The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[BLoved]

Just so you know I am not involved in "causal BDSM". I am in a loving monogamous relationship with someone whom I will marry one day. I have never been to a play party, munch, or any kind of BDSM event. I might not ever attend one in my life.

I personally believe BDSM is only enhanced when you are in a loving relationship. And I agree that BDSM outside of love can be more dangerous, but I will always respect another person's right to live their life how they want.

I'm going to put you on ignore now robert. It's been fun.

But before I go, I just want to say:

Kill yourself.

I agree.

I was Robert's "beloved".

I left him because he was not who i thought he was.
He changed over the time we spent together and i realized i no longer loved him. It was a difficult decision that i came to but one that i am glad i made.

Robert is stuck in his ways.
He hates change and anything that has to do with change. In way i started to pity him. He still has not gotten over the losses in his life. He tries to cover them up with his belief that Love will cure all. But I realized it doesn't.

I knew if i told Robert all this, he would have just went about his life as if i said nothing at all. Its Robert's way or its the wrong way. I couldn't live like that. i will always have a place in my heart for Robert.

But i am glad i left. It was one of the best decisions i could have made for myself.

Take care of yourself Robert.

That was me.

And I've rated your stories 1 star a bunch of times.

~smile~

Bye bye robert.

Take care.

The worst of his lies is claiming people who love can behave like that.

We can't, and we never will.

Vindicated ... validated.

Yet another example of the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

 

[Homburg]

Harping on the "kill yourself" thing is not going to make people suddenly go "omg that's terrible!"

Just so you know

Originally, I thought it was excessive. After this much repetition, not only is the punch gone, I'm finding it actually funny. I'm more and more of the opinion that ImOnIt's quip there was the most win in the whole thread.

 

[Bette_coquette]

Originally, I thought it was excessive. After this much repetition, not only is the punch gone, I'm finding it actually funny. I'm more and more of the opinion that ImOnIt's quip there was the most win in the whole thread.

I'm with this, right here. I understood exactly what he was talking about. I get sick and tired of the "poor me"s.

 

[rida]

I still stand by my stance that telling people to kill themselves should never be done, not even in jest. And yes, it does not speak well for the maturity of the one that uttered such words. However equating each and every statement that is not 100% in agreement with one of yours as been the analogue of such a low blow does not speak well for your maturity either.

I do also believe that for a Caucasian to claim to be treated as a "nigger" is insulting to the people that suffered the true meaning of the epithet back in the days (and still now at times). And doers not speak well for your ability to have have an emphatic and healthy emotional bond.

There has been people that tried to have a civil and respectful discussion. You have instead taken the "with me or against me" approach and managed to insult each and every one of them.

I'm sorry you see the world (and humanity) in such a negative light.

I know you will post your favorite one liner to make your point.
So be it.

 

[CutieMouse]

Just so you know I am not involved in "causal BDSM". I am in a loving monogamous relationship with someone whom I will marry one day. I have never been to a play party, munch, or any kind of BDSM event. I might not ever attend one in my life.

I personally believe BDSM is only enhanced when you are in a loving relationship. And I agree that BDSM outside of love can be more dangerous, but I will always respect another person's right to live their life how they want.

I'm going to put you on ignore now robert. It's been fun.

But before I go, I just want to say:



I agree.



That was me.

And I've rated your stories 1 star a bunch of times.

~smile~

Bye bye robert.

Take care.

Telling people to kill themselves is not okay. Period.

Downgrading someone's writings just because their posts on the forum side of things are obtuse, rude and insulting is childish. When you do those things you simply feed into the delusion and give the man more ammunition with which to martyr himself.

 

[Netzach]

I can't think of a single person here for a duration who hasn't, at some point, been insulted.

But you don't see them peeing their pants if everyone doesn't immediately jump in shaking the shame stick over it.

 

[Etoile]

I only learned of that the day she told me she was leaving.

From the first day I talked to her till the day before she left, she'd given me the distinct impression (as in telling me, more than once) that she was a mature adult who wanted to learn of love.

Ah, sorry about that. Well, if she says it to her next lover, I hope he runs screaming into the night.

 

[Etoile]

Harping on the "kill yourself" thing is not going to make people suddenly go "omg that's terrible!"

Just so you know

I personally find it very confusing, because it gets inserted in between quotes and it makes things feel out of order and I can't even follow them. I usually skip those posts where it's quoted, because I can't make sense of them.

 

[Etoile]

I feel uncomfortable with someone saying go kill yourself in jest. I feel just as uncomfortable with a white, straight male using the n-word to describe himself.

THIS.

