The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[BLoved]

This might be a place for you. Taken In Hand

I've looked into them.

They are essentially a Christian group, following the directions of the apostle Paul from his letters in the New Testament.

I do not subscribe to those views, and I especially do not agree with Paul on a lot of things, such as male supremacy.

People who believe in love, who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' are not limited to a religious point of view any more than they're locked into certain gender/role combinations.

We are a branch of bdsm, distinct from those who subscribe to the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

We are as deserving of tolerance for our views as the casual players and advocates demand for theirs.

No one is forced to agree with our point of view, which is a distinct difference between us and the agreement demanded of us by the casual players and their advocates (this discussion offered as evidence).

Were bdsm a sub-culture that truly values its diversity, we'd be free from harassment to discuss our issues, to celebrate our uniqueness, to offer novices a different approach to bdsm than what is offered by the casual community.

This discussion demonstrates that's not the case. Anyone who disagrees with the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' is demonized, as we see so much of here.

That's One True Wayism, perpetrated by the casual communty.

 

[BLoved]

I might also add:

What irony it would be if those of us who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', who practice a love-based bdsm had to turn to a Christian group to escape persecution on bdsm sites perpetrated by the casual 'bdsm' community.

 

[intothewoods]

You have about the same level of tolerance for this forum or the public scene. Tolerance does not equal agreement.

Where should you turn? I suggest you either encourage your like-minded friends to come here and start a thread for support or start a group blog or forum of your own. A forum that is "diverse" in the way you define it. It's easy to do, and since you say there are plenty like you who also object to the public scene for everyone, you should have no problem finding people to join.

ETA - you could link to the new site in your author's profile.

 

[seela]

I browsed through some of the content on the TiH site, but I didn't find any clear mention towards Christianity or Paul. The ones I know who label themselves as TiH practitioners are not religious, some of them aren't even Christian.

But I was merely trying to point you to a direction, where closed relationships and love are very much celebrated, yet incorporate BDSM. Clearly it was not a place for you.

If you cannot find a place where you feel yourself comfortable, maybe you can start a site of your own for you and those who feel the same way about things? That is always a possibility.

 

[BLoved]

You have about the same level of tolerance for this forum or the public scene. Tolerance does not equal agreement.

True.

Kill yourself.

Tolerance means dealing with the issue rather than demonizing the opposing side for not agreeing.

Where should you turn? I suggest you either encourage your like-minded friends to come here and start a thread for support or start a group blog or forum of your own.

Kill yourself.

And I'll use this discussion to show them that they can discuss their issues without being harassed, will I?

It's easy to do, and since you say there are plenty like you who also object to the public scene for everyone, you should have no problem finding people to join.

Kill yourself.

Right. No problem at all.

 

[intothewoods]

True.



Tolerance means dealing with the issue rather than demonizing the opposing side for not agreeing.





And I'll use this discussion to show them that they can discuss their issues without being harassed, will I?





Right. No problem at all.

At your own site, you will have control over what comments are posted.

 

[Epmd607]

"Persecution"? The sites you've been kicked off of are like this site, a private for-profit enterprise. These sites make money by having return visitors, to get return visitors you need to have a good experience. But this site doesn't rely on the message board community to make money, that's the main reason you won't be kicked off this site.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Harping on the "kill yourself" thing is not going to make people suddenly go "omg that's terrible!"

Just so you know

 

[BLoved]

But I was merely trying to point you to a direction, where closed relationships and love are very much celebrated, yet incorporate BDSM. Clearly it was not a place for you.

An overview of Taken In Hand
A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

What kind of relationship is this?

•It is wholehearted, fully committed, focused, faithfully sexually-exclusive and monogamous
•The man has the balance of power and control
•The man's control is thoroughly consensual and welcome
•The control is for the benefit of both individuals and for the relationship, as opposed to being abusive or purely self-serving
•The woman is not necessarily ‘submissive’
•It is dynamic and evolving, not a static or stereotypical relationship
•It is deeply connected and engaged and intimate
•The relationship empowers and nurtures the autonomy of both individuals, as opposed to diminishing the woman.
•It is freely chosen and wanted on an on-going basis, or it is not a Taken In Hand relationship.

-- Taken in Hand

There are many aspects I can agree with, but an insistence on sexism isn't one of them.

I could not support such an organization on that basis.

Taken in Hand is the only site even remotely like the bdsm practiced by those who love and reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', but it is not all inclusive.

If you cannot find a place where you feel yourself comfortable, maybe you can start a site of your own for you and those who feel the same way about things? That is always a possibility.

That was something my beloved offered to do, but we never got that far.

She said it was "easy" but I've not figured out how.

 

[WriterDom]

I did a Google search on "casual bdsm" a few weeks ago and came up with nothing. I supposed this "sub culture" goes by another name?

