The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[RuReal]

Just so you know Nigger is really not a bad word, but limited people make it so. This is why I asked you what you meant by it. I have seen people blow up over that word over and over again.

Skin colour in Canada is not a limiting factor in what you can or cannot do. Since you live in Canada I guess I need to ask you what you are talking about? I see some people use race as an excuse as to why they have not achieved things, but I tend to find that most of those people are just lazy or limited.

I had a discussion like this with my cab driver one day about the stupid black only school idea that was floating around in the GTA.

 

[BLoved]

Just so you know Nigger is really not a bad word, but limited people make it so. This is why I asked you what you meant by it. I have seen people blow up over that word over and over again.

Skin colour in Canada is not a limiting factor in what you can or cannot do. Since you live in Canada I guess I need to ask you what you are talking about? I see some people use race as an excuse as to why they have not achieved things, but I tend to find that most of those people are just lazy or limited.

I had a discussion like this with my cab driver one day about the stupid black only school idea that was floating around in the GTA.

Woman is the Nigger of the World
John Lennon


Woman is the nigger of the world
Yes she is...think about it
Woman is the nigger of the world
Think about it...do something about it

We make her paint her face and dance
If she won’t be slave, we say that she don’t love us
If she’s real, we say she’s trying to be a man
While putting her down we pretend that she is above us

Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t belive me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Ah yeah...better screem about it

We make her bear and raise our children
And then we leave her flat for being a fat old mother then
We tell her home is the only place she would be
Then we complain that she’s too unworldly to be our friend

Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t belive me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Yeah (think about it)

We insult her everyday on TV
And wonder why she has no guts or confidence
When she’s young we kill her will to be free
While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb

Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t belive me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Yes she is...if you believe me, you better screem about it.

We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance

---

Those of us who love, who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' ... we're the niggers of bdsm. We're the ones who are demonized by the casual players/advocates because we reject their beliefs.

We're the ones who are told to

Kill yourself.

while the rest of the casual community sits back, nodding their approval by turning a blind eye to it.

We're the niggers of bdsm.

 

[LaRocha]

....

---

Those of us who love, who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm' ... we're the niggers of bdsm. We're the ones who are demonized by the casual players/advocates because we reject their beliefs.

We're the ones who are told to



while the rest of the casual community sits back, nodding their approval by turning a blind eye to it.

We're the niggers of bdsm.

Just wanted to quote this for later reference.

 

[LaRocha]

2,440 people have read Love, Part I: Endings, and it has only been up a day.

1,012 have read Love, Part II: Introductions and it has only been up for 9 hours.

This discussion has over 20,000 hits.

In what way am I not being "productive"?

this dwarf has more views than you, and his writing's probably more interesting and useful than yours. http://www.youtube.com/user/failblog?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/17/ilQWgZCoibo

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

BLoved,

Many of the posters that you've relegated to the abusive, casual camp are actually involved in long-term, loving relationships. Those who do engage in what you call casual play have told you, repeatedly, that their experiences have differed greatly from yours--and from what you understand casual play to be about, given that you don't have much experience with it.

But you've written all this off. Worse, you've told people that they are incapable of understanding and evaluating their own experiences and relationships. I don't imagine people here much mind. But I suspect you did it to your "beloved" as well--and telling someone that she is incapable of understanding her own life--and that you ARE capable of doing so--is just a very nasty form of abuse.

You'll just put me in the casual camp even though I've never been to a munch or party. If my partner of several decades were interested in going to one, though, I'd happily come here and ask for advice about safety and etiquette. I've been a reader long enough to know that there are quite a few sane, intelligent, and experienced people here. You, alas, are not among them.

 

[chy_girl]

I am aware of Rida's objection. I mentioned that a while ago.
*snip*

Come now... Must we play the quoting game so early in the morning?

Of course not. Just tootle back up to where you quoted me from and you will see that you unequivocally did NOT mention that with your last bought of quoting frenzy.

 

[BLoved]

BLoved,

Many of the posters that you've relegated to the abusive, casual camp are actually involved in long-term, loving relationships.

Kill yourself.

Those who do engage in what you call casual play have told you, repeatedly, that their experiences have differed greatly from yours--and from what you understand casual play to be about, given that you don't have much experience with it.

Kill yourself.

But you've written all this off.

Kill yourself.

Worse, you've told people that they are incapable of understanding and evaluating their own experiences and relationships.

Kill yourself.

I don't imagine people here much mind.

Kill yourself.

But I suspect you did it to your "beloved" as well--and telling someone that she is incapable of understanding her own life--and that you ARE capable of doing so--is just a very nasty form of abuse.