 

[Etoile]

It's easy. First pick a domain name and then register it. You'll have to pay to register the domain, but it's not much. There are then oodles of free website templates that you can use. You just google free web template and you'll find various sites.

I can help with this kind of thing, actually. I make lots of websites. Forums and everything.

And for the record, I would do so without any interference in your business. I'd set you up and leave you alone. Anybody here who knows me, knows that I stand by my word. You can agree with it, or not - up to you.

I've helped a lot of people set up sites, so if you want to start one for your ideas and community, I'm willing to help.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I personally find it very confusing, because it gets inserted in between quotes and it makes things feel out of order and I can't even follow them. I usually skip those posts where it's quoted, because I can't make sense of them.

While it shouldn't have been said, people also need to remember that this is TEH INTARWEBZ and that you should take what you read with a grain of salt. Getting your panties in a knot over some random on the web is sad.

I think the basic gist of it is a mish mash of 'people will keep bashing me while ignoring the fact that someone said that so I'm going to hammer that point home' and 'I'm going to equate everything that doesn't agree with me as a personal attack akin to someone saying that.'

But in posting it over and over like that, he's managing to alienate the last few people that actually give him half a chance.

 

[BLoved]

'people will keep bashing me while ignoring the fact that someone said that so I'm going to hammer that point home'

Well done.

What seems to have been overlooked is just how much pressure has been brought to bear in this discussion to achieve ImOnIt's goal:

Kill yourself.

Every trick in the book, from fraud to vote-rigging to stalking to demonization has been used in this discussion to achieve one end:

Kill yourself.

Is there any reason, any whatsoever that these kinds of pressure tactics are not used in private, against anyone who resists the will of the participants here?

If they can do it in public, in plain sight of everyone, I see no reason to believe they don't do this in private, where no one can see.

Nor do I believe there is any reason these tactics aren't used against novices, or those with low self-esteem.

Indeed, the whole purpose of their attacks seems designed for exactly that purpose: destruction of a person's self-esteem.

Kill yourself.

is nothing less than the epitome of these attacks. It is, in plain english, what the others have all been trying to accomplish: destruction of self-esteem and thus the destruction of the person.

And what is worse, none of these self-appointed defenders of public morality are capable of criticizing each other for this unless their noses are rubbed in it, over and over.

So much for the concept that the casual community actually 'polices' itself. The claim has been made over and over that abuse cannot occur within the casual community because people would cry "foul". Yet we can see that no one here believes in such an admirable quality, as no one here feels the need to cry "foul" over such abuse.

They can only cry "foul" when someone says "I don't believe in the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'".

Their double-standard, coupled with their abusive behaviour makes them the true danger to a novice.

'Agree with us or else ...' is a potent threat, and we have nearly 80 pages of documentation in this discussion to prove it.

But in posting it over and over like that, he's managing to alienate the last few people that actually give him half a chance.

I seriously doubt those who are vulnerable will see it that way.

Nor do I think anyone who truly opposes abusive behaviour will see it that way either.

A lot of people pay lip-service to opposing abusive behaviour, but when they had the opportunity to prove it through deeds, they didn't.

It's called "hypocrisy", and I think that is the message most people will take from those who accuse me of being dangerous while ignoring the consequences of so much verbal abuse being piled on one man because he does not believe as they believe.

It makes a farce out of all the claims that we should all be free to be who we are.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I really did try to talk to you.

Like a lot of people here, I actually did agree with some of your points, even if I thought the delivery method was lacking, at best.

I tried to have a discussion with you when my points differed from yours.

This one I can't. So I'm out.

Have a good one. I really do hope you find someone soon, so you can go away and be happy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So, one single unwelcome suggestion -- on the internet no less-- is going to ruin your whole day, huh. For weeks no doubt.

What actions do you think the forum should take against ImOnIt for his heinous act of vicious meanness?

Why do you need us to come to your rescue? Aren't you a strong Domly type? Aren't you master of yourself?

 

[BLoved]

I really did try to talk to you.

Like a lot of people here, I actually did agree with some of your points, even if I thought the delivery method was lacking, at best.

I tried to have a discussion with you when my points differed from yours.

This one I can't. So I'm out.

Have a good one. I really do hope you find someone soon, so you can go away and be happy.

Lizzie, you were nothing more than the "good cop" to their "bad cop".

Where they were the stick, you tried to be a carrot.

But none of you except Rida spoke out when ImOnIt posted

Kill yourself.

Words are cheap, deeds are not.

I'll judge by the deeds, not the words.

I hope your new relationship works out for you.

 

[BLoved]

So, one single unwelcome suggestion -- on the internet no less-- is going to ruin your whole day, huh. For weeks no doubt.

