The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[warrior queen]

I've been here all along.

I'd like to ask Oncebeloved what my beloved and I did the night before she announced her decision.

well, of course you have.
it's just your [alter]ego that disappeared for a while!

did i mention that you've lost every shred of credibility?
no?
my bad.

btw - thanx for being so predictable! didn't take long for you to attack the fictitious oncebeloved, did it!

 

[BLoved]

There are myriad people here who limit their SM contact to within intimate relationships - I'd even argue a majority actually do this.

They manage to do this without having a coronary every time someone else does something they wouldn't.

Just as long as we don't talk about why we choose to practise bdsm privately in loving relationships.

Just as long as we don't talk about why we reject casual 'bdsm'.

Because if we do, just about every casual player and advocate has a coronary instead.

We're free to talk, just as long as we say what you want.

Otherwise you throw every insult you can invent.

That's your 'respect' for diversity in bdsm.

 

[BLoved]

well, of course you have.
it's just your [alter]ego that disappeared for a while!

Those of you who were around when my beloved contributed to this discussion will recall her writing style.

Oncebeloved's style is quite different.

If it was me both times, then the style of both samples would match.

They don't.

I seriously doubt Oncebeloved is my beloved.

I'll know if and when he/she answers.

 

[Stella_Omega]

~smile~

No one has invented one single insult for you. Mostly you have been charactarised by your behavior.

it's like shooting fish in a barrel, really.

 

[warrior queen]

Those of you who were around when my beloved contributed to this discussion will recall her writing style.

Oncebeloved's style is quite different.

If it was me both times, then the style of both samples would match.

They don't.

I seriously doubt Oncebeloved is my beloved.

I'll know if and when he/she answers.

well, see, here's the thing....
no-one else here will know for sure, will they.
but of course, you knew that when you replied.

i seriously doubt oncebeloved is actually an existing person at all - including the posts made under your name.
you see, it's actually quite easy to post in a different style... just words on a page, after all!
which is why you use the anonymous forums to preach in.... because you lack the courage, or the integrity, to go directly to the aid of those you claim to be fighting for!

why is that?
surely you'd be far more effective if you actually 'saved' one of these hapless individuals in real life?

 

[BLoved]

surely you'd be far more effective if you actually 'saved' one of these hapless individuals in real life?

And if I were inclined to talk about that, you'd be the first person to say I invented it all.

Easy to dismiss everything as invention.

75 pages to tell people I'm a liar.

Impressive.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Those of you who were around when my beloved contributed to this discussion will recall her writing style.

Oncebeloved's style is quite different.

If it was me both times, then the style of both samples would match.

They don't.

I seriously doubt Oncebeloved is my beloved.

I'll know if and when he/she answers.

you can't just ask your ex-"beloved"?

Did she cut off all contact with you?

 

[ImOnIt]

Just so they know who's making that request.

I stand by that statement.

 

[BLoved]

you can't just ask your ex-"beloved"?

Did she cut off all contact with you?

We talked yesterday. We talked today. I've sent her a message about this.

 

[BLoved]

Kill yourself.

I stand by that statement.

I know you do.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

We talked yesterday. We talked today. I've sent her a message about this.

Maybe if you had actually listened when she talked to you when you two were together you might still be together.

Oh wait.

That's right.

It wasn't your fault. It was her fault for not understanding herself better.

No.

It was her parents fault for abusing her.

Yea. That's right. Let's go with that one.

 

[BLoved]

Maybe if you had actually listened when she talked to you when you two were together you might still be together.

Oh wait.

That's right.

It wasn't your fault. It was her fault for not understanding herself better.

No.

It was her parents fault for abusing her.

Yea. That's right. Let's go with that one.

As I said, those of us who believe in love, who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' ... we're the niggers of bdsm.

No amount of abuse and hatred is good enough for us.

 

[warrior queen]

And if I were inclined to talk about that, you'd be the first person to say I invented it all.

Easy to dismiss everything as invention.

75 pages to tell people I'm a liar.

Impressive.

i've never said that you are a liar.

but i definitely said you are dangerously misinformed on the subject you have fought these 75 pages to convince everyone about.
especially given that you yourself have never been an active part of the community you speak of.

your illogical arguement is therefore seen to be invalid - much as i would be shouted down if i tried to tell a tennis player how to improve his game (having never once in my life actually played tennis!)

 

[BLoved]

but i definitely said you are dangerously misinformed on the subject you have fought these 75 pages to convince everyone about.

Kill yourself.

especially given that you yourself have never been an active part of the community you speak of.

Kill yourself.

your illogical arguement is therefore seen to be invalid - much as i would be shouted down if i tried to tell a tennis player how to improve his game (having never once in my life actually played tennis!)

Kill yourself.

Those of us who believe in love, those of us who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' ...

... we're the niggers of bdsm.

 

[warrior queen]

As I said, those of us who believe in love, who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' ... we're the niggers of bdsm.

No amount of abuse and hatred is good enough for us.

you continue to write the phrase "the 'ethics' of casual bdsm".... yet you have made it quite clear that there are no 'ethics' involved.
or is it just that you don't understand the meaning of what you've written?

 

[BLoved]

you continue to write the phrase "the 'ethics' of casual bdsm".... yet you have made it quite clear that there are no 'ethics' involved.

Kill yourself.

or is it just that you don't understand the meaning of what you've written?

Kill yourself.

I understand the meaning of the words quite well.