 

[intothewoods]

Harping on the "kill yourself" thing is not going to make people suddenly go "omg that's terrible!"

Just so you know

I feel uncomfortable with someone saying go kill yourself in jest. I feel just as uncomfortable with a white, straight male using the n-word to describe himself.

 

[BLoved]

We talked yesterday. We talked today. I've sent her a message about this.

I received a message back from my beloved.

She has not posted to literotica.

Oncebeloved is a fraud, as I suspected.

Yet another example of the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

 

[Epmd607]

I did a Google search on "casual bdsm" a few weeks ago and came up with nothing. I supposed this "sub culture" goes by another name?

The thread title itself is silly. It should read: The ethics of 'casual' BDSM. But this thread is silly, and there's really no discussion of ethics in it at all.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I feel uncomfortable with someone saying go kill yourself in jest. I feel just as uncomfortable with a white, straight male using the n-word to describe himself.

I just roll my eyes, think to myself 'nice one dickhead' and mentally file them in the 'just move on, nothing to see here' list and not bother with them again.

I also think carrying on about something usually achieves the opposite to desired result.

 

[BLoved]

Harping on the "kill yourself" thing is not going to make people suddenly go "omg that's terrible!"

Just so you know

That is true if we are speaking of the casual community.

That's the point.

They can spend 76 pages demonizing someone who rejects the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', but when it comes to one of their own urging another to kill himself, nothing.

It's called a "double-standard".

 

[intothewoods]

<snip>

She said it was "easy" but I've not figured out how.

It's easy. First pick a domain name and then register it. You'll have to pay to register the domain, but it's not much. There are then oodles of free website templates that you can use. You just google free web template and you'll find various sites.

 

[BLoved]

I feel uncomfortable with someone saying go kill yourself in jest. I feel just as uncomfortable with a white, straight male using the n-word to describe himself.

As I said before, it is not the colour of the skin that makes a "nigger" out of a man ...

... it's the hatred.

 

[intothewoods]

That is true if we are speaking of the casual community.

That's the point.

They can spend 76 pages demonizing someone who rejects the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', but when it comes to one of their own urging another to kill himself, nothing.

It's called a "double-standard".

It's easy. First pick a domain name and then register it. You'll have to pay to register the domain, but it's not much. There are then oodles of free website templates that you can use. You just google free web template and you'll find various sites.

Do you want to do something productive, or do you just want to continue arguing here until the end of time?

 

[Bette_coquette]

bloved on ignore.

 

[BLoved]

I just roll my eyes, think to myself 'nice one dickhead' and mentally file them in the 'just move on, nothing to see here' list and not bother with them again.

We didn't get to page 76 because of anyone following that strategy, did we?

Apparently we cannot turn our heads if anyone objects to the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', but we are supposed to turn our heads anytime a casual player/advocate urges another to kill himself.

Double-standard.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

We didn't get to page 76 because of anyone following that strategy, did we?

Apparently we cannot turn our heads if anyone objects to the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', but we are supposed to turn our heads anytime a casual player/advocate urges another to kill himself.

Double-standard.

You've already said that you don't take the personal, petty shit personally.

Just go with that.

It's just some random dude on the internet. It's only what you make of it.

 

[intothewoods]

As I said before, it is not the colour of the skin that makes a "nigger" out of a man ...

... it's the hatred.

Well, I disagree, given the history of the word. Lots of people hate jews like me, but I could choose to keep it a secret and pass. Blacks don't have that choice. I also don't think it's hatred as much as it is a history of institutionalized life-impacting discrimination -- you know, outside of the internet. Job, marriage, bank loans, freedom from slavery, where you can buy a house...

My friend, a white gay man, used that word describe his tribe to me, and he at least had a point. I can marry whomever I want. He can't.

 

[BLoved]

Do you want to do something productive, or do you just want to continue arguing here until the end of time?

2,440 people have read Love, Part I: Endings, and it has only been up a day.

1,012 have read Love, Part II: Introductions and it has only been up for 9 hours.

This discussion has over 20,000 hits.

In what way am I not being "productive"?

 

[intothewoods]

We clearly have a different view of productive. Enjoy.

 

[BLoved]

I also don't think it's hatred as much as it is a history of institutionalized life-impacting discrimination

There are lots of people who use the word "nigger" who have no power over anyone ... they just want to make life miserable for anyone they hate.

In what way is that any different from the "institutionalized life-impacting discrimination" so obvious in this discussion.

How many times have people made public statements that I'm dangerous, to be avoided, to remain single forever ...

In what way is

Kill yourself.

any different than being called "nigger"?

In what way is turning a blind eye to

Kill yourself.

any different than approval?