Post a reason why the person above would appear in the evening breaking news

[VoraciousValue]

Local Boob Deckard is at it again, this time posting a "What would the litster above you be arrested for" on the "Evening News" thread. More at eleven.

Went up to the microphone at the National Prayer Breakfast and shouted:

I'M HORNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

At last report, all seven of the board members were seen praying for their souls.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Went up to the microphone at the National Prayer Breakfast and shouted:

I'M HORNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

At last report, all seven of the board members were seen praying for their souls.

The dastardly bastard Voracious Value was at it again today when he entered a retirement home and disguised himself as a hand sanitizer dispenser. He was eventually arrested, but not before Martha Wadsworth told us, "I was gonna make sure I got my money's worth."

 

[DeckardNYC]

The dastardly bastard Voracious Value was at it again today when he entered a retirement home and disguised himself as a hand sanitizer dispenser. He was eventually arrested, but not before Martha Wadsworth told us, "I was gonna make sure I got my money's worth."

Honored by the Nobel Prize staff for best essay on why people should stop picking on Florida Man.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Honored by the Nobel Prize staff for best essay on why people should stop picking on Florida Man.

Local boob Deckard was at it again today. It seems he was lighting his farts on Fifth and Main and a fire whirl caused third-degree burning to his colon. More as this story develops.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

Hoarding rotten strawberries.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Hoarding rotten strawberries.

Put on his little Lone Ranger outfit and harassed the good townsfolk until police carried him? Her? off to the mental ward.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Put on his little Lone Ranger outfit and harassed the good townsfolk until police carried him? Her? off to the mental ward.

Announced his intention to have sexual intercourse with a married woman. If he has to walk the entire length of the Sahara to do it.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Announced his intention to have sexual intercourse with a married woman. If he has to walk the entire length of the Sahara to do it.

This just in, Arkansas Man arrested for complicity in Russian email scam!! His defense: "Fuck you all!!" More at 10:37!!

 

[kurrginatorX]

This just in, Arkansas Man arrested for complicity in Russian email scam!! His defense: "Fuck you all!!" More at 10:37!!

Local boob Deckard was at it again today. This time he adopted a poorly devised foreign accent and began squeezing women's br3easts and buttocks, telling them in his "native" accent, "It is greeting from my country, yes?" Police have taken the offender into custody.

 

[VoraciousValue]

This just in, Arkansas Man arrested for complicity in Russian email scam!! His defense: "Fuck you all!!" More at 10:37!!

Accidentally discovered the secret nuclear arsenal on Governors Island. Is currently being tortured by the NSA, the CIA, the FBI, and the Boy Scouts.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Local boob Deckard was at it again today. This time he adopted a poorly devised foreign accent and began squeezing women's br3easts and buttocks, telling them in his "native" accent, "It is greeting from my country, yes?" Police have taken the offender into custody.

MF killed my buzz. I mean...dude...WTF?



Florida Man scoops out all the mustard and ketchup packets at BQ, claiming they are the cause of COVID-19.

 

[kurrginatorX]

MF killed my buzz. I mean...dude...WTF?



Florida Man scoops out all the mustard and ketchup packets at BQ, claiming they are the cause of COVID-19.

He claims to be Dr. Oz so he can "check" big-breasted women for Covid-21 by placing his ear in their chests and listening to them breathe.

 

[Series 6]

He claims to be Dr. Oz so he can "check" big-breasted women for Covid-21 by placing his ear in their chests and listening to them breathe.

Hijacked a delivery truck full of sex dolls

 

[Xerxes82]

Hijacked a delivery truck full of sex dolls

A compelling and eloquent spokesman for the efficiency of masks.

 

[VoraciousValue]

A compelling and eloquent spokesman for the efficiency of masks.

Has opened a new utopian community where he offers a special "cure" for COVID only for women ages 18 to 45.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

Thought his vacuum had come to life.

 

[Jada59]

Demanded repeated Covid tests because the feeling of the swab up his nose was giving him orgasms.

 

[Series 6]

Demanded repeated Covid tests because the feeling of the swab up his nose was giving him orgasms.

Invented a new metric calendar

 

[Jada59]

Invented a new metric calendar

Invented a pen that never runs out of ink.

 

[WetBiMoose]

Invented a pen that never runs out of ink.

Caused a 1000 person pillow fight to break out

 

[Jada59]

Caused a 1000 person pillow fight to break out

Rented a helicopter and dropped water balloons all over the city.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

In jail for stealing everyone's cats.

 

[Jada59]

In jail for stealing everyone's cats.

Has managed to cross breed a radish and a carrot. They are the perfect addition to any salad.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Has managed to cross breed a radish and a carrot. They are the perfect addition to any salad.

Has managed to cross breed a rabbit and a carrot. Created a small horny mammal that's never hungry.

 

[help_me_Rhonda]

Has managed to cross breed a rabbit and a carrot. Created a small horny mammal that's never hungry.

Tackled in the aisle by the Produce Clerk at Whole Foods for drawing nipples on the melons.