The people who argue that rape porn is just harmless escapist fantasy are the same ones who claim that the fiction enjoyed by a subset of women allows you to draw deep psychological conclusions about what women want IRL.
This doesn't really surprise me. I could be wrong here, but it seems to me that women are more likely to give women in-depth feedback on attractiveness than men are (generally speaking). But I'm no expert and I'd be happy to hear any counters to that.
One could point the arrow at something really simple: Both bad boys and bad girls are exciting, dangerous. Life is often boring. Let's ride the roller coaster.
As a male nursing student, I experience more cooperation than competition. I don't know the reason, of course. It could be a nursing thing, gender thing, grad school thing, or something else.
Women praise and criticize looks for sure. But can you really see a guy going up to a male friend and saying, “You look particularly handsome today.”
Yeah, that's more or less what I meant.
Women who live in Jersey often talk a lot of sense.
Pick up a book on couples therapy. The idea that it is just guys who grow up without a father that are bad news is just plain wrong. The behaviors most people pick up come from their parents, if a father is domineering, treats the mom as second class, is misognynistic, has the attitude men are gods gift to women, his kids will pick that up. It doesn't matter what the parents say, attitudes are caught, not taught. It is amazing how much we pick up from parents and don't even know it, and having grown up with parents whose relationship was toxic, and having experienced life on both sides of the gender world, it is a lot more than people think.
People are animals. But 'civilization' is all about people not being animals. Vide this site: Sex is a pretty simple essential primal urge. It feels good. But boy do we humans make a fuss about it. Some of us even go so far as to suggest that sex messed up the first humans and it took a god dying for us not to be messed up by that. And we have to say 'I'm sorry' our whole lives about that.
Precisely. I briefly dated a couple of “I am so fucking hot” guys in college. Strangely they turned out to be assholes. Neither of the men I have had (and still continue to have in the latter case) long-term relationships with are going to win any awards for their appearance. But both have integrity, a sense of right and wrong, kindness, are supportive, and make me laugh.
Bill Gates is a nerd 'with glasses'. He's one of the biggest alphas in the world. Elon Musk is a bad boy and he breeds a lot. But what makes them alphas is that they are smart and they bring home the eats. And now we live in a world where a woman can bring home her own eats and not have kids if she doesn't want to. She can carry a tazer and zap the biggest lug. Do strong shoulders and big tits still get attention? Sure. But they don't necessarily win the day.
Women (and men) tend to be attracted to people who are *confident*. The person need not be tall, dark, and handsome if he ar she is really comfortable in their own skin and knows what they want.
I think the starting point for a lot of marital drama is precisely when one spouse confuses reality with (often wildly far-fetched) fantasy. I don’t consider myself a person with a poor imagination, but I find stories much more exciting that are closer to reality—stories that could actually happen (or could have happened) are much more exciting to me. The sorrows and joys of people with an appearance and lifestyle close to the average. Translated to LW, for example, when the MMC mourns his middle-aged wife’s infidelity or experiences the happiness of their reconciliation.
Flip the trope. Suppose you stumbled in on two guys sharing an artificial vagina, or even masturbating together while sharing porn...
Yes, but self-confidence can also be a trait of a narcissistic personality, which isn't all that uncommon.
IRL probably tons of infidelity happens because someone is bored, or drunk, or on a work trip, or spouse has lost their faloorum, or high school crush is still ticking. Simple stuff. And often it comes down to the fact that fidelity is very useful but often not that essential. And 50% of US marriage end in divorce.
Part of the very high divorce rate worldwide is certainly due to choosing a partner who was unsuitable from the start. People are blinded by physical beauty, wealth, self-confidence, or the appearance of it. In novels, of course, such people change and settle down, but in reality, things often don’t work that way.
Emily, this is worth exploring on the psychological side. Consider this: Lots of men consider women second class citizens. So in order to have some power a goodly number of women will trash their men in small 'why do you have to be such an idiot?' ways. Small stuff "The spoons don't go in that drawer." Maintaining control of her turf. Sometimes it flows over into, 'Why can't you get a job like Jim? Look at how his kids are dressed.' And heaven forfend if she has the better paying job, or he is out of work for a while.' And there is an ironic double standard: Women still expect men to 'be strong' and kind of fearless killing spiders; not letting feelings show. But then dudes get ripped for not showing how they feel. I think it can be a confusing world for men outside of traditional roles these days.
At the risk of being offensive, that all feels rather outdated to me. And he has arachnophobia, guess who gets to deal with the critters
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Don't nurses all have a common enemy: arrogant doctors?
I learned a strong, simple lesson. Work on the marriage happens way before the marriage. And when you are negotiating with this person you might spend the rest of your life with, you really need to explore the whole contract. Margaret Mead, anthropologist, said that historically a marriage is three things: Joining of two families, an agreement to create and raise children together, and an agreement to share property. You notice there is nothing about love or sexual satisfaction in there. People today think love invents the marriage. It doesn't. It can be the glue and the grease that keeps it going well. But a marriage is a job. And a key to making the work work is sharing values and how to solve problems.
Loving wives is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; and they threw away the key.
Spoken like someone who isn't a man. I have been an actor a lot of my life and can access genuine emotions quite easily. It also helps in writing real characters of all genders. That said, it does seem that other people still get uncomfortable when a man cries his heart out, or punches a wall, or goes into a week long gloom after a setback. And if he squeals when he sees that spider? Perhaps what makes people uncomfortable about the LW category is that readers are vicariously whining, or sobbing, or flaming about someone who found them 'less than'. Hey dude, suck it up and move on like a man.At the risk of being offensive, that all feels rather outdated to me. And he has arachnophobia, guess who gets to deal with the critters
Men suppressing feelings is utter BS, and leads to both mental health issues and aberrant behavior.
