❓ PLP Inquires❓

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

Well, of course. I mean I went from swollen feet and ankles to where I could barely wear shoes, weight so unbalanced that sitting on the floor was a concern because I might not be able to get back up, to shoving something the size of a watermelon out of my vajajay, to god knows how many stitches in aforementioned vajajay for god knows how long, to sore nipples to the point brushing fabric hurts, leaking nipples, not remembering the last time I slept well, not remembering the last time I showered, perfume scent of ode a'la baby spit up, not remembering how long I have been wearing the same clothes, or the last time that I brushed my hair. So not sexy.

Solution was time. eventually things heal, sleep happens, my part time employment as a cow ended, no more baby spit up, got a bit more of my life back, time to shower, wear makeup etc etc.

 

[AlwaysFara]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

Unlike Justa, Not when I was pregnant. I never felt as womanly, sexual, or beautiful as when I was pregnant.

Yeah. After the kids? I put on weight. Ex stopped touching me. Told me I was old and fat. I listened. Felt like it was my fault he stopped loving me, because I was old and fat. He was, too, but I never noticed at the time. Or brought it up.

I got it back, here, on Lit. First, through some shallow(?) maybe a better word is surface? validation on my looks, then in real validation from the people I talk to, and met, and love.

That segued into my “real life” and finally being open enough to share with my day to day friends some of the marriage crap. They were shocked that I ever saw myself any other way but their beautiful and loving friend.
I was shocked they saw me that way, because I was told so different.
Then this dude moved across the country to be with me. He’s trying to help me get my mojo back. By loving me, fucking me, and being kind. Kindest man I’ve ever met.

Imagine the stock I put in one man’s opinion.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Never again.

 

[Karabare]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

I agree with the gorgeous ladies above me. Pregnancy and for several years after, just yucky. But I've found a rhythm in my life where I eat better, lift heavy and feel better. That confidence I think makes me sexy. Or maybe not, who the hell knows

 

[AlwaysFara]

I agree with the gorgeous ladies above me. Pregnancy and for several years after, just yucky. But I've found a rhythm in my life where I eat better, lift heavy and feel better. That confidence I think makes me sexy. Or maybe not, who the hell knows

It does.

 

[tnman03]

I've sat here and read what Justa, Fara and Kara said while shaking my head in wonderment. All there of them are scary smart, very sexy and exceptionally good looking women. I'm glad all of them have realized or reaffirmed this.


I'll have to think about the question more but at a guess would say it was going through an unhappy divorce and just leave it at that.

 

[Mei5ter]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

What about for those who never really found it in the first place?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

What about for those who never really found it in the first place?

Careful. Humility makes my panties wet.

 

[Mei5ter]

Careful. Humility makes my panties wet.

Is that a slight autocorrect moment...?

How best to put this? There are some flavours of sexy that you can’t do so well when you’re nineteen. You need a little more emotional experience and understanding to get there.

Plus, in my case, a better haircut.

 

[Sexybritches69]

Oh boy, this is a difficult question because it brings up all sorts of negative memories. The short answer is that it took me a loooong time to feel sexy because I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, skinny enough..., even though I had positive feedback from others in my life once I was out of my parents’ house. Even then, the negative thinking was ingrained. Sexiness was for someone else, not me. In fact, I was a bad for the way I thought too. Good girls didn’t think the way I did, weren’t interested in what I was interested in, weren’t turned on by what turned me on. All of that led to my belief that I was “less than”.

I started actually seeing myself in a positive way physically and sexually when I was in my late thirties. I just think it took me that long to develop faith in myself.

Of course I had good days here and there when I felt like I was looking good, but I didn’t develop my own opinion of myself until relatively recently.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I loved my pregnant/nursing body! My ex was rarely down for sex, so it made me feel useful and validated. Loved my maternity clothes, too, ha.

I feel sexy when someone who's important to me finds me attractive. I lose my mojo when they stop.

TL; DR - I feel good about my body when someone else finds value in it. Super healthy, I know.

 

[Karabare]

Oh boy, this is a difficult question because it brings up all sorts of negative memories. The short answer is that it took me a loooong time to feel sexy because I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, skinny enough..., even though I had positive feedback from others in my life once I was out of my parents’ house. Even then, the negative thinking was ingrained. Sexiness was for someone else, not me. In fact, I was a bad for the way I thought too. Good girls didn’t think the way I did, weren’t interested in what I was interested in, weren’t turned on by what turned me on. All of that led to my belief that I was “less than”.

I started actually seeing myself in a positive way physically and sexually when I was in my late thirties. I just think it took me that long to develop faith in myself.

Of course I had good days here and there when I felt like I was looking good, but I didn’t develop my own opinion of myself until relatively recently.

Dang Sexybritches, I want to spank you for all those negative thoughts. Good girls make the best bad girls

 

[Sexybritches69]

Dang Sexybritches, I want to spank you for all those negative thoughts. Good girls make the best bad girls

I do know this now.

It just took me a while to get here.

 

[JerseyJade]

Dang Sexybritches, I want to spank you for all those negative thoughts. Good girls make the best bad girls

This!

 

[tnman03]

Dang Sexybritches, I want to spank you for all those negative thoughts. Good girls make the best bad girls

I do know this now.

It just took me a while to get here.

This!

Spicy sweet with a hidden kick that only the right people know about is what I'm thinking.

