❓ PLP Inquires❓

[AlliaPotestas]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

I’ve never had it... I’ve never felt sexy or beautiful but I no longer despise myself so progress...

And I am inching towards a version of sexy that I can own, little by little...

 

[AveryElle]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

Bottom line: yes, my whole adult life.
Longer version: I've never let my feeling unattractive stop me from much in life, though I'm sure it led me to partners for the wrong reasons and kept me with people longer than I should have been in order to make myself feel more attractive.

But, there was over a year where I didn't want to be touched by my spouse (I've spoken about this in the audio thread) after having a child, and when I finally did, I felt disgusting. I survived on essentially no sleep, terrible anxiety and OCD brought on my post partum issues. And PTSD from the trauma of my delivery (lots of touching against my consent by random residents). I had no desire and felt awful.

What helped? Flirting with someone that WASNT my spouse. He encouraged me to write something based on some of our texts, and I did, and it made me feel better about myself, bit by bit.

i'm always a bit...suspect? of people that view themselves as sexy or "hot". Sexual, sure. But "I'm sexy!" is very subjective. There are plenty of people my partners would say are sexy and I'd say "oh fuck no". There are plenty of people I say are sexy and my partners say "oh fuck no". I've always been very sexual, except my low point post partum. But having lived through it, my advice is always to let the woman have time alone to self pleasure, because the more orgasms you have, the more you want. I read a lot about it in the time I was actively trying to find my drive again, and that was the only information that worked for me - dusted off my toys, and tried to focus on it. And eventually, I started getting back into regular sex. I also invested in lingerie I liked to be in.

But I still don't feel sexy. I do, however, try to put on the mask with certain partners, and, in the moment, believe it. I find I feel my most sexy when I'm making my partners feel good. So I stick with that!
/end rant

 

[AlwaysFara]

It's one of the things that makes me instantly like a guy here. If they can see past the boobs and boners and be friendly with other guys.

Me too.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I will say I've enjoyed everyone's interpretation of the question because it's not exactly what I intended but so much better.

I will agree that I don't think I found "my sexy", such as it is, until I was in my 30s... maybe only a year or so ago. I spent a lot of my teens and twenties in the pursuit of other people's sexy - trying to be that "cool girl".

I think when I finally just settled into being myself - all nerdy and curvy - and found people that for some reason liked that. It really helped to take a step back and see myself through someone else's eyes. As an example, my tits - I'm used to seeing mine all the time, strapping them in a bra, absent-mindedly holding them while I watch TV (does anyone else do this?), tugging at shirts to cover them up - but seeing them through someone else's eyes and... well yeah, it changes things. I will agree with Avery. I've never been much for lingerie but investing in sexier bras and panties has helped. My only worry is basing too much of how I feel about myself on how someone else feels about me. I need confidence from within too.

Now - the intention of my questions was maybe something more temporary and more to do with feeling up for sexy stuff but I like the way it was translated much more but to answer the intended question. I just got back from a week where I was constantly sweaty, tired, and over worked. I was surrounded by people that made things that were pretty difficult for me seem easy. And when I got home, I was tired and achy and feeling just a bit unlovely. I'm getting it back and having someone else want me regardless of my out of control freckles, sunburn, and exhaustion makes it a lot easier.

I think we all have desire peaks and valleys and I'm climbing.

 

[Paul_Chance]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

In light of PLP's clarification, I'll answer the question both ways.

Have I ever lost my sexy, in terms of sex drive: Sure, almost always due to temporary circumstances or external causes. The external causes were circumstances in which I was injured or overwhelmed by life events and sex was the farthest thing from my mind in a given time period. Sex drive went entirely dormant for a period of time. The temporary circumstances, thinking about them, usually involved being mentally pre-occupied with something else (sometimes work, sometimes life events) or being physically exhausted or dirty or both. Some space and time cured the first, a hot shower and a good night's sleep cured the second.

Have I ever lost my sexy, in terms of how I feel about myself? I'd have to say no to that one. First, I am just a sexy beast. Second, I am just wildly overconfident, LOL. Everyone is sexy. Just feed the sensuality and sexuality that resides within you and it's always present. I'm generally a sensualist, in that I believe that sensual pleasure is a good in and of itself, and so I try to live my life accordingly. It's pretty amazing how feeling sexy impacts your sex life. You'll find that if you feed the sensuality/sexuality in yourself, it grows - and it attracts other people on a subconscious level (that is what feeds the wildly overconfident part).