Kill yourself.

You'll just put me in the casual camp even though I've never been to a munch or party. If my partner of several decades were interested in going to one, though, I'd happily come here and ask for advice about safety and etiquette. I've been a reader long enough to know that there are quite a few sane, intelligent, and experienced people here. You, alas, are not among them.

I stand by that statement.

And there is no one more proud to not be associated with a people who feel the need to turn a blind eye to abuse when that abuse is perpetrated by one of their own.

This discussion, 78 pages long, is filled with examples of abuse conducted by those who are members of casual communities or who advocate such behaviour.

We have a fraud posing as my ex-beloved.

There is no outrage. Your "sane, intelligent, and experienced people" accuse me of writing it.

Do you think the coward will step forward to admit it? Do you think there is any doubt which side of this discussion the fraud supports? Any doubt about the manner in which the fraud has attempted to support that side?

And then we have ImOnIt.

Kill yourself.

78 pages to tell the world that I should kill myself, and your "sane, intelligent, and experienced people" have turned a blind eye to their own abusive behaviour and that of anyone who agrees with them.

Those are the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

Those are the 'ethics' of your "sane, intelligent, and experienced people".

So thank you for telling everyone I'm nothing like them.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

It's convenient for you that ImOnIt told you to kill yourself since it allows you to ignore everything else.

You appear to not understand the nature of internet chat boards. We are not all in the same room, much less in YOUR living room. We are not all responsible for each other's posts. It would be utterly tedious if each and everyone here expressed distaste for each and every distasteful post.

But your non-responsiveness is par for the course.

 

[RuReal]

Ohh please BLoved I ask you what you mean and where you are going and you quote a song writer to me really? That explains what you are trying to say how? I know music is important to a great deal of people and they place these artists on a pedestal, but I am really not one of those people.

They are human like the rest of us some can be more insightful others less. With respect to the late Mr Lennon the world has changed a great deal since this song was put together. I am sure my wife does not think of herself in that way I am also sure many women I know do not think of themselves in that manner...

Then again you are referring to something from 14 years ago so maybe change does not register with you. All that being said you still have not addressed my question instead you have danced around it. Please explain how you are comparing yourself to a nigger? In what terms are you using the word?

Are you saying that you are a black person and that somehow being a black person is a negative thing?

Are you claiming that being a black male means that you are somehow put upon as that song seems to claim?

 

[seela]

I truly believe the best thing for you would be to start your own forum. There probably isn't one that would totally fit all the criteria you look for in a forum. There you wouldn't have to feel attacked, you'd be able to offer support for others who think in a similar way and you wouldn't have to be associated with people who you deem dysfunctional and unethical.

These threads of yours here go in circles. I can't think of anything relevant to add to this discussion from either side. Already now this has gone all over the place, from anthropology and AIDs (sic!) to casual BDSMers pimpin minors in gun infested parties. Maybe if you had your own forum you could monitor the discussions and keep them on track the way you want.

 

[BLoved]

It's convenient for you that ImOnIt told you to kill yourself since it allows you to ignore everything else.

I believe it is your "sane, intelligent, and experienced people" who are ignoring everything ... everything except the fact I do not believe in the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

You appear to not understand the nature of internet chat boards. We are not all in the same room, much less in YOUR living room. We are not all responsible for each other's posts. It would be utterly tedious if each and everyone here expressed distaste for each and every distasteful post.

Considering the volume of such posts in this discussion, I can sympathize.

But let us not forget that the very same people who would find it "tedious if each and everyone here expressed distaste for each and every distasteful post" are the very same people who are responsible for posting "every distasteful post".

Kill yourself.

78 pages of it.

Apparently it is not considered "tedious" to tell the world, over and over again, that I am either crazy, dangerous or both, and that I should kill myself.

Apparently it is considered "tedious" to behave in a civil and responsible manner.

And that is an example of the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

 

[Rosie_Riveter]

Get a grip, find some peace, and try not to damage anyone in the meanwhile. I'll bow out now.

 

[BLoved]

Get a grip, find some peace,

= "you're crazy"

and try not to damage anyone in the meanwhile.

= "you're dangerous"

I'll bow out now.

78 pages of this ...

Kill yourself.

 

[chy_girl]

*snip*

And then we have ImOnIt.



78 pages to tell the world that I should kill myself, and your "sane, intelligent, and experienced people" have turned a blind eye to their own abusive behaviour and that of anyone who agrees with them.

Those are the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

Those are the 'ethics' of your "sane, intelligent, and experienced people".

So thank you for telling everyone I'm nothing like them.

You realize that the argument style you're implementing is that of a small child, do you not?