 

[Sh75]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

I don't think ive ever felt sexy enough to feel that i lost it, physically anyway. And if i ever did those damn mirrors are always more than happy to remind me im not lol.
As ive aged ive worried less what other people think and become more accepting and comfortable with who i am and maybe thats sexy who knows. All i know is theres more important things to be thought of than sexy but its nice to be told you are occassionally

 

[lurkingguy1978]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

As one who has never felt particularly sexy, ever...I don't have any real experience knowing what that feels like.

I am a fucking perv and proud of it, and lustful and wanton at times, yes.

But sexy? I wouldn't know what to do with that feeling. I've pretty rarely felt anything resembling desirable or needed or wanted, so it's not something I can articulate feelings about without mental gymastics and more semantics than a bill passing through the Legislature.

If I find it, I'll let you know how long I keep it.

 

[AlpineFresco]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

I didn't find even a shred of it until I was mid-20s. As a teen and in my early 20s, I had absolutely no luck anywhere, I got rejected a few times and nobody expressed any interest, and so I couldn't believe anyone would ever find me interesting. The weird thing is, I don't know I'm doing anything fundamentally different now, except I'm more confident and that only came about because of external validation. Funny, it's easier to be centred in myself if I've had the external experience of people being interested in me. Sounds shallow as hell, but in my case it did matter.

That said, I'm aware of the reality of how I'm perceived. If I look for people being bowled over by how I look I'm in for a lot of disappointment - any attraction that's come up has always been based around conversation, and I think I do okay there. If I dwell on what I'm lacking, I feel bad, so I don't do that any more

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Funny, it's easier to be centred in myself if I've had the external experience of people being interested in me. Sounds shallow as hell, but in my case it did matter.

It does matter.

Negative external input from my parents and husbands made me doubt my value; it makes perfect sense that positive external input would change that (thank you, Lit).

 

[standard1]

thanks for the new question. i was getting tired of being dead. but now i’ve gotta be sexy? dead sexy. lost it? found it? i’ve always been confident, but sexy? i’ve gotta say i’ve never truly felt sexy. i’ve usually been able to figure out when someone wants me. and some of the time, i can get someone if i want her. is that being sexy? probably not. i’d feel very unnatural trying to be sexy. i guess i’ve always left it to the observer to decide if i’m sexy or not.

 

[beachbaby179]

Fara said it as well as or better than I could. I spent too many years being told I was unattractive - judged for everything I put in my mouth, as if starving myself was the answer to everything. That takes a heavy toll, and I believed it for years. I'm slowly coming back around - but it's one of those "one step forward, two back" situations. Every time I get rejected, ghosted, friend-zoned or passed over for something younger or more sparkly, it all comes rushing right back. Yes, I take pictures - and yes, some of them make me look great. But it's all about the angles - and for every one I post there are fifty that get deleted. It's a really slow process, trying to undo several decades of negative reinforcement.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

07.08.19
Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

I never had any illusions about being some drop dead gorgeous woman, but I knew I was smart, funny, cute, and damn sexy. I lost that, for a long time, due to a combination/death spiral of things. Sexual side effects and weight gain from medications I needed. Realizing that my husband's low libido was not due to grad school and dissertation stress, but was just his baseline level. Feeling undesirable due to the previously mentioned issues, which then discouraged his already low libido.

Started getting it back when I was able to change medications. My libido began to return, and I started treating myself like a person who deserved sensuality and sexual attention, even if it was just me taking care of myself. That led me to the erotica side of Lit and, eventually, to the boards. I am grateful to so many people here for helping to remind me, every day, that age, body size, and body type do not dictate "sexy". They all have definitely helped me get my sexy back.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

07.08.19

Has there ever been a time in your life where you feel like you've "lost your sexy"? What caused that feeling? How did you get it back? If you've never lost your sexy, how do you keep the constant sex appeal/desire flowing????

I'm not sure I ever had sexy in the first place, much less lost it. I'm always happily bewildered when a woman wants to have sex with me (even now that it's been 15 years with the same woman). There must be some mistake, she must think I'm someone else, she must have lost one hell of a bet... that sort of thing. And we've had conversations where she's pretty much told me the same thing about herself. I think we've gotten to the point now where we're both comfortable with ourselves and we can just enjoy each other. But it took lots of positive reinforcement (and lots of sex!) to get there.

 

[AlwaysFara]

thanks for the new question. i was getting tired of being dead. but now i’ve gotta be sexy? dead sexy. lost it? found it? i’ve always been confident, but sexy? i’ve gotta say i’ve never truly felt sexy. i’ve usually been able to figure out when someone wants me. and some of the time, i can get someone if i want her. is that being sexy? probably not. i’d feel very unnatural trying to be sexy. i guess i’ve always left it to the observer to decide if i’m sexy or not.

You are.
Or, at least, this was. ^

 

[AlwaysFara]

Fara said it as well as or better than I could. I spent too many years being told I was unattractive - judged for everything I put in my mouth, as if starving myself was the answer to everything. That takes a heavy toll, and I believed it for years. I'm slowly coming back around - but it's one of those "one step forward, two back" situations. Every time I get rejected, ghosted, friend-zoned or passed over for something younger or more sparkly, it all comes rushing right back. Yes, I take pictures - and yes, some of them make me look great. But it's all about the angles - and for every one I post there are fifty that get deleted. It's a really slow process, trying to undo several decades of negative reinforcement.

And now we eat pie and boobsquish hug.
You’re beautiful, inside and out.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I do know this now.

It just took me a while to get here.

Bad Girls make pretty Good Girls, too.

Oh, ladies. You are all so lovely. Every single one.
We have to keep reminding ourselves and each other.

The gents, too.
Wondering if guys build each other up when they go out.
I know women have the rep of tearing each other down, but I don’t see that. I see far more building up.