Now, I'm a 58 year old man, in good physical shape due to an active lifestyle, a healthy diet, and dedicated exercise. I will never be a male model, I'm average height, average weight (5'9, 174 lbs), and average looking - with hair colored hair and eye colored eyes. I'm socially outgoing, a good conversationalist, and smarter than your average bear, with a well developed sense of humor. In short, I am like millions of other people. I've embraced that. I am not anything I am not, but I am sexy, have been aware of it since my late teens, and embrace that side of me.

On a side note - when it comes to men supporting men, I know a lot of folks who would say no to that, but that is all about choices of who you have in your life and how you interact with them. Within my circle of friends, I support the men as well as the women, both explicitly and implicitly. I make it a point to be encouraging, provide the best advice I can, and focus on the care and feeding of my friends better angels. So, within my circle of friends the cross-support is pretty strong and part of defining what it means to be in that circle. I learned that from growing up in a healthy, functioning family and carried it through all my life because once you've know those types of friendships, you're never going to be satisfied with the shallow again.

 

[AlwaysFara]

In light of PLP's clarification, I'll answer the question both ways.

Have I ever lost my sexy, in terms of sex drive: Sure, almost always due to temporary circumstances or external causes. The external causes were circumstances in which I was injured or overwhelmed by life events and sex was the farthest thing from my mind in a given time period. Sex drive went entirely dormant for a period of time. The temporary circumstances, thinking about them, usually involved being mentally pre-occupied with something else (sometimes work, sometimes life events) or being physically exhausted or dirty or both. Some space and time cured the first, a hot shower and a good night's sleep cured the second.

Have I ever lost my sexy, in terms of how I feel about myself? I'd have to say no to that one. First, I am just a sexy beast. Second, I am just wildly overconfident, LOL. Everyone is sexy. Just feed the sensuality and sexuality that resides within you and it's always present. I'm generally a sensualist, in that I believe that sensual pleasure is a good in and of itself, and so I try to live my life accordingly. It's pretty amazing how feeling sexy impacts your sex life. You'll find that if you feed the sensuality/sexuality in yourself, it grows - and it attracts other people on a subconscious level (that is what feeds the wildly overconfident part).

Now, I'm a 58 year old man, in good physical shape due to an active lifestyle, a healthy diet, and dedicated exercise. I will never be a male model, I'm average height, average weight (5'9, 174 lbs), and average looking - with hair colored hair and eye colored eyes. I'm socially outgoing, a good conversationalist, and smarter than your average bear, with a well developed sense of humor. In short, I am like millions of other people. I've embraced that. I am not anything I am not, but I am sexy, have been aware of it since my late teens, and embrace that side of me.

On a side note - when it comes to men supporting men, I know a lot of folks who would say no to that, but that is all about choices of who you have in your life and how you interact with them. Within my circle of friends, I support the men as well as the women, both explicitly and implicitly. I make it a point to be encouraging, provide the best advice I can, and focus on the care and feeding of my friends better angels. So, within my circle of friends the cross-support is pretty strong and part of defining what it means to be in that circle. I learned that from growing up in a healthy, functioning family and carried it through all my life because once you've know those types of friendships, you're never going to be satisfied with the shallow again.

Good Lord, this is sexy. ^ Especially your last paragraph.


I will also answer in PLP’s other vein. My old boss told me never EVER to go without lipstick. She thinks it’s a cure all. I’m not a makeup gal, but I have to admit that when I’m down, lipstick does help.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.10.19

Influencers

Do you have people in your life that are good influences on you and bad influences on you? What does that look like? Do you seek out one or the other?
Are you a good or bad influence on the people around you? Do you make a conscious effort to be one or the other?

 

[Paul_Chance]

07.10.19

Influencers

Do you have people in your life that are good influences on you and bad influences on you? What does that look like? Do you seek out one or the other?
Are you a good or bad influence on the people around you? Do you make a conscious effort to be one or the other?