I stand by that statement.

 

[warrior queen]

Those of us who believe in love, those of us who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' ...

... we're the niggers of bdsm.

ok, so describe me.

i believe in love.
i actually have my true love in my life.
i play casually within my local BDSM community.
my 'true love' encourages and allows me to play.
in fact, by agreement, my 'true love' has been given authority by myself to select my casual partners!
add to this, i have an extremely healthy self-esteem (i believe it is my strong sense of self that allows me to interact casually with outsiders without allowing it to emotionally interfere with my relationship!)

so, what am i then?

(waiting for you to tell me i'm delusional)

 

[chy_girl]

By your own definition I am a "casual player" and my relationship is a "casual relationship." Because, by your definition, I am a "casual BDSMer" I lack ethics, self-esteem, and am abused by two people I care a great deal for. By your own definition, none of the friendships I have developed in my time in the local community are true... they are simply a way of ensuring that another "abuse" victim is available to be passed around.

The statements you make may very well be true in regard to your local BDSM community. They are not, however, true in regard to my local BDSM community. My local community has done nothing but encourage personal growth and development (and not as a beatee) and holds true to the saying "A submissive is not a doormat." The irony is, how you've expressed your opinions and experiences have been more abusive, discrediting to my relationships, and more insulting to me as a person than anything I've ever seen in the local community.


And how come your "act of faith" toward your ex is more valid and healthy than my faith and trust in my Mistress and Sir?

My community is nothing like the one you speak of. If you wish to hear about how things work in my community, if you have questions you would like to ask, I will be happy to answer them.

My local group doesn't allow under 18 people in. There is no booze either.

How we do it is this:

Open munch at local public place in normal clothing. If the person seems okay, they are then invited to a demo and play party.

Demo is held at a private residence. Regular clothing only though you can change if you wish.

Play party to follow should you wish to stay, pay and play. No one is pushed to do anything at any time.

Out of curiosity, how much of the fee does the submissive get for letting someone "play" with them?

Even prostitutes get a cut of the fee.

So how much of the fee goes to the submissive?

And how much to the pimp?

The part that was selectively removed by Bloved was put back in and highlighted in silver.

As I have never accused you of being a "whore", I view your sensitivity in this matter to be an issue that doesn't involve me.

I asked you questions and you answered them. Where you did not understand the questions, I clarified and then you answered. I've already provided you with my thoughts on the question of revenue generated by casual 'bdsm' communities and how that relates to safety.
*snip*

Accused? Perhaps not. Strongly implied that myself and any other submissive in attendance was there as a kind of prostitute. Yes. You can at least be man enough to either say it or apologize for the implication of something you know nothing about. Or perhaps it's because some of your "Beloveds" came home with "a cut of the fee?"

You know what I've realized though? None of it matters. None of it matters because I've got an extremely satisfying, respectful, caring, and committed relationship with people I care deeply for. People who have earned my devotion, trust, and loyalty - as I have of them. I also have multiple friendships in the community with people who are capable of empathy and respect, who believe in making the community a family that will support anyone who needs it. PYL, pyl, switch, collared, free, old timer, newbie... kinky or vanilla in topic... it doesn't matter because friends support friends.

And then I realized that by your own disclosures regarding your relationships and by your own definition, you are a larger casual player than many of the others here, myself included.

 

[BLoved]

ok, so describe me.

i believe in love.
i actually have my true love in my life.
i play casually within my local BDSM community.
my 'true love' encourages and allows me to play.
in fact, by agreement, my 'true love' has been given authority by myself to select my casual partners!
add to this, i have an extremely healthy self-esteem (i believe it is my strong sense of self that allows me to interact casually with outsiders without allowing it to emotionally interfere with my relationship!)

so, what am i then?

(waiting for you to tell me i'm delusional)

Kill yourself.

Obviously you are very selective when it comes to criticizing others.

 

[BLoved]

You know what I've realized though?

Kill yourself.

None of it matters.

Kill yourself.

None of it matters because I've got an extremely satisfying, respectful, caring, and committed relationship with people I care deeply for.

Kill yourself.

it doesn't matter because friends support friends.

Kill yourself.

Thank you for your opinion.

 

[Stella_Omega]

ImOnIt, please don't tell bloved to kill himself, okay? It really hurts his feelings.

ETA; bloved, do you think that ImOnIt one of chy_girl's special friends?

They happen to post on the same forum, that is all, along with hundreds of other random people.

 

[chy_girl]

Thank you for your opinion.

Last time I checked, ImOnIt isn't part of my local community. And I know my Mistress' and Sir's name... that ain't it. On top of which, I believe it was WD that pointed out we're the kinky corner of a porn board. Not an organized BDSM community. If we were an organized BDSM community the PYLs would likely have invited you to not come back by now for harassing the pyl.

"A" for effort on trying to confuse the subject though.

 

[BLoved]

we're the kinky corner of a porn board.

Kill yourself.

Not an organized BDSM community.

Kill yourself.

If we were an organized BDSM community the PYLs would likely have invited you to not come back by now for harassing the pyl.

Kill yourself.

"A" for effort on trying to confuse the subject though.

You're missing the point.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You're missing the point.

ImOnIt hollered "kill yourself," yeah.

You worried you might follow his orders?

 

[BLoved]

ImOnIt hollered "kill yourself," yeah.

You worried you might follow his orders?

Apparently you are also missing the point.