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Alex's Daily One Liner Thread

What do we want??

A cure for short-term memory loss!!

When do we want it??

When do we want what???

:D
 
Good morning, people ... here's some thoughts for the day:

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
 
I was just thinking about my dear departed Dad – he was a roofer.

So Dad, if you're up there ...
 
AlexGordon said:
I wouldn't dare say Ashley Young ... :D

Who, I may add, did absolutely nothing to enhance his reputation during Euro 2012, did he? Disappointing is one word ...:rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Yep, he sucked.


Old classic but:

Two fat blokes sat at the bar, one says to the other: "your round".
The other says: "so are you, you fat bastard" :)
 
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic = using a feather

Kinky = using the whole chicken
 
My Fairy Godmother once said to me:

"Do you want a very long penis or a very long memory?"

I forget what my response was now ...
 
Last edited:
My uncle was killed when a piano dropped on him.

His funeral was very low key ...
 
Oh, and a couple of thoughts for the day:

The trouble with political jokes is they usually get elected.

and

WOMEN’S RULES OF SEX

1. Foreplay does not mean 5 pints of lager, taking your kit off and putting your chips down.

2. Cellulite and stretch marks are very sexy, feminine things that should be worshipped.

3. During sex a woman may eat or read so that she, too, can gain some sort of pleasure.

4. Sex should not be rushed unless Eastenders is about to start.

5. If a man says he’ll phone, HE MUST DO SO OR BURN IN THE PUTRID FIERY HELL OF SATAN’S ARSE.

:D
 
Hey Alex, nice place you have here, I only on briefly in the ams anymore and just discovered it... Way to go!!!!
 
If you knew you were going to live as long as you have would you have taken better careof yourself
 
woodpecker4175 said:
Hey Alex, nice place you have here, I only on briefly in the ams anymore and just discovered it... Way to go!!!!
Click to expand...

Cheers, Woody! :)

Here's another thought:

If aliens ever land on Earth and demand to see our leader, our best chance is to take them to Lady GaGa ... :D
 
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