Post a reason why the person above would appear in the evening breaking news

[DeckardNYC]

Tackled in the aisle by the Produce Clerk at Whole Foods for drawing nipples on the melons.

She's off searching for that lost innocence of the Beach Boy era.

 

[VoraciousValue]

The good news: Discovered a wormhole that directly connects Earth to the fifth dimension.

The bad news: The opening of the wormhole is in Youngstown, Ohio.

She's off searching for that lost innocence of the Beach Boy era.

I'm glad I wasn't the only person with that thought.

 

[letsusethethinkingchair]

Left his cigar butts on the ground too many times and almost started a fire.

 

[Jada59]

Invented French fries that are stuffed with sweet potato fries.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Invented French fries that are stuffed with sweet potato fries.

Found Jimmy Hoffa's body. Unfortunately, she found it the hard way.

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

Found Jimmy Hoffa's body. Unfortunately, she found it the hard way.

Identified as a Russian spy working for the Mogul.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Identified as a Russian spy working for the Mogul.

She has tried unsuccessfully to return the 1100 cases of water she bought at the beginning of the outbreak to Wal-Mart, Costco, and the local Piggly Wiggly. The news crew just follows her around to see who she will try to unload it on next.

 

[DeckardNYC]

She has tried unsuccessfully to return the 1100 cases of water she bought at the beginning of the outbreak to Wal-Mart, Costco, and the local Piggly Wiggly. The news crew just follows her around to see who she will try to unload it on next.

Florida Man arrested for hunting mosquitoes in Miami with a 12 guage shotgun.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Florida Man arrested for hunting mosquitoes in Miami with a 12 guage shotgun.

Has announced the formation of the New York City National Guard, created with the expressed purpose of defending the boroughs from the godless state of New Jersey.

Can't trust them New Jerseyans. Look at them. They got them beady little eyes.

 

[Mrtenant]

Has announced the formation of the New York City National Guard, created with the expressed purpose of defending the boroughs from the godless state of New Jersey.

Can't trust them New Jerseyans. Look at them. They got them beady little eyes.

America's newest hottest model, specializes in neon mankinis.

 

[VoraciousValue]

America's newest hottest model, specializes in neon mankinis.

Chained themselves to the front door of their apartment building to protest obscenely high rents.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Chained themselves to the front door of their apartment building to protest obscenely high rents.

He is the only person in live theatre history to have his show canceled before the end of the first act.

 

[DarkSimian]

He is the only person in live theatre history to have his show canceled before the end of the first act.

Arrested for rioting and looting in Chernobyl

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

Arrested for rioting and looting in Chernobyl

Joined in the BLM movement dressed as and believing he was reincarnated as Stokely Carmichael.

 

[DarkSimian]

Joined in the BLM movement dressed as and believing he was reincarnated as Stokely Carmichael.

Stealing Regis Philben's corpse and demanding he make her a millionaire

 

[Jada59]

Stealing Regis Philben's corpse and demanding he make her a millionaire

Abducted by aliens.

 

[DarkSimian]

Abducted by aliens.

Pretending to be an alien, so she can abduct and anally probe her victims

 

[VoraciousValue]

Pretending to be an alien, so she can abduct and anally probe her victims

Has been cast to star in the latest Planet Of The Apes project: Planet Of The Apes Visits Branson, Missouri. Set to co-star is John Schneider and Scott Baio. Expectations are low.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Has been cast to star in the latest Planet Of The Apes project: Planet Of The Apes Visits Branson, Missouri. Set to co-star is John Schneider and Scott Baio. Expectations are low.

In protest against veganism, he has started the "Plant Lives Matter" movement.

 

[DeckardNYC]

In protest against veganism, he has started the "Plant Lives Matter" movement.

Didn't hear all the details, but it had to do with sex and a public park and a watermelon.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Bought Rikers Island because he wants to turn it into his own microstate. Revenue will be generated from the sales of collectible coins and stamps featuring naked pictures of Bea Arthur.

Didn't hear all the details, but it had to do with sex and a public park and a watermelon.

Passersby were said to be both disgusted and hungry!

 

[DeckardNYC]

Bought Rikers Island because he wants to turn it into his own microstate. Revenue will be generated from the sales of collectible coins and stamps featuring naked pictures of Bea Arthur.



Passersby were said to be both disgusted and hungry!

Signed on as the new advisor to the campaign!!!

 

[VoraciousValue]

Signed on as the new advisor to the campaign!!!

Complained to the police about a hooker in Times Square who refused to refund his money when she couldn't make him come in 30 minutes.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Complained to the police about a hooker in Times Square who refused to refund his money when she couldn't make him come in 30 minutes.

Unpaid parking tickets -- thousands of them.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Unpaid parking tickets -- thousands of them.

Local Boob Deckard was arrested earlier this evening when his neighbor called police to report that Deckard had defecated on her lawn. As he was led away, Mr. Deckard could be heard shouting, "Her dog shits my lawn all the time! Attica!!! Attica!!!"