fish. We patched it up (once she actually made an effort to even get to know my wife). But, yeah. Even my parents found out there is a point that I will not be pushed.

 

[AveryElle]

03.01.21

How do you determine who your "close friends" are? Is it what you share with them? What they share with you? Length of time you know each other? Going through events together? What levels up a friendship for you?

My close friends are people with whom I can have a solid laugh, with whom I can share my fears and concerns and vents and they listen - and usually can commiserate to some degree. They’re judgment free (thankfully, this year!). I hope I do the same. My close friends know what I am currently going through in life and are supportive regardless of how it turns out. Considering who my close friends are, we usually have similar world views and inquisitiveness but are different enough where we can still teach each other things.

A friendship is leveled up by traveling together. Because if you can survive that amount of time together then you’re actually friends.

This last year has shown me I had been friends with people who live on completely different planets than myself and I’ve had to decide to let those go. I don’t have time for close friends who I can no longer relate to because of my life circumstances and it was draining to try to hold on to those for sake of nostalgia or because I wanted to be there for them during the pandemic.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Shame that wasn't Pagan-Buddhist-Jesuit or we could have abbreviated you to a PB&J.

Hahaha - that's even better, mind if I start using it?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

03.02.21

How about something fun for Tuesday?

Who is your favorite diva?

 

[Acktion]

03.02.21

How about something fun for Tuesday?

Who is your favorite diva?

The original standard by which all others must be measured...

 

[Paul_Chance]

The One! The Only! The Greatest Diva in Known Space!

Plavalaguna!

 

[BadAmy]

03.02.21

How about something fun for Tuesday?

Who is your favorite diva?

Cough.

 

[Lonelywife1205]

03.02.21

How about something fun for Tuesday?

Who is your favorite diva?

Oooh it’s gotta be Jenny from the block. Sorry, I can’t choose just one...

 

[BadAmy]

Seriously tho...
La Stupenda!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I mean.... two of the greatest

https://encrypted-tbn0.***********/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSkaBs9pjHagd0eOUCP7cq4hJh2NkuWUPrutg&usqp=CAU

 

[AveryElle]

There can’t be just one.

Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux
Mariah.
Simone de Beauvoir.
Ru Paul.
Madonna.
Beyoncé (all hail).

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Cough.

A worthy contestant!

 

[Esslemont]

The girl at the coffee store on campus.
She acts really self important, temperamental, and difficult to please.

I get a kick out of how ignorant she is to people each day.

But...she does need a good hard cock to put her in her place, while another slips around the front and plugs that noisemaker of hers.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

Betty fucking White.

I swear, I feel like when she passes, a little part of me will die. But she may be immortal.

 

[hairball18]

She is a badass, national treasure. (Chest)
I adore her. Such a diva.

Treasure chest, now that is funny.

 

[AveryElle]

The girl at the coffee store on campus.
She acts really self important, temperamental, and difficult to please.

I get a kick out of how ignorant she is to people each day.

But...she does need a good hard cock to put her in her place, while another slips around the front and plugs that noisemaker of hers.

The fuck?

 

[AveryElle]

Are Dolly and Betty ‘divas’, though, in the true sense of the word? Maybe dolly but Betty??

ETA: what definition of diva are we using? My list may change!

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

Are Dolly and Betty ‘divas’, though, in the true sense of the word? Maybe dolly but Betty??

ETA: what definition of diva are we using? My list may change!

Oh, nobody pays attention to the definition of words anymore. Just make up your own.