I have many good influences and I make the conscious effort to be a good influence on people, both my circle of friends, my circle of professional peers (above and below me in the great chain of corporate America). I don't have any bad influences in my life. First, for someone to be a bad influence you have to be able to be influenced and I know my own worth and my own values, so I am pretty difficult to influence negatively. If someone throws that out, I just ignore them and go on with it.

Now, let me through out a caveat - I have been told I am a bad influence because of something I routinely do that can have negative consequences. I consistently encourage people to follow their dreams and ambitions, to take risks, and to embrace failure. If you're not failing, you're not taking enough risks, and if you're not taking enough risks you aren't getting closer to the "best you". That can have a negative impact - failure can hurt, failure can be uncomfortable, it can cost you relationships and careers and a host of other things - but, you aren't going to discover yourself unless you go exploring, and exploring is always risky, to one degree or another.

Whatever risk you're contemplating at this moment, you should throw caution to the wind and take the risk, otherwise, you will never know what would have come of it.

 

[AlwaysFara]

07.10.19

Influencers

Do you have people in your life that are good influences on you and bad influences on you? What does that look like? Do you seek out one or the other?
Are you a good or bad influence on the people around you? Do you make a conscious effort to be one or the other?

At this stage in life, I’m not easily influenced. I’ve been known to twist an arm to have a drink with me, but my friends are grown ass people who can make up their own minds.
I do go to my friends for advice and validation, or not, but in the end I make my own decisions.
There are a few of my friends that may be a bit wayward, but again, it’s their lives. Still love them.

At work I try to be a good influence. With my own kids.
I do try to Momme my friends.

I don’t know if I’m effective, you’d have to ask all of them. I think I am.

 

[AlwaysFara]

My shitty marriage and divorce years ago didn't exactly get my mack on. Plus the breakup I had a few years ago REALLY did me in. A whole bunch of bad things happened at once. I let this damaged trainwreck of a person do a total number on me. I was at a life low-point and I was just fucked. Eventually I worked my way through it and came back much, much better. And that was probably when I felt my sexiest, actually. Realizing I was ready to get out and about and start dating again. Break the months long celibacy streak.

I think it all kind of depends on the bigger picture things that are going on in my life. Also depression is a motherfucker.

I will say, even when I dont feel sexy I still usually feel cool. Like there's a deeper, earned sense of confidence. Sexy comes and goes, but THAT is essential to life.

Plus excersise is important too. I'm back on my health streak so I'm feeling good at the moment. Feeling sexy. For real, I'll cum on ALL of you.



In general I try to be a positive force all around. It's not really for me to say if I'm a good influence for sure, but I think I've got some cool stuff going on, and if people get something out of that that's wonderful.

I've had a lot of shitty people and family in my life sadly, and that's provided a lot of "what not to do" life lessons. I'm at a point now where I know who I am and what I'm about. I dont necessarily NEED positive influences. But they never hurt.

I know we are kind of siblingesque, but your funny, your talent and your genuine openness and kindness makes you sexy.
I adore you. You’re a good influence in my life in that you make me smile, easily.

 

[AlwaysFara]

That means the world to me, ladycakes. You make me smile too

Anytime, stud muffin.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Plus excersise is important too. I'm back on my health streak so I'm feeling good at the moment. Feeling sexy. For real, I'll cum on ALL of you!

I'm ready!!!

https://media1.tenor.com/images/834f2a1555b3fa1105324d4928224825/tenor.gif?itemid=4941036

 

[Sh75]

I have many good influences and I make the conscious effort to be a good influence on people, both my circle of friends, my circle of professional peers (above and below me in the great chain of corporate America). I don't have any bad influences in my life. First, for someone to be a bad influence you have to be able to be influenced and I know my own worth and my own values, so I am pretty difficult to influence negatively. If someone throws that out, I just ignore them and go on with it.

Now, let me through out a caveat - I have been told I am a bad influence because of something I routinely do that can have negative consequences. I consistently encourage people to follow their dreams and ambitions, to take risks, and to embrace failure. If you're not failing, you're not taking enough risks, and if you're not taking enough risks you aren't getting closer to the "best you". That can have a negative impact - failure can hurt, failure can be uncomfortable, it can cost you relationships and careers and a host of other things - but, you aren't going to discover yourself unless you go exploring, and exploring is always risky, to one degree or another.

