Post a reason why the person above would appear in the evening breaking news

[VoraciousValue]

Florida Man confesses to being the real Jack the Ripper.

Running for mayor of New York on a platform of sending Staten Island to the bottom of the ocean.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Running for mayor of New York on a platform of sending Staten Island to the bottom of the ocean.

He also alleged he was sexually harassed by Gov. Cuomo.

 

[kurrginatorX]

He also alleged he was sexually harassed by Gov. Cuomo.

Governor Cuomo admitted today that it was his stand-in, local boob Deckard, who is really guilty of sexual misappropriation. Deckard could not be reached for comment.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Governor Cuomo admitted today that it was his stand-in, local boob Deckard, who is really guilty of sexual misappropriation. Deckard could not be reached for comment.

Florida man claims bathing twice daily in motor oil has prevented him from catching COVID.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Florida man claims bathing twice daily in motor oil has prevented him from catching COVID.

Local boob Deckard just signed his 100th birth certificate. Police later found out he was securing social security numbers and selling them on the black market.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Local boob Deckard just signed his 100th birth certificate. Police later found out he was securing social security numbers and selling them on the black market.

Florida Man trapped in unlocked closet for two days.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Florida Man trapped in unlocked closet for two days.

He has never won a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. The Guinness Book of World Records chose to not honor this featless feat.

 

[done_got_old]

He has never won a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. The Guinness Book of World Records chose to not honor this featless feat.

KurrginatorX single-handedly rescued 29 naked women. The women, all 73 or older had somehow lost their clothing when they entered a hot spring in Alaska.

 

[Chernosoth]

.

Her bid at the firefighter date auction could not be accepted, but next year's auction will have a separate category for her method of payment.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Her bid at the firefighter date auction could not be accepted, but next year's auction will have a separate category for her method of payment.

Unknown new poster suddenly disappears. Rumors fly that he was in the Literotica Protection Program.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Unknown new poster suddenly disappears. Rumors fly that he was in the Literotica Protection Program.

On tonight's special Consumer Report, house flipper extraordinaire turned common criminal VoraciousValue was filmed by FBI agents as he purposely and with malice filled houses with scores of cats and dogs in an effort to devalue the homes, at which point he would buy low and sell for insane profits. To make matters worse, Mr. Value gave no thought to the little old ladies he had displaced to live the remainder of their years on the cold, mean streets.

 

[DeckardNYC]

On tonight's special Consumer Report, house flipper extraordinaire turned common criminal VoraciousValue was filmed by FBI agents as he purposely and with malice filled houses with scores of cats and dogs in an effort to devalue the homes, at which point he would buy low and sell for insane profits. To make matters worse, Mr. Value gave no thought to the little old ladies he had displaced to live the remainder of their years on the cold, mean streets.

Florida Man sells mesh masks, claims they're safe and legal as there are no mask standards.

 

[_valkyrie_]

On our special bulletin: DeckardNYC, after one gory incident involving a boat engine and a jar of relish, is now the first individual with a chipmunk's head in a human body. Global medical and religious authorities are outraged, at this half-human, half-rodent specimen, but DeckardNYC couldn't be happier. Not only he got away with a second chance at life, he now can hold all the nuts he damn wishes in his mouth.

 

[DeckardNYC]

On our special bulletin: DeckardNYC, after one gory incident involving a boat engine and a jar of relish, is now the first individual with a chipmunk's head in a human body. Global medical and religious authorities are outraged, at this half-human, half-rodent specimen, but DeckardNYC couldn't be happier. Not only he got away with a second chance at life, he now can hold all the nuts he damn wishes in his mouth.

This just in to Lit Central News, our very own Valkyrie was caught preparing to streak across the floor at last night's final NCAA March Madness game. Apparently, as she was stripping in the tunnel, her thong caught on her 9 inch heel, sending her tits over ass into containers of confetti, creating a ruckus and leading in inquisitive security official to apprehend her prior to her shining moment in the spotlight. The good news, however, is she has retained her full 15 minutes for future use. Speaking of sports . . .

 

[_valkyrie_]

As global warming continues to wreak havoc across the globe, an iceberg was found adrift in the Atlantic ocean, only to halt its journey by the shores of New York. Once it completely thawed, under the supervision of the authorities, out of an oak barrel sprung DeckardNYC, who claimed to be a survivor from the unfortunate ship, Titanic. More on this story, on our special segment.

 

[DeckardNYC]

As global warming continues to wreak havoc across the globe, an iceberg was found adrift in the Atlantic ocean, only to halt its journey by the shores of New York. Once it completely thawed, under the supervision of the authorities, out of an oak barrel sprung DeckardNYC, who claimed to be a survivor from the unfortunate ship, Titanic. More on this story, on our special segment.

This just in, valkyrie, a woman who claims to be a friend of Sponge Bob, has had each and every COVID vaccine made throughout the world, including Pfizer, Moderna, J&J, AstraZeneca, Sputnik, Sinovac, and even six under development and not yet approved in any country. When criticized for wasting vaccines, she said defiantly, "I got the cure for el everything!!"

(late edit to correct spell check. jeez....)

 

[Sweet_Lara]

He held a press conference to announce the resumption of the Deck & Kurrg road show. Highlight reels promise lots of boobs and ass.
two of my favorite people

 

[Sundayschild]

He held a press conference to announce the resumption of the Deck & Kurrg road show. Highlight reels promise lots of boobs and ass.
two of my favorite people

Served tea laced with Polonium.

 

[ydahecnot]

Served tea laced with Polonium.

Ran about the town square screaming “nutters!” while naked

 

[Sundayschild]

Ran about the town square screaming “nutters!” while naked

He went Full, and I mean Full, Tolstoy.

 

[DeckardNYC]

He went Full, and I mean Full, Tolstoy.

Aspires to be HAL 9000.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Aspires to be HAL 9000.

He owns a flea circus, an actual flea circus with actual fleas as performers. He pays them in blood.

 

[DeckardNYC]

He owns a flea circus, an actual flea circus with actual fleas as performers. He pays them in blood.

Florida Man caught masturbating in McDonald's parking lot, claims his privacy was invaded. Story at 11.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Florida Man caught masturbating in McDonald's parking lot, claims his privacy was invaded. Story at 11.

Launched a campaign to make Flushing, Queens an independent nation. Japanese toilet maker Toto has pledged support.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Launched a campaign to make Flushing, Queens an independent nation. Japanese toilet maker Toto has pledged support.

Tricia: Hello, I am Tricia Takanawa reporting live from Dempsey's Way, an alley that stretches between 134th street and 135th. Strange reports have been coming from this area all day. You, sir. Why are you gathered here with all these others.

Voracious Value: The Lucky Charms guy is hiding down there.

Tricia: Are you suggesting that Lucky, the fictional mascot for Lucky Charms breakfast cereal, is indeed alive and hiding in this alley?

VV: Hey! I done seen him with my own two eyes. Now, I'm gonna go in there and claim my prizes.

Tricia: More as this story progresses.