 

[BLoved]

You realize that the argument style you're implementing is that of a small child, do you not?

Kill yourself.

If you are looking to congratulate people for this discussion getting to page 78, I suggest you look elsewhere.

 

[chy_girl]

If you are looking to congratulate people for this discussion getting to page 78, I suggest you look elsewhere.

No, I'm pointing out that you've become obsessively tedious and somewhat successful in ignoring the question posed to you in favor of yelling about the injustice of a rude comment made on a different thread.

Seriously, dude. This is the fall-back style of arguing that my 5 year old uses. Move on.

 

[Netzach]

I feel uncomfortable with someone saying go kill yourself in jest. I feel just as uncomfortable with a white, straight male using the n-word to describe himself.

Or horning in on the John Lennon territory either, particularly when so sexist that every woman around you is brain dead and needs saving.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I might also add:

What irony it would be if those of us who reject the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm', who practice a love-based bdsm had to turn to a Christian group to escape persecution on bdsm sites perpetrated by the casual 'bdsm' community.

It's a lovely irony.

Oh by the way;

It isn't the hatred that makes a man a nigger. It is the color of his skin.

Or horning in on the John Lennon territory either, particularly when so sexist that every woman around you is brain dead and needs saving.

John was wrong too-- albeit well-meaning.

 

[WriterDom]

He's 0-1 on saving broken women. And warning them away from where they might get some useful information and instead, directing them to "love" based internet Doms is a little scary.

And how much love was there when he deemed himself over her after a good night's sleep? Who the fuck does that? Heartless bastard.

 

[BLoved]

He's 0-1 on saving broken women. And warning them away from where they might get some useful information and instead, directing them to "love" based internet Doms is a little scary.

And how much love was there when he deemed himself over her after a good night's sleep? Who the fuck does that?

After a good night's sleep, I'm seeing this more clearly.

As far as losses go, this is not nearly as bad as losing my wife or my son. Then I wanted to die.

This ... hurts, but not so much that I am at risk.

Heartless bastard.

78 pages of this ...

Kill yourself.

 

[chy_girl]

78 pages of this ...

Dude. Those old tapes are spinning hard, aren't they?

This is the point where therapy is helpful if you chose to open yourself up to the personal introspection, huge amounts of self-honestly, and change.

 

[BLoved]

This is the point where therapy is helpful if you chose to open yourself up to the personal introspection, huge amounts of self-honestly, and change.

Apparently it is not considered "tedious" to tell the world, over and over again, that I am either crazy, dangerous or both, and that I should kill myself.

Apparently it is considered "tedious" to behave in a civil and responsible manner.

And that is an example of the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.

Didn't learn much from interviewing me a few days ago, did you.

Kill yourself.

 

[chy_girl]

Didn't learn much from interviewing me a few days ago, did you.

I learned much from your answers. Including the origin of some of your thinking errors that seem to have take over your entire life.

And the need for therapy does not imply that one is "crazy." Simply that they need assistance coping with certain aspects of their life at the moment. If it matters, I don't think your crazy and the most dangerous thing I've noticed coming from you is steadfast ignorance. What that will look like if you continue to lose people that you are for, I don't know. I worry about you when that inevitable day comes though...

 

[BLoved]

I worry about you

Kill yourself.

Yes, we've all noticed the degree of concern you and your friends have.

78 pages of it.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Just so you know I am not involved in "causal BDSM". I am in a loving monogamous relationship with someone whom I will marry one day. I have never been to a play party, munch, or any kind of BDSM event. I might not ever attend one in my life.

I personally believe BDSM is only enhanced when you are in a loving relationship. And I agree that BDSM outside of love can be more dangerous, but I will always respect another person's right to live their life how they want.

I'm going to put you on ignore now robert. It's been fun.

But before I go, I just want to say:

Kill yourself.

I agree.

I was Robert's "beloved".

I left him because he was not who i thought he was.
He changed over the time we spent together and i realized i no longer loved him. It was a difficult decision that i came to but one that i am glad i made.

Robert is stuck in his ways.
He hates change and anything that has to do with change. In way i started to pity him. He still has not gotten over the losses in his life. He tries to cover them up with his belief that Love will cure all. But I realized it doesn't.

I knew if i told Robert all this, he would have just went about his life as if i said nothing at all. Its Robert's way or its the wrong way. I couldn't live like that. i will always have a place in my heart for Robert.

But i am glad i left. It was one of the best decisions i could have made for myself.

Take care of yourself Robert.

That was me.

And I've rated your stories 1 star a bunch of times.

~smile~

Bye bye robert.

Take care.