What actions do you think the forum should take against ImOnIt for his heinous act of vicious meanness?

Why do you need us to come to your rescue? Aren't you a strong Domly type? Aren't you master of yourself?

Every trick in the book, from fraud to vote-rigging to stalking to demonization has been used in this discussion to achieve one end:

Kill yourself.

Is there any reason, any whatsoever to believe that these kinds of pressure tactics are not used in private, against anyone who resists the will of the participants here?

If they can do it in public, in plain sight of everyone, I see no reason to believe they don't do this in private, where no one can see.

Nor do I believe there is any reason to think these tactics aren't used against novices, or those with low self-esteem.

Indeed, the whole purpose of their attacks seems designed for exactly that purpose: destruction of a person's self-esteem.

 

[BLoved]

I've helped a lot of people set up sites, so if you want to start one for your ideas and community, I'm willing to help.

If you want to PM me with your ideas, we can talk about this further.

 

[Cattypuss]

Oh for fuck's sake. One person said "kill yourself". One person. The rest of us I'm sure want you to live happily ever after - BUT MOSTLY WE JUST WANT YOU TO LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE AND GO AWAY.

 

[BLoved]

Oh for fuck's sake. One person said "kill yourself". One person. The rest of us I'm sure want you to live happily ever after - BUT MOSTLY WE JUST WANT YOU TO LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE AND GO AWAY.

And killing myself would solve that problem for you, wouldn't it.

 

[Cattypuss]

Well it would, yes, but I myself would be happier if you would just stay alive but SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

[WriterDom]

You don't understand why you get banned, do you Robert?

You are disruptive, disrespectful, and you make things up. You are like a pit bull holding on to these wild and baseless conspiracies you formed from one play event and one munch over the last 15 years. You grasp at whatever has the most shock value you can find at the moment and throw it out there.

People get weary of you, Robert, not your message. The other day it was "nigger" now it's "kill yourself" who knows what you'll dig up when the mileage from that is gone. How about how "casual players" groom their female children to be submissives? You haven't hit on that one yet.

Go buy another pack of smokes since slow suicide seems to appeal to you.

 

[BLoved]

Well it would, yes ... SHUT THE FUCK UP.

And how do you think a novice with low self-esteem would stand up to all this abuse?

Would she just cave in and do as she is told?

And if what she was being told to do was something that destroyed whatever pride she had in herself? What then?

After confronting her with all this abuse from all these people, trying to force her to do something that would destroy what little self-esteem she has left ... might she not consider suicide?

And if not suicide, perhaps simply hide herself away, living alone, never loved ...

Is that not a possibility?

Do you think the mob would care?

 

[BLoved]

You don't understand why you get banned, do you Robert?

You are disruptive, disrespectful, and you make things up. You are like a pit bull holding on to these wild and baseless conspiracies you formed from one play event and one munch over the last 15 years. You grasp at whatever has the most shock value you can find at the moment and throw it out there.

People get weary of you, Robert, not your message. The other day it was "nigger" now it's "kill yourself" who knows what you'll dig up when the mileage from that is gone. How about how "casual players" groom their female children to be submissives? You haven't hit on that one yet.

Go buy another pack of smokes since slow suicide seems to appeal to you.

Kill yourself.

I think we get the message, WD.

 

[Cattypuss]

Listen very carefully.

You get treated like this because of the way you behave.

Don't you get that?

You demand to be treated with respect but you behave in such a way that respect for you is made impossible.

"We" treat YOU the way we treat YOU. That does not mean "we" treat other people like that.

The treatment you receive here is a DIRECT result of the way you behave here towards other people.





.

 

[BLoved]

Listen very carefully.

You get treated like this because of the way you behave.

Don't you get that?

You demand to be treated with respect but you behave in such a way that respect for you is made impossible.

"We" treat YOU the way we treat YOU. That does not mean "we" treat other people like that.

The treatment you receive here is a DIRECT result of the way you behave here towards other people.

The reason we have almost 80 pages of abuse is because I am not a novice, nor do I have low self-esteem.

The reason we have almost 80 pages of abuse is because the mob cannot handle anyone disagreeing with them when it comes to casual 'bdsm'.

They refuse to recognize that anyone can disagree with them on this issue.

They have filled these pages with abuse to coerce agreement or silence.

It wouldn't take 80 pages to coerce a novice with low self-esteem.

That doesn't mean her consent is any more willing than mine would be.

That means the mob doesn't care for willing consent ... they'll settle for obedience and will use whatever means necessary to get it.

We have almost 80 pages of abuse in this discussion alone to prove it.