Whatever risk you're contemplating at this moment, you should throw caution to the wind and take the risk, otherwise, you will never know what would have come of it.

This really is gold, i applaud and respect you.

 

[lurkingguy1978]

07.10.19

Influencers

Do you have people in your life that are good influences on you and bad influences on you? What does that look like? Do you seek out one or the other?
Are you a good or bad influence on the people around you? Do you make a conscious effort to be one or the other?

I try to surround myself with good influences. I instinctively shy away from people who are going to be bad influences on me, as I don't need that in my life. I learned that long ago.

I'm extremely blessed to have good people in my life, whom I wish I could be more like and whose strength and empathy and wisdom help me be who I am and want to be every day.

I try to pay that forward. I don't want to be a bad influence. I'm inherently supportive and want to help everyone I love. Have I made mistakes? Yup. But I like to think that balance tips far toward the good side. I've certainly never been looked at as a "bad boy" or anything that could be described as a bad influence.

 

[Azuldrgon]

07.10.19

Influencers

Do you have people in your life that are good influences on you and bad influences on you? What does that look like? Do you seek out one or the other?
Are you a good or bad influence on the people around you? Do you make a conscious effort to be one or the other?

Very deep question.
I have both. I tend to tolerate the bad ones and gravitate towards the good ones just because I'm too old for the consequences.
I try to be a good influence. For the same reason.

 

[Karabare]

Most often, I feel like I lose my sexy when I'm feeling unloved, unneeded, or unimportant. When I feel like I'm not a priority. When I feel like there are always better options than being with me.

I can temporarily get it back by putting myself out there on the boards and receiving some fake flattery. I can get it back by taking care to look nice and maybe taking some pics that showcase more of the good angles than the wobbly bits. But the longest lasting remedy is by giving and receiving love and reassurance.

Hugs
You're definitely a priority

 

[tnman03]

Thank you, Kara.

I've received a good handful of PMs about this post as well and am in awe of the many kind humans here on Lit. You all know how to make a girl feel valued!

Well you should feel valued, you've made a lot of friends on here and are well regarded and all that good sappy stuff that happens on here.

 

[Dribble]

Thank you, Kara.

I've received a good handful of PMs about this post as well and am in awe of the many kind humans here on Lit. You all know how to make a girl feel valued!

I will leave the PMs for others...I would just smack the back of your head and say enough of that. You are not just valued...but fucking desired. Must be the fucking water in WV...contaminated w mine runoff making people not think clearly

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

07.14.19

We've talked sandwiches.... what's your favorite kind of soup? Does soup have a weather? Do you like soup as a meal or do you prefer something more forkable??

 

[tnman03]

07.14.19

We've talked sandwiches.... what's your favorite kind of soup? Does soup have a weather? Do you like soup as a meal or do you prefer something more forkable??

Minestrone is my favorite soup with Chicken and corn chowder a close second. I don’t consider chili con carne as being a soup.
And a good bowl of soup with some crackers or crusty bread is a meal to me and doesn’t require any side dishes.

 

[AlwaysFara]

07.14.19

We've talked sandwiches.... what's your favorite kind of soup? Does soup have a weather? Do you like soup as a meal or do you prefer something more forkable??

It depends on the weather, but my go to favorite soup is split pea with a crouton.
I get it from a little Greek place near the train station.
I like MOST soups.

And, you’re pretty forkable.

 

[beachbaby179]

Mmm. Split pea with ham. Made by yours truly. My nephew requests it regularly. I make a whole big pot and then split it between him and my kids. It's a meal.

But if I'm going to have soup with something else, then it's the ultimate comfort food - tomato soup with grilled cheese.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I've never had split pea soup! Am i really missing out?

 

[Airka4real]

07.14.19

We've talked sandwiches.... what's your favorite kind of soup? Does soup have a weather? Do you like soup as a meal or do you prefer something more forkable??

The one that I make and keep in the freezer (in quart ziplock bags) all year around is beef stew. Because we don't eat enough vegetables, and I use loads in it. And he loves it.

The other is chili, but more in the colder months. It's my Mom's recipe, one she got from her Mom.

 

[tnman03]

I've never had split pea soup! Am i really missing out?

Yes, you are, it's really delicious and filling.